“We can’t fail?” Eric asked.
“I said it was hard to fail, not impossible. But if you show that you’ve actually put the work in and did your best, then no, you likely won’t fail.”
“How long do we have?” Linc asked.
I glanced at him briefly, then looked away. I think he saw me, because he clenched his jaw. My stomach sank.
“I want you guys to take your time on this one,” Mr. Sheldon said, “so you have until after spring break. If anyone turns it in before February, I’m going to be mildly unhappy and assume you didn’t take it seriously. This counts for a third of your grade, so keep that in mind.” He pushed away from the desk. “Okay, read the next two chapters sometime before classes start up again, and if you have any time left over, start making lists of the demons that interest you. And…we’re done. Enjoy your break!”
Tasha and I were the last ones to pile out. She tapped my arm. “You’re done with it already, aren’t you?”
“The report? No, I’m not.”
“I don’t think I believe you.”
I frowned. “Mr. Sheldon never told me about it.” Otherwise I probably would’ve been finished with it already, but he really hadn’t mentioned it. I didn’t mind, though. I’d probably do it over Christmas Break. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do.
*~*~*
Tasha volunteered to go with me to my appointment with Doc on Friday since she knew Linc usually went with me. I wanted to say yes, to beg and plead and kiss her well-dressed feet, but it was something I needed to do alone. Wasn’t that why I was in this mess in the first place? Because I’d needed to have my hand held? Because I’d let myself get dependent on Linc? It was time to depend on myself for a change and stop depending on other people, so I declined, sucked it up, and went by myself. I still hated it, but the world didn’t fall on my head and Doc didn’t torture me anymore than usual, so I considered it a success.
Since Friday was the first official day of Christmas Break, everyone was thrilled. Unsurprisingly, I seemed to be the only one who found it depressing.
On the bright side (because I was determined to be in a semi-good mood for the holidays), agents had started decorating the CGE. Every floor now had at least one real tree and half a dozen holo-discs that had holographic trees that could be customized. I probably spent an hour or two every night playing with them, making the trees bigger or smaller, adding and removing tinsil and decorations. It wasn’t quite the same as decorating a real tree, but it was kind of more fun, because I could change it a hundred times a day (which I did whenever I walked by one). There weren’t many Prospects above P2 that played around with them much, but me and a few of the P1s had fun.
After Greene caught me playing with one of the holo-trees on the first floor, he let me have my own. (I was doubly glad he gave me one because every time I even looked at one, Tasha rolled her eyes and shook her head at me.) I had the holo-tree on my dresser, mini-sized so it didn’t disappear into the ceiling (which was both cool and kind of freaky), and even after hours of playing with it, I discovered new things it could do.
At night, I had it play Silent Night and had Santa, with his sleigh and reindeer (Rudolph included!), riding around the treetop. It was dorky and would probably make me look like an idiot if anyone saw me, but I didn’t care. I’d always liked Christmas before, and since I hadn’t been able to do anything Christmasy in two years, I was taking full advantage.
The café court always smelled like cookies and eggnog now. I didn’t touch the eggnog, but I chomped down the cookies like a mad woman. Most of the Prospects (and teachers and agents) spent their time singing Christmas songs at the top of their lungs all hours of the day—and night.
I was heading back to my room on Christmas Eve when I spotted Tasha—or rather, when she spotted me and wouldn’t let me escape. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with us? It’s gonna be great!”
At least a third of the CGE personnel and Prospects were headed to New Orlando tomorrow and staying until Monday. Greene had apparently rented the majority of some fancy hotel for them. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but Tasha said it was mostly because everyone at the CGE would be alone and they (Greene, I assumed) wanted everyone’s holiday to be as good as they could be. So basically, those that were going on the trip were going to have a big, four-day slumber party type deal (Tasha’s words). She’d already asked me three times if I wanted to go, but I kept declining.
I shook my head. “Yeah, I’m sure. You go ahead and have fun.”
“Well, Linc’ll be here doing his training stuff. Maybe you guys—okay, or not,” she added hastily when I glared.
She managed to bring his name into every conversation, like just hearing it over and over again would somehow make things right between the two of us. Much to her dismay, it didn’t, and it was only making things harder on me because I was trying not to think of him. I loved her to death, but Tasha just wasn’t grasping the fact that I didn’t want to hear about him. I didn’t want to hear his name. (It was kinda hard not to think of someone when they were being mentioned every five minutes.)
Tasha let out an impatient breath. “You should just go talk to him. His room is right there.” She pointed.
“Yeah, and mine is right here. You don’t see him knocking on my door, do you?”
“Ugh. You’re both, like, incredibly stubborn. You realize this, right? Too darn pigheaded for your own good. Or mine.”
“We’ll be fine, Tasha. We’ll talk.” Eventually we had to. Right? “But not tonight.”
“He could use a friend, Jade. He’s stressing himself out with this training. I’ve been trying to help him, but he’s getting frustrated easily. He can’t even remember simple stuff—stuff he knows like the back of his hand.”
“I’ll think about it,” I lied. I wasn’t going to think about it, but I knew she’d harass me until she left if I said anything else. She and the others weren’t leaving for at least ten more hours. She could nag me a lot in that time.
She smiled at me. “Good. Now, do you want to grab some cookies?”
“I’m stuffed. And I’m kinda tired.” Another lie. Okay, two, but who was counting? I just wanted to be alone. To brood. “You have fun, okay?”
“If you change your mind…”
“Greene will make arrangements, I know. You’ve told me about a dozen times.” I gave a dramatic eye roll that made her grin.
“Alright. You can call me. They’re posting the number to the hotel…somewhere, I think. I don’t know where, but someone’s bound to have it.”
“I will. Just have fun.”
Tasha wasn’t big on hugging usually, but she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me. “Try to smile, okay? And talk to Linc. At least tell him Merry Christmas.” She made a motion over her lips like they were a zipper. “And that’s all I’m saying about that.”
I almost laughed, because I was sure it’d take more than a zipper to keep Tasha quiet.
“You’re impossible. Now go. I’m sure you need to recheck your bag or something. What if you take the wrong shoes?” I didn’t know a wrong pair from a right pair. As long as they fit and had nice colors, I wasn’t picky. But Tasha was. She was downright obsessive and had more shoes than I had…well, anything. I was pretty sure if I counted everything I owned, Tasha would have more shoes than that.
Her eyes went wide. “Oooh. I should do that. You’re smart, Jade. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”
I laughed. “Now go.”
She sashayed away and then blew me a kiss over her shoulder.
“She’s crazy but loveable,” I muttered to myself as I escaped into my room before she could think to stop me.
*~*~*
I ended up making an unliar of myself about the whole tired thing, because as soon as my head hit the pillow and my eyes closed, they didn’t open again until the next morning. And they only opened then because Tasha had banged on my door until I answered it. She demanded—at seven—th
at I see her and the others off for their trip.
I did, but just barely. I was bleary and still half-asleep, so as soon as the bus was driving down the driveway, I’d been headed back to my room. I might’ve napped in the elevator, because I really didn’t remember the ride at all.
When I woke again, much later, it was to the sounds of laughter, running feet, and my holo-tree Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho!’ over and over in this really hissy and really creepy voice. I stumbled over to turn it off. Did I mention it was really creepy?
My clothes from yesterday were still on, because I’d only meant to lie down and read, and then I hadn’t been awake enough to change after seeing Tasha off.
After a quick shower and change of clothes, I did my normal morning-stuff routine (albeit really late, since it was now mid-afternoon), which included reading mom’s journal and writing in my own. Mom’s entry was short again, as it seemed to be around holidays. She talked about her and her friends’ plan for Christmas break and dad again. Unlike me, mom and her friends actually wanted to get out of the CGE for a while, so they’d opted to leave. It wasn’t as a big of a deal back then, according to what she’d written, but they still went out on Christmas Eve and came back the next evening, so at least they got a full day away from the CGE.
I sprawled across my bed with my journal open in front of me. I hadn’t dried my hair yet (it was still in a towel), so beads of water dripped on the pages. I just wiped them away and wrote over them, though half of my words were blurry.
Dear Journal
It’s Christmas Eve. I’m trying to stay in a good mood and be excited about it, even if it’s only for the day, but I’m really just not feeling it. It doesn’t seem like Christmastime. Or maybe it seems like Christmastime, but only in the bad way. The bad, I’m-still-alone-and-have-no-one-to-celebrate-with way. My own fault, really. Wasn’t I the one who told Tasha to go and have fun? Maybe I should’ve gone with her. I might not’ve really had a good time, but it probably would’ve been better than this, staying here, being alone.
I would just use this time to study, but Mr. Sheldon found out that was my plan and he locked me out of my texts. I can’t even get on the DD to do any work there. I thought teachers were supposed to be all for studying? How’d I get stuck with probably the only one in the entire state who said I studied too much?
It’s been a while since I’ve done anything for Christmas. Last year really sucked. The year before wasn’t quite as bad in some ways, but it was so much worse in others. I’d been with a nice family. But they were just that, a family, and it just reminded me that I wasn’t part of it, not really. They didn’t say anything to make me feel that way. They tried to include me, I know they did. It was just little things that got to me. Like Teresa (the mom) who would just tug on her daughter Lauren’s hair, or the looks John (the dad) would give them both. It was sweet, full of love. But it just made me miss that stuff so much more.
My mom had only been gone a few months by then, so I wasn’t handling things well. Really, they tried their best, so I know it wasn’t them. I should’ve probably just stuck around. It might’ve gotten better or easier or…I don’t know. But I couldn’t handle it there. Everything was just so…suffocating. I cried at everything, especially the good things, because I’d had that and I missed it more and more.
I didn’t realize I’d started crying until I could taste salt on my lips. I wiped my eyes, took a steady breath. Think happy thoughts, I told myself. Happy thoughts.
Anyway. This Christmas will be better. It has to be. I can handle that stuff better. I hope. And if I can’t…then I’ll just fake it or something.
My face was dry and stiffish from tears, so I closed the journals, hid them, and then splashed water on my cheeks. It was time to face the day, even if I didn’t want to. The rumbling in my stomach was enough to convince me that I needed food if nothing else, so I headed down to the café court.
Those who were still around were decked out in Christmas colors, sitting around the café court eating cookies, drinking milk, and laughing. A few guys were out in the halls, dangling mistletoe over girls’ head while chasing them and making kissy sounds. It should have been quieter since half the Prospects were gone, but somehow, the noise levels had risen to an all-new high.
I stayed in the café court for an hour just watching people, then spent some time outside, sitting on the bleachers or walking around the track. When it got too chilly out, I retreated back inside and just roamed around.
I vaguely remembered seeing people on ladders earlier (as Tasha dragged me outside) attaching small discs to different parts of the ceilings. I’d had no idea what they’d been doing at the time, but at nine o’clock on the dot, Christmas music blasted out of the discs and it started to snow inside the building. Almost everyone who’d been doing something else stopped to watch the holo-snow fall. It was the prettiest thing I’d seen. Most of us, I guessed by the gawking, had lived in Florida our entire lives, so we hadn’t really seen snow. I only remembered one year where it snowed a little, but that’d been it, just some twenty-minute fluke of nature.
I couldn’t help but smile. I almost turned and ran to get Linc, but then I remembered we weren’t really talking and that he’d probably already seen it last year, assuming the CGE had done the same thing.
You’re keeping your good mood, damnit, I chastised. I’d been in a bad mood for weeks now. I was going to enjoy one day. That was all there was to it. There was plenty of time to brood tomorrow. And the rest of the Phase.
I sighed when my little internal pep-talk didn’t work. I missed Tasha.
Hell, I was missing Linc, too. I really missed him and I didn’t like it one bit.
My head was okay with being alone, and I could use logic and trick it into thinking it was better that way, but my heart didn’t agree.
Over half a dozen times over the day, whenever I walked by his door, I’d found myself standing outside it, with my hand raised, ready to knock, but I always ended up just shaking my head and walking away. Then I paced in my room for the next hour, torn between anger at myself for not talking to him, and then anger at him for not talking to me. It became a vicious circle.
I was back in my room now, pacing out of restlessness, boredom, anger, and all the other various emotions I was feeling. There were too many to even think about, and most of them contradicted each other, which somehow made them all worse.
I stopped in the middle of my room, dropped my hands to my sides angrily. My gaze went to the far wall—the one closest to Linc’s room, even though there was a room between ours. I glared at the wall, silently hoping it’d burn a hole through it. Of course, it didn’t.
Letting out a frustrated growl, I stormed over to my desk, grabbed my ID and tablet, then stormed out of my room and down to Linc’s. I raised my hand again, ready to pound on the door and demand…something. “Damnit.” I let out another breath, cursing myself for being so indecisive, and then quickly rapped on the door before I could change my mind for the umpteenth time.
Linc answered almost immediately. His expression held surprise, quickly followed by a guarded look that might’ve been anger or annoyance. “What do you need, Jade?”
The rough tone stung and made me angry. I focused on the anger and, walking past him, invited myself into his room.
“I’m busy, Jade.”
“Yeah, and?” I glanced around his room. His tablet was on his bed. The blanket was half on the floor and the sheets were pulled out at the foot of the bed. It looked like he hadn’t made it in days. “You’ve got what, like, three weeks left to memorize everything you can before Greene will let you hunt?”
“I’ve got it under control.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “Oh, yeah? Tell me then, why’s the demon so hard to kill?” I asked him. When he didn’t answer, I shook my head. “It’s a simple question.”
“I don’t have time for games.”
“I don’t remember saying I was here for them. You
need help, and don’t deny it. Tasha already told me.”
“Tasha has a big mouth and should mind her own business.”
I shrugged. “You’ll have to take that up with her, and you can tell her your thoughts on that, ‘cause I’m not that insane.”
It didn’t make him smile like I’d hoped, but it softened his expression just a little. Not a lot, but I’d take it.
It didn’t mean I’d back down though. In fact, it only made me even more determined to help. “Do you know the answer?”
He threw his hands in the air. “I don’t. Is that what you wanted to hear? I don’t know the answer.”
“No, it’s not what I wanted to hear, you idiot. But it proves my point. You. Need. Help.”
He ran his hand over his head. “Shouldn’t you be…somewhere?”
“Like where? In New Orlando for the big Christmas party? Didn’t really want to spend my Christmas stuck in a hotel with Rachel and her friends.” My stomach started that eating-itself feeling, but my hands went to my hips anyway. “I’m not here for conversation, Stone. You need help; I’m here to offer it. End of discussion. If you really don’t want it, then just say so. I hate this awkward crap.” The awkward crap being me in his room, still torn between smacking him and wanting to hug him. Or maybe both, in either order.
He sighed. For the longest moment, I thought he was going to send me away. I hadn’t planned on that reaction and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it. Heck, I hadn’t planned on coming over here and offering help, either. I was still mad and hurt and confused, but this was important to him, and even if he didn’t want me involved and even if it wasn’t my business, I’d do what I could to help him.
Breed of Envy (The Breed Chronicles, #02) Page 16
