by L. B. Dunbar
Considering she lives here, and I live on the other side of the country, though, our position feels like an impossibility again. However, we aren’t teens. We don’t have restrictions on us. Then I consider her son and her business. Her life is entrenched in this town. With her holding my hand, I’m not quite as eager as I was a week ago to get out of this place.
“Let me see you again,” I beg into her knuckles.
“Gavin, we can’t start up again. We have nowhere to go.”
“Why do we need to go anywhere?” I ask, but instantly, I hear my mistake. Her mouth falls open, and she tugs at her hand.
“Because I’m not some filler hookup.” Her eyes widen, shame filling them. “Unless that’s what you think just happened.”
“You know I don’t think that about you,” I remind her. I didn’t take her offer to reciprocate. It wasn’t about that tonight. I wanted her to feel good. I wanted her to let go a little. She’s so wound up.
“I don’t know what you think anymore. I don’t know you now.”
Her words surprise me. She’s always known me in some ways.
“Then how could you do what we just did?” The question is insensitive, but I’m equally hurt. I didn’t touch her without thought. I’ve always felt something for her, something strong and undefined.
“I don’t know.” Her voice shakes, her shame digging deeper. She reaches for the handle of the door.
“Brit, don’t leave like this. Just see me again.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sorry about tonight.” As she presses the door open, I reach for mine and exit. She starts around the car, but I quickly catch up to her, snagging her around the waist.
“Please don’t be sorry. Not about what we did. Not about us.” My lips come to the side of her neck. “Don’t steal this moment from me.”
“Gavin.” She groans my name as headlights swing into the drive, highlighting my car. “That’s Theo.” She straightens, stepping out of my arms, and I let her go as I have no choice.
+ + +
The next day, Britton works, but she allows me to keep my promise to Gee, and I meet him and Theo at the ball field by the lake.
“Alright, batter up,” I call out, preparing my pitch for Gee.
“Coach, what did the baker say to the pitcher?”
“I don’t know,” I say, waiting on the punchline.
“Hey, batter, batter.”
I laugh. This kid, he’s a riot. He’s also good at baseball, and he’s determined to perfect his stance. We run through several pitches before playing a simple game of catch. Theo started out fielding balls for us, but he spends the time Gee and I play catch just lying on the grass looking at his phone.
“So is California all hot girls, skimpy bikinis, and sunshine?” Theo eventually asks, and I laugh.
“Close.” It can be those things, but other things about California make it a great place. “But life isn’t all babes in bathing suits.”
“I doubt it,” Theo teases, perching up on his side. “Man, I’ve never been anywhere.”
“What’s next for you?” He’s going to be a junior in high school, but he should think further ahead.
“I have no idea. My dad wants me to take over his business one day, but I don’t know that I want to be a fisherman like him.”
Duke’s dad inherited his father’s boat charter company. They offer fishing expeditions and day rentals. Somehow Duke’s dad was related to Britton’s uncle Leo, but I don’t remember the particulars.
“It’s hard when your dad wants you to follow in his footsteps, and you don’t want to.” Theo huffs at my response, so I explain. “My dad owns a cherry orchard near here. He always thought my brother and I would run it one day until I showed talent in baseball. Then he had grander goals for me, leaving the possibility of my brother Ethan taking over. Only E didn’t want it any more than I did. We each had our own life goals.”
Theo is quiet, picking at the grass before him. Gee just listens as we toss the ball.
“What about you, Gee? What did your dad do?” I shouldn’t be prying for information through a kid, and I tell myself I’m not. I’m asking a child about his father, but I’m curious as Britton doesn’t offer much about her late husband.
“My dad was in business, but I don’t know what exactly he did. He sold something and traveled a lot because of it.” Gee shrugs. “Eventually, he was too sick to work.” He goes quiet a second, and I’m sorry I asked, but then he continues. “He missed a lot of my games.”
Theo is watching Gee, and again I feel like I’ve stepped into a pile of unavoidable dog poo by asking my question.
“I bet he was proud of you,” I add, hoping it’s true as Gee is amazing. Always ready with a joke, he’s still having fun while taking his game seriously. He’s the perfect combination of kid.
Gee doesn’t respond to my comment. Instead, he says, “Mom used to tell me she had a friend who was a professional baseball player. He was left-handed like me, and he used to say to her, it’s not so much about the game, but the sport. Have fun. Play hard. Do your best.”
As the ball tosses to me, I’ve dropped my arm, listening to my own words come back to me, and I have to jump to the side to catch Gee’s throw before it falls. The words he shares weren’t just my words. They’d been my dad’s. He always said to have fun while still expecting me to play hard. At the end of a game, he’d say I had nothing to be disappointed about as long as I did my best.
When did Dad change? When did I forget that advice?
“I think that ballplayer might have been Gavin,” Theo tells Gee with a chuckle. “How do you know Aunt Brit again?” I’m certain Britton’s explained how we knew each other when we were young. She probably didn’t mention that weekend, though.
“We’re old friends.”
Theo chuckles harder. “Uh-huh.” His eyes shift to Gee and then back to me.
“Are you that friend?” Gee asks.
“I think I am. Those words were what my dad used to say to me.”
“Wow, that’s cool.”
Yeah, cool. If only my dad had continued to live by them.
“So what about you, Gee? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
He shrugs. “I’d love to play baseball, but I’m just as happy to be a professional gamer.” Britton mentioned his obsession with video games the other night.
“Guess it’s good to keep your options open,” I tease.
“As long as it makes lots of money. That’s what my dad said.” I’m not certain I like that advice. It was never about the money to play professionally. The sport was more about passion until it wasn’t. That’s what filmmaking has become to me now.
“Almost ready to head out, pal?” Theo asks after another toss from Gee.
“I can bring him home if you want to go,” I say, hesitating again as I know how Britton feels. It’s not just that I’m a stranger to her son, but she believes she doesn’t know me herself. However, I’m not really that different from who I was when we were kids. I’m still driven, just in a new career. I’m still passionate, especially about her. I hate how we ended last night.
“Yeah,” Gee offers, and Theo rolls before hopping up to his feet.
“Gather your stuff,” his cousin tells him, walking closer to me. When Gee is out of hearing range, Theo turns to me.
“I saw you guys in the driveway last night. I know you’ll think I’m a kid and don’t know stuff, but I’ve watched my dad go through women. I have no intention of being a player like that, and I won’t let you play with Aunt Brit. She’s doing me a solid this summer, and I’m protective of her and Gee. He doesn’t need some man stepping in and stepping out again. I’ve had that shit with my mom’s husband and my own dad, so just walk away now if that’s your plan, old friend.” His eyes narrow at me, and while I want to laugh at the balls on this seventeen-year-old kid, there’s every bit of seriousness in his warning to me.
“I always cared about Britton,
and I still do. I have no intention of hurting her, but you’re right. I’m only here until next week. Your warning is noted.”
Don’t fuck with the single mom and her kid.
Theo nods, turning back to Gee like he didn’t give me an ultimatum.
“Let’s go, little man. Pizza on me.” The implication is clear. I’m not invited.
“Hey, Coach, want to hear a joke about pizza?” Gee asks me, hitching his bat bag higher over his shoulder before Theo takes it from him.
“Sure.”
“Never mind, it’s cheesy.” Gee smiles, and I laugh. I’d really love to spend more time with him, but I have my own dinner plans with my parents. As much as I don’t want to separate myself from Britton, maybe I need a night to cool off and re-evaluate a few things.
+ + +
“Gee’s on Tom’s team?” I say when I notice him on the field the next day.
Tom coaches Holden’s team, and my sister invited me to attend the game as she was at dinner last night as well. Mum and Dad typically attend the games, and after having an awkward dinner with them, I should have declined. However, Mum had another coughing attack, and I’m growing concerned about her health. She had a bout of pneumonia last fall, and she doesn’t look well. Karyn and I didn’t have the chance to talk privately last night. Today, I’d been too busy talking to my sister near the fence line to notice Gee. Karyn has been giving me attitude.
“Oh, nice of the great Gavin to finally show some interest,” she snarked after discussing Mum, and I looked at Ethan for support. He rolled his eyes to commiserate.
“Well, it’s not really Tom’s team. They’re the Tigers,” Karyn clarifies. “It’s Holden’s team.”
She’s on my last nerve, and I scan the space around us, looking for Gee’s mother. She’s walking up to the field when I see her and wave her over to us. Her head pops up, surprise on her face at my presence.
“Hey,” I say as she steps up to the fence line.
I tried to give her space yesterday but seeing her instantly makes me regret giving up the time. Despite Theo’s warning and my own thoughts to put distance between us, the bottom line is, I don’t want to.
“What are you doing here?” she questions, as she does each time I’m suddenly in a place she doesn’t expect me to be. Quickly, I explain my sister’s invitation.
“Why hasn’t anyone told me Gee and Holden play on the same team?”
“Probably the same reason no one told you Britton owned the tea shop,” Ethan interjects, still standing on the other side of me. I didn’t consider I’d need to bring a chair.
“What reason is that?” Britton asks, curious at my brother’s comment.
“No one thought to tell him because he never listens to local news anyway,” Ethan states.
“As if you did when you didn’t live here,” I tease of him.
“True.” Ethan laughs. Then he claps his hands and cheers on Holden, who is up to bat.
“I’d be surprised that you’d have remembered me anyway,” Britton mutters next to me, and I turn on her.
“I never forgot you, Candy. Never.” I’m frustrated with everything today, and I swipe a hand through my hair. Gee and Britton are so immersed in the life I left behind, living here and loving it, and it conflicts with my thoughts of my hometown. Then there’s Brit’s walls and the question on my mind about that tax bill.
Lakefront property can have steep taxes, and I’m still concerned for her. I know the property is special to her and keep wondering how much of a risky position she’s in. When I consider the summer I spent so much time at Leo’s, the place is special to me as well. Leo and Gertie were pretty liberal about Brit and me spending time in her room or just hanging out at the house. As long as Britton was safe and they trusted me, they didn’t worry about what we were doing.
“I wanted to thank you for batting practice with Gee yesterday. He really had a good time,” Britton says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah? Me too. He’s a great kid.” I smile over at him, waiting his turn on the bench to bat.
“Theo also mentioned something.”
My attention swings back to Brit. “What’d he say?”
“He told me he might have threatened you a bit, and he apologized to me in case you walked away without a word.” Theo’s honesty hangs in the air between us. “I thought since I didn’t hear from you yesterday, you decided to honor his warning.”
She scoops hair over her ear and holds her hand on her neck like she does. She doesn’t look at me but stares off at the ballfield. Not wanting my brother to overhear us, I press at Britton to move down the fence a bit. She’s still in sight of Gee and the game, but we’re out of earshot of listeners.
“Brit, I’ve got to admit, I can’t keep up. I want to see you. I want to get to know you, who you are now, but you keep shutting me down, and after Theo’s words, I didn’t know what direction to take. I get it I’m only here for another week, but I don’t see why that needs to hold us back from hanging out.”
She looks up at me, eyes softening a bit. “Because I don’t want to risk Gee getting attached to you. I don’t want him getting his heart set on something that won’t happen, and I won’t apologize for being overprotective. He’s already lost too much.”
“What won’t happen? What am I missing here?” I just don’t understand.
“I just need to think of Gee,” she mutters.
“And what about you? What do you want? What do you need? I get it that you’re a mom, but you deserve something for yourself.” What else is she protecting? Her body? Her heart? She already has mine, and I’d willingly give her more. I just want her to tell me things, talk to me.
She looks away from me, shoulders stiffening. “That’s where the tea shop came in.”
The comment knocks the wind out of my sail a bit.
“A tea shop can’t be the only thing in your life.” I sigh, and she turns on me.
“When I gave up dancing for Gee, I did it gladly. It was what I wanted. When Patrick knew he was going to die, he wanted to know what else I wanted to do with my life. I hadn’t worked, and he knew I’d need more than being Gee’s mother, especially as he grew older. What was my secondary dream? TeasMe! is it. It is for me,” she defends, growing agitated with her speech. “You can understand that, can’t you?”
“Of course,” I say, swiping at my hair, agitated myself. “Filmmaking has become my secondary dream, and I want to have lots of them in my life, but I’m talking about you.” I look over my shoulder, checking that no one is too close to hear the direction of this conversation.
“What do you personally want?” Our eyes connect, but too quickly, she looks away. I reach out and cup her chin. “Talk to me, please.”
“Gavin, what I want is immaterial to everything else.”
“Don’t say that. You might be a mother and a business owner, but surely, there’s more.”
Tell me you want me. Tell me you’ll let me do things for you. Tell me you’ll let me take care of you.
“Are you any different?” She finally asks. “You’ve had your baseball career, and now you have a new production company in the works. Your focus is on the same things.”
“It’s not the same thing,” I respond, but reconsider after speaking.
“You’ve been estranged from your family for years. You don’t have a wife or girlfriend and no children. What do you want, Gavin? Where’s the human connection for you?”
She puts me in my place, growing more upset as she speaks and pushes off the fence before her. “I’m going over to the bleachers.”
“Wait.” I reach out and catch her arm. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t have anyone.” My eyes search her face. “I’ve kept myself separate from my family because . . . my dad just didn’t understand, and after working so hard, I didn’t want to face his disappointment. As for Zoey, or girlfriends, a wife even, I just never gave any of it a thought.”
I’d had plenty of connection to females
in my life, but I know what she means, and I also know she’s the closest I’ve ever come to finding what I think I need in a companion. In a wife.
Holy shit.
I stare at her. She’s the person. She’s the one I’ve been missing. That something I’ve felt is just outside my grasp, and she’s right before me, pushing me away at every turn.
“Come to the wedding with me.”
“What?” She shakes her head at the full circle of this conversation.
“Let me spend time with you.” Give me time to prove we could be good together. “In fact, let’s go out tonight. Pizza with Gee.”
“Gavin, I already told you. I need to think of Gee.”
“And you need to think of yourself. You need to eat dinner. He needs to eat dinner, and I’d like to eat dinner with both of you.”
She laughs without the humor settling in. “Gavin, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Let this happen,” I beg. Slowly, I release her and hold up my hands.
I’ve been coming at her full steam ahead, and I need to step back. Admittedly, I want to touch her and not let go, especially when she scoops back her hair and rests her hand on the side of her neck again. It’s the same spot I sucked the other night. The spot I nipped and knew would bend her knees. She once told me I discovered that spot on her. It was there just for me, she teased.
Little did she know that spot was for her. It was a place to trigger her pleasure, and I want to please her again. I want to watch her fall apart because the woman at thirty-six does not compare to her twenty-three-year-old self. She’s just as sensual but holding back, and I want her to let loose. I want her to remember how good we were together. I want her to lower this wall she has between us.
“Theo pizza-blocked me. It’s the least you can do,” I tease, hoping to lessen the tension between us.
