by Rachel Lacey
With a sigh, she scrolled through today’s headlines. “Heartbreak for Colton Nix” seemed to be the theme of the more reputable news sources. “True Love or a Calculated Move?” was the theme of the celebrity gossip sites. Someone had done some digging and found out that Jenn and Cole had met the same day they were married, which only intensified the speculation that their marriage had been a ploy to kill the “limp dick” rumors and launch her songwriting career. After all, as one site so eloquently put it, “If he could get it up, why would he need to pay someone to pose as his wife?”
Poor Cole. As angry as she was at him for the way things had ended between them, he didn’t deserve this, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
But she could. She had the power to end it once and for all.
* * *
Cole felt like he hadn’t left the studio in days. His fingers were sore, his throat raw, but his heart hurt the most. Why was he still pining away over Jenn a week after she’d left him? He and the guys had three songs down, nine to go. Today, they were recording one that they’d written together last month.
“Fantastic,” Benny said when they’d finished, taking Cole aside. “You guys are on point. Cole, you haven’t sounded this strong since Quentros broke up.”
Cole stared at his manager. For a long time, he’d preferred the freedom of being solo, but lately he really enjoyed the company of a steady group of guys. Maybe he ought to approach Naveen, Tom, and Ricky and see if they wanted to make Social Experiment the real deal.
“By the way, you ought to see the statement your wife put out today,” Benny said, eyebrows raised.
“She made a statement?” Cole said blankly. Why the hell would she do that? Especially without discussing it with him first.
“Front page news.” Benny tabbed through a few screens on his phone and then held it up for Cole to see.
“Our marriage was real in every sense of the word,” Jennifer MacDonald states exclusively through her publicist, Veronica Padrón. “And it’s time for the hurtful name-calling to stop. We ask that you please respect our privacy during this difficult time.”
“Her publicist?” Cole repeated numbly. “But she doesn’t…”
“You’re missing the point,” Benny said. “She just ended those ‘limp dick’ rumors for you once and for all.”
Yeah, she had. Fuck.
“Hell of a girl you got there, Nix. You really just going to let her walk away?”
“Well, I—”
“Colton Nix?” a woman’s voice said from behind him.
He turned to find himself facing an unfamiliar brunette. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“You’ve been served,” she said flatly, shoving a large envelope into his hands before walking back out the door.
“Served?” His brain seemed to be two steps behind today. He opened the envelope and pulled out the papers inside, but his heart recognized what they were even before his brain processed the words he was reading.
Jenn had just served him with divorce papers.
“No.” The word just popped out of his mouth. He wasn’t even sure what he was objecting to, but seeing it spelled out in black and white, the dissolution of their marriage felt wrong. So wrong.
“Looks like you’ve got some personal matters to attend to,” Benny said, eyeing the papers in Cole’s hands.
“Yeah, I…I need to go.”
Benny put a hand on his shoulder. “Good luck, man. I hope everything turns out okay.”
“Thanks.” But as he strode out of the recording studio headed for the car, he didn’t even know what “okay” meant anymore. What could possibly make any of this okay? All he knew was letting their marriage end like this, without even talking about it, was not okay. Not even a little bit.
Without having any idea what he would say when he got there, he had Steven drive him straight to Jenn’s apartment on 96th Street. He climbed out of the car and walked toward the front door, realizing with an uncomfortable feeling that he’d never been to Jenn’s apartment before. How could that be?
The doorman gave him a long look, recognition dawning in his eyes.
Cole gave him a friendly nod, headed for the stairs.
“She’s not here,” the doorman said.
“Excuse me?”
“Your wife? She flew out to Los Angeles this morning, said she’d be gone a few weeks.”
“Oh.” Cole stood there for a moment, feeling angry and frustrated and foolish. “Right. Thanks.”
He turned around and walked back to the car. So Jenn had gone to LA. The MadFest concert was next week. He was flying to LA himself day after tomorrow. He’d find her and…then what? What could he say? How could he change the inevitable?
24
“Cole, it’s so great to see you.” Kate stepped forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.
“You too. You look fantastic.” Cole hadn’t seen her since his dinner with Jenn at her house over a month ago, and her stomach had grown considerably since then. Kate seemed to be one of those women who really glowed with pregnancy, though.
“I look enormous,” she said, rubbing a hand over her belly. “I’m not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to perform in front of a crowd this big at thirty weeks, but I’m definitely going off the grid after tonight.”
“You look great, really.” He started doing math in his head. Like, how close was she to giving birth? What would happen if she went into labor while they were singing their duet tonight? “When are you due?”
“September seventeenth,” she answered, and the knot in his stomach loosened. That was months away. She gestured for him to follow her into her dressing room and closed the door behind them. “I need to talk to you.”
“About what?” he asked, suddenly on guard. The room vibrated with the muffled beat of the act currently onstage, a teenage pop sensation whose name he’d forgotten. MadFest was an all-day event. Kate was up in about an hour. He’d be joining her for their duet and then taking the stage for his solo set later in the evening.
“About Jenn, of course,” Kate said, raising her eyebrows.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, feeling a bit like a caged animal. “I’ve been looking for her. I think she’s avoiding me.”
“You think?” A smile quirked the corner of Kate’s lips. “You haven’t signed the divorce papers yet.”
Why were they having this conversation? What did Kate want from him? “No, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Well, like I said, I wanted to talk to her first, but…”
“She’s avoiding you,” she finished for him. “She’s hurt, Cole.”
He looked away. Christ, this was awkward. He already felt like a schmuck. He didn’t need Kate to rub it in.
“Do you love her?” she asked quietly.
“What?” He smacked his elbow on the sharp corner of the makeup table along the wall of her dressing room.
“Well, do you?” Her blue eyes bored into his, and he had the uncomfortable feeling that she saw things even he himself didn’t fully understand.
“I don’t…I don’t know exactly.”
“That’s what I thought.” She nodded, motioning for him to sit beside her on the couch along the far wall. “See, I was you a couple of years ago. I didn’t think falling in love and getting married was in the cards for me. I didn’t think I could have a happy ending like that. I thought I’d screw it up. So when I realized I’d fallen in love with Josh, I pushed him away.”
“Why are you telling me this?” He remained standing by the door, his gaze on the concrete floor. Her words stirred all kinds of uncomfortable things in his chest.
“Because I get it,” Kate said quietly. “I grew up in a dysfunctional home too, Cole. My childhood was seriously fucked up, and I thought I’d be better off going through life on my own because of it. I thought I could be happy with casual sex and a successful career. Sound familiar at all?”
He didn’t say anything,
just kept staring at the floor.
“Josh comes from a big, happy family. They’re so normal, so happy. Like Jenn’s family, but less…Catholic.”
“Jenn’s family is very Catholic,” he mumbled.
“They are. I feel self-conscious every time I see them, like they’re judging me for all my sins.” He heard the laughter in her voice. “But my point is, I almost let my dysfunctional childhood poison my chance at love and happiness with Josh. And now I’m trying to keep you from doing the same thing with Jenn.”
“I don’t—”
“Yes, you do,” she interrupted. “You know exactly what I mean. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You’re crazy about her. And you already know she loves you back. Are you really willing to throw that away just because your parents married the wrong people?”
He stared at her. That wasn’t what he’d done…was it?
“At least your parents were brave enough to take a chance on love. You already married Jenn. You guys were crazy happy together until you started trying to pretend you didn’t have real feelings for each other. There’s a reason you haven’t signed those divorce papers yet.”
Was it that simple? Fuck, yeah, it was. Everything felt wrong without Jenn because she was the one thing in his life he’d ever gotten right. “What should I do?”
“I think what you need is a big gesture,” Kate said, rising from the couch. “Like, twenty-thousand-people big.”
“Do you mean what I think you mean?” Because this stadium held twenty thousand people, but he couldn’t…
“You know exactly what I mean,” she said with a wink. “Now go on. You’ve got some work to do if you’re going to win back your wife tonight.”
He let her guide him toward the door. “I am?”
“You are.” She nodded, giving him a push out the door. “Now go on. I’ll see you onstage in a little while.”
* * *
The moment Jenn had been dreading all day had finally arrived. She watched with her heart in her throat as Cole walked onstage to join Kate for their duet. Jenn had been very careful all day to make sure his path never crossed hers, to the point that she hadn’t even seen him until this moment. His eyes met hers where she stood in the darkened wings of the stage, and she felt it like a punch to the gut.
All the lust and longing and pain she’d been harboring over the last two weeks zapped through her system as her eyes locked with Cole’s. Did he feel it too? The opening notes of “The Love You Give” began to play, and Cole turned to face Kate. Jenn sucked in several deep breaths until her heart rate had returned to normal and the jittery feeling left the pit of her stomach.
She focused her attention on Kate, who had just started to sing. She looked beautiful in a black dress that highlighted her growing baby bump. Josh stood to Jenn’s left, watching his wife with unabashed love and affection in his eyes. This was Kate’s last scheduled appearance before the baby arrived.
Jenn was already making plans to keep herself busy in the meantime. To her surprise, she’d gotten an email yesterday from the manager of a young up-and-coming pop star, expressing interest in having her write one or more songs for the girl’s sophomore album. Jenn wasn’t sure whether she had Kate or Cole to thank for that, but she was ridiculously excited over the possibilities that lay ahead.
Onstage, Kate and Cole sang the final lines of “The Love You Give,” holding hands and smiling at each other. The crowd went wild. Cole leaned in to kiss her cheek, and then they were walking toward Jenn. Her heart started scrambling like a panicked animal, trying to escape her chest before they reached her, but her feet wouldn’t move, couldn’t move, because she had to be here for Kate.
They reached her, both of them out of breath and smiling broadly. Kate pressed a hand to her chest. “And that’s a wrap for me until next year.”
“You were fantastic.” Josh stepped in beside her, kissing her warmly.
Jenn averted her eyes, only to find herself locked in Cole’s piercing gaze. Her heart gave one last frantic lurch, landing somewhere in her throat. The last time they’d seen each other face-to-face, she’d told him she loved him, and he’d let her leave without saying it back. Without saying anything back.
“Hi,” he said.
“I…” She took a step backward, looking anywhere but at Cole. With relief, she saw Kate and Josh heading in the direction of her dressing room. “I have to go.”
“They’ll be fine without you for a minute. Please?” The look on his face almost broke her resolve, but no, she couldn’t do this with him. Not tonight.
“I can’t.” She turned around and hurried after Kate and Josh.
Kate looked almost surprised as Jenn slipped into the dressing room behind them, rushing to make sure everything was as it was supposed to be. “Can I get you anything else, Kate?”
Kate shook her head, taking a long drink from the bottle of water Josh had handed her. “Just let me know when the car’s here.”
“I’ll go check on it now.” She slipped into the hallway, phone in hand, pulling up the app for the car service they used when they were in LA. It showed that the car was already waiting outside. Jenn strode out the exit door into the private carport and located the Lincoln Continental she’d hired. After confirming details with the driver, she went back inside and knocked on the door to Kate’s dressing room. “Ready,” she said as Kate pulled open the door.
“Perfect.” Kate and Josh followed her down the hallway and outside into the carport. Before she got into the car, Kate turned and put her hand on Jenn’s arm. “I need you to stay here until the end of the show.”
“What? Why?”
“I asked someone for a favor, so I need you to be here just in case.”
Jenn frowned. “What kind of favor?”
“Just, stay side-stage and watch the performances, okay? I’ll check in later.”
“What?” Flabbergasted, Jenn watched as Kate climbed into the car and closed the door, waving as she drove away. She wanted Jenn to hang around side-stage and watch the rest of the performances? What in the world for? There were only a handful of performers left.
And one of them was Cole.
“Kate, what are you up to?” she muttered to herself as she walked back inside. She was exhausted after a long day of working backstage and had no desire to stick around for the remainder of the show—Cole’s performance in particular. But it looked like she didn’t have a choice.
Reluctantly, she made her way back to the wings of the stage—her all-access pass let her wander pretty much anywhere she wanted, with or without Kate. Her fists clenched as she realized that the performer onstage was Marin Starr, the pop starlet who’d caused Kate so much pain and grief two years ago. Kate’s contract today had stipulated that the two would have no contact and would not cross paths, and they hadn’t.
But just watching her perform made Jenn want to rush out onstage and scratch Marin’s eyes out or something. She’d never understood catfights until this moment. The very thought of that evil woman still having a career after the things she’d done to Kate…
“You look like you’re about to murder someone,” Cole said softly behind her.
Jenn whirled to face him, one hand clamped against her chest. “Yeah, that—” She cut herself off. Kate and Marin had reached a settlement. NDAs had been signed. Jenn couldn’t say a word about Marin, not to Cole or anyone else.
He grinned at her. “I’ve heard things. I’d say she deserves your wrath.”
“She’s evil. Pure evil,” Jenn managed, glancing again at Marin over her shoulder.
“Kate’s awfully lucky to have you,” he said, his voice gone soft…almost sad.
“And I’m lucky to have her.” Her throat had clamped up. Her whole body was going haywire from standing this close to Cole. Every sense seemed amplified.
“Yeah, that too.” He raised his gaze, and their eyes locked. Her pulse jumped. “Jenn, I need to—”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but they need
you in hair and makeup,” Jorja said, appearing beside them with a sheepish look. “I tried to buy you a few more minutes, but you’re on in ten. Hi, Jenn.”
“Hi, Jorja.” Jenn glanced over at her, grateful for the interruption. “I have to go anyway.”
“Wait—” Cole reached for her, his expression intense.
“You have to go,” she told him. “Break a leg up there. I’ll be watching.”
She forced herself to walk away. Why had she told him she’d be watching? Why had he looked so sincere tonight, so sad, so…regretful?
Why was she still acting like a lovesick fool?
Annoyed, she ducked into the ladies’ room to freshen up and compose herself. By the time she made it back to the side of the stage, Cole and his band were just starting their set. Heart in her throat, she made her way into the wings, watching as they launched into “King of Manhattan.” The energy here was a million times more potent than it had been at the clubs where she’d performed with them earlier in the summer.
Darkness had fallen outside now, and a sea of lights bobbed in the crowd as they danced, waving their cell phones to the rhythm of the song. Cole had on black jeans and a snug-fitting T-shirt. His hair was artfully styled to look messy, like he’d just run his hands through it. The effect wasn’t lost on Jenn—or the women in the crowd. He looked hot.
The stage lights glinted off the gold band on his left ring finger. He was wearing his wedding ring. Why? Without warning, her eyes welled with tears. This was too much. Why had Kate asked her to stay? Jenn just wanted to go back to her rental, curl up, and have a good cry.
Cole and the guys performed a handful of his greatest hits while she watched, heart in her throat, tears glistening in her eyes. Despite everything, she was so friggin’ proud of him. He sounded amazing tonight, and the sight of him on this stage in front of all those fans…well, it was doing all kinds of funny things to her heart, her gut, pretty much every part of her.
“Before I sing my last song, there’s something I need to say,” Cole said, interrupting her thoughts. “This has been a big year for me, as you may know. I got married a few months ago.”
