“What? But you said…everyone says…”
“I know. I’ve tried since then but nothing. My wolf basically laughs at me. You can’t tell anyone because it would upset the balance. If dominants knew that submissives could change, even if it was only in dire circumstances, then they would feel threatened and all hell would break loose.”
They’d have to revisit that a little later. Right now she was still trying to understand the basics. What he had done was black belt level submissive.
“Why didn’t Owen tell me any of this? You know, the other stuff. ”
Zach snorted and settled back into the conversation. It was obvious he was unsettled by his shift, still trying to figure it out himself. “Dominants need ranking. They need a pecking order. Submissives don’t, it’s why we are at the bottom because we don’t care. He is a good alpha, I’m not saying he’s not. But he sees the pack from a dominant’s eye. Owen is pretty open to ideas on shifters and I know my Uncle Chuck has talked to him some about it but he was brought up to believe one way when there are multiple possibilities.”
Mira hugged the pillow to her chest. What he said felt right. Her gut told her that he was on to something here. And now that she could recognize it, she knew that her “gut feeling” was her wolf approving.
“I’m not saying one is better than the other, we are just different. What is true is that both kinds are needed within a pack. Balance is what makes a healthy pack. Hell, if you and Owen get mated we would be one of, if not the strongest pack in existence.”
She frowned, not comprehending. “Why’s that.”
“A dominant alpha male and a submissive alpha female. I’ve never heard of a pack to have the alphas be anything but dominant.”
“So why would that make our pack so great?”
Zach smiled. “Balance, young grasshopper. Balance. The submissives would thrive, the dominants would find control. Happiness would be raining from the sky in the form of tequila and Skittles. It’s why Owen and you work so well together. You compliment the other. Could you imagine a pack where the alphas complimented and worked together instead of battled?”
She smiled. “Thank you. This helped.”
“Of course it helped! I’m a genius and my ideas are amazing.”
Mira snorted. “Don’t make me take it back.”
Zach sat up and opened up his bedside drawer only to pull out a box of blueberry pop tarts. “You take it back and I won’t share with you.”
She gasped. “You wouldn’t?”
He dangled a silver foil package in front of her face. “I want to hear you say it.”
Mira pouted but relented as the hypnotizing foil swayed back and forth. “You’re a genius,” she said dully and swiped at the pop tart.
Zach pulled it out of grasp. “And?”
“And your ideas are amazing. Now gimme.”
He tossed her the pack and opened one of his own. “You doing ok, though? For real?”
Mira nodded with a mouth full of pop tart. “I am. I was scared, still am, but the more I learn, the less frightening it is.”
“Don’t be scared of her,” he said honestly. “Whether you knew it or not, you’ve lived your whole life with her in harmony. Why stop now?”
*****
It was the first time he was at the pack house, the heart of the pack, since he got back earlier that week. His condition had improved to the point where he only had a twinge in his ribs every now and then. The reception he received was phenomenal. Once one person had seen him, the silent alarm must have gone off because soon he had people coming to greet him from all over.
If he ever doubted this place was him home, his pack, he would just remember this moment.
“I’m fine, Lylia.”
“It’s good to be back, Todd.”
“No, I’m all healed up.”
Every time he excused himself from one group, he’d run into another. Vince had gathered the pups as he went. It was Miles who saved him. The enforcer called him over with that scowl he liked to wear when something official was going on. When he got to the corner where he was standing, he let a smirk slip through.
“Thought you could use a hand.”
“Thank you. The women are like vultures. You’d think I was something new by the way they fuss but I’ve been here for years.”
“Well, that there is your problem. They’re women. Who knows how their brains work.”
Vince thought of Lee and couldn’t argue with that sentiment.
“Where you off to this afternoon?” Miles asked.
Vince pointed out the window where the pups were gathering. Looked like they were just missing one more. “I have a scavenger hunt for them. Thought it would be something fun.”
Miles grinned. “Nice. Can’t say I ever got to do shit like that with my wolf growing up.”
“Want to help? I had asked Lee but haven’t seen her.” He wasn’t sure what he expected of her anyway. He had hoped she would accept the offer but part of him knew she wouldn’t, not after what went down in the Wick.
“Yeah?” he said considering. “Well, I got nothing else to do today.”
He smiled. “I was thinking teams. We each take them off but we are there only as supervision. The things they need to collect and do are going to be challenging to them but each obstacle is meant to play on someone’s strength. It’s supposed to give them all a bit of a confidence boost and see where they need to improve at the same time.”
Miles looked impressed. “I think I can handle that.”
A flash of strawberry blonde hair caught his eye. Vince smirked. Maybe Lee had shown up. “I need about fifteen minutes then we’ll get started.”
Miles nodded. Vince headed over to Lee’s clinic and through the small window saw the light on in her office.
Perfect timing.
*****
Coming here had been a bad idea.
One day she would learn to stay away when her gut told her to. All morning it was rolling in on itself like the tide. She felt unstable and jittery with a massive headache that should have kept her in bed. But the temptation of seeing Vince was too much. The last time they had seen each other was during their fight. Since then, they had talked online and on the phone but they hadn’t seen each other. It was hard to feel at ease with just words over a phone. She needed to physically see him to know they were ok.
However, seeing him had the opposite effect.
Lee had stepped out of her clinic on the first floor with a file in her hand only to be accosted by the sounds of gushing women. A small group of them were surrounding Vince, fawning over him. It was sickening. Lee had taken a hasty step back into the room and tortured herself as she watched every available woman in the pack come to see how Vince was faring.
Unfortunately, the sight was nothing new. Lately, she had seen Vince gather more of the female attention within the pack. A phenomenon she had to deal with when she dated Owen too. It was annoying, insulting even, but she could handle it.
It was the pups that finally broke her. Vince was a natural. He made it look so easy with his interactions. Lee was struck by how good of a father he would be someday. It was written all over him. “I’m dad material.” On some primal level, that’s what women looked for in a mate. Which was fine, if babies were something that was an option.
There was no baby option for Lee, and therefore for Vince if they stayed together. Just like with Owen, she had to consider his future as well as her own. Which meant, they didn’t have a future.
She had ducked back into her office within the clinic to gather herself. She dropped the file to her desk and leaned over it, her head bowed low. That missing part of her ached with what she knew she had to do. Lee lifted one hand and placed it on her lower stomach. It was irrational and she knew it but sometimes when she laid a hand on her abdomen, she believed she could feel the emptiness inside of her. Just as some pregnant women touched their bellies and felt their little one kick, she felt for the void that was s
lowly killing her.
Part of her had always known it would end like this. All of her relationships did. Still, she had fooled herself into thinking that maybe, this time, she could get away with being as she was. Maybe he didn’t want pups of his own. Maybe other people’s kids were enough fulfillment for him. He could be one of those new age people who didn’t feel the need to procreate.
But he did. She could see it in his eye. Right then she knew what she had to do.
Vince would be fine. He’d have his pick of women in the pack. Lee would carry on.
Maybe.
Probably.
Her condition, as she started to call it, was worsening. Chuck was keeping a close eye on her and she was supposed to call him if she ever felt out of control or on the cusp of an anxiety attack.
Well, she should probably be calling him right now.
“Lee! I didn’t think I’d see you here.”
And just like that, the bottom dropped out and Lee felt like she was falling. Vince, the man she just decided she would break it off with, was standing behind her. How had he known she was there? She hadn’t told him or anyone else that she was coming. Had he seen her lurking in the doorway?
“Hey,” his voice a little softer, “what’s up?” Vince laid a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. “Sweetheart, come here.” One look. That’s all it took for him to gather her up and hold her to his chest. She felt small and weak. Every day for months she had been feeling smaller and weaker. Soon she’d just blip out of existence.
“What happened?” he asked her.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
For a moment, he froze and she imagined him letting her go and walking away like “Oh, ok. I didn’t know. Sorry to bother you.” But it was never that simple.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” he asked pushing the hair that had fallen in her face out of the way so he could see her better. “I think this is exactly where I should be if you are upset.”
God. Did he have to say shit like that at a time like this? She had planned on doing it over the phone. She was going to call him that evening and break it off. But that was ruined now. He’d never leave her like this, no matter what she had planned.
“Alright, you don’t want to tell me. I get it. Maybe you’d like to have dinner first?” His hands rubbed up and down her back in what would have been a soothing motion but Lee took those actions as if they were whips. She tried not to flinch at the contact, refusing to accept his touch as comfort.
“No.”
He tilted her head back from where she had laid it on his shoulder. She about canceled the whole thing when she saw the concern on his face.
“Vince,” she said looking into his eyes for a moment longer before dropping them. She couldn’t look at him and do this. “I think it’s time we stop all this.”
“All this?”
“Us,” she stated.
“You want to stop us?” he asked tightly.
“You can do better,” she said nodding toward the doorway where the horde of women lay and wait. “I’m just too broken to be in a relationship. We tried. We failed. It’s no big deal.”
“I see.” She waited for him to take his hands off her but he didn’t. Vince had gone still at her words but he continued to hold her.
“What if I don’t want to end it? What if I think all your reasons are just excuses because you’re scared?”
He was going to make this harder than it had to be. “It’s over Vince,” she said softly, trying to keep her voice from cracking.
“I don’t believe you.”
Lee stepped back out of out his hold. He let her go. The loss of his support was like a bucket of ice water. “Just go.”
“No,” he said.
“Please,” she begged. “Go.” Lee wrapped her arms around her middle and turned away from him. If she was going to keep her promise to Chuck, she needed to call him now or it’d be too late.
“Lee-” Vince began but was cut off with her yelling.
“Get out!”
There was silence. Her chest was heaving in air but none of it was giving her the breath she needed. Lee turned around expecting to see Vince gone but he was still there. Still standing there looking at her with concern and stubbornness.
She wanted her wolf to come and take her away from here. To hell with Chuck and the rest of them. She needed an escape. Standing here with Vince was too much. He was supposed to get mad and leave, not stand here and take it. But even with her wolf pacing in the sidelines just waiting to get in on the action, there was nowhere left for her to recede to. Lee had found the last lonely corner of her soul.
“Where is this coming from?” He asked slowly as if that would make her see reason.
“I don’t want to be with you Vince,” she spat.
He shook his head. “I don’t believe that, not for a second.”
She turned back toward her desk and bit her lip. Neither did she.
“What can I say to make you go away?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t have feelings for me. Tell me that you haven’t been happy this week. If you can honestly say you don’t care for me then I’ll leave.” He sounded so calm. It was such a difference from the hurricane of pain rolling inside of her.
She ran her hands over her face, wiping a few tears in the process. When she turned around, her face was a mask. Lee had given into the wolf. Just handed over possession like she was a pair of car keys. Her wolf was strong. She knew how to get shit done and had been protecting Lee her entire life. Even though she knew that her wolf liked Vince, the wolf would do what was best for both of them.
Lee’s wolf walked right up to Vince and said, “I care nothing for you.”
Vince winced like he was slapped.
They didn’t say anything else and Lee’s wolf held on to his eyes for as long as he stood there. He was searching for something. Truth maybe? He’d find nothing. She was blocked off from him. Walled up so deep inside of herself, no one would be able to reach her.
“Everything ok in here?” Miles asked from the doorway.
Vince’s eyes flicked over to him. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, fine.”
Miles looked at Lee and Vince, frowning. Vince walked out without another word. She wanted to howl in pain as he turned the corner and out of eyeshot but her wolf contained her.
“Lee? Are you alright?”
She nodded a yes.
Miles scowled. He looked back to where Vince was outside of the room and back to Lee. “Would you like me to call someone for you?”
Chuck. Call Chuck! “No,” her wolf answered.
“I’m going out for a few hours. When I get back I will check on you. Call me if you need something.”
When he left she gave in fully to the pain, disappearing inside, allowing her wolf to handle things while she mourned.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mira took care in dressing that morning. Lately, she had felt too occupied to really care how she appeared to others. She had a few days to let what Zach had told her about submissives to settle in. Accepting what he said was easier than she had thought it would be. The truth in his words just felt right, which made accepting her wolf easier.
She hadn’t seen Owen since that night and had only glossed over bits of what she and Zach had talked about. He was happy that she had someone else to confer with. He admitted over the phone that since he was dominant, he could only tell her what being a shifter was to him, he knew it meant something different to submissives. She was grateful that he understood there was a difference.
Mira had dressed in what used to be her office attire back in Buffalo: flirty blouse, pencil skirt, heels that made a man weep. Owen had told her that he loved her naughty secretary look but she didn’t need to dress like that for what she did at the pack house. So she had become lax. But Mira liked dressing up for work. When she got ready in the morning, it got her brain in gear for what she was going to be doing. If it made Owen follow her a
round like Pepe La Pew and growl every time he saw her bend over, then she was just going to have to spend a little extra time after she got her work done, with Owen, in his office, the door closed.
The sacrifices she made for that man…
There was a little issue with her work she wanted to speak to him about as well. He had her doing the accounting for the pack but really, that was a cakewalk for her. She needed some more responsibility. The numbers only kept her busy for a few hours a day if she was lucky.
With a swipe of the richest red lipstick she owned, Mira grabbed her purse and clicked her way down the hall. Chuck had a cup of coffee poured for her when she made it downstairs. “Heard you coming,” he said with a grin. “I see you are feeling more like yourself.”
“I am. You have a very helpful nephew.”
The coffee was hot, rich and perfect. He knew she loved obnoxiously over sugared lattes that you just couldn’t get in town. Chuck had started keeping different syrups around for her to “ruin a cup of perfectly fine coffee” with. He took his coffee black. They would never see eye to eye on the perfect cup of coffee, but he bought the fixings for her anyway.
“The kid has a head on him, he just needs to learn to use it.”
Mira rolled her eyes. “He’ll find his place soon enough.” She patted Chuck’s cheek affectionately. “Don’t you worry about him. Thanks for the coffee.”
He muttered something about “sweetened swill” as she exited through the kitchen. Sadie was out back, grocery bags set on the ground beside her as she stroked the cat that had been hanging around lately. When the little guy saw her he let out a “merrooow.”
“Hey,” Sadie said gathering her bags. “Oh, wow. Look at you.” She was grinning at Mira. “Someone’s got their mojo back.”
“Damn straight.”
Her sister rooted through one of the bags and pulled out a can of cat food. “Can you give this to him? I need to get started on a peach pie.”
After agreeing to lunch the next day with Sadie, Mira opened the can of food and placed it on the ground. The cat purred happily as it ate. She crouched, with much difficulty in her skirt, and pet the fluffy little cat. She had seen Tyson playing with it the other day and had thought that might have been the cutest thing she had ever seen. The man cooed and cuddled the cat every time he saw it. Mira wondered if Owen had met her little friend before.
On the Edge (Adirondack Pack Book 3) Page 17
