by Ivy Smoak
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
“Hi.” God, I couldn’t be alone with him in a random hallway. If Matt saw us together he’d be so beyond pissed.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” James said. “I just saw you going to the library and figured it would be a good place to talk.”
He clearly knew this apartment better than I did. “I don’t really have time to chat right now. I left Matt with Isabella. Do you have any idea where the living room is?”
He laughed. “Back that way to the left.” He pointed over his shoulder.
“Great.” I tried to step around him, but he stepped the same way, trying to let me pass, and we both laughed.
“Actually, while I have you, I did want to give you something.” He pulled out something from his pocket.
And for just a second I had a terrible feeling that he was about to propose again.
“What’s with the face?” He held up a thumb drive. “It looked like you were worried I was about to pull a prank on you instead of Isabella.”
Yeah, something like that. “Sorry. What is that?”
He handed the thumb drive to me. “Your completed project for your entrepreneurial studies class.”
“Wait, completed project? You were only supposed to do the coding.”
He shrugged. “I figured with Matt and Rob fighting it would be hard for you to finish. Now you don’t have to worry about it.”
Wow, that was really nice. “Thanks, James. But that wasn’t necessary.”
“It was no problem.” He gave me one of his real smiles. The ones it seemed like he reserved just for me.
“But it wasn’t necessary. You and Matt are about to be friends again,” I said. “Because the deal was…”
“That we’d talk to him.” James shrugged. “Doesn’t mean we’ll magically be friends again. He kissed my girlfriend.”
“And you kissed me.”
“True. And I don’t feel an ounce of remorse. It was a great kiss.”
I could feel my cheeks getting red. “Well, don’t say that when you talk to Matt. How about you try apologizing instead?”
“That wasn’t part of the deal, Brooklyn. You just said we had to talk.”
“You know what I meant.”
“Did I?”
“James!”
He laughed. “I’m just messing with you. I’ll talk to him. I’ll be nice and everything. I promise.”
“There you guys are,” Rob said and ran over to us. He seemed out of breath, which was weird because I knew he was in great shape. Soccer players had to be.
What had he been doing?
“Everything’s all set for the prank,” Rob said. “Last chance to back out, Sanders.”
I took a deep breath. Isabella was never going to stop messing with me unless I stood up to her. And it was a hell of a lot easier having James and Rob’s help to do it. This was my one shot to put her in her place. In front of her whole family. And it seemed like my only chance of fixing the Untouchables too. “No. I want to go through with it.”
“Good,” said Rob. “Because I had to work my ass off to get everything ready. You two were no help. Especially you, Sanders. You never gave me the blueprints, so I had to go on a crazy hunt to find the person that renovated this place several years ago. And then I had to bribe them to get the layout.” He shook his head. “It took hours. You’re welcome.”
“What?” Our prank was simple. And it all happened in the dining room. He knew exactly where that was. “Rob…you didn’t need blueprints.” I felt like we’d had this conversation a hundred times over text already.
“Yeah I did.” He winked at me.
“No, you didn’t.”
Rob laughed. “So much pudding.”
I shook my head. “I thought we agreed on just a little bit of pudding.”
“Right. That’s what I meant. Pudding ratios are all about perspective.”
Okay. At least I knew what the prank involved, or else I’d be worried that he had something else up his sleeve. But I knew for a fact there was no pudding up his sleeves. He was wearing a white dress shirt. That would have been a disaster.
“So you’ve got everything covered?” I asked.
“Mhm,” Rob said. “I even moved around a few place cards so that I could sit right next to the troll.”
James laughed.
“Great.” I took another deep breath, forcing myself not to back down from this. “Let’s do this.”
Rob put his hand out. James put his hand on top of his brother’s.
“Do the thing,” Rob said and nodded toward their hands.
I laughed and put my hand on top of theirs.
“Operation Disappearing Troll on three,” Rob said.
All three of us yelled it and laughed.
I couldn’t wait to see Isabella’s face.
***
I was pretty sure Rob had moved around more than a few place cards. Because he also had me sitting between him and James. And Matt was sitting across from us. Like some kind of weird spectator of the awkwardness. What the hell?
Rob tapped the seat beside his. “Sanders sandwich.”
Not happening.
“Ignore him,” Matt said. He grabbed my place card and switched it with Isabella’s evil cousin, Poppy, so that I’d be sitting next to him and that the Hunters would be forming a very snooty sandwich instead.
“No, not Poppy,” James said. “She’s the worst.” He tried to switch her place card with someone else’s just as Poppy walked into the room. James quickly switched it with his own and slid into the seat next to his brother.
Poppy seemed happy about her spot. But Isabella didn’t look nearly as pleased when she walked into the room and saw the seating arrangement. Apparently she wasn’t excited to sit next to Rob.
“No way is this right. James, switch with Rob,” Isabella said.
“Nah,” James said. “I’m good.”
Isabella huffed.
And Matt actually laughed. Almost like he would have when all the Untouchables were still friends. It was the first time I’d seen him not hostile with them in ages.
Mason sat down next to me and laughed too. I was very much aware of the fact that I was still a Sanders sandwich…just between the Caldwells instead of the Hunters. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I would have been perfectly comfortable if Rob hadn’t kept winking at me.
“Is something wrong with your eye?” I asked Rob.
“Nope.” Rob lifted up the bowl of chocolate pudding in front of him. “Pudding, Wizzy?”
“Bite me.”
“But it’s a Hunter family tradition. The Thanksgiving pudding of…prosperity and health. If you don’t eat any, you’ll have a year of bad luck.”
“Stop talking to me or you’ll have a year of bad luck,” she said.
Rob winked at me again.
Stop it.
“What’s going on?” Matt asked as he looked back and forth between me and Rob.
“Nothing,” Rob and I both said at the same time.
Great, now it didn’t sound like nothing. I looked down the long dining room table, searching for a good distraction. There were dozens of people here. Surely someone could say something to shift the focus off me and Rob. I sighed with relief as my dad stood up at the head of the table. He lightly tapped his knife against his glass, easily silencing the room.
“Thank you all for coming tonight,” he said. “Once a year we all get together to celebrate our family. And tonight we have a new addition. Princess, I am so lucky that you’ve found your way back into my life.”
Everyone turned to stare at me. And despite what my dad said, I didn’t feel like part of the family. I felt like an intruder. Especially with the way Isabella was staring at me. And Poppy. And even a few of the “uncles.”
I tried to focus on my dad instead of on all the haters.
“And I expect everyone to welcome you with open arms,” he said.
It sound
ed more like a threat than a toast. I gulped.
“A toast. To family. To new beginnings. To a wonderful year ahead.” He lifted up his glass. “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.” He tapped his glass against his wife’s.
For just a second my eyes locked with Mrs. Pruitt’s. She was staring at me in the same way that Isabella always did. Like my time had come. And I saw her in a whole new light now. She was the real mobster. My dad had married into this mess. Was she the one controlling the strings? Was that why there was unrest with the families? Was that why everyone was staring at me like I didn’t belong?
Matt tapped his glass against mine. “To family,” he whispered in my ear.
I tried to take a deep breath. It didn’t matter if this family hated me. The family I was marrying into didn’t. “To family,” I said and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Matt was my real family.
Everyone started clinking glasses and drinking their champagne.
I turned to watch Isabella take a sip of hers. And I couldn’t help but smile. It was game time.
Chapter 37
Thursday
The first signs of Isabella’s discomfort were her wiggling in her chair. I swore I even saw a gleam of sweat on her forehead.
I didn’t think anyone else noticed.
But when her stomach started gurgling? A few people at the table started to look over at her.
“Are you feeling alright?” Rob asked. He looked so freaking happy.
“I’m fine, twerp,” Isabella said. She lifted her champagne flute and downed the rest.
Oh no.
Rob’s eyes grew round.
“Oh, shit,” James said under his breath. And then he just laughed.
I don’t think any of us had expected Isabella to drink all of her champagne. That wasn’t part of the plan.
“You okay?” Matt asked me. He put his hand on my thigh. “You look a little pale, baby.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” But I wasn’t. I was pretty sure my stomach suddenly felt as upset as Isabella’s was about to. I just wanted a little payback. Not a real accident. Just a teensy tiny threat of an accident would have been enough for our prank to work.
“How much did you put in there?” I tried to mouth silently to Rob.
He just shrugged. But it looked like he was about to burst out laughing.
Oh God. Rob had really had to encourage me about the laxatives part of the plan to begin with. But he insisted that they were necessary. I never thought she’d down the whole glass. This was bad. Really, really bad.
Isabella’s stomach gurgled even louder.
Poppy leaned forward to see where the noise was coming from.
Isabella grabbed her napkin and wiped off her forehead.
She looked…sick. Damn it, this wasn’t part of the plan! She was just supposed to feel uncomfortable and stand up to excuse herself. Simple as that. But Isabella didn’t move at all. She just kept sitting there, her stomach gurgling more and more.
Her cheeks puffed up like she was going to barf, but she swallowed whatever it was back down. But the air still had to come out of somewhere. So she farted. Loudly.
My mouth dropped open.
Someone’s fork clattered onto their plate.
“Excuse you, Rob,” Isabella said.
“That wasn’t me,” he said. “That was all you, Wizzy.”
“No it was not.” Her stomach gurgled again. It looked like she was dying to get up. But now if she did, it would basically be a confession that she was the one that farted.
It didn’t matter though. Because she farted again, even louder this time.
Okay, maybe it was a little funny. I pressed my lips together so I wouldn’t giggle.
Isabella’s face contorted with pain. There was no way to explain her way out of this. Everyone had to know it was her.
“If you’ll excuse me for one second,” Isabella said. “I think I left my…curling iron on.” She grabbed her stomach.
Rob laughed. “You better hurry, Wizzy. You don’t want another accident like that pool one. I can think of a pretty endless list of new and improved poop-themed nicknames.”
She elbowed him in the neck as she stood up.
“Ow,” Rob said.
Isabella farted again so loudly that every single person at the table had to have heard it.
I tried my best not to laugh. This was horrifying. And maybe we had taken it a little too far. But it was kind of hilarious too.
Poppy gasped as Isabella walked by. “Oh my God, Isabella. Gross!” she said.
“What?” Isabella looked down at the back of her dress where Poppy was pointing.
Rob had slipped some of the chocolate pudding onto Isabella’s seat right before she’d sat down. That was the prank. All of it. Get her to stand up in the middle of dinner and make it seem like she’d pooped her pants.
“I didn’t…” Isabella said, just as she farted again.
Poppy started laughing.
A few other people at the table did too.
Tears started streaming down Isabella’s cheeks. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was embarrassed though. It just looked like it was really painful to hold in her bowel movement.
“It’s not…” her voice trailed off as she put her hand on her ass to cover up the pudding stain as another huge fart ripped through the room. And then she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out of the dining room, her hands trying desperately to cover her fake poopy butt…but failing.
It had gone too far. I hadn’t meant to make her cry. But when I saw Rob barely holding back his laughter, I couldn’t not laugh. And once I started, I couldn’t stop. Everyone thought Isabella had actually shit herself. The prank had worked. It was freaking amazing. And it felt so good to see her being the butt of a joke for once.
“She was crying, Brooklyn,” Matt said. “Why are you laughing at that?”
I covered my mouth. How did he not see the irony in his words? Isabella always laughed when she made me cry. And I couldn’t even count on one hand how many times she’d publicly humiliated me. This was hilarious. I was actually shocked that he wasn’t laughing. “She pooped her pants,” I said, leaning into what it looked like.
Matt just stared at me like he didn’t even recognize me.
My laughter died in my throat. This had been exactly what Matt was talking about. Him not wanting me to stoop to Isabella’s level. I wasn’t the kind of person who laughed at other people’s tears and embarrassment. So why was I? Really, what was wrong with me? And yet…another glance at the Hunters had me laughing all over again.
“Come on, man, it was kind of funny,” Mason said.
I smiled up at him.
He winked at me. “Karma, right?”
Yeah, something like that. At least one Caldwell brother understood. Really, how was Matt not even a little amused? Isabella had made his life a living hell too. This was justice. “She laughs all the time when I cry,” I said to Matt.
“Yeah. Because she’s an asshole. You’re not.”
Asshole. Just thinking about the amount of poop coming out of Isabella’s asshole right now made me giggle again. “Asshole,” I said with a laugh.
And for some reason that finally made Matt smile. “Fine. Maybe it’s a little funny. But only because you find it so hilarious.” He kissed the side of my forehead. “This is like the whizzing in the pool thing all over again.”
Right? It was the perfect prank. And now James and Rob would talk to Matt and Mason. They’d all make up. And everyone would have a great night. Except for Isabella. But I didn’t really care. As far as I was concerned, she deserved it. Besides, she’d be down in a few minutes to try to prove to everyone that it had only been pudding on her skirt.
I looked across the table. I thought Rob and James would still be laughing, but now James looked as pissed as Matt originally was. Rob was whispering to him and waving his hands around. James stood up. It looked like he was going to run out of the room, but Rob grabbed his arm to s
top him. “Just wait for it,” Rob said.
“Have you lost your mind?” James pulled his arm out of Rob’s grip.
“Wait for it,” Rob said. He looked so excited.
There was a loud cracking noise. For a second I thought someone had dropped a dish. But then I saw a piece of drywall falling onto the table.
“Shit,” James said.
I looked up at the ceiling to see the cracks expanding right above the dining room table. And then brown goo started leaking through the cracks.
Oh God.
Mrs. Pruitt screamed and everyone started backing away from the table.
Shit literally started raining down from the cracked ceiling in big gross globs. There was a loud cracking noise and an explosion of poop fell from the ceiling, covering all the food on the table.
Poppy took some shit right to the face and screamed at the top of her lungs. She started sobbing, wiping the poo from her cheeks.
“Richard, do something!” Mrs. Pruitt yelled as a chunk of drywall landed in the center of the dining room table. One of the chandeliers fell and she screamed again as the crystals shattered.
Someone slipped backward on the mess, slamming into the china cabinet, sending glass and broken china in every direction.
Another crack made the ceiling finally collapse.
And Isabella fell through it.
On a toilet.
With her dress pulled up around her waist.
Everyone started screaming and running around, slipping in the shit and colliding with each other.
What the fuck is happening?
The toilet landed right in the center of the table on top of the Thanksgiving turkey. The table snapped in half and Isabella screamed at the top of her lungs.
More poop splattered everywhere as the toilet hit the ground. A water pipe burst, spreading everything literally everywhere. Poop seeped into the carpet. It hit a few of the guests. I even had to dodge some of it.
What the hell?!
I heard someone barfing in the corner of the dining room.
“Don’t look at me!” Isabella shrieked as she unsuccessfully tried to cover herself. Another fart ripped through the room.
