“He stopped in here the other day to get a drink,” she said.
“He doesn’t drink coffee,” I said. I hated how accusatory I sounded, but what she was saying wasn’t really adding up.
“Okay, then he drank tea. I don’t remember,” Piper said. She was getting defensive.
“He loves tea,” I said. “Maybe I should bring a big glass of sweet tea out to the field today as some sort of peace offering?”
“You could do that,” she replied as she reached for a large plastic cup and filled it with some freshly brewed raspberry tea. How’d she know that was his favorite?
“I’ll just come clean now,” I said. “No sense in waiting. Either he’ll stay mad at me or he’ll finally admit how he really feels.”
“I think you’re making the right choice,” Piper said as she handed me Luke’s tea.
“Here goes nothing,” I said as I walked out.
I drove to the north side of town, hopped onto the highway, and then turned left onto a gravel road. Pretty much every field in north Rock River was owned by the Summers family and their century farm. I wasn’t sure which field Luke was in. I didn’t want to call him. I wanted to surprise him. I had to see if he was going to be happy to see me. That would determine everything.
I spotted a green and yellow tractor going up and down a field, and I waited for it to get closer. I pulled my car over on the side of the road, and as soon as I recognized Luke’s ridiculously dark tan and his yellow co-op hat, I climbed out of my car and walked over to the fence.
He spotted me immediately and parked his tractor, climbing down to meet me at the fence.
“Hey,” I said. “Thought you could use this.”
“Thanks,” he said as he took the tea from my hand and took a long sip. “What are you doing here?”
“We haven’t spoken in days,” I said. “It’s weird. I don’t like it.”
He stared at me and said nothing, as if he didn’t owe me any kind of explanation.
“Is everything okay with us?” I asked.
Luke shrugged his shoulders and stared down at the ground, kicking the earth beneath his boots. That wasn’t a good sign.
“Look,” I said. “The real reason I came out here was to tell you something.”
He rolled his eyes and leaned back. “What’d you do now?”
“I slept with Hudson Smith last night,” I said. I closed my eyes and waited for him to say something.
“You already slept with him I thought,” Luke said.
“No,” I said. “I was telling the truth when I told you nothing happened last Friday night. You didn’t believe me. You stopped talking to me. Hudson came out to the diner last night, we hung out, things just happened. None of it was planned, Luke. But it happened. I can’t change it. I can only be honest about it.”
Luke’s face turned beat red, and it wasn’t from the midday’s sun. I couldn’t see his blood boiling, but I could sense it. He was about to explode. His breathing grew labored as his nostrils flared. I knew I had to get out of there before he exploded. Luke’s temper was always a force to be reckoned with.
“Why’d you do it?” he asked through clenched teeth. “I thought you were better than that.”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“I have to get back to work, Brynn,” he said. He seemed annoyed with my presence.
“Wait, so?” I hesitated. “What does this mean? Are we still friends?”
“I don’t know,” he said as he took a few steps backwards towards his running tractor. “I don’t know.”
“I have a right to sleep with whomever I want, Luke,” I said. “I sat back as you hooked up with Maggie Lindemeyer. Tessa Swanson. Heather Rodemeyer. Do you want me to keep going? Because I can.”
Luke rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know why you care all of a sudden. You never cared before,” I huffed.
He studied my face and I could tell he had something to say, but he remained tightlipped much to my dismay.
I threw my hands up in the air. I didn’t come all the way out there and make that confession for him to act so ambivalent.
“Maybe I’ll call you later,” he said.
“I’m working in a couple hours,” I said. “Late shift tonight.”
He placed his hands on top of his head and shrugged.
“Just give me some space for now, Brynn,” he said. “I need to wrap my head around this.”
He spun around and climbed back into his tractor, flipping the visor down so that I couldn’t see his face anymore.
I trekked back to my car, not knowing what to think, as tears began to well in my eyes. I knew I’d made a mistake. Sleeping with Hudson was a mistake. It was an amazing mistake, sure, but it wasn’t worth losing Luke over.
I drove back to town with the sun in my eyes and a trail of gravel dust behind me. The smell of sweet grass and alfalfa filled the car air, and it all felt like home. I belonged here, I just knew it. All I could do was hope that Luke would forgive me. I would’ve given anything in that moment for things to just go back to the way they were.
***
Eight long hours on my feet at the diner left me worn out and ready for bed. I needed a new pair of shoes, but tips lately had been leaving much to be desired. All I wanted was to go home, soak my feet in a hot bath, curl up with a book, and go to bed.
I’d checked my phone every chance I had all day and there was still no sign of Luke coming around.
“We can close up early if you want,” Sarah said as she untied her apron. “I don’t see anyone else coming in. It’s ten ‘til.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said. “I’ll get the register.”
We locked up shop and shut down the place as we headed out to the staff parking lot behind the restaurant.
“Um, who’s that?” Sarah asked as we approached our cars.
I looked up from fishing around in my purse for my keys to see Hudson Smith leaning against the driver’s side of my car, arms crossed, and devilishly handsome smile spread across his ridiculously beautiful mouth.
My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. I certainly wasn’t expecting to see him there. I was almost positive that what we had done was nothing more than a one night stand.
“I’ve got this,” I said to Sarah. “It’s okay. You can go.”
Sarah lingered for a bit before climbing into her car and pulling away.
“Hi,” I said to him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”
“I couldn’t stay away,” he said as he walked towards me and met me halfway. “I’ve been thinking about last night all day.”
I blushed and hung my head, averting my eyes from his intense gaze.
The moment he was within arm’s reach of me, he pulled me close into him. I was powerless under his touch. He had some sort of unspoken control over me.
He leaned down and placed his mouth onto mine, kissing me with his soft, tender lips. Under the moonlight and the clear, Iowan sky above, I was in sheer heaven.
“Come back with me tonight,” he said. “To my place.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but instantly the thought of Luke flashed through my mind. I thought about how upset he was earlier and how he hadn’t talked to me for four days over something that didn’t even happen. Now that something had happened, I was almost positive I’d blown any chance I’d had with Luke…and possibly our friendship.
“What?” Hudson asked, sensing my hesitation.
“My friend, Luke,” I said. “I told him I slept with you. He’s mad at me for it.”
“What is he in love with you or something?” Hudson’s face cringed as he took a step back and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think so? He’s just being weird right now.”
“He’s not going to come after me with his pitchfork is he?” Hudson laughed. His joke wasn’t funny.
I rolled my eyes.
“No, he’s not like that,” I s
aid. “I’m just pretty sure he’s not going to get over it. He’s never been this way before.”
“Sounds like he’s jealous.” Hudson shrugged, and I could tell he was silently pleased about it.
I stood in front of him with my arms folded, looking away. I couldn’t look at him. He was being so flippant about something that meant so much to me.
“I threw away my best friend for a little fling with you,” I said. “I know what we have means nothing to you, but what Luke and I have…what we had…our friendship…meant everything to me.”
“Hey, now,” Hudson said as he reached for my arm and pulled me back into his warm embrace. “Why would you think you mean nothing to me?”
“Because,” I said as I was finally able to look him in the face. “You’re…you. And I’m…me. I’m no one. You’re hopping on a plane in a couple days, and I’m never going to see you again. I’ll just be another notch on your belt.”
“Oh, please,” he huffed. “If you only knew. I wish you’d stop treating me like I’m some womanizer. I told you last night I can count the women I’ve slept with on both hands. Not a lot of guys can say that – famous or not.”
I wanted to believe him, but I just couldn’t. Not yet.
“I honestly think you’re one of the most genuine girls I’ve ever met,” he said. “And you’re naturally beautiful.”
He placed his soft palm on the side of my cheek, then traced his finger down the side of my nose and over my lips.
“You’re a work of art, Brynn,” he said. “Truly. There’s just something about you. I’m just drawn to you.”
The sensation of his fingertips across my lips tickled my stomach as I longed for him to kiss me again. I was growing weaker and weaker in his presence and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. The things he said to me were things no man had ever said to me before.
“I don’t understand it,” I said. “I don’t understand what you see in me.”
“And that’s exactly why I like you,” he said with a smirk.
He leaned down, head cocked, and kissed my mouth again. I reached my arms up and rested them on his broad shoulders. Nothing else mattered but him and me.
“You’re coming home with me tonight,” he whispered between soft pecks.
CHAPTER 4
I woke up Wednesday morning in a soft jersey t-shirt that clearly wasn’t my size and in a bed that was much bigger than mine. My head was pounding and as my eyes adjusted, I realized I was back in Hudson’s hotel suite.
The sound of the shower running and the mugginess of the steam that escaped from the bathroom filled the silent air around me. The room was still dark, and the clock on the nightstand read five in the morning.
“Shit,” I said out loud as I rubbed my temples.
The last thing I remembered was running into Hudson outside of the diner then going back to his hotel room. I must have drank too much with him, which was a shame, because I couldn’t remember a damn thing about the night before.
I heard the shower shut off and within minutes, Hudson emerged with a white hotel towel wrapped around his narrow waist. His upper body was a pure work of art, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he rifled through his suitcase and pulled out some clothes.
He slipped on his usual jeans and t-shirt combination and slipped over to my side of the bed where he took a seat.
“Morning,” he said as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You must’ve been tired last night. One drink and you were out cold.”
I smiled, trying not to blast him with my dragon breath. I took relief in knowing that we hadn’t slept together, and I hadn’t missed out on any fabulous memories of that after all.
“I have an early call time today,” he said. “I’m leaving town tomorrow. Going home. I really want to see you again.”
I smiled again. I wanted to see him too.
“Can you come over again tonight?” he asked.
I nodded. If Hudson Smith wanted to spend one more night with me, who was I to tell him no? Things with Luke had already taken a turn for the worst, and I was pretty sure we were approaching unsalvageable territory. I had nothing to lose at this point.
“Great,” he said as he flashed his megawatt smile. “Come over around eight.”
I pulled the covers back up and settled down deep into the soft pillows. I shut my eyes and tried to get a few more hours of sleep. It was way too early for me to even function.
***
I drove back to my apartment a few hours later, opting to shower in my own bathroom. I didn’t feel like throwing on my greasy, diner clothes from the night before, as much as I really wanted to shower in Hudson’s shower once again.
I threw off my dirty clothes and climbed into my shower. As the water trickled down my back, I squeezed my eyes tight and thought about the things Hudson had said. I couldn’t tell if he was just really good with words or if I was being foolish and naïve, but everything he said made perfect sense to me.
I thought about how angry Luke was. There was nothing I could say or do to reverse the damage that had already been done. If our friendship wasn’t strong enough for him to forgive me, then what business did I have wasting my life trying to make it up to him?
I still loved Luke though. He was like a comfortable pair of jeans, the kind you keep forever because they fit you just perfectly and they just don’t make that style anymore. Even if they rip, you still love the hell out of them. You wear them until they fall apart. And then you mend them and wear them some more. That was Luke for me. But if I wasn’t his comfy, old pair of jeans, there was nothing I could do about that.
I rinsed the conditioner from my hair and the soap from my body and stepped out, wrapping my hair in a towel and tossing a thick, fluffy pink robe around my body. I patted on a bit of moisturizer, brushed my teeth, and headed out of the steamy bathroom.
As I crossed the living room and headed towards my bedroom, I about fainted when I saw Luke sitting on my sofa.
“Luke!” I gasped. “Oh, my God. You scared the hell out of me.”
I laughed, but I was still startled. I was just relieved it was him and not some crazy, random stalker guy.
I pulled my robe tight. “What are you doing here? You didn’t call or anything.”
I knew Luke had a key to my place, I’d given it to him years ago in case I ever misplaced mine, but it was rare for him to just stop by unannounced.
Luke couldn’t even look at me. He just sat there, hunched forward, with his hands folded together in front of him.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said. “I keep thinking about you and him. What he did to you. What you did with him.”
“Luke,” I said. “Don’t…”
“I don’t know how I can get over it, Brynn,” he said. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. In seven years of being with Luke, I’d only ever seen him cry once when his grandma passed away while we were still in high school.
“So you’re sure you can’t forgive me?” I asked.
“It just changes things,” he said.
“It doesn’t have to,” I said.
I shuffled over and took a seat next to him. I didn’t know if he wanted me to sit by him or not, but I didn’t care.
The truth was, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have a legitimate reason for sleeping with Hudson other than the fact that he was who he was and I allowed him to seduce me.
“I can’t change what I did,” I said. “I can’t expect you to forget it either. I just don’t know why you care so much.”
He turned towards me again, and I fully expected him to finally confess that he had feelings for me and that that was why it hurt him so bad. He said nothing.
“What I have with Hudson, that’s nothing,” I said. “Just a fling.”
“What you have with Hudson,” he repeated me verbatim. “What’s that mean?”
“Huh?” I tried to play dumb, but I knew I’d backed myself into a corner.
�
�I thought you just hooked up with him once,” he said. “Is it turning into a thing now?”
“I don’t know what it is,” I said.
“Did you see him again?” Luke asked. I could hear his heavy breathing kicking in. He was getting upset again.
“Last night,” I said. “But nothing happened.”
“Brynn,” Luke groaned. He stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. “How can you sit here and tell me it meant nothing when you are still taking to that guy and hanging out with him?”
He had a point, and I wished more than anything that I had a good answer for him. Things were complicated, and I knew that. I didn’t have valid excuses for anything anymore.
Luke took a few steps towards the door.
“Wait,” I said. “So you’re leaving? Just like that?”
He spun around and put his hands out as if he couldn’t make it any more obvious.
“So that’s it?” I asked. “Why’d you even come here tonight?”
His shoulders drooped as he looked me square in the eyes.
“I don’t know,” he said. I’d never seen him look so defeated before.
In that moment, I had two choices: I could either continue our argument that was clearly going around in circles and getting us nowhere or I could just let him go. If he wasn’t man enough to fight for me and finally admit he loved me too, then I knew I needed to move on and explore other options.
“Goodbye, Luke,” I said.
He seemed a little shocked that I didn’t say anything beyond that, but within seconds he’d left my apartment and slammed the door. A picture frame containing a picture of us from our high school homecoming coronation fell off the wall and the glass shattered on the wood floor in his place.
***
At exactly 8:05pm, I found myself standing in front of Hudson’s hotel room door, knocking lightly. I had taken my sweet time getting ready that night and was wearing my tightest jeans and lowest cut blouse. I had curled my hair and slicked on red lipstick. I hoped I didn’t look like too much of a whore, but I wanted him to remember me. As far as I knew, it was going to be our last night together.
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