I held up my right ring finger and showed him the canary yellow diamond ring he’d given me two weeks prior.
“Remember?” I said with a smile. “We’re in this together. You and me. You’re mine and I’m yours.”
His face lightened up a bit as he slipped his arms around my waist.
“I’m still coming home with you,” he said.
“That’s fine,” I said. “You can meet my mom.”
He laughed a bit. “Okay.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted,” I said as I stood up and led him by the hand back inside the house. Two weeks with him gone and I never got used to sleeping without him by my side. All I wanted to do was curl up in his arms, close my eyes, and drift off. Saturday was going to be a new day with a fresh start and something we both clearly needed.
***
We arrived in Des Moines on a Friday afternoon and rented a car. I opted to drive, having missed my familiar Iowa roads once again. Mile after mile, hour after hour, we finally arrived in Rock River.
My homecoming was bittersweet, not knowing what to expect. I’d left in such a hurry last time that I was almost afraid to show my face around some parts.
“Do you care if we pop into the coffee shop first?” I asked Hudson. “I want to say hi to Piper and let her know I’m in town.”
“We’re here for you,” he said as he kissed my hand. “We’ll do whatever you want. You just lead the way.”
We pulled up to the shop and climbed out. Piper’s weekend in L.A. started out rough, but eventually we were able to get on the same page. We both missed each other, and we both wanted to have fun. When I took her back to the airport that Sunday, I felt like we were finally getting back on track. We were in a good place.
As Hudson and I walked hand in hand into the coffee shop, the last thing I expected was to see Luke standing up at the counter talking to Piper. Even from across the room I could see the way her face lit up in his presence. His back was towards us, but he was leaning into her, resting on his elbows, like he didn’t have a care in the world, smiling big. He was clearly smitten. I’d never seen him act like that with anyone else before.
I wanted to vomit, but I tried to compose myself.
“Let’s go,” Hudson whispered in my ear. “Let’s just get out of here.”
“No,” I said as I jerked my hand away from him and approached Luke and Piper. “Ahem.”
Piper’s face fell as she turned towards me and backed away from Luke. Luke turned around, then spun right back around as soon as he saw me.
“Piper, how could you?” I asked, my eyes pleading with her for an answer. I’d loved Luke for years. She knew that.
“We’re just talking,” she said, as she tried to play dumb.
I shook my head. I didn’t buy it for one minute. The thought of Piper and Luke flirting and hanging out and becoming close had floated through my mind a time or two before, but I refused to believe she’d ever do that to me. It was sort of an unspoken rule that Luke was off limits to her. I’d cried on her shoulder countless times over the years when Luke had new girlfriends or asked other girls to dances or rebuffed my attempts to take our friendship to the next level.
She untied her apron and flung it on the counter as she asked her coworker to cover for her.
She came around the bar and walked up to me, her arms crossed.
“Let’s go outside,” I said to her. I was going to demand answers.
Hudson watched us carefully as we slipped out the back. I felt bad leaving him around Luke, but I knew he’d be civil.
“What the hell, Piper?” I yelled at her the second we were outside. I searched for a hint of guilt or remorse on her face but found none.
“It just sort of...evolved,” she said.
“What evolved?” I asked. My eyes were burning hot and it took all the strength I had not to break down and cry.
Piper sighed. “Luke and I have sort of had a thing for a while now.”
My heart sank. “What are you talking about?”
“It just sort of happened. I don’t know. I don’t know how it happened.” She studied my face.
“You’re not making any sense,” I whimpered. “I’ve only been with Hudson not even a couple months. How long have you and Luke…?”
I didn’t want to know, but I did.
“A few months, at least,” she said as she bit her lip, stifling a smile. She couldn’t hide the victorious look that crossed her face. It was like Luke was a trophy she’d lusted after and finally wrangled out of my hands. “It was mostly physical at first.”
The thought of Luke and Piper having sex flashed into my mind, and once again I felt sick to my stomach. It made no sense. They hated each other. They weren’t ever each other’s types.
“We got close,” she said. “Especially after you rejected him.”
I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t reject him and you know that.”
She laughed. “Oh, so that’s why you ran off with Mr. Hollywood and left Luke in the dust.”
“No. He had his chance and he waited until it was too late,” I said. “You of all people should know that.”
I suddenly remembered that the guys were inside. I didn’t want to leave Hudson around Luke any longer than I had to, but I still needed to talk to Piper. There were still too many unanswered questions.
The sting of betrayal left a bittersweet taste in my mouth.
“I guess it is what it is, Brynn,” she said, arms crossed.
I couldn’t believe my best friend since kindergarten had committed the ultimate betrayal and was standing before me with a smile on her face. She was happy. In fact, I’d never seen her so happy before.
“Why did he cry at my apartment and why did he text me and tell me he loved me the day I left?” I asked. My hands were on my hips, and I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
Piper shrugged as if she didn’t care that Luke did those things.
My jaw dropped. “Is this for real? Are we really having this conversation right now? Is this really how it’s going to be?”
“You can’t call dibs on people just because you like them, Brynn,” she said. “In high school, you obsessed over Luke just like all the other girls that wanted to be with him. Well, I wanted to be with him too. I just never told you because I was a good friend.”
“I never knew that,” I said.
“I’ve loved him since we were kids,” she sighed.
I huffed. “You had a crush on him in sixth grade. I would hardly call that love.”
“It was love,” she said as she nearly stomped her foot. “I always knew I could treat him better than you ever could. When you became obsessed with him in high school, I didn’t have the heart to tell you I felt the same way.”
I had heard enough.
“I’m done here,” I said to her as I spun around. “Glad you got what you wanted, Piper. Congratulations.”
By the time I’d walked inside, Luke was gone and Hudson was just sitting at a table, sipping a coffee drink.
“You okay?” he asked as he stood up.
“No,” I said. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
He followed me out to my car where I refused to shed a single tear over those assholes, though I wasn’t sure how much longer I could fight it. I’d never felt so betrayed in my life before, and by the two people I least expected to ever hurt me.
CHAPTER 18
I managed to contain my emotions until the second I stepped foot into my apartment. I fell apart. I crumbled to the ground.
“I don’t understand,” I wailed. I didn’t care that Hudson had never seen me so weak and vulnerable. I let loose.
He crouched down and helped me up, leading me over to the sofa where he sat me down and wrapped his arms around me.
“Piper said they’ve been hooking up for months,” I cried. “Since before I met you.”
“That must really hurt,” he said.
“How could they do
that?” I cried. “Who does that to people they love?”
The irony was not lost on me, and Hudson wisely chose not to answer.
“I guess this is my karma,” I sniffed.
“No,” he said. “They’re just assholes.”
“I don’t belong here anymore,” I said. “Everything I thought I had, everyone I thought I knew, it’s all gone.”
“I know you’re hurting,” he said. “But this is still your home. Your mom is still in town, right?”
“Yeah,” I sniffed.
“Then come back whenever you want and spend time with her,” he suggested. “Just ignore Luke and Piper. Be done with all of that. Move on.”
“I don’t ever want to hear their names again,” I sobbed. “They’re dead to me.”
“Okay, I won’t ever talk about Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum ever again,” he teased.
He managed to get a short laugh out of me.
“I guess I’m used to the constant lying and backstabbing,” he said. “It’s just how a lot of people are in my world. But I know this is new to you. I can’t imagine how bad it hurts.”
I buried my face in his chest and breathed in his exotic, musky cologne. He was home to me now. Not Rock River.
“Some people will do anything just to get what they want,” he added.
“I’m just sick of fake people,” I said. “You’re the only person I can trust, Hudson.”
“That’s partly why I was drawn to you,” he said. “You seemed so genuine. So trustworthy. You had that sweet, small town innocence about you. That’s rare where I come from.”
I’d always wondered why he was so drawn to me, but after experiencing what I’d just experienced, it was all starting to make sense. Hudson didn’t want to hurt anymore. He just wanted to love and be with someone who was real. I could never blame him for that.
My arms squeezed him even tighter. I was pretty sure I loved him, but I didn’t know how to say it. I hoped he knew it. I hoped he could feel it. I hoped he’d say it first.
“So we have the whole rest of the day…” he said. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t want to think about it. I thought I was going to be hanging out with you and Piper today. I didn’t think about anything else.”
“Why don’t we go visit your mom?” he suggested. “We can spend time with her tonight and then tomorrow we’ll get on a plane first thing in the morning and go home.”
I nodded and relaxed in the safe comfort of his arms. At least I could rest assured knowing that the last time I saw her, she was doing better. She wasn’t going to be an embarrassment to me. Her place wasn’t going to reek of dirty cat litter and stale beer. I would just die if Hudson saw the way I’d grown up.
“Why don’t you take a little nap?” he suggested as he ran his fingers through my long hair. “It’s been a long flight. A long day. A long afternoon. You’re probably drained.”
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind as we settled in side-by-side on my sofa for a sweet afternoon nap. Hudson’s arms were where I belonged and his arms were where I’d stay.
***
I treated Hudson to some greasy pizza from the one and only gas station in town. It wasn’t organic or gourmet by any means, but he didn’t complain once. I didn’t dare set foot into the Brown Bag Diner. I was sure Marge would have my head on a platter if she ever saw me again.
“Ready to go to my mom’s?” I asked as he wiped the grease from around his mouth and chewed his last bite of pizza.
“Yeah,” he said. He seemed genuinely excited to meet her, which was sweet.
As we buzzed across town to my mom’s little house, I felt the need to prep him before we got there.
“Now, don’t expect anything fancy,” I said.
“Okay,” he laughed, probably confused as to why I’d even say such a thing.
“My dad died when I was little,” I said.
“Yes, I remember you telling me that once,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
“It was just me and Mom,” I said. “We lived in this little house. Money was tight. She was, still is actually, a laborer at the appliance factory.”
“Okay,” he said. “I think that’s great that she took on whatever job she had to to support you.”
I bit my tongue. I wanted to tell him she was an alcoholic and she was never there for me. I wanted to tell him she wasn’t capable of raising a child, but she did the best she could. I couldn’t manage to get the words out. I just hoped to God her house was still in the same condition it was the last time I saw it. I prayed she was still with Tom and still sobering up.
“I just don’t want you to have high expectations,” I said.
“Brynn,” he laughed. “You’re overthinking this. It’ll be fine. I’ll love her no matter what. She’s your mom.”
We pulled into the weeded, gravel driveway of my childhood home. Right away I noticed the yard hadn’t been mowed since I’d last seen it. Foot tall weeds poked up sporadically and the flowers I’d always watered for her in the flower beds were brown and dying. It wasn’t a good sign.
I didn’t see Tom’s car there, but I knew she was home.
“Maybe now’s not a good time for you to meet her,” I said.
“What? No, we’re here. I want to meet her,” he said. “I don’t know why you’re being like this. Moms love me.”
“I’m not worried about her liking you,” I said. “I know she’ll love you.”
I wanted to add, “If she’s sober and coherent enough to remember meeting you” but I didn’t.
I took a deep breath and crawled out of my car, dreading each step to the side entrance door. Hudson was a step behind me the entire way with his hand on my lower back. I opened the creaky door and was immediately punched in the face with the overpowering stench of dirty cat litter. I glanced over to my left to see empty beer cans lining the side of the sink. She had reverted back to her old ways.
Hudson stepped inside after me but said nothing, thank goodness. He was too polite, but I knew he noticed. There was no way he couldn’t have noticed.
“Mom?” I called out.
I didn’t hear the T.V. blaring which meant she was either in her room sleeping or passed out drunk somewhere around the house.
“You can have a seat in there,” I told him as I pointed to the living room.
I wandered back to her bedroom where I lightly rapped on the door.
“Mom?” I called out. I waited a minute or so before opening the door. She was spread eagle, passed out and snoring on her bed all alone.
I walked up and sat next to her, gently shaking her arm.
“Mom, wake up,” I said. “It’s Brynn.”
She was sleeping hard, so I shook her even harder.
“Mom!” I yelled. I was beginning to worry.
I waited and watched as her eyes began to flutter and she startled awake when she saw someone else was there.
“Tom?” she called out.
“No,” I sighed. “Brynn. Your daughter.”
Her eyes fluttered open the rest of the way as a drunk, sheepish smile spread across her lips.
“Hi, honey,” she said as she attempted to sit up in bed. “I didn’t know you were coming home.”
“Are you okay, mom?” I asked. “You seem different from last time.”
“I’m fine,” she said.
“Where’s Tom?” I asked.
“Bastard left me,” she said. “Said I drink too much or some bullshit like that.”
“I thought you were sobering up,” I said. “You seemed so much better last time.”
“He didn’t even want me to have one drink with dinner,” she muttered. “He said it would lead to another and another. I don’t need a man like that controlling my life.”
“How much have you had to drink tonight?” I asked her.
I glanced at the alarm clock. It was nearly eight, and she’d been off work since three. It was hard telling just how man
y drinks she’d had.
“Just a couple,” she mumbled. I didn’t believe her for one second.
“Do you think you can get cleaned up and meet my friend?” I asked her, crossing my fingers she could understand how much that would mean to me.
“Your friend?” she asked.
“Yeah, Hudson,” I said.
“Oh, the movie star,” she said. Her drunk eyes lit up. “Yeah, give me a minute.”
She sat up and steadied herself on the bed before dipping one leg at a time over the edge. I grabbed her elbow and helped her up. She was a skinny little thing but she always had been. She rarely ate. Her dark hair was in desperate need of a trim and color as nearly two inches of gray was growing out. Alcohol was the only thing she ever really cared to spend money on.
“Let me walk you to the bathroom,” I said to her.
“Nah,” she slurred as she tried to push me away. “I got it. Stop taking care of me so much, Brynn. I’m the mother.”
Her words bit me like a bullet in the leg. She was right. She was the mother. If only she’d acted like it.
I watched her make her way to the bathroom and then went out to where Hudson was sitting in the living room. I knew the house was small, and I was sure he’d heard everything, but he said nothing. He didn’t have to. His face said it all. He was sad for me.
I took my place next to him and he wrapped his arm around me.
“You’re a good girl, you know that?” he whispered into my ear before he kissed my cheek. “She’s lucky to have you.”
I nodded. I was well aware.
Within minutes, my mom emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of cheap perfume and hairspray. She’d changed into clean, unwrinkled clothes, and had brushed her hair back into a pony tail.
“Hi, there!” she said as she extended her hand out to Hudson. “I’m Brynn’s mom, Tina. It’s so nice to meet you.”
Hudson stood up and shook her hand. “I’m Hudson. Nice to meet you.”
She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face if she tried nor could she take her eyes off him for two seconds. She was instantly starstruck and smitten with him.
“You’ve raised a really sweet girl here,” Hudson said as he patted my leg.
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