by Allison Hurd
She sees the sugar, and gets up from the rock she’s sitting on.
“So many gifts for Maithe Dweubhal today from her wingless friends!” she trills, going towards it.
With the faerie off of it, I see that it’s not a rock at all.
“Where did you find that, Maithe Dweubhal,” I ask anxiously, staring at her perch.
“It was a gift from Ophelia’s shadow,” she replies, happily munching on the sugar and dodging Lia. “It was left where they spend the darknesses.”
“God dammit,” I curse, running for the item. The faerie leads Lia on a small game of tag around the far corner of basement.
“Lia, be careful, for fuck’s sake! There was a tripwire last time.” This brings her up short, and she hisses hatred at the faerie, who finishes her treat and disappears again with a haunting giggle.
“Why did you stop me,” my sister snarls at me.
“I didn’t want you to get exploded!”
“I could have had her! You said you’d help me!”
I walk up to her and grab her shoulder. “Get it together, Lia. One job at a time! I’m sorry. I wish we could have got her, too. I agree, she’s a right bitch.” I dump the thing Dweubhal had been sitting on into Lia’s hand. “But I think this is going to be a more pressing issue.”
“Ah, shit,” she whispers, looking at the GPS tracker we’d ditched back at the bar.
CHAPTER 14
“I hate that fucking faerie! She’s a goddamn menace!” My sister is loudly losing it in a corner of the basement of a monster’s house.
“Agreed, but I really need you here now, Lia. I got one hand and three problems to take care of.”
“What’s going on?” Brittany asks as my sister makes a herculean effort to stop frothing at the mouth. I ignore the other girl.
“Do we stay or book it?”
Lia fumes inwardly, trying to push back her demons as she contemplates our current situation. “Cops, seven minutes away, tops? Is staying really an option?” I nod along with her assessment.
“Brittany, we need you to get him. Is there a way you can summon him or something? We need to go. The cops are on their way,” I say, turning to the pregnant girl.
“Where will we go?”
“Somewhere safe,” I say in clipped tones. Still, the girl just stands there like a lump.
“Look. Your options are: come with us, people who have promised to help, or stay here and wait to be carried out bodily by the cops. It will probably end in a fight, some cops will get killed, and your boyfriend will officially make it onto the radar of some folk who are a lot less tolerant than us. We’ve got…five minutes before the decision is made for us.”
Brittany stands there like a deer in headlights.
“Tick tock!” Lia urges.
“Okay. Okay! We’ve got to go upstairs. Follow me, don’t want you stepping on anything else.”
We carefully wind our way to the stairs and head up.
“Agápi mou,” Brittany calls. “Éla se émena.”
We follow her through the kitchen at the top of the stairs, listening for the incubus or cop sirens. As soon as Clyde clears the basement, there’s a bleat of surprise followed by a sharp tug on the leash tethered to my sling.
“Motherfu—” I yell as my shoulder bursts once more into violent pain. I spin towards the thing that’s attacking us, just in time to see an angry incubus waddling up fast.
“Don’t touch her!” my sister yells, spinning on the monster.
“No!” Brittany calls. “Agápi, no! They’re here to help!”
“And yet they carry with them the tools of my doom,” it growls, circling around us.
“That was before they understood us!” she pleads.
“No. No, we’re not getting into another soap opera right now,” I say, trying to dispel the red mist that rises and demands I go on a rampage of all the people who’ve used my wound against me in the past two days. “We are officially out of time. Either everyone leaves now or we wait for the cops to arrest us all.”
Right on cue, I hear voices at the front door. That will be the forward team with the battering ram.
“Well, that’s just perfect! Brittany and…Eye-ah-pi,” I try to say what she called her monster. “You don’t move. I’m going to go check the back door. No one make any sound.”
I hand off Clyde and take a second to mourn how many times my poor shoulder has been torqued around since it got punctured. It really hurts and I am tired of having to muscle through it. I take a deep breath though and put on my big girl panties. From the floor by the door leading into the kitchen, I can see SWAT members preparing to force the back door, too.
“Back to the basement!” I whisper. We just manage to get onto the stairs and close the door when a general ruckus indicates that both doors have been breached.
We head to the basement door where Lia first got captured by Gregor. Lia motions silence again. Through the steel, we can hear voices.
“I don’t care if you need a grenade, too. Get this damn door open.” Detective Kline is here and basically standing on our heads. Curse all efficient crime solvers.
“Back through the club. It’s all that’s left,” I direct.
We carefully trot through the basement, watching out for traps that the incubus or Brittany point out.
“Not to distract anyone, but wouldn’t escaping be a lot faster without the traps?” Lia grumbles.
“Well yes, but then our pursuers wouldn’t be stopped,” the incubus says reasonably.
That makes me stumble.
“Are these traps lethal?” I ask.
“I believe some of these traps would pay the toll down the river Styx, yes,” the incubus states.
“Summer, they could be bad guys,” Lia says from the tunnel, guessing what I’m thinking.
“Still our weirding.” I can hear the steel door opening. “How many traps?” I ask the incubus.
“I am not entirely sure. Every time I worry for agápimeni, I add one.” He looks lustfully at Brittany, who melts a little into his arms.
“Oh, give me a freakin’ break, you two. You’re being hunted. Save the long looks and move your asses,” I hiss. I look back at Lia. “I’ll be right behind you. Just gonna give a heads up.”
“Yeah, a heads up on how to find us…” She mutters. I can hear the shuffle of footsteps now from the far side of the basement. The rest of our ragtag group heads through the tunnel and I crouch at its entrance, the hidden door mostly closed in front of me. When I see the glow of a cautious flashlight, I call out.
“Hey, detective! Careful!” I start as the footsteps sound like they’re beginning to run. “Apparently the whole basement is rigged. Don’t want any more casualties tonight. Best just turn around—Brittany’s already gone.”
“Perhaps, but the person who took her and threatened the safety of Roanoke’s finest is within reach.” Kline’s sarcastic twang comes out of the darkness.
“So wrong on so many counts,” I sigh. “Well…it’s been fun. Watch out!” I close the door fully and run down the earthen hallway to join up with the others. I find them in the corridor outside of Brittany’s room.
“Now what?” Lia asks.
“Help me push the ‘couch’ against the tunnel door.” We do this quickly. “It seems to me that it’s likely our car has been discovered and is being watched. I estimate it will take four minutes for them to get over here,” I say as we finish the task.
“Oh, my God,” Brittany whimpers.
“Looks like this is where we’ll have to do it.”
Lia nods. “Listen,” she says, taking over. “We can open a sort of portal, I guess, to this guy’s house.” She gestures to the incubus.
“I will not go back yet!” it snarls.
“Either your whole damn family goes back, or the girl stays and we end up having to kill your cambion.” I explain angrily.
“What! You said you’d help!” Brittany yells.
I can tell my si
ster has had it. She whips out her pack and takes out the golden chalice, honey, and cream.
“Oh mighty Zeus, thunder-father, I offer you tribute to thank you for your many blessings,” she begins in ancient Greek.
“I will not let this happen!” the incubus roars. I move to intercept it with my oaken practice knife extended as it makes for Lia.
“Easy, pal,” I tell it. “Think about what you’re really hoping to accomplish here.”
An inexperienced fist hits my ear. I look over in time to block a claw that Brittany is apparently intending to poke me with.
“What are you doing? You said you wanted to be together! This is how you ‘be together!’”
“I thought you meant you’d help us escape to D.C. or something!”
“How would that help?” I ask, exasperated but also actually curious. Why D.C. as opposed to Mexico or someplace really far away, like oh, I don’t know, Mount Olympus?
I don’t think I’ll find out right now, though. “Shh!” I whisper. I can hear the muffled footsteps of trained paramilitary quietly entering the front door of the club. They’re here faster than I anticipated.
“To be continued. We need to move the show somewhere with fewer distractions.”
“How?” Brittany whimpers, looking like she’s about to faint. “They’re already here.”
“Keep it together, bitches,” I advise helpfully. “Teamwork will make the dream work, okay?”
“We could just leave them,” Lia whispers to me.
“Too late. We need them now unless we want to get nabbed, too.” I whisper back.
“‘Cubus, we need you to be a lady stripper,” I say hastily.
“I can only manifest as an object of desire,” the creature replies.
The boots are getting closer. “So, what, you can only transform if it’d make someone hot for you?” It nods. “Well, crap.”
“Okay, I got this,” Lia says as she closes her eyes. I look closely at her, my head tilted in confusion. “How’s that?” she asks, opening her eyes again.
I knit my brows together. How will having it turn back into the Viking dude help us? Long hair does not a woman make. I turn back to the ‘cubus and am surprised to see it has turned into a tall, voluptuous woman with smoky, troubled eyes and dark curls, clothed only in personality.
“Um, yeah, that will…work, I think.” I stammer. The things you learn about a person. Lia’s expression is deadpan, clearly expecting me to get over it.
“So…Yeah. The plan. Right. Uh, where’s the closest door?” Brittany points to the nearby dancer’s lounge.
“Okay….”
I hurriedly explain my scheme as we run for the door. I grab a fabric thing—I think maybe it’s a gauzy shawl?—and toss it to the naked monster brought to life by my sister’s thoughts. Wow, am I not going any further down that rabbit hole.
I close the door noiselessly behind us. “Go!” I say. The succubus runs out from the alley, the very picture of a damsel in distress. We circle around the building to the side where we tussled with the guard. He’s long gone, so we slowly begin creeping forward. The succubus is at our car now, speaking frantically with the two police standing there to make sure we don’t complete the escape we’re currently attempting.
One of them puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“That’s our cue, lady people,” I say. The cop touching the succubus succumbs to its toxin, and he pulls the mostly-naked being towards himself.
“Nick, what the hell are you doing?” the other cop yells, grabbing the female-seeming creature away from his partner. He’s instantly hit with a jolt of pure attraction as well.
The three of us run forward. I unlock the car as I jog and remotely open the trunk. Lia practically shotputs Clyde into it, slams the door and runs around to sit behind me while Brittany clambers into the backseat passenger side.
“Come on!” I yell at the succubus, starting up the car. Brittany slams open the front seat door, smacking the two officers who are vying for the monster’s affections. The succubus smiles treacherously at them and climbs into my car.
I floor it as soon as the door is closed, peeling away from this damned neighborhood.
“That was a tad too close,” I observe once we round the corner. I grimace at the monster. “Would you at least put some of the fabric underneath you for pity’s sake?” I whine at it as it settles its bare buttocks on our upholstery.
Lia hands up an overlarge corduroy shirt we use as a smock for dirty jobs, her other hand holding the wooden practice knife that I had been carrying. It looks like Brittany has already found some of my shorts. The succubus ties the shirt around itself. While not exactly what we’d intended, it does cover more of it than the shawl did. I’m going to remember this technique next time I need some lingerie, but don’t want to pay for it.
“Summer! Stop sign!” Lia cautions me, bringing me back to the present. I screech to a stop.
“We need to get off the road,” I say as if I don’t realize that my sister had seen me watching a naked monster adjust a very revealing dress. “Some place close, hidden, and unexpected.”
“Take a right.” Brittany directs. I gun it in that direction.
“Where you taking us?”
“A little dive bar some of us go to when we want to be alone.”
“A bar is a little public,” Lia reminds her.
“Just trust me. This one does not count as ‘public.’”
“Will it be open this late? Closing time was an hour ago,” I say as Brittany directs me to take another sudden turn.
“Yeah, definitely,” she replies.
We don’t know the area well enough to argue, and I can hear sirens starting up much too close to us to be comfortable, so I take her word for it.
“This is it,” Brittany says a few minutes and some near accidents later. I almost miss the building, it’s so nondescript. “You can pull around the side, there’s a small parking lot.” I do as she suggests, but “parking lot” is a little generous for the narrow patch of gravel down which I try to navigate our behemoth of a vehicle. We’re certainly off the beaten path, at least, and that’s going to be the most important aspect of this place right now.
We wait in the car a minute longer, listening to the sirens fade into the distance.
“Hoo boy,” Lia says, exhaling at the same time I do. “That was exciting.”
With our getaway clean, our full situation settles over us. Two booga-fighting spell slingers in a car with a Greek monster and its baby mama, running from cops who suspect all of us in the kidnapping of seven people, the death of one, and threatening the police with bombs. None of us know exactly how to act now.
“So, we should probably talk about our next play, or something,” I say into the awkward silence.
“There is no play. We will simply leave you here. We thank you for your aid.” The succubus moves to leave the car. I grab its arm with my gloved hand.
“Not so fast, hot stuff. You know how this will end, one way or another. This is the only time we’re offering to let you choose your own adventure. No matter what, you leave town tonight.”
“I grow tired of your threats. Would you like to attempt ‘your way’ again? Or perhaps we can revisit mine,” the succubus suggests, sliding closer to me.
“No one’s attempting anything,” I reply, studiously avoiding Lia’s gaze as she hones in on the meaning behind the succubus’ words.
“If you don’t want to fight, and you won’t let me feed, I see no purpose in talking any longer, mortal.”
“Whoa, whoa. No need for name calling,” Lia interjects, putting the practice knife against the creature’s neck. “I hope your last meal was satisfying, because you’re not getting any more this trip.” I clear my throat uncomfortably. The succubus lets out a small whimper as the knife blackens its exposed throat.
“Stop it!” Brittany shrieks, pushing my sister’s arm. I hurriedly put up my right hand to block the sudden barrage of elbows
and fingernails that ensues.
“Not in the car! Jesus. Someone’s going to poke an eye out,” I yell. Stillness returns to the car. “Brittany. You said this place is a good place to be alone?” I ask her in the rearview mirror, secretly glad that the altercation has moved the conversation away from talk of feeding.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Neutral ground. We’ll leave the goat and guns here, everyone keeps their hands to themselves. We’ll have a little parlay.”
“Stop hurting her, and I’ll consider it,” Brittany counters.
Silence reigns in the car. I look sternly at my sister, until she retracts her weapon.
“Okay, we’ll parlay,” Brittany assents.
“I am not accustomed to making deals with humans,” says the last holdout, massaging its graceful neck.
“Yeah well, maybe try,” Lia retorts menacingly.
“Going once,” I say.
The succubus looks down at me contemptuously.
“Going twice.”
“Agápi, please,” Brittany implores. That makes it thaw a little.
“Fine. But do not mistake this gesture for the ceding of my rights.”
“Oh, your rights is it?” Lia fumes.
“Hey! Hey. We just got a truce. So everyone fucking act like they’re planning on upholding it.” Maybe in my next life, I’ll join the United Nations.
All four of us diplomats sneak in the side door that Brittany leads us to. Inside is really the diviest of dive bars. Old, torn band posters cover the dark walls. The floor is sticky even though aside from us there are only two other people in the whole place, and one is the bartender. Music loud enough to keep sound localized, but not so loud that you have to shout plays over old speakers.
“Perfect!” I tell the pregnant girl.
We settle in with a pitcher and a few curious looks from the bartender—mostly for the succubus who, admittedly, is worth a few looks in this outfit.
“Explain to me, very quickly, why we shouldn’t send both of you packing right now,” I lead in lightly.
“My love and I,” Brittany starts.
“No. Absolutely not,” Lia cuts in. “Amendment to the terms. If we’re going to do this, no one’s allowed to say anything mushy.”
