I looked at him, fighting back the urge to laugh. What kind of joke was this? Was he going crazy?
He reached for my hand and I cringed, jerking it away. He pulled his hand back, a look of shock on his face. “Look at what he did to you, my beautiful girl. I should’ve been there. I’d do anything to have been there for you. I’m so sorry, Jaice. I’ll never, ever forgive myself.”
He was starting to scare me. I took a step back. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Jaicey, please,” he cried, reaching for me again.
“I really have to go, Derek.” I pushed away from him and quickly walked toward Brayden’s car, scared to look back to see if Derek was still watching me. I’d never seen him so upset.
“What was that all about?” Brayden asked as soon as we began driving off, still glancing over his shoulder to where Derek must’ve still been standing.
“I really don’t know.”
He reached over, squeezing my knee. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I promised him, though I wasn’t sure myself.
“So, where to now?” he asked.
“Home.” I sighed, staring out the window, still shaken up. “I just really want to go home.”
“Okay, that’s fine, but we have to make a slight detour first.” He grinned and let go of my knee.
I nodded. “So how was your day?”
“Mine was wonderful. How was yours, babe?” He smiled at me cheekily.
I wagged my finger at him, a giant grin spreading on my face. “Oh no. Nope, you aren’t allowed terms of endearment just yet.”
“And when will I be?”
I thought for a second. “How about I just say, ‘I’ll let you know’?”
He laughed and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Well to that I say, I guess you won’t be getting your surprise.”
“Surprise?” I sat up in my seat.
“Yep.”
“What surprise?”
“How about I just say, ‘I’ll let you know’?” he teased.
I slapped his arm. “Ha-ha. You’re funny. C’mon, tell me.”
“All right, all right. I’ll have to show you though. It’s more fun that way.”
He turned a sharp corner and turned up the radio as we headed for the other side of town.
***
When we finally arrived at my alleged surprise he stopped the car and climbed out, rushing to my side. I opened my door and looked around, trying to figure out where we were. I had never been to this side of town before, as far as I knew. There were small gray-and-white houses as far as the eye could see. Brayden came to my door and held out his hand. I placed my hand in his, looking around. I didn’t recognize anything. It was as if I were in a whole different state, country even. Everything seemed so dirty.
“Brayden, what is this place?”
“You’ll see,” he replied. “Come on. Just keep up. Follow me.”
“But where are we? I’ve never seen this side of town before.”
“No more questions. Just come on,” he whispered, though I was sure we were alone. I hadn’t seen a single person since we pulled in.
“Just so you know, I know Tae Kwon Do,” I teased, poking him in the stomach.
He laughed, pulling me to keep up with him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
We arrived at a tiny white-washed house. Its shutters were a faded blue, and the paint was beginning to chip around the edges. It was obvious that no one had taken very good care of the place in years, but it had once been a quaint little house. He led me up the porch and then pushed open a side door without knocking. Dust flew into the air as we entered the old house.
I gasped, coughing and waving dust from my face. “Brayden, are we allowed to be here?”
“Don’t worry. No one’s here. We’re fine.”
Though my fears weren’t calmed, I stayed in step with him. It immediately became apparent that he had been there before. He led me through room after dingy room, each filled with its share of ratty toys and broken furniture. Finally, he led me through a dark hallway and into a small bedroom with a ladder square in the middle of the room.
I eyed the ladder suspiciously, noticing that it led up to a door in the ceiling. I wondered if it might lead to an attic. “What is this?”
“This? This is a ladder.” He smirked, patting the wooden step.
I rolled my eyes playfully. “Gee, thanks. I got that much. I meant where does it go? What’s it for?”
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to go find out, won’t we?”
I took a deep breath, placing my foot on the ladder gently testing it to make sure it would hold me. The wood looked questionable at best. Before Brayden, there was no way I would’ve gone up that ladder. Before Brayden, there was no way I have even been in this situation. He had changed me. I was different, and I could feel it. I had known it deep down, but it became very obvious the moment I climbed up onto the first step. I felt his hands on my waist as I climbed, making it hard to focus on the actual climbing itself. As we arrived at the top of the ladder, I pressed my hand to the wooden door and shoved with all my strength. It was even heavier than I expected. I grunted, shoving it again. The door flew open with a loud bang, and I was surprised to see the sky.
The ladder had led us to the top of the house, which was flat and concrete. In the distance, I could see a hint of the lake, the sun setting behind it. I turned around to see him climbing up behind me. “Oh, Brayden. This is beautiful. How in the world did you ever find this place?”
He smiled out at the lake in the distance. “I didn’t find it. This is my home.”
I stopped, giving him a confused look. There was no way anyone could live in a place like this. “You live here?”
“Lived here. This is where I grew up. That,” he pointed down the ladder, “was my bedroom. This was my secret place. I’d come up here to work on my homework or to play. I’d just sit up here for hours. Sometimes, when it was really nice, I’d come up here and stay overnight, sleeping under the stars.”
I didn’t know what to say. This neighborhood was so different than the one I’d grown up in. All around me were dozens of rickety, abandoned houses. What could have once been a community was now an abandoned blemish in our beautiful city. It made me sad to picture him playing here all alone in this dusty place.
He smirked, reading my expression. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I know this isn’t what you’re used to and I get that. I just wanted you to see what I’m from.”
“What happened here?” I asked quietly. “Why don’t you live here anymore? Why doesn’t anyone live here?”
“This place started falling apart: drugs, fights, gangs. It wasn’t safe. My mom hated it so much. She didn’t want me raised around all of it. My dad disagreed, said it would make me tough. He said it would make me brave. Eventually, my mom left. She just left. We were all alone. I was seven. After a while I think my dad realized that she was right and he moved us into town. We never heard from her again.”
“Oh, Brayden…” I stared at him. Pain emanated from his eyes.
“No, it’s all right. I didn’t tell you this so that you would pity me. Me and my dad did fine for ourselves. He used to say, ‘We’re a team, you and I. You do what I say and it’ll always just be you and me’. He was my best friend. We didn’t always have a perfect life, but what we had was ours and I’m proud of it. I’m proud of him and of everything he did for me.”
I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Jaicey. I hardly remember my mom, and it was her loss, leaving us the way she did. My dad took care of me. He did everything for me. I don’t know where I’d be without him.” He paused, staring into space. “I’m telling you this so that you can see who I am. I want you to know why I am the person that I am and why I do the things I do. We aren’t going to be having dinner with my parents. We aren’t goi
ng to all sit around the table and laugh and have fun. My parents aren’t going to invite you over. That’s not my life and that’s not my family. I’m not anything like you.”
My voice caught in my throat. He only knew the side of me he’d seen. He’d never know the true me—no one would. “I don’t want you to think that my life is perfect, Brayden. It’s so far from that. Things have happened to me. Horrible things. Things that have changed my family so much. My life isn’t all that meets the eye, either. I don’t expect you to be anyone but yourself. Nothing is perfect. I know that. You should know that I don’t expect you to be anything you aren’t.”
He pulled me close. “Well, you’re wrong about one thing. Some things are perfect. This right here, you and me, this is perfect.” He turned me to face him, touching my face. I looked down. He pulled my chin up so I would look at him, and pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me the way I’d always wanted to be kissed. In that moment, I knew he was right. This was perfect. His lips covered mine, making my heart pound and my belly flutter. He wrapped his arms around me and held me until every wall in me crumbled. Just like that, I was his.
Chapter 6
When I got home that evening, Mom and Dad were watching television in the living room. I shut the front door and they both looked up abruptly. Dad glanced at his watch and I saw him smirk.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he called out.
I walked in and sat down between then. Dad threw his arm around me. Flinch.
“Where were you, Jaice? It’s getting late,” my mom said.
“I know. I’m sorry. I was out with Brayden. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.”
“Wow, two nights in a row, right? Things must be going pretty well between you two then, huh?” my dad asked, a wide smile on his face.
“I guess so. We’re just hanging out.”
“So is it official now? Is he your boyfriend?” he teased, poking his fingers into my side.
“No! God, Dad.” I tensed up, pushing his hands away and fighting back laughter. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“How is school going?” Mom asked.
“Fine.”
“Anything new?”
“No, Mom. School is just school.” I tried to hide the frustration in my voice.
“So, have you thought about going to the prom with Derek since Brayden can’t go? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, and you know Derek would just be thrilled. I could talk to Rebecca about setting it all up.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, I don’t want to go, Mom. Even if Brayden could go I don’t think I would. What is your obsession with prom?”
“Jaicey, why is it your instinct to hold everyone and everything at arm’s length? I’m just trying to talk to you.”
My dad spoke up, looking at my mom. “Jenny, let her be. She doesn’t want to go. Let’s just drop it.”
Mom sighed loudly and took a sip of her coffee. Dad looked down at me and rubbed my nose. “We’re proud of you, kiddo. We were always proud of you. We’re just glad to see that you’re starting to get back out there.”
I looked down, laying my head on his chest, making sure not to let him see the small tear that ran down my cheek.
***
4:04, the same time every morning. My sleep always ended abruptly, as my breathing quickened and my heart pounded in my chest. I could never sleep past this time, no matter how exhausted I was. I rolled over in my bed and stared at the wall, begging my mind to allow me just a few more hours of sleep.
The house was silent, and in a strange way, I felt grateful for that. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the afternoons where I’d come home from school and just sleep for hours on end, living in nothing but silence and solitude. Lately, everything seemed so loud. My mind was screaming at me for growing closer to Brayden, my parents were overjoyed that I was staying busy, and rumors, of course, were spreading like wildfire around the school about the two of us. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy with him, of course I was, but everything was going so fast, and it had taken the quiet and darkness of my empty room for me to realize how much that scared me. The room’s empty walls were beckoning to me, reminding me of the solace I used to find in them.
Finally, realizing I wasn’t going to be falling back asleep, I gave up, rolling over and out of bed. I flipped on my lamp and was surprised to see a shadow lingering in my doorway. His eyes found me in the shadows. A scream escaped my throat and I instinctively pulled the covers up to protect myself. “What are you doing here?”
“Shhh! I wanted to see you. You don’t think I notice that you always wake up at this time? I was out for a walk and I heard you crying.”
“What are you talking about, out for a walk? It’s four in the morning. And I’m not crying.”
“It hurts me that you don’t talk to me, Jaicey. You don’t tell me anything. You aren’t honest with me, always so quick to lie.”
“Brayden, what are you talking about? I am honest with you.”
“You never talk about that night,” he said simply.
I gulped, the covers shaking in my hands. “What do you mean? What night?”
“You don’t have to explain, Jaicey. I just wish you’d tell me the truth,” Brayden said. “I’m here for you.”
“What truth? What are you talking about?” I covered myself up to my chin as a cold chill ran down my spine.
“I know everything. I know what you won’t tell me, what you won’t tell anyone. Don’t you see? I know what happened that night. I know your secret.” His smile grew sinister as he stared at me.
I pulled the covers closer to my chest, my pulse quickening. “Brayden, you’re scaring me. Please just go. We can talk about this later. My parents are right down the hall. You’re going to wake them up.”
“They won’t wake up,” he said simply.
“What do you mean? Of course they will. They’re light sleepers,” I said honestly.
Ignoring my statement, he went on. “Why don’t you trust me? Why won’t you just be honest with me about what happened? What’s wrong with you?”
“I do. I do trust you, Brayden. I promise I do. It’s just that it’s really early and you’re tired and I don’t think you know what you’re saying. You’re confused. We can talk about this more tomorrow if you’ll just leave.”
“No. I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving until you tell me what happened. Tell me what you did, Jaicey. Tell me.”
He started to approach me, his eyes cruel and menacing. I noticed the odd way he held his hands behind his back. It struck me then that he was hiding something.
“What do you have, Brayden? What is that?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” He smiled innocently at me.
“Behind your back. I can see that you have something. What are you hiding?” I squeezed the blanket until my knuckles were pure white, my whole body shaking furiously.
“Oh, you mean this?” He pulled his hands slowly from behind his back to reveal a knife; a big kitchen knife like you’d use to cut up vegetables. It was covered in dark, sticky blood, dripping onto my tan carpet. A scream tore from my chest as I scooted back onto my bed, pressing my back into the wall. I covered my head with my blanket, waiting for death. No one would save me. I was alone. He was coming.
I woke up in bed, beads of sweat covering my forehead. My alarm clock read 4:04. Same time every morning. I lay in bed, convincing myself that it had all been a nightmare and that everything was okay. Shadows danced on my wall, tormenting my pounding heart. It all seemed so real. For a long time I didn’t move, afraid to glance at my doorway, afraid to turn on the light. Finally, when I had no other choice, I forced myself to sit up in bed and flip on the light, revealing an empty doorway. Just another day, I reminded myself. No one was coming for me. I was safe. I hopped out of bed, still half asleep, and rushed for the shower, ignoring the hair that stood up on the back of my neck.
***
I was finally ready and about to walk downstairs. My dark hair was pulled up
into a bun, I wore my favorite hoodie and jeans, and I’d even thrown a bit of mascara on for good measure. I had to guess I looked pretty decent today. Of course there was no way I could never truly know. We didn’t have mirrors in our house. We hadn’t for years. Everything we did was based on guesswork, and apparently no one minded. Several times though, I’d caught my mom using spoons or the toaster to inspect her hair or makeup. I never used either. I never wanted to see what I looked like.
I was ready to leave when a loud sound rang out from the kitchen. I turned around to run back, startled by the commotion. “Dad?”
My mother was not far behind. “Chuck?” she cried as she ran into the room.
He was struggling to keep himself up from the floor, holding on to the counter with all of his strength, his face scrunched up. I reached for his hands but he waved me away forcibly, letting go of the counter and falling down, letting out a painful cry. I heard his back slap against the floor. His face grew bright red as he began to cough loudly.
“Dad, here. Let me help you.” I held my hands out, grasping just under his arms and attempting to help him up. My mom followed suit.
“No,” he shouted, pushing me away from him. “Just leave me alone!”
“I’m trying to help you,” I said calmly.
He swung his arms out of my grasp. “No! One day I won’t be able to do anything for myself. Until that day comes, I want to do everything myself. Just go, Jaicey. You can’t help me. Just go away.”
I backed up, feeling like I’d been slapped. Mom took a step back, turning to look at me with a solemn face. “The doctor said there would be mood swings. You just have to understand that he’s not himself right now, okay? He doesn’t mean it,” she said simply.
I could tell by her voice there would be no arguing. I nodded, walking hurriedly out of the room. I cast one last look back at my dad’s angry face. As I walked out of the door, I heard my mom whispering to him. “Chuck, look at you.” I heard her strain and knew she had helped him up. “We’ve already lost our daughter once. Don’t you go and push her away anymore than she’s already pushed herself.”
The Truth About My Scratches (The Carolina Killer Files #3) Page 5
