by Melissa Haag
Beatriz stood beside me, studying me. Her animated expressions from the day before were absent as her calm hazel eyes studied me.
“What?” My response came out as more of a croak, and I quickly looked around to see who stood close enough to hear our conversation.
“Biting your lip. Doesn’t that hurt?” It tilted Beatriz’s head and pointedly looked at my mouth.
“Uh, I’m careful?” I hadn’t even known I was biting my lip.
The thing nodded Beatriz’s head as if it understood, but it didn’t relax its searching gaze or alert stance.
“What did Belinda write in her book?”
That question surprised me. When it mentioned the book before, I thought it knew something more than I did. If not, then how did it even know about Belinda’s book? I wondered what I should reveal. Should I pretend I didn’t understand the question? Was there something in the book that could hurt us if I shared the information? I didn’t think so. The fact that the information was unhelpful in my own search for answers prodded me to answer honestly, yet vaguely.
“Rules and everyone’s first name. Like a family tree. That’s all.”
“What rules?”
After a lifetime of secrecy, talking about our weird rules in public unnerved me. In my mind, I imagined everyone around us hearing everything even though I spoke softly.
“Home before dark. Close up the house. Sleep.” I didn’t elaborate on that part. “And choose a boy before we turn seventeen.”
It was quiet for a long moment and actually broke eye contact to look away with an unfocused gaze. “Haven’t you ever wondered why you’re choosing a boy?” The last word was said with contempt.
I wondered about its distaste for the word but could only nod. Yes, I did wonder why. I wanted to know badly but wasn’t sure if I should trust anything the not-Beatriz before me said.
Her eyes focused on me, and whatever controlled her answered as if it had seen my nod. “I’ll sit with you tomorrow at lunch. We’ll talk more then.”
Again, I was left feeling torn and dealing with a confused person.
Tomorrow would be a good day to pretend to be sick.
No matter how much I didn’t want to go to school, I couldn’t come up with a good reason for my mom to let me stay home. Or, at least, one that didn’t involve the truth. Though I didn’t want to keep what happened from my family, I knew how they would react. I could imagine my mom telling her boss we needed to move already, less than a week after we’d arrived. The thought made me cringe for her. How awkward would her work relationship be after that? Especially when he’d been so nice about setting up this place for us. No, I firmly decided to keep my problem to myself.
When the bell rang for lunch, I approached the cafeteria with caution. Beatriz caught up with me in line, and we chatted about our English assignment as I covertly watched everyone around us.
After the lunch ladies filled my tray, Beatriz and I found a table. She sat next to me, still talking. Jess seemed to consider joining us but changed his mind at the last minute, which was for the best. With him, I would have four kids in three years. One set of twins. He would die in a car accident, leaving me heart-broken because I would have loved him. That, along with the idea of four kids, scared me. None of the existing branches showed four. Three topped it. The life expectancy of our men, along with the gestation period, made having more children nearly impossible.
As soon as Beatriz finished her lunch, her entire demeanor changed, and I knew she was no longer Beatriz.
“You look well today,” the thing controlling her said with an indecipherable expression.
Maybe because I’d been expecting its appearance, or maybe because I’d already spoken to it several times, I didn’t feel the usual spike of numbing fear. Oh, the idea that something was following me and possessing people still scared me, just not enough to paralyze me.
“Thank you,” I said hesitantly. “Not to be rude, but what are you?”
“A creature created long ago when nature was corrupt with other influences.”
That told me nothing. I toyed with my fork as I tried to gain the courage I needed to be more direct. Given how quickly it tended to disappear, I didn’t want to let this chance to get a meaningful answer slip by.
So, I took a calming breath and forced myself to just start talking.
“What bargain were you referring to yesterday?”
I startled a little when it reached over and removed the fork from my hands. A small smile played on its lips. Setting the fork on its own tray, it leaned toward me and spoke softly.
“Belinda grew up without a mother. Her father, who loved her very much, worked hard to provide for them but could never earn enough to improve their circumstances. He worried about what would become of Belinda if something should happen to him. He tried to arrange a match for her, but she didn’t like her options. To be honest, I don’t think her father did either, but with so little money back then, there wasn’t much choice. So he called on me. He asked for—”
“Wait, he called on you?” The story sounded a lot like a fairy tale I once read. “What does that mean? Did he know you?” It shook Beatriz’s head. “Then how did he call on you?”
“Let’s save that for another time. We don’t have much left today.”
I looked around, noted the emptying cafeteria, and nodded.
It gazed thoughtfully at me then continued its story.
“He asked for money. Just enough to secure a future for Belinda.” At my puzzled look, it explained before I could interrupt again. “I can make deals. Pacts. I have the power to grant requests, but there’s always a price. The price was Belinda.”
My mouth popped open. No wonder she’d been hiding. But why leave a book telling us we needed to hide, too, if she was the price?
“I wanted a companion. Someone to talk to. In my mind, I could provide her with security no human could. At that point in my existence, I’d had little exposure to humans and didn’t fully understand...well, I didn’t understand much. However, I did want a companion who would come to me by choice.
“We struck a deal. I could spend time with Belinda to present myself to her as a choice. Because I’m not very patient, I set a limit to the amount of time she had to decide. She had until her seventeenth birthday. In the event that she didn’t choose me, I added a clause allowing me to present myself to any descended from her line under the same conditions until someone did choose me.”
The bell rang, startling me. I looked around. The cleaning crew began to make their way along the tables. Voices from the steady stream of students in the hallway drifted in. When I looked back, Beatriz stood and grabbed her tray.
“Tomorrow.”
After that word, it left. And I still didn’t know what it was. Could I trust what it said? The information all seemed to fit and explained why Belinda wrote the book; she’d made her choice and left the rest of us to suffer the consequences.
After school, I headed to the library to do some research like I’d wanted to do the day before. As I’d suspected, there wasn’t much to be found, and what little there was mostly pointed to demonic possession. There were only a few references to mental illness. I ruled out mental illness right away. There was no way so many people in my family could fall victim to spontaneous, temporary mental illness. It would be too much of a coincidence.
Then, a thought occurred to me. What if they weren’t the ill ones?
The common factor in all of the occurrences was me. I remained the only one to see the thing. And for all of the people it had possessed, only I seemed to hear it. My ability to glimpse my future, coupled with the sleep thing, wasn’t normal. Growing up, I’d been told repeatedly to keep that part of who I was to myself. What if my family just wanted to protect me from myself and this was all in my head?
Deep in thought, I left the library and started the seven-block walk home. The overcast sky matched my troubled mood. Just in case my psyche wasn’t the issue, I needed t
o categorize the questions I had and decide which one was the most important. Then, I would know what to ask first the next time I had a chance.
I really wanted a better explanation of what it was. But did that matter more than finding out what it wanted? After our talk today, I had a general idea. Yet, I needed to know what, exactly, presenting itself to me as a choice meant. He’d said he wanted a companion. But why? That brought me back to who it was. Was it a he? A she? Did it even have a gender? What was its name? The questions started to pile up.
Taking a deep breath, I cleared my mind and started again. What is your name, and what does it mean to choose you? Good.
As I neared the house, I slowed down and circled back to my original thought. Could I trust anything it said? The only person who could verify the thing’s story died almost two hundred years ago. All I had to go on was its word, which might even be a figment of my deranged mind.
Red-nosed and weary, I pushed open the front door and called out a less than chipper greeting. Gran responded from the back of the house.
“I was wondering where you were. Did you run into trouble?” She moved toward the kitchen with a concerned expression and looked me over for any new marks of trauma. She wouldn’t see them. They were well hidden in my mind.
“I was doing some research at the library. Mom’s right. Living in town is kind of nice.” I made an effort to sound happy as I peeled off my jacket, hat, and mittens.
Gran stepped aside so I could put them away.
“As long as you’re safe, that’s all that really matters.” She grinned at me impishly and then added, “Your mom was right about town. I do like having neighbors again.”
Moving to the stove, she stirred the browning ground meat. While we put together the fixings for tacos, she told me about the widower two houses down who’d stopped by to offer his help when it snowed.
“I assured him that with all of us girls working, we’d be fine on our own, but he insisted. He has one of those machines to clear away the snow. Said he’d be happy to do it in exchange for some cocoa.”
I looked up at Gran, astonished as something clicked into place. The book said we needed to choose before seventeen. After we chose, we lost our gift and no longer needed to hide until our daughters turned twelve. Oh, and our husbands were short-lived. Why, then, hadn’t anyone ever remarried? Based on her comments, Gran was still interested.
Before I could ask her, the door opened, and Mom and Aunt Grace walked in. It wasn’t a topic I wanted to bring up in front of everyone. So I kept quiet.
As I waited in the lunch line, the question repeated in my mind. What is your name, and what does it mean for me to choose you? Even though I still wasn’t sure if I would believe the answers it might give, I wanted to be ready.
“I like how you dress.”
I turned and saw Beatriz standing just behind me. Since I’d been watching for the thing, I had no idea how not-Beatriz had managed to sneak up on me.
The boy who was behind me eyed her oddly, and I realized how the compliment must have sounded. Having a rumor that I was a lesbian floating around school would be a new one for me.
Since not-Beatriz stood awkwardly to the side, I handed her a tray and motioned for her to step in line. The boy behind us didn’t object but watched us closely.
Moving with the line, I watched her out of the corner of my eye. Whatever controlled her did everything I did, asked for what I asked for, and studied how I interacted with people. If the thing wanted to learn social skills, I’d have to let it know I’d be a bad choice for a role model.
“I dress like everyone else,” I said as we waited for the register.
“No. You don’t.”
I glanced at it questioningly.
“You dress for yourself. They dress for everyone else.”
For the first time, I really noticed what I wore and compared my clothes to everyone around me. Sure, I wore the same worn and holey style of jeans, but that was easy to do when you were poor. My style similarity stopped there, though. I didn’t own the cute little flats or the high heels that some wore. I owned sneakers. One pair. That’s what I wore. My mom and I wore the same size tops, so we swapped around our clothes to keep a bigger selection. She didn’t work anywhere with a dress code, so cumulatively, we owned t-shirts, long and short-sleeved, and a few sweaters.
Mostly, I layered the t-shirts and wore a hoodie when it got too cold. I didn’t wear makeup. I didn’t have enough time in the morning, thanks to the curse. And jewelry, even the cheap stuff, felt like a waste of money.
After taking inventory, I felt decidedly inferior. Yet, not-Beatriz liked that. Why? Did it think my poverty made me more desperate?
Leading the way to the table, I put down my tray and sat stiffly. “They have money. I don’t.”
It quietly watched me take a bite. “You’re upset. Why?”
“You just told me I dress like a...” I was at a loss for the word then thought of one Gran used. “A schlub.”
Beatriz’s brown eyes remained focused on my face as if it gleaned information from me that way, and it canted her head at me. “Is that a word?”
“It is in my house,” I mumbled, looking down. I forked in another bite of food and took a moment to taste what I was eating. Alfredo. Glancing at my tray, I grabbed a breadstick and dipped it in the sauce.
“I think you misunderstood me. I like how you dress. I wasn’t hinting at anything with my words.”
I glanced up but couldn’t read anything in Beatriz’s expression. “Fine. Let’s just forget it.” Was I really getting moody with the unknown creature sitting inside Beatriz’s body? My questions. I needed to focus.
“What is your name, and what does it mean to choose you?”
A choking noise to my right distracted me. The boy who’d been behind us in line sat a few seats away. Although he sat partially turned away from us, he’d obviously been listening. I narrowed my gaze, thought about what we’d said so far, then rolled my eyes. Yep, by tomorrow, I’d be a confirmed lesbian. That’d put a damper on meeting new boys.
“Morik,” not-Beatriz said, answering my question. “And choosing me means time with me. As I said, I’ve been alone a long—”
I held up my hand when the boy made another sniggering noise, and I pointedly darted my gaze toward our eavesdropper. Beatriz’s flat gaze shifted to the boy. In an instant, the thing left Beatriz then entered the boy. I felt horrible and didn’t know what to do. Would it hurt him? What could I say to prevent that from happening? Call it back, maybe?
The boy picked up his tray and stood.
“Tessa, I don’t feel good,” Beatriz said quietly.
Forcing my gaze away from the boy, I noted Beatriz’s pale complexion. I’d completely forgotten about her. She looked more scared than sick, though.
“I don’t remember how I got here.” Her voice warbled with barely suppressed tears.
“Oh, honey, we walked together.” My pitying look wasn’t fake. I hated lying, but the truth was worse.
Before I could say more, it returned. Beatriz’s expression of fear faded into the calm mask of someone possessed by that thing. Morik.
I looked around and spotted the boy. He sat further away and was looking around, puzzled.
“You need to stop doing that,” I said, focusing on Beatriz again.
Her eyes shifted from me to the boy it’d placed across the cafeteria. The boy looked back at us in confusion, and I averted my gaze.
“All the people you keep popping into are going to think they’re crazy,” I said.
“I am willing to spend time with you in my true form, but I do not think you are ready.”
The image of its glowing green eyes crossed my mind. Morik was right. I wasn’t ready and didn’t think I ever would be.
Obviously, now that Morik had found me, he wanted to be around me until I made my choice. And, for now, he would be in other people’s bodies. I shivered, thinking of later. Is that why Belinda chose a boy?
To get rid of him? No wonder she said to hide. That thought made me pause. How had he found me in the first place? Was it really because I’d been out at dusk? I opened my mouth to ask, but he interrupted me.
“We will talk more later.” Then, Morik was gone.
Frustrated, I sighed before realizing Beatriz was back and in need of comfort.
“You’re not going crazy—I can see that’s what you’re thinking, so stop. You probably had a lot on your mind when we walked here. It’s not like we were talking. I’ve walked myself to the kitchen hundreds of times and then wondered how I got there.”
She studied me for a moment, probably looking for sincerity, then started to eat her untouched lunch. I dug into my own.
These quick conversations with Morik weren’t answering my questions, but they did hint at one thing: He didn’t want to harm me. I needed more time with him to get the information I wanted in full detail. Maybe that was his plan. Tease me with information so I’d willingly spend time with him.
Barely suppressing a sigh, I also realized that if I wanted to spend the time with him to get my answer, I needed a host for him. Beatriz was out. So was talking during school. After school then. But with who? I looked around. The boy who’d been watching us still sat where Morik had left him. He wouldn’t work, either. Too many weird things that could relate back to me would fuel the gossip fire, and that boy already had enough fuel. I needed someone outside of school.
For the rest of the day, I concentrated on my problem but found no solution. Everyone I knew, I liked so far, and I didn’t want that thing messing with their heads. Which left me only one option. I needed to face him, the real him, if I wanted more of an explanation without jeopardizing someone else’s mental stability.
Chapter Five
My nightly curse-induced sleep made it hard to wake with a “destiny be damned” attitude. Yet, that Saturday, the first day of my first job, I managed to make an exception.
I opened my eyes right on time and immediately hopped out of bed to get ready. Anticipation filled me with enthusiasm. Mostly because I was tired of all the restrictions in my life and very much looking forward to the small measure of financial freedom I’d gain by having a job.
