by Dianna Hardy
“I’m fine,” she said, spitting out water as she spoke.
“Then hold still.”
She did as she was instructed. The sensation of pins and needles gone mad plagued her body, but the burn was fading now that she was warming up.
Still, she couldn’t shake the image – and feeling – of Lucifer sinking his teeth into her. What the hell had he injected her with? He’d said it wasn’t a dream.
“Where did you go?” asked Gwain, clearly trying his best to sound as if he wasn’t worried in the slightest.
She smiled at his forced light tone, and her heart melted a little. It seemed as if their little ‘do you trust me’ chat had made an impression on him … only she’d actually meant ‘do you trust me not to give my soul away to Satan’, not ‘do you trust me not to die’.
She bit her lip to keep from laughing. Damn it, Gwain, how can you be such an overbearing arse one minute, and so sweet the next?
His arms suddenly tensed a little around her, and she distinctly got the impression he’d read her thoughts … again. But he carried on in the same light tone, regardless. “You lost consciousness. That’s not usually a problem for angels – we can communicate through all states of mind – but you just weren’t in your body at all. I couldn’t get a handle on you. I almost flew to the hospital, but the police are still looking for you.”
Crap. With everything that had happened, she hadn’t properly thought about the police. No doubt her flat and everything in it had been seized.
He stood up to place the showerhead back in its stand, and turned the heat up on the water. The warmth was starting to feel beautiful.
He then made his way back to the floor behind her, bringing a bar of soap with him, and carefully began to clean the blood and grime off her skin, his slippery hand sliding over her recovering goosebumped flesh.
“I think I just met Lucifer.”
His movements froze for a second, before carrying on. “Are you sure?”
Oooh, his hands felt nice.
Yeah, Mary, guess why… Because you’ve just woken up in terrible pain again – your body’s ready for round two … or is it three?
She shook the annoying voice out of her head. Damn thing always wanted to remind her how much of a freak she was. “That’s what he called himself.”
“Lucifer’s become all but a myth among angels. He was a warrior who disappeared at the very beginning, way before my own creation, and even before Eden fell. The stories say that he slipped away quietly without a word, and no one knew why. Some angels revered him, and he became a kind of elusive hero that led the way for all that fell after him. Others degraded him, casting him in the same light as Abaddon and Lokoli – demonised angels to be feared and ridiculed.”
She sighed as he stroked her up and down her body, creating little suds on the surface of her skin. It reminded her of when he’d healed her in the prison – his hands had felt wonderfully warm then – only this time he was using soap, not light. And that reminded her…
“He said he was the light.”
She felt Gwain nod against her hair. “He was: brave, knowledgeable, just, dutiful – until he left, anyway. He was the commanding angel – a position that Michael took up after his departure.”
“You mean, Archangel Michael?” She knew the tiniest bit about angels from her old Pagan groups and studies. They had tended to focus on the more eclectic and ‘new age’ aspects of various pantheons and traditions, not the in-depth study you could find through Wicca and other religion-orientated life paths. She’d stopped going to them years ago, and had never wanted to commit to any other study that required a greater sacrifice and duty from her – she’d never been sure what she believed in anyway – but her alternative outlook on life had remained, which was one of the reasons she’d ended up working in Elena’s shop.
“If you’re into the hierarchy thing, then yeah. I just call him Mikey. It pisses him off.”
A laugh escaped her. “Mikey? Why d’you want to piss him off?”
“Because he pisses me off. He’s never spent a day on Earth, among humans, yet he thinks he knows it all – enough to call judgement on what he sees. He’s leading his army blind.”
“Were you in his ranks?”
“All angels are in his ranks. We don’t have a choice. Unless we fall, of course.”
She turned to face him.
His hands didn’t falter, and he began soaping her front instead, starting with the side of her head where her blood had crusted over.
She winced at his touch.
“It’s okay,” he said, gently. “It’s coming off nicely. I can do some healing on it later if you like.”
She glanced up and studied him as he cleaned her up. He was still filthy in places, and, she now noticed, he still had his trousers, socks and boots on. Her heart filled with love – and wasn’t that a new feeling. He must have wasted no time in getting her under the water. She must have looked a state passed out in his arms.
Tentatively, she reached a hand out and rested it on his chest. “We’ve got a lot to talk about, haven’t we?”
He shot her a look. “Yes.”
“Gwain … we were together – merged – before, weren’t we?”
“Yes.”
“How did we meet?”
A ghost of a smile graced the corners of his mouth as he reached for the shampoo bottle. Squeezing the stuff out, he rubbed the shampoo into both hands, then went to work on Mary’s hair, pulling and tugging her head back as he did so, but oh, my God, did that feel good!
He looked down at her tilted face as he washed her hair. “Angels look different in Heaven. We’re all light, and no body – no physical form at all. I was young – barely one hundred – and different to other angels. I had an inner-voice that I could hear – sort of like a conscience. God was the only one who was supposed to have a conscience, and Heaven’s angels – those that haven’t fallen – are aligned to the will of God alone, not their own. Heaven’s angels don’t have an inner-voice. I’ve never figured out why I was different. Maybe it’s because I was the last one he created – maybe something went wrong.”
“A botched creation?” asked Mary, wryly. That sounded familiar.
Gwain coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess so… That voice in my head had me questioning everything about our existence and how we came into being, and why. It made me rebellious. There’s something called The Boundary—”
“Yes … Abaddon mentioned it. It divides the dark from light, doesn’t it? The chaos from order?”
“That’s right. And we were all forbidden to go there … so, of course, I did. Often.”
“Did you get found out?”
“Not once. There seemed to be some advantage to having an inner-voice: I could block out all other angels from my thoughts. You see, in Heaven, when in our light-bodies, we’re all connected to each other permanently. There’s no physical barrier to serve as a block against others. You can’t keep secrets in Heaven, Mary. Not a chance. Unless you’re me, for some reason. I could keep angels from knowing my thoughts, and their thoughts out of my mind.”
He moved her head slightly to the left so her hair was directly under the streaming water, and began to rinse the shampoo out.
“No one knew I went there, but I loved it. There’s a certain peace you can only find in darkness. My side of the Boundary was always buzzing with society and congregation, with beings, knowledge, hierarchy, and sounds and thoughts. Ironic really – I found it so much more chaotic than your side of The Boundary. Your side was peaceful, cool, with an undercurrent of danger at what the unknown could bring, and hiding its own kind of knowledge we were forbidden to access.”
“My side?”
He nodded. “One day, I went to The Boundary, and you were standing there on the other side. I’d never seen anything like you before. You weren’t a light-body, but solid, in a form very much like you have now: dark hair, blue eyes, magnificent wings that were not like ours – they were b
lack, tinged with blues and greens that glistened. But the angles of your face were different – a little harder. Being human has softened you, I think.
“I loved you instantly, because angels can love instantly. You were shocked when you saw me. You’d never seen an angel in Heaven’s form before – I guess because Abaddon was all you’d known. But he, too, had a light-body once.
“You reached out to touch me – to touch my light. I couldn’t have moved even if I’d wanted to, I was so drawn to you. The moment you touched me, you began to glow, we merged and my body changed. You gave me form. You made me corporeal.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Angels in Heaven can merge through touch because we’re light-bodies. Fallen angels merge through blood-sharing.” He moved her out of the spray, and squeezed the water out of her hair.
“No, I mean how did I make you corporeal? I thought angels only took on solid form when they fell?”
He met her eyes. “I did fall, Mary – in love with you, and out of Heaven.”
She looked at him, saddened. He’d said she was his downfall. She hadn’t thought he’d meant it literally. No wonder he didn’t want to have sex with her – she’d tarnished him with her touch. “I ruined you.”
“No.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “No – you enlightened me.”
He picked up the soap again, but she stilled his arm. Swallowing back tears, she took it from his hand. “My turn,” she whispered, and pushed against his chest, swivelling them in the direction she wanted to go. They rotated so that he was now the one kneeling under the main stream of water. She started cleaning him at his shoulders before working her way down his chest.
He stroked her cheek. “When I was created, Eden had already fallen, and angels had begun to follow suit. But I had heard stories of how humans looked, of how angels took on the same form as them when no longer bound to Heaven; that it was possible to have sensation – to feel – when in physical form. You were the first experience I had of that. You were a complete mystery. You enlightened me,” he repeated.
“Katarra said you fell to help humans find their free will.”
“That’s what everyone thinks. It’s what I let everyone believe. I let no other angel see me after I gained form, and I left for Earth to find you as soon as you disappeared. I couldn’t believe you were dead – not in my heart. No one knew of my involvement with you; I told not a soul, and kept my thoughts about you blank. If Michael knew that abyss hadn’t killed you, all of Heaven would be after your head. In fact, he may know now,” he said, regret in his eyes. “Abaddon’s capture of you, my rescuing you … it’s bound to have triggered an alarm. There’s only so much I can block from them at once.”
Great. And she thought it was bad that the police were after her. Mary had no words to appease either of them, so she concentrated on what she was doing instead. She washed him all the way down to the waistband of his soaked jeans. Putting down the soap, she tugged at his belt and undid it. This time, he didn’t stop her, but she was the one who hesitated.
I’m the reason he fell.
He cupped her chin and lifted her head. Her heart skipped a beat at his dark gaze.
“You’re the reason I love. You’re the reason I feel anything at all to the extent I do. You took nothing from me. In that moment you touched me, a decision was made in my mind and soul: I gave myself to you. I gave myself to you. And I want to do it again.”
Mary’s blood thrummed in her ears, her stomach somersaulted, and her chest warmed up with want and … tenderness. Love. It seemed impossible that she could love him, but she was so deep in him there was really nowhere to go but further in. So this is what love was. Uncontrollable. Consuming. But so irresistible you wanted to be consumed. “You said angels could love instantly.”
“We can. It’s a strength and a vice – part of the whole unconditional thing.”
Hmmm … they’d been apart for over ten thousand years. She wondered how many women he’d fallen in love with during all that time. A sharp pang of jealousy shot through her.
He leaned in close to her, then brushed her nose with his. “Ten thousands years is a long time to be on your own, Mary, especially when you’re not really a part of the world. But the way I feel about you – have always felt about you – is unrivalled.”
At his words, the warmth in her chest performed a forward flip, then a ten-point-dive straight to her groin. Her hands found his jeans once more and she resumed undressing him. He was hard and ready behind the denim, and she gulped, her mouth dry, despite them being surrounded by water.
“How is it you can hear my thoughts?”
“Partly because I’m an angel, but mostly because I took your blood.”
She couldn’t believe what she was about to say next, but there was no doubt in her mind it was what she wanted, and she’d always known her own mind; held onto it like a lifeline so she wouldn’t drown in a sea of horrific visions. “If you and I were to do that bonding thing right now, would I also be able to hear your thoughts?”
His jeans button slipped out of its eye without any effort, despite the stiffness of the wet material. Getting these trousers off was going to be damn near impossible. He exhaled sharply when she pulled his zipper down.
“Yes. When angels share blood, it’s as if the barrier of the body is bypassed, and we can join with each other wholly, as we do when we’re light-forms. We would be merged in every way, except physically.”
“Total mergence? Isn’t that what you called it?”
He nodded. “Total mergence.”
Mary slipped her hands behind his back and under his waistband, letting her fingers travel the crease of his backside, which earned her a rumble of pleasure from him. Then she yanked both his jeans and boxers down.
She’d been right about them being impossible to get off. They made it as far as the top of his thighs before they got stuck, but that was fine. She didn’t need them any lower for what she had in mind. His magnificent erection practically made her mouth water. And then she remembered he could hear her thoughts.
Shit. Every single thought? Every hot, sexy thought about what she wanted to do to him? About how he made her feel?
“Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that,” he teased. “I should have told you earlier. But I was trying not to be an overbearing arse.”
She smirked. “It is a little daunting that I can’t hide from you at all… But I’d rather have you in my mind, than all the sins of mankind.”
He looked at her quizzically, before his expression grew sombre. “Is that what the nightmares are?”
“Yes. Turns out, I’m some kind of cleansing vessel for evil. Mankind does bad things, I get to see, hear and feel it, and channel it all into Hell where the fires burn brighter with every sin I purge.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“I don’t want to think about it.” She pressed herself into him and nuzzled the crook of his neck.
He moaned, his hips jerking against her abdomen.
Fiery want unfurled within her, and her words came out way more huskily than she’d intended. “I want to bond with you again. I want to take your blood into me.”
“Mary—”
“No buts. This is it for me. You’re it. And I’m it for you.” The words came out of her mouth so matter-of-factly, but it was simply the truth. She couldn’t change it, nor did she want to.
Gwain smiled at her, tenderly, then nodded. “As long as you’re sure. You’re a very individual person. To share yourself with me – you may feel your identity compromised if we do this.”
Compromised. She knew compromised. Her life had been compromised since she’d suffered her first nightmare. Merging with Gwain wasn’t a compromise, it was a bona fide luxury.
“I’m sure.” But before she drank his blood, there was something else she wanted first. She grinned wickedly. “Can you tell what I’m thinking now? ’Cause I’ve got a pretty vivid image in my head.” She made her way down his chest with her mouth
and tongue, following the trails of the pelting hot water, and trying her darnedest not to hurry the fuck up and claim her prize.
He groaned. One of his hands found its way into her hair and gently tugged. “Mary, wait—”
“Don’t you dare – don’t you dare deny me again. I want you. I want to taste you. I want to know who you are – who we are. Do you know how many things I’ve ever wanted in my life? Only two. For my nightmares to stop; and you. And now I discover that I’ve always had you… So don’t fuck with me, Gwain.”
He pulled her upwards again. “I’m not. It’s just that I haven’t … I haven’t—”
“If you’re about to tell me you’ve been celibate for over ten thousand years, you may have to revive me with the hose again.”
Her teasing stopped the minute she looked into his eyes. Vulnerability shone in them, and he seemed so completely lost it caught her off-guard. Gwain? Lost?
I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to him. And that wasn’t a bad thing – not if they were going to be inside each other’s heads for all of eternity.
“No – I’ve had lots of sex … with lots of women, and some men—”
“I don’t need the details… Men?”
“I’ve been living on Earth for exactly 10,278 years. Do you think I haven’t tried everything at least once?” He studied her, then took in a deep breath. “It’s not that I’m celibate … it’s that I can’t climax. Or at least, I can’t climax with anyone but you.”
She stared at him blankly.
“Mary, did you hear me? I haven’t had an orgasm for 10,278 years.”
Chapter Nine
“The angel shall lay with the dragon? So … Gwain’s going to … er … what exactly with a dragon?”
Karl looked at Pueblo with the same confusion that he was feeling, and shrugged his shoulders.
“Okay, so what have dragons got to do with the apocalypse?”
“Dragons are widely connected with creation myths in many traditions and religions,” said Amy. “In the west, they’re mostly feared, but in the east, they’re more often than not revered. In most creation myths, dragons are said to have breathed the world into being. And then of course, they got slain – because that’s what new Gods do to old Gods – and now, there’s just one left that lies sleeping in the core of the earth until the day comes when it can rise again. Sometimes, the great dragon, or serpent, is depicted as lying at the bottom of the ocean, and the dragon has also been associated with The Beast, which is another term for Satan. Maybe that’s the connection with The Demon Bride prophecy.”
