by Amanda Heath
“I love you,” he whispers as he moves his face away from mine. “I never stopped and I never will. It mighta been easy, what we had before, but that doesn’t mean I ain’t gonna make mistakes. You make them too. But for the rest of the time we’re breathin’, you’ll be with me.”
I open my mouth to reply but the brothers around the truck start clapping. I know my face has turned red. “Okay,” I whisper because he makes the best point ever.
There hasn’t been a moment in my day that I haven’t thought of Damien. Not since the day I met him.
It seems I’ve always been stuck between my first love and the love of my life. When in reality, the only one who could ever measure up to what I needed is Damien. But you never forget your first, or so I hear. But now that I know he isn’t going to die, I can finally lay to rest all the stuff with Victor.
I can finally be the real me.
Eleven
“So you’re back together with him? Just like that?” Lola asks, after taking a swig of her beer.
I have my own bottle sitting in front of me on the bar. I watch the sweat drip down the sides, lost in my own thoughts. Though I still answer her. “I wouldn’t say just like that. But we are married since he refused to divorce me and I think that deserves a chance. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. Hell, the second I saw him again after five years, I knew I was still in love with him.”
“Love doesn’t care. It picks who we need the most,” she tells me and I look over at her. Her eyes are trained off into the distance and I know she’s looking at Storm. They had a rough time of it, when they first fell in love. Gah I miss the old days. That shit was fun to watch.
“It also chooses the wrong person. I’ve spent half my life chasing after Victor. Even now when I’m not with him I’m cleaning up his mess.” And I am. Another reason I decided to stay here is to protect Talon. I know he’s still down in the basement. They’ll have to let him go soon or the governor is going to have a war on his hands.
Lola chuckles and waves her hand at Grenade, a brother in his fifties who’s retired to just bartender, for another beer. “Victor is family to you. That’s why I didn’t agree with Rage when he broke up with you. Whether you loved Victor or not, he lived with you, grew up with you. There’s a bond there no one can break. You may hate him, but you’ll always love him too.”
“You make my brain hurt. Stop making sense.” We both giggle and the sound echoes around the now quiet room.
We both turn around in our stools and notice everyone facing the front doors. Light from outside shines in and my heart starts beating in overtime. This can’t be good.
Then everyone parts like the sea for Moses. Three figures come into view and my mouth drops open. “Damn. Hot man boy alerts,” Lola whispers, and I still find the comment funny even though my brothers are striding towards me.
I stand up and smooth my hands down my thighs. Fuck, this is not the time for this crap. Why can’t I have one event-free night? I think I’ve been through enough, what with the mob after me, and Damien coming back into my life. “What in the fuck are y’all doing here? You need to leave,” I say, seething on the inside. I ball my hands into fists and if they say the wrong thing I’m probably going to hit one or all of them.
Van stops first and crosses his arms over his chest. That’s when I see a head of brown hair behind him. Rachel’s brown eyes come up over his shoulder and I see her grin. Then she waves at me. Paisley’s dark red hair comes up next to her and she also grins at me and waves.
Now I’m laughing. “You girls just couldn’t let them have all the fun, huh?” I ask on a laugh. Two of my brothers are fucking whipped and Van probably let them come along just to shut them up.
“Well, we heard you ran off and married a biker. We had to see what that was all about,” Rachel states. My sister-in-law is nuts. She says whatever the hell she wants whenever the hell she wants. I love her.
“Come give me hugs!” I shout, holding my arms open. Both girls move around Court and Channing to get to me. “Paisley I haven’t seen you in forever! How is Boston? Channing behaving himself?” I ask as I wrap my arms around her slight shoulders. The poor girl is tiny. I feel bad for Channing who has to bend at the waist to kiss her.
“Boston is fine. Though I don’t much mind having to come to Dallas to rescue you.” She backs away from me and puts her hands on her hips, all attitude. I love her too. She’s got the attitude to match her hair. She also doesn’t take shit from anyone so she’s all right in my book.
Rachel wraps her arms around me next and jumps up and down. “This is so cool! I can’t believe you married a biker! And why weren’t we invited to the wedding? I invited you to mine you know.”
I sigh when she backs away and before I can open my mouth, my brothers are standing right in front of me. “What the fuck is going on, Ash? This isn’t like you, running off with a biker and ignoring your family,” Van spits out, fury in his green eyes.
Ugh.
I pull my hand up and tap my finger on my chin while looking at them thoughtfully. “You ever stop to think it’s none of your fucking business?” I question before dropping my hand and crossing my arms over my chest.
Rachel and Paisley look at each other with wide eyes. I think Court’s mouth is touching the floor, Van looks like I hit him and Channing, the ever-impassive one, just stands there. He’s only been in my life for the past two years and I’ve let it loose around him before.
“This isn’t you Ash. You’d never leave Victor at the hospital like that and you certainly wouldn’t say ‘fuck’. I would know, I’ve been your brother for twenty years,” Court states, looking more and more pissed off as he speaks.
I want to roll my eyes but I don’t. I want to be a new person and that person isn’t going to be completely immature. “I’ve been married to Damien since I was eighteen years old,” I let out simply.
“What. The. Fuck?” Rachel chokes out, her eyes still wide.
Van and Court just look hurt. “You’ve what? How is that possible? You’ve been with Victor since you were fifteen!” Court finally says, clenching his fists against his legs. Van runs a hand through his hair and Channing finally has a new facial expression. Shock.
“If I was your younger sister, I could understand the overprotectiveness but I’m the oldest. That means I look out for y’all not the other way around. Victor and I broke up a few weeks after he went to Iraq. It was a long time coming. I didn’t like who I was with him. I met Damien at that public school I had to go to.” Suddenly exhausted from all the drama and things I don’t want to relive, I plop down on the bar stool behind me. “Y’all were twelve and thirteen. You didn’t know what was really going on. I liked it that way because it wasn’t any of your business. I didn’t get into your business when you knocked up Rachel, now did I? And Van I didn’t get into that mess with Annabella until after she decided to be a whore. Then it was everyone’s business.”
I get to the end of my little speech when I spot Damien behind the group with me. Then I hear Chutney get up on the stage. She tests out her mic and then her band starts playing. “Sometimes You’re the Hammer, Sometimes You’re the Nail” by A Day to Remember is her song of choice.
I want to get up and cheer her on. This song is perfect for the moment. “Look, the three of you don’t know me. The age gap was enough to cause that and I let it. I’m tired of being proper Ashley who does what everyone expects. I don’t wanna wear fancy dresses and go to charity functions. I don’t want to be a part of the high society life at all. None of you have a say in that. I’m a grown woman and it’s my say, not yours.”
Channing steps forward and I see Damien match his movements. That’s about when Rachel notices Damien. She elbows Paisley, who swings her head in his direction. Her mouth gets tight and I see her ball up her fists. “We don’t want to tell you how to live your life, Ashley. We just want to know what’s going on in it. You’re our family whether you like it or not. That means we’re
going to get in your business more than you like.”
“Could you get your girlfriend before she punches my husband?” I mutter. My eyes meet Damien’s and he smirks, shoving through my brothers to get to me. He puts his hand behind my neck and brings me forward for a kiss.
When he takes his lips away he whispers, “You always come with drama.” I hear Storm chuckle beside us. I face him and he winks before he turns his head back towards the stage. Lola plays the drums like a fucking demon. Every once in a while Chutney can get her to play with the band.
Damien turns around to face my brothers and puts his arm around my shoulders. “Introduce me.”
“Channing is the tall one with black hair, his girlfriend is the redhead, Paisley. Court is in the middle and the brunette is his wife, Rachel. The last one is Van and he comes single, thank God.” I point at each member before I wrap my arms around Damien’s waist and look up at him. “Guys, this is my husband, Damien “Rage” Daniels.”
No one sticks out a hand to shake and I roll my eyes. “Excuse me if I don’t want to shake his hand. He did kind of steal you from Victor,” Court states with menace.
I break away from Damien to go head to head with my brothers. I feel him though, right behind me. Then I feel another person and turn my head to see Storm before I say my peace. “He didn’t steal me from anyone. I broke up with Victor before I ever even touched Damien. I’m not a cheater. I don’t understand why everyone is all of a sudden team Victor after all the shit he put me through.”
Van grunts and steps closer to me. “Victor loved you. He spent half his life with you and you just step over him to get what you want.”
I take a deep breath before I decide to punch Van in the face. “Look you little shit, Victor was more worried about protecting his BFF than he was about me. Do you know how many times I had to sit at home, alone, because he was out with Talon? Victor even followed him to Iraq.” I point my finger over my shoulder at Damien. “Damien puts me first. He doesn’t leave me behind just to hang out with his buddies. I’ve made friends here, something I couldn’t ever do out in the real world. Just let me be happy and shut the fuck up!” I shout, getting more and more angry by the second. They don’t know what I’ve been through.
“You aren’t happy! You’re in a fucking biker bar for crying out loud! You should be at home, having Victor’s babies and enjoying being with a decent man!” Van bellows so loud the music stops and everyone turns to look at us.
Fucking great.
I reach up and slap him as hard as I can. “Victor put all of our lives in danger this week. He and Talon went and took down one of the mob’s whorehouses. So the mob took Victor and almost killed him.” I lean in as far as I can since Damien is holding me back. “He’s the reason I’m here right now. The mob is after me now because Victor didn’t think about anyone but himself. You remember that the next time you’re around him. You remember that and then you pick a fucking side. You’re either with me or you’re against me. And I hope you’re with me because I love each and every one of you with all my heart but I won’t tolerate this bullshit. Y’all aren’t my parents; you’re my younger brothers. You have no business to say anything about my life.” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “Also, since it’s sharing time, I can’t have children.”
Rachel and Paisley both gasp. My brothers just look at me like I’ve grown a new head. After a while Rachel steps through my brothers and holds out her hand to Damien. “I’m Rachel Pierce. It’s so great to meet you.” She gives him a dazzling smile and he shakes her hand. “Oh and I love what you’ve done with Ashley. She was boring before. I haven’t seen anyone put these three in their places like that.” Then she throws her arms around my shoulders. “I’ll carry eight babies for you, Ash. I swear to God I will. You deserve to be happy and I know you want kids. I see how you look at Asher,” she whispers in my ear.
Tears prick at my eyes but I don’t let them fall. That would make me look like a sissy right now. I have to look badass for that smack down I just delivered. “Thank you,” I tell her, shoving my face in her neck.
When we break apart I have three brothers looking at me with sheepish eyes. “I’m sorry, Ash. We’ll stay out of it from now on,” Court tells me as he leans down to scoop me up into a hug. “But you should have told us all that shit. I certainly wouldn’t have been at the hospital with Victor.”
“I was protecting you, dumbass. There are things better kept to myself.” I hold him close to me and breathe in his scent. His cologne tickles my nose and I smile. Some things will never get old and one of those is having my arms wrapped around my brothers. They are all older now; they don’t allow hugs from their sister anymore.
“It’s better for us to hear, Ash. Keeping us in the dark isn’t protecting us, it’s hurting us,” Channing says while moving Court out of the way so he can hug me. Channing isn’t much of a toucher but when he squeezes me for a second longer than normal, I feel warm inside. It hasn’t always been easy for him to be my brother but I know he’ll always be there for me.
Van sneers at me before wrapping his arm around my neck. “You hit like a man. Jesus.” He rubs his jaw with his other hand. “Who’s the other guy? I thought he was going to punch me so I was looking at him, not you. Plus, I never expected you to hit me.”
Damien and Storm laugh behind me and I giggle. “Brother, she’s using her fists to get her point across. I’ve seen her lay out five club whores in as many minutes. She don’t play around.” Then Storm sticks out his hand to shake with Van. “I’m Storm, Rage’s brother.”
“Actual brother or club brother?” Van asks, taking Storm’s hand.
“Unfortunately we came from the same father. But don’t let that deter you. I’m more awesome.” They let go of each other and Storm points towards the stage. “You’ll have to meet the singer, Chutney, who also came from our father. The smoking hot babe on the drums is my wife, Lola.”
And like she could hear him, “I wanna meet your brothers, Glossy!” Chutney shouts into the mic.
I just shake my head. She jumps down from the stage and rushes over to us. Lola follows behind at a slower pace. “Oh my God! I’m so excited!” Chutney says when she makes it to us. “You must be Van.” And then she tackle hugs him.
She doesn’t wait for his response before moving on to the next one. She repeats the same hug for Court and Channing. Then she calmly introduces herself to Rachel and Paisley. They remember her from high school though. As do my brothers.
“I’m glad you cleared that up. I was beginnin’ to wonder if they were ever gonna show up.” Damien comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He places his face in my neck and inhales.
“So you did call them?” I ask quietly.
“No, I called your mother. I had a few things to say to her but I asked her to send them down here. No need to get everyone in a fit because you won’t speak to them.” He starts kissing my neck and I laugh.
“Being sweet isn’t going to get you on my good side. In fact, it’s probably gonna make you sleep on the couch.” I try to wiggle loose but he doesn’t budge.
He lifts his head to kiss my temple. “Baby, I ain’t sleepin’ at night by myself. If you ain’t in my bed, I’ll find you and drag you back.” I go to open my mouth with a reply but he stops me. “Just try me, Ashley. I mean business. We’re forever now. Ain’t no goin’ back on that. We’d never make it by ourselves.”
I think on that as we stand there watching my family interact with his family. Then I realize he’s right. What kind of existence would I have without him? It would be dark and grey with no color. Just like the last five years have been.
I turn in his arms and wrap mine around his neck. “You promise to love me forever?” I whisper, staring into his deep blue eyes.
“I promise.” He kisses my temple then. “I haven’t stopped yet.
Twelve
Damien
The first time I ever saw Ashley Southerland, my heart stop
ped. She wasn’t doin’ anything out of the ordinary. Just puttin’ on lip gloss but I’d never had that happen to me before. She was just so damn beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
That black hair all around her shoulders and those light blue eyes just drew me in. Her lips were pouty as she looked in the mirror on her locker door and I just knew. I knew she was mine and I had to have her.
You might think I’m crazy or stupid, but either way I don’t really give a fuck. I’m a man who prides myself on knowin’ what I want. I knew she was it for me and I couldn’t explain it to you if I tried.
But no relationship is perfect. And if you fuckin’ say that they are, I’ll probably punch you. You fight and there are things about the other person that drive you up the wall. I know because I’ve seen it all around me. My pop and his on again off again girlfriend have been playing games with each other since the birth of my little sister. My lil brother Ryan and his old lady, Lola, they definitely ain’t perfect. I mean Lola almost had to die for him to realize he wanted her on the back of his bike. Lots of my brothers have old ladies and they are constantly bitchin’ and throwin’ shit at each other.
I’d give my left nut to get back the past five years of my life. I wouldn’t have pushed Ashley away. I would have held her close and told her how much I loved her every fuckin’ day. You might think that’s a pussy thing to do but I didn’t ask for your opinion. I’m a real man. I might be possessive and alpha but there are certain things a woman brings out in you. My softer side is because of Ashley and it’s what keeps me grounded to the here and now. I wouldn’t trade that in for anythin’.
