by Helene Young
Right now she wanted nothing more than to hear his teasing laugh. He’d promised he’d be back soon. That was two weeks ago.
What would he bring? A temporary reprieve from the loneliness in her heart? A warm place to hide for a few hours? More importantly, what comfort did she have to offer him?
In the week after the fire, after Dan had fallen asleep, they’d talked long into the night, sitting side by side on Jerry’s veranda. They’d talked of life and death, of truth and lies, but they’d never talked of love. Ryan had given her space to grieve, a warm shoulder to cry on, and a reason to smile.
She needed him in a way she’d never needed anyone.
Did Ryan feel anything that strong for her, for Dan?
Would she recognise it if he did?
She stood up and walked to the piano, eased down onto the polished stool, then folded the lid back. For a moment she just sat, the seat cool against her legs, the curve of it pushing her upright. It felt as though the house was holding its breath along with her.
Carefully, tentatively, she placed her fingers on the keys where Julia had played for so long. It had been five years since she’d felt the smooth ivory. Forgotten but familiar. Her fingers were rusty, the pressure uneven, the notes faltering, but the comfort of something so deeply ingrained pushed her on until the music simply swept her away. It loosened the knots that had bound her so tightly, softened the ragged edges of despair, and brought her parents, her childhood and herself closer together again. It almost, almost, filled that gaping ache.
Ryan parked at the front of the house. Christmas was three days away and the wet season was smothering everything with humidity. He opened the car door and stopped. The air was still but for the music. It surrounded him, haunting and plaintive as the notes cried and sighed. He tried the front door. It was locked so he made his way around to the other side, where the wide glass doors stood open.
Kait sat at the piano, her hair an auburn halo of curls, her eyes closed as she played. He could only lean against the doorframe and watch, seeing the tears on her cheeks and feeling her pain. So much loss, so much sorrow. Could he ever mean enough to her to chase away the sadness, give her a reason to love, to trust again?
There was no sign of Dan and Nero. The music faded away and her eyes opened.
‘Kait.’
He saw the hope flare in the velvety brown of her eyes as she smiled through her tears. In that instant he knew he was foolish to doubt that she needed him, wanted him.
‘Ryan. You’re here.’
‘I am.’ He walked over and sat on the end of the polished piano stool, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. ‘I missed you.’ He feathered a kiss across her temple, intoxicated by the familiar hint of cinnamon and apple. He wiped the tears from her chin and she rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed. They sat like that for a minute, leaning into each other.
Then her eyes fluttered open again. She stood up, put distance between them. ‘How long are you here for this time?’
‘As long as you’ll have me.’
‘Sorry?’ She faltered as he stood up too.
‘I’ve resigned. The investigation was never going to let me off scot-free. It’s easier if I leave quietly. I’m an ex-federal policeman now and I’m moving into Jerry’s place.’
‘Jerry’s place?’ She looked surprised.
‘The shack just up the road?’ he replied with a grin.
‘Oh.’ She held out her hand and he took it, tugging her up against him, loving the curves and warmth of her body.
He needed this as much as she did. Her lips were soft beneath his, but he felt her tremble. Was he going too fast?
He leant back, keeping her in the circle of his arms, anchoring her to him. ‘Jerry’s place for now. I’ve got some things to sort out. And then …’
‘And then?’ she prompted him. She was waiting, the sadness gone from her eyes.
‘I need you, Kait, you and Daniel. I had no idea how much until I thought I’d lost you.’ The importance of what he had to say made him choose his words with care.
‘But Sydney, your life …’
‘For the last four years I’ve had no home, no life, no stability. You were a lifeline that suddenly appeared in the middle of all those lies.’
‘A lifeline.’
‘You, Dan and Julia. You showed me what a family could feel like and I wanted it so much it hurt. That night of your birthday I almost broke. You made me lose my head.’ And my heart, he added to himself.
She smiled then, just a hint. ‘And your phone.’
‘And that’s something I will always regret, but it’s also my reality. Someone somewhere might come for me one day. Nemesis may be locked up for now, but that won’t last forever.’
‘I know that.’ Her voice was strong. ‘It’s who you are. You were right to give me Jerry’s diaries. He could have been writing a manual for the partner of an undercover. I understand you a little more. The optimistic idealist with the darkness always just there. You don’t scare me, Ryan.’
He almost laughed at that, relieved she accepted it so easily. ‘Jerry did more for me than I ever realised. I only worked that out when I came back here. I felt like I’d come home.’
She placed a hand over his heart, her palm warm against his shirt. ‘Grant McCormack came to see me. Seems there may be gold around here.’
Ryan did laugh this time. ‘He told me the same thing when I saw him during the investigation. I told him Jerry had always maintained it was only alluvial gold, but he was welcome to test drill provided he was prepared to compensate the estate.’
‘I told him to go to hell and I’d see him in court,’ Kaitlyn said with a quick laugh. ‘Did you know it was his father who hired Speedy in the first place?’
‘Yeah, I found that out as part of the investigation. I kind of thought Speedy and McCormack deserved each other. Now?’ He shrugged. ‘Sins of the father being inflicted on the son? McCormack’s going to escape prosecution, unlike the company lawyer, so maybe he deserves a chance. I’d rather it wasn’t on my patch of dirt, though.’
‘And they’ve reopened the investigation into Dad’s death and Chris’s. Martin is helping this time, instead of being sidelined. He thinks it’s clear-cut.’
‘It would mean a great deal for Dan later on.’
‘Yeah, it will.’
‘And to you.’
She nodded without reply.
‘So what do you want, Kaitie?’
‘What I want can never happen.’ Kaitlyn shook her head as he started to interrupt. ‘No, no. Julia is gone and I have to build new dreams, find new hope. Dan is the most precious thing in my world now so every decision comes back to him. And you. I wasn’t sure you’d come back. I’m very glad you did.’ She smiled at him. ‘I love you, Ryan.’
There.
The weight lifted from him. He bent and kissed her, revelling in the rush of heat, the touch, the taste of her.
It freed him.
‘And I love you, Kaitlyn Scott.’
Words he never thought he’d be able to say. They’d been a long time coming.
‘I know you do.’ And he believed her.
He ran his hand down her head, settling the silky hair against the nape of her neck. ‘I know you’re hurting in ways I can’t begin to understand, but I’m here to stay.’
‘And your dreams? What about them?’
He waggled his head from side to side. ‘I’ve got some dreams of my own, but they’re pretty flexible.’
Her smile was beautiful as she leant away and touched her hand to his cheek. ‘Really?’
His heart picked up a beat. ‘Yes, really. I have dreams of an ugly house with a huge heart filled with laughter and barking and music, lots of music. In fact, I’ve always dreamt of playing the piano.’
She laughed. ‘Ugly house, huh? You’re not above using flattery, then.’ She took his hand in hers and rolled it over. ‘You have potential as a musician. Long fingers, probably a bit inflexible, b
ut there may be some hidden talent there.’
He cupped her face with those long fingers. ‘There’s talent there for many more things than playing the piano, but they’ll have to wait. Where’s Dan?’
‘He’ll be back later. He and Nero are swimming with friends.’
‘Well then, Ms Scott, we have plenty of time to dream.’
‘Really, Mr O’Donnell?’ She tilted her head. ‘No. You’ll always be Ryan to me, just Ryan.’
‘Ryan and Kait and Dan.’
‘Ryan and Kait and Dan.’ She sighed against his lips. ‘Come and I’ll show you how much I love you. I’ve perfected blueberry muffins. Julia would be proud.’
Epilogue
Ullswater, Cumbria, UK
THE dark lake was fringed in slushy ice. The wind howling up the slope bit through Kait’s thick coat, the temperature 30 degrees lower than when they’d left Happy Jack Road three days ago. She pulled her woollen cap further over her ears as her nose threatened to drip. Ryan’s arm left a warm bar across her shoulder. She pressed closer to his side, folding Dan tight against her.
His head almost reached her chin. He’d grown so much in the last twelve months. They all had, in so many ways.
The lawn of the How town Hotel stretched away towards the lake. Trees, bare of leaves, stretched silvery branches up to the weak sun. Winter in the Lake District was unbearably cold, yet stunningly beautiful.
‘Nana must have been freezing.’ Dan finally broke the silence, twisting to peer at his mother, his eyes slitted against the wind.
‘Yes, but remember Julia had Stephen with her to keep her warm.’ It still hurt to say their names. Kait didn’t know when that would change.
‘Yeah, I guess so.’
‘You sure you don’t want your gloves on?’ Kait asked.
‘Nah, I’m fine.’ Dan pulled a face, looking at the box in his hands. Kait understood.
‘Maybe we should get walking before we freeze to the spot,’ Ryan suggested, angling his head towards the lake.
Kait nodded with an inner smile. It had taken a few months of living together for Ryan to learn to compromise, to try suggesting rather than snapping out orders. To be fair, she’d had to make similar adjustments. They were a work in progress and she liked where it was taking them.
Ahead the road was empty. A few bright spots of colour on the towering hills surrounding Ullswater proved that a few hardy tourists were out hiking. The locals, on the other hand, were tucked up in the nearby pub in front of a roaring fire, celebrating the new year. Kait was looking forward to joining them later to defrost.
‘What’s with the sheep?’ Dan asked. ‘They look weird.’ Shaggy white animals with black heads and impossibly skinny black legs gazed at them with unblinking eyes from the other side of sturdy dry-stone walls.
‘Swaledales,’ Ryan supplied.
Kait looked across at him in surprise.
He shrugged, his grin crooked. ‘I did some research into the area. Can’t go anywhere unprepared.’
Kait smiled, squeezing his hand tight. Old habits died hard. She knew he missed the cut and thrust of being at the forefront of crime fighting. His colleagues still phoned to pick his brains, but she noticed he brooded less with each call. He even talked sporadically to her about his work. Sharing his darker emotions was a long way off, but she knew that unconditional love would do what no therapist could. He gave her the same comfort. With Jerry’s will finally settled, the earthworks had commenced to transform his property into a camp for disadvantaged boys. Ryan was a busy man, dealing with all the red tape and government departments involved in the venture.
‘Swaledales, swaledales . . .’ Dan let the word roll around his mouth. ‘Well, they look pretty fierce.’
‘Tough as old boots,’ Ryan replied.
Kait let the conversation between Ryan and Dan slide over her. She was mesmerised by the landscape. The snow was piled high on the leeward side of the walls, settling in deep hollows and hiding among hardy plants. Flurries of snow blew across the ground, and eddies of white spun off the tops of the walls. The skies were leaden. More snow by nightfall, the publican had warned them.
It was exactly as Julia had described it. Kait hoped it would give Dan another strong memory of his grandparents.
It had taken almost twelve months to unravel the mess Speedy had left behind. Once that was done, the intransigent Immigration Department had finally issued Dan with a passport. Without Ryan turning each new official letter into something to laugh at she would have lost patience. Ryan’s playfulness, his tendency to pull practical jokes, made her wonder some days if Dan hadn’t gained a big brother rather than a father figure. Either way, her boy had blossomed, and she had learnt to laugh again without reservation.
It had been a long year. There was no way to prove whether Speedy’s claims of sexual abuse by his stepfather were true or not. But what difference would it make, anyway? It had been Speedy’s reality. He believed it had happened and so many of his choices were bound up in that fact. Once he’d murdered his mother and stepfather, his course had been set. And the proof in his diaries made it very clear their deaths were not accidental.
The investigation into his death had dragged on. The footage taken by Morgan’s crew as they circled over Kait’s house was compelling if painful viewing. It took several forensic experts to piece all the evidence inside the house together. The gun wrapped in plastic had been crucial. She was glad Ryan had been so careful at such a time. Kaitlyn felt sure his boss had applied a great deal of heat from his side, too.
With Ryan in their lives Kaitlyn had initially returned to work. It hadn’t been easy. Dan had gone back to school a hero in the new year, until the day he came home in tears. Someone, in the rough and tumble of the schoolyard, had called his mother a murderer. For a week Kaitlyn had wavered, before resigning from her job. Oddly enough, Tony had then offered her part-time work in a training role. Maybe he did care about his staff after all. She’d accepted, and now drove down the range five days a fortnight. It was still a juggling act, but with Ryan around someone was always at home for Dan.
‘Hey, there’s a horse like Jack.’ Dan tugged at her sleeve. ‘Bet Nero would like him, too.’
‘Probably a bit bigger than Jack, but he is brown with a white blaze and four white socks, you’re quite right,’ Kait replied.
‘So, can I have a new saddle for my birthday?’
‘We’ll see.’ Kait met Ryan’s gaze over her son’s head. Jack the pony had been a runaway success at Dan’s last birthday. It would be difficult to top that this year, but a saddle was already on order. Ryan had suggested it. He’d made a lot of good suggestions. Her heart lifted at the memory of him telling her it was unlikely the dirty clothes would stage a mutiny if they festered in the laundry basket for two or three days. Without realising it, she’d taken on Julia’s obsession with cleanliness, filling the washing machine with clothes that had barely been stripped from their wearer. A coping mechanism.
And now they were here, where it had all started for her parents. Where, in many ways, it had started for the three of them.
‘Careful on the wood. It might be slippery,’ Kait cautioned Dan as they reached the timber jetty.
‘Yeah, yeah.’
He went to hurry ahead, but Ryan’s hand shot out, pulling him back between them. ‘Steady. I’m not diving in after you, Danny boy.’
Dan rolled his eyes and clutched the box tighter. The wind felt warmer here, coming straight off the water.
Finally, they stood together on the platform over the lake. Kait had no idea if sprinkling ashes like this was even legal, but she had to honour her mother’s wish. They’d already replanted the rose garden around the house and scattered her parents’ ashes on each precious bush, but she’d saved some. This was where it had started. This was where it would end, with Stephen and Julia together.
‘You do it, Mum.’ Daniel handed the box to her. She took it, but held tight to his hand.
‘To
gether?’ she asked.
He nodded and she crouched down next to him, feeling the protection of Ryan’s body behind her. Daniel’s hair was a bright flame against the sombre sky.
The lid came off easily and she tucked it in her pocket. The fine white ash was already trying to swirl out of the box, as if it knew its way home.
She offered it to Dan, still gripping the bottom. Together, they tipped it into the lake.
The wind took the ash and spread it in a shimmering trail. It floated on the water and drifted away from them in a silver ribbon. When the box was empty, Dan let go and she felt his hand touch a teardrop on her cheek, before he let it rest on her shoulder.
‘Don’t be sad, Mum. They’re together now. Nana will be happy.’ His solemn face broke her. ‘Just like we are.’
The sob caught in her throat and she brushed tears from her cheeks as she covered his hand with hers.
Ryan held out his hand and she took it, feeling the strength, the connection in it. He brought her to her feet and enveloped them both in his arms. They stood there, wrapped together, as the lightest of snowflakes dusted across Ryan’s dark coat.
Ryan’s warmth, Ryan’s love, was shelter from the cold.
It felt so right, so real, so enduring.
She’d found a love like her parents’; a love forged in fire that grew stronger, not weaker, because of that tempering heat.
Author’s Note
While Burning Lies is a work of fiction I have drawn on real organisations, like Border Protection Command, for the framework and inspiration. I also refer to bushfires in Canberra, but the ones in the book are not the tragic events of 2003 and I don’t wish to cause offence or distress to those who lost so much through them. What is real, however, is the use of aircraft during fire events to track arsonists. Aircraft can provide incredibly effective airborne detection capabilities that are vital for the police and fire services.
I also wish to pay tribute to the volunteers who fight fires in Australia. Queensland’s Rural Fire Brigade play a crucial role in this story and I have nothing but admiration for the men and women who give their time so freely in the defence of their neighbourhoods and towns.
