Longing for what-might-have-been hit her in a surge of confused emotion. She shook her head slightly, trying to dislodge the sensations that clouded her mind. Comfort. She craved comfort, that most basic of needs. But she could no more ask that of Wade than she could ask for the moon, not after what had happened between them. Not when she still had so much making up to do. So much to prove—to him and to herself.
“I’m fine. Just…” What? It was impossible to put into words. Instead she settled for the benign. “I miss him. Why didn’t he give me the chance to come back earlier and say goodbye?”
In the doorway, Wade shifted on his feet. She sensed there was more he wanted to say but that he was holding back.
“Like I said before, he didn’t want you to have to go through it all. To have to watch him deteriorate. Maybe it was a bit of pride, too, wanting you to remember him as he was when you left rather than when he was so ill.”
“He never really expected me to come back, did he?”
Wade shook his head slightly. “No, I don’t think he ever did. Didn’t stop him wanting you here, though.”
The light from the hall shone into the room, bathing Piper in a stream of golden light. She looked so vulnerable there, holding her father’s robe to her as if it was some form of security blanket. As if it was the last remaining thing she had left in the world. Well, truth be told, it pretty much was. Still, she didn’t need to know that now. Time enough for that. Even he could see she was struggling with the reality of Rex’s death. Hell, he’d been here, through it all, and he still struggled.
He clamped down on the sympathy that came as naturally to him as breathing. The past few days he’d doled out his fair share to Rex’s friends and business associates. Offering solace to Piper should have been just one more drop in the bucket. But, he reminded himself, she’d made choices that made it difficult to dredge up any consolation for her. One choice in particular he could never forgive was that she’d chosen to end the life they’d created together before he’d ever known it had existed. He’d sworn she’d pay dearly for that choice. She owed him now in ways she couldn’t begin to imagine.
Even with that mental reminder, his hands itched to reach out to her, to touch her, comfort her. He’d been so in love with her once, and as angry as he still was with Piper, those old instincts dominated. Wade curled his hands into fists and thrust them inside his trouser pockets lest he give into them. He had no doubt she’d take what he offered—before throwing it right back in his face all over again.
She’d made it monumentally clear during their last bitter and very final argument, before she went overseas, that she needed nothing from him. Even her demeanor downstairs when she’d joined him in the library had been targeted to make him feel inferior, an outsider.
He leaned against the doorjamb, marshaling his thoughts and reminding himself that her vulnerability was little more than a facade. Piper Mitchell was more than capable of handling herself in any situation. She’d suckered him in once before and he’d vowed he would not be a fool twice over her.
He shook his head slightly to clear his mind of the errant thought. He’d been under a lot of pressure. That was all. He just needed time to get his bearings again, to sort through what still needed to be done about Rex’s estate and to put a lid on his grief until it no longer had the capacity to render him weak, or open to confusing thoughts about Piper.
Wade cleared the thickness in his throat and took one hand from his pocket and gestured toward the room.
“I’ve been charged with clearing out your father’s things. Do you want to help with that?”
She nodded, a mere incline of her head. The action typical Piper, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to give anyone her full attention. But in the gloom he heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like a choked sob.
“Look, it’s been a tough day,” he continued. “Why don’t you head off to bed? There’s no hurry with your dad’s things.”
“Okay, but don’t get rid of anything before I can see it.”
Ah, so despite that faint wobble in her voice she was back to giving orders. That hadn’t taken long. “Sure,” he said, denuding his voice of its last threads of empathy. “By the way, I have an appointment with Rex’s lawyers in the morning for the official reading of the will—you should come along. I’m already conversant with its contents but you should probably take the opportunity to find out exactly how you’re placed.”
She nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.”
Wade stepped aside as she approached, but Piper’s foot caught on the edge of the carpet square, making her stagger. Instinctively, as he had already done once today, he put out a hand to steady her, shifting his body to block her fall. Again, her weight bore against him, seeking support. She looked up at him, her eyes dull with sorrow.
“Thank you. I’m going to have to stop making a habit of this, aren’t I?”
“Might be an idea,” he conceded, even as his body warmed instantly to the feel of her.
He put his hands to her shoulders. It would be so easy to attempt to recapture that old spark simply by lowering his mouth to hers. Her lips were already parted on a hitched breath, their softness moist and enticing. Her pupils rapidly consuming the pale color of her irises.
The firm roundness of her breasts pressed against his chest and his body surged to aching life. Wade silently cursed himself for being all kinds of a fool. His hunger had been tamped down and controlled for far, far too long. Beneath his hands her body stiffened, freezing in response to his very obvious physical reaction to her nearness.
His hands tightened, his breath catching in his chest as he fought his demons. She had always been temptation incarnate. But he was stronger now. Stronger and more determined to succeed—in all things.
Even though his entire body pulsed with wanting her—wanting to push aside the shabby clothing she wore and to rediscover the creamy smoothness of her skin, the warm recesses of her body that held incalculable delight—he pushed her gently from him. It was sobering to realize that passion had threatened, albeit briefly, to blot out his every reasonable thought.
Piper pulled farther back, her arms still wrapped around that damn robe. It occurred to him that throughout their entire embrace, she hadn’t voluntarily touched him with any part of her body. He shoved one hand through his hair.
“So, until tomorrow then?” she said, the lightness in her voice sounding forced in the heavily charged air between them.
“Tomorrow?”
“The lawyer? What time should I be ready?”
“The appointment isn’t until midmorning. No need to rush.”
“Okay, I’ll probably see you at breakfast, then.”
She slipped past him and down the hall to her room. He watched her every step—the graceful posture, the gentle sway of her hips.
They said that revenge was a dish best served cold, but he preferred his steaming hot. Hot and sexy and totally satisfying on all counts. He would be vindicated. And, when the time was right, he would savor every moment.
In her room, Piper sat heavily onto her bed and raised her fingers to her lips. She’d been so sure he was going to kiss her. She’d have almost staked her life on it. The flare of desire in his eyes had been so endearingly familiar that it had shaken her to her core—had awakened her senses, her own needs—in a way she hadn’t experienced for a very long time.
She knew he’d wanted her—she’d felt the undeniable evidence against her. So what had made him stop? One minute he’d been conciliatory, the next cool and commanding and then he’d been on fire for her. A fire she’d all-too-readily reciprocated. Even now, her skin felt too tight. Her nerve endings too close to the surface. She pushed up from the bed and paced her room, suddenly filled with an excess of energy that begged for some form of release.
Who was she kidding? She knew exactly what form of release she craved. And with whom. But it wasn’t going to happen. Wade had always had the power to turn her inside out, right fro
m the first time she’d laid eyes on him. The instant physical attraction had rapidly morphed into one that went infinitely deeper. She had no doubt they would be as compatible now as they’d been before, but she couldn’t allow herself to go down that path. It would undoubtedly lead to broken promises and broken hearts all over again and she had resolved to put things right when she came home. Put things right and prove herself to be the kind of person she most wanted to be. Not the selfish creature of the past who sought satisfaction for her every desire, but someone who could genuinely contribute to the world in which she lived and moved.
It hurt deep, deep down that she’d never be able to prove to her father that she was capable of being more than what he’d pigeonholed her to be. What she’d shamefully allowed herself to become in the face of his opposition to her gaining a career that could amount to something. He’d loved her, but he’d never had any understanding or appreciation for the person she had the potential to be. It was too late to show him otherwise. But she could prove it to herself.
She shook her head. How was she ever going to prove herself if she couldn’t control even her most basic urges around Wade?
Piper stopped pacing in front of the built-in bookcase that lined one wall of her room. It was still adorned with the things she’d grown up with. Her previous life had been sealed in a time capsule, waiting for her return. She looked around, seeing everything with new eyes.
Her gaze stopped on one of the collections of porcelain dolls her father had insisted on buying for her, but had never let her play with. What a perfect analogy for her life, she thought bitterly. Look but don’t touch. Learn, but whatever you do, don’t use that knowledge. Be beautiful, but don’t actually be anything.
She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Well, all that was going to change. As much as she’d loved her father, and had strived for his attention, she could see that they were equally to blame for her past behavior. But she had changed and she planned to continue to change and grow a whole lot more. Including going back to university and finishing her degree.
It had taken quite a bit to make her eventually grow up. Being overseas alone, facing her darkest days and subsequently her brightest moments as she’d reawakened to who she needed to be.
Still, she had to attend to her father’s estate first, and that meant getting up on time to see the lawyer tomorrow morning, which in turn meant getting a decent night’s sleep.
She went through the motions of getting ready for bed, finding solace in routine and joy in the things she used to take so much for granted. Simple things, like a tube of toothpaste, running water from a tap, a flush toilet. She laughed at her reflection in the mirror. Who’d have thought that Piper Mitchell would ever have been reduced to this? Finding joy in modern plumbing. Frankly, she didn’t care, not anymore.
The toll of the news she’d borne today, and the travel she’d undertaken to get here, swamped her and the lure of fresh clean sheets and a proper bed became stronger than she could resist.
The next morning, Piper woke as the sun began to filter through her window. To her surprise she had tears on her cheeks and her pillow was damp beneath her face. She’d been dreaming about her father and the sense of forever being left reaching out for him, yet not being accepted by him, still filled her. She swiped a hand across her face. Tears wouldn’t solve anything, she knew that with an entrenched awareness she’d learned the hard way. No matter the loss, you had to learn to get through it.
She rolled to the other side of her bed and stretched, luxuriating in the sensation of fine cotton sheeting against her bare skin. Her father’s robe was spread over the top of her bed and she grabbed it to her, pulling it on as she sat up and slipped from between the sheets to make her way into the adjoining bathroom.
Eschewing a shower for the decadence of a deep bath, she bent over and turned on the faucets. Watching the water fill in the ancient claw-footed tub gave her an illicit sense of pleasure. She would never take something like this for granted again. Despite everything that had happened since her return, it was so incredibly good to be home.
Hard on the heels of that thought came the reminder that the house was no longer her home. She was a guest here. Wade’s guest. The news had come as a shock last night and her reaction had been instinctive and out of sorts with her new resolve. She hoped that would be the last unpleasant surprise she’d have to bear.
She was in a painfully tenuous situation. She had no qualifications to speak of, unless bartering with local rebels or militia for medical supplies and trading with cash from her trust fund was anything worth mentioning. Nor did she now have a roof over her head to call her own.
Piper slipped the robe off her shoulders and, letting it drop to the floor behind her, stepped into the almost full bath. She sank into the water, letting its warmth seep into her skin all the way through to her bones. After the heat of some of the countries she’d lived in, she didn’t think she’d still crave warmth the way she did now. But with her father dead and her prospects perched on a very precarious ledge, the world around her felt very cold indeed.
Piper let her hair fall over the back of the bath and rested her head against the edge, closing her eyes and trying to concentrate only on the warmth and softness of the water enclosing her body. She’d found the exercise of isolating herself to be an invaluable tool in coping with some of the hardships she’d witnessed in the past few years, but for some reason she couldn’t find quite the degree of separation she needed now.
Where she was going to live, how she was to support herself, all took precedence over her relaxation ritual. It wasn’t as if she didn’t still have the trust fund her mother had left her, she rationalized. Her father had been angry with her when she’d gone overseas, especially when she’d tried to get between him and Wade, but he hadn’t cut her off completely. Whenever she’d applied for an advance from the funds she’d come into when she’d turned eighteen, the money had duly appeared wherever she’d needed it. By her reckoning she should still have sufficient capital left to get herself on her feet, certainly enough to finish the degree she’d partially completed before running away. She grimaced. Running away sounded so infantile. And yet, her reactions had been those of a spoiled brat. She wasn’t proud of the person she’d been then. Not at all. But that was changing. Slowly, surely and in the right direction. And with the balance of her funds behind her, the rest would be a piece of cake.
She felt a pang of grief tug deep inside her. How she wished her father was still alive. Maybe he could finally have been proud of her, really proud. She missed him with a sorrow that went soul-deep. When she’d set out on the journey home, she’d been looking forward to seeing him again. She’d hoped with all her heart that today could be the first stage of a new relationship with her dad. One where he would finally see who she was and what she was capable of.
Well, she still hovered at the edge of that first stage. One she’d have to embark on for herself, not for anyone else. It was what she should have realized all along.
Piper pulled the plug on the bath and stepped out as the water swirled down the drain with a satisfying gurgle. She shook her head at the decadence of it. It would make better sense to find some way to utilize the waste water from this sort of thing on the property. Maybe she could make some suggestions to Wade and see what he thought. He’d probably have a hard time believing she could even care about something like waste water.
Piper dried herself off and padded naked into her bedroom. She extracted some clean underwear from her drawer, a small puzzled frown fracturing her brow when she couldn’t find the stuff she’d brought in her backpack. The pack itself had been emptied at some stage yesterday, its clothing contents now nowhere to be found. Maybe Mrs. Dexter had taken it all to be washed, she thought. She wondered what the housekeeper would think of the wardrobe that consisted mainly of jeans, camo-patterned trousers and an array of T-shirts that would probably better serve as polishing cloths than anything else.
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nbsp; She looked at the underwear she’d taken from the drawer. An exquisite shell pink, the matching bra and panties were a brand she’d never bought before, even though they were all in the size she’d worn before she went away. She slipped into the panties, thankful that at least they fit without threatening to fall off her hips, then adjusted the straps on the bra and started to put it on.
She turned and looked at herself in the mirror. She’d lost weight in recent years. Hard work and a limited diet had a way of doing that. The bra, while beautiful, was far too big for her, even on the tightest fitting. She could pad it up, she supposed, but then what if something slid free while she was wearing it? No, far better to go without, she decided and turned to her old wardrobe for something to wear.
A swimming sense of déjà vu enveloped her as she opened the doors. There, arranged by color and functionality, hung every article of clothing she’d failed to pack and take away with her. According to the dry cleaning tags on the garments, everything had been freshened recently. But why, when no one knew when she was coming home?
Piper selected the least flippant items and pulled on a pair of charcoal gray trousers with a neat matching jacket that used to nip in perfectly at her waist. Eight years ago, it had been form-fitting enough to wear without a top beneath it, but it certainly wasn’t now. She flicked through the hangers until she found a crisp white blouse to team with it.
An old belt threaded through the loops in her trousers cinched them in a little tighter at her waist, and when Piper pulled on the jacket and studied her appearance, she thought she’d scrubbed up quite well—aside from the hair. She grabbed a black and white long silk scarf from her dresser and tied her dreads into an approximation of a ponytail before nodding at her reflection. Well enough to see the lawyer, anyway.
The Pregnancy Contract Page 3
