Breed of Envy (The Breed Chronicles, #02)

by Jordan, Lanie

  I shrugged.

  Linc stopped pacing and turned back to face Doc. He cast me a glance (mostly a scowl) and raised his eyebrows. “Thought you said your hand was fine.”

  “It is fine.”

  Doc stormed over to the TT. “Her knuckles had hairline fractures, which is far from fine.”

  Linc’s expression went to shock. “Why the hell were you back in class with broken knuckles?”

  “Fractured.”

  He rolled his eyes at my comment. “Whatever.”

  “My knuckles,” I said, emphasizing the word, “were hurt.”

  Doc’s steely gaze met mine. “I said you could go back to your classes, but that you couldn’t participate until today, until I’d had a chance to make sure they were really healing properly.”

  “Oh, she participated all right,” Linc said.

  They were both talking to me or about me, but their voices were garbled in my head. My heart started to pound.

  “What?” Doc’s tone was just barely under a yell and her eyes went huge. “You’re not acting like yourself, Jade. You’re disregarding the rules, not worrying about your body. You’re short with everyone.”

  Linc nodded to Doc. “She’s been acting weird for the past week.”

  I started to hear buzzing in my ears and my hands curled into fists. I opened my mouth to say something, but Doc rambled on before I could manage to find words to say.

  “What has gotten into you?” Doc lifted her hands and then dropped them, like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. “Why are you acting like this? Are you trying to hurt yourself? You heal quickly, but even you’re not invincible, Jade.”

  “I never said I was.” I didn’t think it, either. No one was invincible. No one was safe.

  “Then why are you acting like this? Are you trying to get yourself kicked out then? Because if that’s what you want, you’re going about it the right way.”

  “I don’t want that!” I finally managed, practically yelling. “I don’t want kicked out!”

  One of the machines started making a weird beeping sound. Doc turned away from me and walked back to the computer console. I wasn’t really trying to look at her, but my gaze was in her direction, so I saw when she looked down at the monitors and then back up to me. Her face was slightly paler. “Jade…”

  Linc looked from me to Doc. “What is it?”

  My heart pounded faster and faster.

  “Calm down, Jade.” Doc ran forward as I ripped the electrodes from my body and tossed them aside. “Just wait, and I’ll take them off for you.”

  I kept pulling them away, and then yanked the IV from my arm.

  Doc pulled a cotton ball from her pocket and tried putting it against my skin, to stop the trickle of blood from my arm, but I just dodged out of her way, unable to hold still another second.

  “What are you doing, Jade?” Linc demanded.

  “Linc! Leave her alone.”

  I backed out of the scanner and away from Doc and Linc, shaking my head as I moved. I didn’t know what I was shaking it at, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t catch my breath, and white and black spots were floating all around me, like big pieces of dust.

  “Jade,” Doc started, her tone calm as she slowly walked toward me, “let us help you. Just come sit down. We can talk about it. Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

  “You can’t fix it!”

  “We can try, Jade.”

  “You can’t fix the dead!” I shouted. And then I did sit, but only because my legs collapsed underneath me. “You can’t bring them back. You can’t do anything. They’re just gone and nothing anyone does will change that. I can’t even find the stupid demon and get justice for them.” The words just poured out of my mouth and I couldn’t stop them. “I tried to find it, I did, but I can’t. I don’t remember enough about it, and the stupid books will only let me look through so many at a time. And—”

  Doc glanced at Linc and whispered something to him.

  My vision blurred from tears. “I can’t help them.”

  “Jade.” Doc’s tone was soft, which, of course, made me cry even harder. “You need to calm down, Jade. Slow your breathing. In and out,” she coaxed.

  Dimly, I realized I probably was breathing too fast. In my chest, my heart was still thundering like a racehorse on a track. I tried focusing on her words through the buzzing but it didn’t really help. My chest was actually hurting, my head was bounding, and I was really lightheaded. Catching my breath was nearly impossible.

  The door opened and shut again a few minutes later and I heard multiple sets of footsteps.

  Doc laid her hand on my arm briefly, but when I flinched, she stood and walked away. I heard Greene and Linc’s voices. They were all speaking in low tones. Normally, if I’d tried, I was sure I’d be able to hear their words. But I couldn’t now. I couldn’t hear anything over my harsh breathing and the buzzing in my ears.

  After another minute, I distinctly heard Linc mutter ‘shit’ under his breath, and in the next second, he was kneeling down beside me. His arms wrapped around me, even when I tried pushing him away, and held me tight. His hand was at the back of my head, pressing it against his neck. “I’m so sorry, Jade,” he said. He kept murmuring words to me, even though half the time I had no idea what he was saying, or if he was even saying anything.

  I had no idea how long we’d stayed like that, but eventually, I started to focus on his breathing and counted the beats of his heart. Like him, they were steady, strong, never faltering. I didn’t know if I was imagining it or not, but it seemed like his heart was beating harder than normal, or maybe I was just confusing his with mine.

  Slowly, I began to realize that focusing on his breathing slowed my own. My heart was still going crazy, but it almost matched the beats of Linc’s heart.

  Unfortunately, my head still felt like it had mini-jackhammers going off inside it.

  I sniffled and felt Linc shift. He raised his head and pulled back slowly. “If you snot on me, Hall…”

  The unexpected Linc-like threat/warning shocked a small laugh out of me. I wiped my face, glared up at him. “It’d be an improvement, and we both know it.”

  Behind his back, Doc’s eyes went wide and her mouth was slack. Her shoulders fell and she had this I-can’t-believe-he-said-that look.

  I pointed to Doc. “I think you offended Doc.”

  When he glanced over his shoulder, I quickly wiped my face again and brushed the hair from my eyes.

  He looked at me, shrugged. “She’ll get over it.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Greene motion for Doc to follow him, and together they walked out of the room.

  Linc glanced over his shoulder again when the door shut. Turning back, his eyes met mine and he lowered his forehead to mine. “Why didn’t you say anything, Jade?” he whispered.

  My eyes heated again but I forced them to stay dry and just shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought I’d be okay.”

  “You should have told someone that tomorrow was the day—that tomorrow was when it happened. Greene usually gives Prospects time off if they need it. Heck, he usually makes us take the time off, even if we don’t think we need it.”

  I shrugged again, trying to catch my breath enough to answer. “I thought I could get by okay. If I stayed—”

  “Stayed busy. Yeah, I get that.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, sighed. I didn’t say anything again until the tears dried and I could breathe without it being painful. “Last year wasn’t this bad.”

  “Where were you? At the place you were staying before you joined?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. The Pond.”

  “You never really talk about it.”

  I made a face and shrugged. “I guess there really isn’t much to talk about. I hated it there, but that’s not exactly a secret.”

  “So why was it different there?”

  “I couldn’t not be okay,” I said, slumping down even more. I was exhausted. “I didn’
t have room to be. Any kind of weakness or shown emotion was a bad thing there. Those girls could smell it on you. I was there over a year, and almost every single one of those days, I was in a fight with someone.”

  Linc nodded. “I get it. You had to stay on guard.”

  “Yeah.” I let out a breath. “When I first got there, I tried being nice to people, you know? I wasn’t exactly friendly, but I tried staying under everyone’s radar, which backfired. If I was being nice, they saw it as me being passive-aggressive or phony. If I didn’t say anything, then I was being stuck up, thinking I was better than they were. The only time I was ever happy at that place was when I went to school, mainly because it meant eight hours away from Fishface—Mrs. Gill, the woman who ran the house. I really liked going to school, even though I was usually in trouble there, too.”

  Linc tapped my head gently. “That brain of yours get you into trouble?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Something like that. I was always ahead and my grades were good. I only shared a few classes with a couple of the other girls, but when they wanted to cheat off of me…”

  “You politely declined.”

  “Well, it wasn’t so polite by that point, but yeah, basically. They hated being there and figured out I didn’t, and since I wasn’t going to help them, they did what they could to get me kicked out.”

  “How?”

  “One of them brought a knife to school and started a fight with me.”

  Linc’s hand gripped my arm, almost painfully tight. “Were you hurt?”

  Immediately, I shook my head. “No. She wasn’t trying to hurt me, at least not then—just get me in trouble. Which worked. We both got kicked out and they didn’t let us come back. Or maybe Mrs. Gill, or whoever is in charge of that kind of thing, didn’t try. I’m not sure which.” I shook my head again. “That’s beside the point.”

  “The point is,” he continued for me, “you couldn’t grieve for your family, even if you’d wanted to. I understand. It was a little different for me, since I still had my parents around, but they were trying to move on and I couldn’t, so mentioning my sister’s name just brought everything back for them.” He lowered his gaze and took a deep breath. “Trust me, if anyone will understand, it’s me, and practically everyone else at the CGE—even the ones who pretend otherwise. We’re all dealing with our losses, whatever they were.”

  It made me sad that he, along with all the other Prospects, could relate with me, but at the same time, I was kind of glad I wasn’t alone. I let out a loud sigh that sounded more like a huge, embarrassing sniffle. “So, how much trouble do you think I’m in?”

  “Probably none. Greene might make you take a few days off, but you won’t be in any trouble. Like I said, almost everyone has been through the same thing, and most react…badly. You’re hardly the first one to go a little off the deep end.” He grinned, lightning fast. “Though, of the few people I’ve seen go a little—” He made circles with his forefinger at his temple. “—yours was the most impressive. You did it with style, Hall.”

  I rolled my eyes. If there was any style with my mini breakdown, it was all bad.

  “I wish you would have told someone, though. I wouldn’t have been so annoying about Halloween, and I know Tasha wouldn’t have either.”

  “I didn’t know how to. And you and everyone else were all excited about it, so I didn’t want to mess it up for you guys.”

  Linc shook his head at me. “So instead you make it harder on yourself. That was just dumb.”

  “Well, you’re the one who tutored me last Phase, so I guess I’m learning from the best.”

  “That was cold, Hall. Cold.”

  “But it was good. You have to give me credit for that.”

  His smile was lopsided as he got to his feet. “C’mon.” He grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. “Wait here a second. I’m going to go find Doc and see if we can get out of here.”

  I watched as Linc walked out of the room and took a deep breath. The second the door closed, I wiped my face for what felt like the umpteenth time. Looking around, I glanced at the TT and almost laughed. When I’d ripped all the electrodes off, apparently I’d managed to get two of them to stick to the glass. Hopefully I didn’t ruin anything. Greene would probably forgive a lot, but ruining something that cost millions would probably be pushing it. I quickly put my clothes back on while I was alone.

  Linc came back a minute later. He strolled right up to me, clutched my hand in his, and wordlessly led me out. I expected to see Doc and Greene standing outside, but they weren’t there and I was glad. I wasn’t ready to face them just yet. I probably had dozens of apologies to dish out. But I couldn’t handle it yet.

  Instead of taking the elevator, Linc had us take the stairs up.

  “Why the stairs?” I asked, genuinely curious. We didn’t usually take them.

  “Less traffic.” He shrugged.

  Less traffic, which meant smaller chances of people seeing me looking like a blubbery mess. That was Linc, always thinking ahead, always looking out for my best interest. I paused on the stairs and waited until Linc did the same. Then I turned, threw my arms around his neck. “Thanks, Linc.”

  When I released him, he gave me a curious-frown look. “For?”

  “For…being you. Giving me space when I need it, knowing what I need before I do or before I can even say it.” He just…knew me, without having to know everything. I laughed when the overwhelming urge to cry or hug him again struck me, and then I rolled my eyes dramatically. “And for being annoying and bossy. You know, the usual stuff.”

  His trademark half-smile appeared slowly. “Anytime.” I started to walk again, but he grabbed my hand to keep me from moving. The smile was gone, and his tone was serious when he said, “And I mean that, Jade. I’ve got your back. Anytime, anyplace.”

  CHAPTER 07

  Linc and I spent practically the entire night on the catwalk. We left long enough to shovel some food in our mouths, then made our way back up and just sat quietly, watching the night sky and some impromptu falling stars. By the time Linc walked me back to my room, we were both exhausted. I had to lean against the wall to keep my balance while he tried to get my door open. Once I was in bed and tucked in, he stumbled his way out again and nearly walked into my door.

  The next time I woke up, I forgot what day it was for a split second. The first thing I remembered, or thought of, was Linc. How he’d spent most of his night just talking with me and being his usual Linc self, and how he’d all but tucked me in. But then I heard chatter, strange noises, and I remembered. Halloween. The day was here.

  Two years ago today I lost my mother and brother.

  I couldn’t stop the tears that fell, and I didn't even try because I knew it’d be useless. I focused on remembering the good stuff, like mom baking. The small things, the big things. Anything but…that day.

  I closed my eyes and lay there motionless while the worst of the storm passed, until my face dried. When it was, I went in for a long, soothing shower before I had to tackle the day. As much as I wanted to, and despite it being suggested to me by Linc, I couldn’t just spend the weekend hiding. Sooner or later, I’d have to face people.

  Dressed and hair brushed, I opened my door. And then I stopped as I came within inches of walking into someone dressed as…I wasn’t even sure. A green glob? A pile of seaweed? Before I could ask, I spotted Tasha and her costume. Everything she wore was gold—even her hair. And her eyes, I discovered when she got closer. She had a beautiful yet simple gold gown on with a lacy front. It was nearly skin tight and showed her curves, which most of the guys seemed to pay special attention to when they walked by her. She had on heels that might as well have been stilts. And the fake wings at her back fluttered and sparkled.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “You look great, Tasha!”

  “I do, don’t I?”

  Linc walked up behind her. “And modest as ever,” he said, winking at me. He leaned forward until his mouth was near
my ear. “You doing okay? We can get out of here if you want.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. Part of me did want to get out of there, away from the noise and costumes and smell of candy. But what then? I couldn’t avoid Halloween forever, could I? I couldn’t keep myself locked away every year on this day. I hadn’t before and I wasn’t about to start now. At least not yet. “I’m just going to play it by ear,” I told him. If things got too bad, my room wasn’t going anywhere.

  And if it did get too bad, I wasn’t going to ruin it for Linc or Tasha. Tasha didn’t know what day it was, so if I had to, I’d just make up some lie and excuse myself. I was sure Linc would cover for me.

  “Where’s your costume?” I asked him, eyeing his usual jeans, shirt and over-shirt outfit.

  “Who says I’m not wearing one?”

  I snorted. “I don’t think going as yourself counts as a costume.”

  “I’m going as a kickass demon hunter.” He lifted his over shirt and revealed a holder with a stake in it. “See? Demon Hunter Extraordinaire.”

  I frowned now. “I thought you were going as a demon?”

  He gave a small shrug. “Decided against it.”

  I was pretty sure he wasn’t wearing one because of me, which made me feel bad because I’d messed up his plans. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “But—”

  “It’s not a big deal. Seriously.”

  I made a hmpft sound anyway.

  “There’s Chris,” Tasha said, grinning happily. “Come on. He’s got something planned.”

  Linc and I both rolled our eyes. If he had something planned, odds were it was against the rules.

  “If your new boyfriend gets me kicked out, I’m going to be pissed,” Linc told her.

  She made a choked sound and smacked Linc. “He’s not my boyfriend. Just my partner. For classes, I mean,” she said, talking faster than normal. She might’ve been telling the truth, but if they weren’t a couple already, she wanted to be. And if the looks I’d seen him giving her were any indication, then he wanted the same thing. “Anyways. He doesn’t have anything bad planned.” She paused a moment. “I don’t think.”