by Melissa Haag
I pitied Belinda’s father, and though Belinda had been a self-centered woman, I understood her hesitation about choosing Morik. I wasn’t sure I could have, either. But to make that second deal? She’d condemned countless boys to a premature death instead of sacrificing herself, and she’d robbed all of her descendants of any chance of true happiness.
My mom had always said my dad had been a good man. She’d told me stories about his kindness and his willingness to help others. I’d never known him because he’d died before my second birthday, but from her, I knew he’d loved me very much. I’d once asked my mom why she’d picked him if she’d known he was such a good man. She’d smiled sadly and said she’d loved him, and he’d loved her. It wasn’t much of an answer.
Mona didn’t seem to notice my distraction. Like the day before, we worked in tandem, taking and making orders. I did most of the serving while she stayed behind the counter assembling the sandwich orders. After a particularly grueling rush, I went back behind the counter and found half a ham and Swiss sandwich plated with a cappuccino next to it.
I looked up at Mona questioningly, and she answered with a grin.
“If we’re lucky, we’ll get about a ten-minute lull. Enjoy it while you can.” She pulled out a bar stool from the dark recesses under the counter, sat down, and propped her feet on a down-turned, empty five-gallon bucket.
The smell of the rye bread teased me, and my stomach rumbled. The bowl of cereal I’d eaten for breakfast was just a memory. I leaned against the counter, glanced at the handful of people still sipping their coffee, then took a quick bite. The tang of the brown mustard blended perfectly with the other flavors. I sighed happily then quickly devoured my lunch.
Within minutes, the bell above the door started to jingle once more. I greeted the new customers with a smile and started the second round of taking and making orders.
As soon as the flow slowed around one, I wrapped up a few of the less common sandwich ingredients and started to wash the tables. Since Mona had everything under control at the counter, I went in back and wiped everything down in the supply room. Turning off the lights, I went to the coat rack to grab my jacket. When I came back out, the sign said closed, and Mona sat at a table, counting the tips.
“Everything in back is wiped down. And we’re out of tomatoes.” I put on my jacket and pulled the mittens out of the pocket.
“Not so fast,” she said, looking up. From under the table, she used her foot to nudge out a chair. “Have a seat.”
I sat, and she finished counting. At least, today I felt like I’d done more work.
“Looks like you’re a keeper, Tessa.” She handed me twenty-five dollars with a wide smile. “We’re serving people faster than they’re used to, and they like it. It doesn’t hurt that you’re nice and smile,” she added with a laugh. “I was toying with the idea of staying open for the afterschool crowd. Would you be willing to help out if I do?”
Inside, I frowned. Working after school wouldn’t be a problem in fall or spring. It was just the wrong time of year for that.
“I’m sorry, Mona. I have to be home before dark every night. My great-grandma and great-aunt live with us, and I have to help out at home.” I hated using the religious excuse that my mom used. It made us sound weird. In reality, we were weird enough without adding to it.
“That’s what makes you such a good worker. You know your responsibilities. If things change, let me know. Otherwise, we’ll keep it just like this weekend.”
I nodded in agreement and stood. She walked me to the door and locked up behind me.
A strong northern wind swept down the street and robbed me of breath. The brave souls who walked the sidewalks downtown did so at a brisk pace. It wasn’t the weather for leisurely strolls.
I spotted Clavin’s car a short distance away and headed straight for it. Not bothering to knock on the window, I tugged open the door and slid in. Sure, he helped bash my face into a door, but he’d also cried in front of me and had come to me for help.
Closing the door with a heavy thud, I turned toward Clavin, who watched me tiredly. Heat surrounded me.
“Need sleep?” I asked as I removed my mittens.
He nodded.
“My mom’s home this time,” I said, “but she’ll be okay with it.”
I didn’t add why she’d be okay with it. Yesterday, I’d barely gotten him out of the house before everyone came home. No one said where they’d been, and I didn’t ask. I’d been too distracted by worrying that they would see something out of place or that they’d smell his cologne in my room.
Inwardly, I cringed at the hopeful excitement his presence would bring everyone else.
“I brought homework just in case we needed a reason,” he added helpfully as he pulled onto the road. With that comment, he broke down a little bit more of my deep aversion to him.
We parked in front of the house, and Clavin grabbed his bag. I reached out to stop him from taking his homework inside, and my bare hand skimmed his wrist. Our future together bulleted into my brain. I gasped softly.
As Clavin turned toward me, Morik took over.
“What did you see?” he asked.
“You’ve got to stop doing that!”
He watched me patiently, waiting for me to answer his question.
“I’ll tell you what I saw if you tell me how you always know just when to pop into someone.”
“I stay close. I watch.” He spoke as if the answer should have been obvious to me.
“All the time?” I asked.
He nodded.
The thought of him constantly watching me unsettled me, so I changed the subject.
“It wasn’t what I saw as much as what changed. It’s never done that before.”
I looked out the window toward the house and noticed a curtain move. My mom had seen me. I wondered if she recognized the car. My family knew of Clavin’s involvement in the bruising of my face. Would they try to discourage me from choosing him?
“What changed?” Morik asked quietly as if sensing my distraction.
I tugged on my mittens as I turned back toward him.
“Before, Clavin would have been a jerk, not mean but selfish. Now, it looked like he’d be nice and very considerate of me.”
For a brief moment, Morik frowned before schooling Clavin’s features. He made no comment, but I knew he didn’t like the shift in Clavin’s personality.
“I guess getting hit by a car changes a person,” I said.
Morik studied me a moment before answering.
“Perhaps you’re right. I’ll refrain from making undesirables more desirable in the future.”
I grinned at him, glad he’d caught on. It wasn’t that I might actually consider Clavin. I just didn’t want to see anyone hit by a car ever again.
“There’s no way I can bring you into the house with everyone home. It’s time for you to go.”
Without a word, Morik left, and Clavin blinked at me with confused eyes. He no longer held his bag.
“Come on, you. You’re way too tired.”
I opened my door, wondering what he noticed. That he didn’t have his bag, that my mittens were now on, or maybe the cooler temperature in a car he thought he’d just turned off? He didn’t say anything. Instead, he just followed me as he’d done the day before.
My mom had the front door open before we reached it. She eyed Clavin’s cast for a moment then flicked a questioning gaze at me. I ignored the look and motioned for Clavin to come inside.
She shut the door behind us as I started to take off my jacket. I felt the curious gazes of the whole family on us. Gran stood in the kitchen, checking on an apple pie in the oven. Aunt Grace sat on the couch, knitting.
They waited for me to say something. I turned to Clavin, who again looked close to tears. He wasn’t oblivious to the tension.
“Everyone, this is Clavin. I invited him over for a few hours. We’ll be in my bedroom.”
Clavin grunted in surprise, and I
hid my grin. It was probably the first house he’d been to where the girl announced she was taking a boy back to her bedroom unsupervised.
“Mom, can you take Clavin’s coat while I get us a snack?” I didn’t want to touch him again so soon.
Mom hesitated then smiled tentatively at Clavin as she took his things. He looked at me helplessly as I walked away. They’d figure it out. Being nice shouldn’t be so hard for people.
I opened cupboards with no luck before whispering to Gran to see if she had an idea. She offered to bring in pie when it finished baking. I shook my head. No interruptions. Her eyes widened for a moment, but she nodded. I’d just given Gran the impression we’d be getting busy back there. I wanted to groan and hide my face. Instead, cherry red, I led Clavin back to my room without a snack.
As soon as I closed the door, I motioned for him to take my bed.
“Are you sure this is okay?” he whispered. “They know who I am. Your mom didn’t look too happy.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry. I’ll protect you from them while you sleep.”
I changed my socks to the heavy wool ones I saved for at home and threw on a sweater. Mom kept the house set to fifty-five in winter to reduce the heating bill. It made working at the Coffee Shop and going to school that much more enjoyable.
Clavin kicked off his shoes, crawled into my bed, and pulled the black and white, paisley-patterned quilt over himself. His breathing slowed to a steady cadence in seconds. I moved to my desk and pulled out my homework, looking for something to do.
I tried playing solitaire with the dog-eared deck of cards I had buried in a desk drawer. Then, Clavin started to snore.
I looked at my bedroom door wistfully even though I knew it wasn’t an option. If I walked out, they would pounce on me with questions I couldn’t answer. They would want to know why I’d chosen him. And when I told them I hadn’t, they’d want to know why I brought him here. Telling the truth, that I’d taken pity on him because he was having bad dreams, wouldn’t go over well. Everyone would want to know why he thought I could do something about them. Sure, I could go into the whole guilty mind and needing forgiveness thing, but I hated lying.
The more I lied, the worse it would be when I came clean. And, I knew I eventually would tell them everything. I just didn’t want to yet. I needed to figure more out. I needed to decide if I could trust Morik.
After a while, I fought to keep my eyes open despite my good night’s sleep. All the running around at work, or maybe just listening to Clavin’s relaxed soft snores, made me tired. Clavin had rolled toward the wall. It left enough room for me to lie next to him, but I hesitated. I slept too much the way it was. If I fell asleep now, that would set me up for a headache tomorrow morning. I rubbed my hands over my face and went back to my cards. The suits gradually started to swim before my eyes, and I tossed them down.
Giving in, I lay on top of the covers next to Clavin, my back toward him. The chilly room would ensure I didn’t sleep too deeply or for too long.
Heat enveloped me. I snuggled in with a sigh before my eyes popped open from the wrongness of it. Blankets covered me, and I lay on my side, facing Clavin, his face inches from mine. The way he studied me gave away that it wasn’t Clavin.
“How long have you been here?” I asked, staring into his eyes. Morik wasn’t touching me, just watching me intently.
“Since you fell asleep.” I frowned at him, and he quickly added, “Clavin will not know the difference. He will feel rested. And those living here do not know.”
I didn’t ask why he’d waited to appear. I didn’t want the question to be interpreted as an invitation for him to pop in whenever he wanted. Perhaps the delay was because he had a little bit of pity for Clavin. I doubted that idea as soon as I had the thought. Morik’s reaction in the car made it obvious he didn’t like me seeing Clavin in a positive light. So I asked about something else that still wasn’t clear.
“What will you do once you have your companion?”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “I won’t need to hide who I am. I will talk to her and spend time with her freely.” He opened his eyes, looking right at me.
“Why limit yourself to one family? There are millions of girls out there, and you could probably be with one already.”
“Even in the beginning, nature had rules and limits. Made by nature, I too have rules and limits. Your race, created so long after mine, is off-limits to my kind unless invited. When Belinda’s father called on me, it was the invitation I needed though it was only to make a deal. As I’ve said, there were rules to that deal.”
“So, you’re stuck with me. Have you ever seen another girl who you liked? Maybe I could help you make a deal with her.” Something in his expression changed. I couldn’t tell if he was upset or laughing at me. “I’m not trying to get rid of you or get out of Belinda’s deal or anything. I just don’t think it’s fair that you don’t have a choice when I do.”
He closed his eyes again.
“I will make do. Dusk is coming soon. Be ready for Clavin.”
“Wait,” I squeaked, scrambling to get out of the bed. No way did I want Clavin to wake up with me snuggled under the covers with him. I saw Morik quickly smother a grin and frowned at him. “Not nice,” I mumbled.
A moment later, he left. Clavin stretched with a yawn, and I hurriedly ran my hands over my hair.
“You have to get up, Clavin. I need you out of here in two minutes.” I darted my eyes toward the window. Light still shone through it, but dimmer. Morik was right. Dusk approached. I had about forty minutes before dark.
Clavin sat up and struggled out from under the blankets.
“Thanks again, Tessa,” he said groggily. “I feel like I actually slept this time.”
“No problem. I hope you sleep better this week so you don’t have to drive all the way out here.” I walked to the bedroom door, trying to hurry him along.
He looked up at me with a slightly hurt expression. “You’d rather not see me?”
“It’s not that, Clavin. I just don’t think this is good for you. Coming here, I mean. I think you’re having bad dreams because you’re feeling guilty, and I’m wondering if seeing me might just make it worse. I already forgave you. All you need to do is forgive yourself, and I’m sure the dreams will stop.” I hoped Morik would hear and get the message.
Clavin nodded and stood, leaving my bed a rumpled mess. I wondered if I’d have time to change the sheets before dark. Did it really matter though when I’d been in it with him already?
I pulled open the door and led him out. The house didn’t smell like cooking food as it usually did. Not even the baked apple pie smell lingered. Everyone sat in the living room, watching our tiny old television. From the sound of it, they focused on the evening news. We didn’t watch the news in our house. I understood what they were doing. They were making the house as unappealing as possible for lingering visitors. But why would they do that if they thought I’d made my choice?
I didn’t say anything, just walked to the coat hooks and handed Clavin his things.
“Good luck,” I said quietly before he walked out the door.
He nodded but didn’t look back at me. I had a feeling I was seeing the last of Clavin.
I stayed by the door, peeking through the curtain high at the top of the door, until his car pulled away. Turning, I faced three sets of eyes. Aunt Danielle lounged back in her chair, eyes closed, ignoring us all.
“He’s feeling guilty and not sleeping. I couldn’t say no.”
Gran shook her head while Mom scowled at me.
“Yes, you could have said no,” Mom said. “You just chose not to. You’re wasting your time with him instead of trying to meet a boy—”
“Now is not the time,” Gran interjected. Mom closed her mouth with an angry snap.
All this pressure to make a choice that I didn’t want to make weighed on me. Gran looked at me with a tender expression, and I loved her more for her intervention.
/> “Tessa, there’s some food warming in the oven for you. Eat. You don’t have much time.”
I nodded and took a page from Danielle’s book; I ignored everyone for the remainder of the night.
The next morning, Gran gave me an apologetic look when I saw her standing next to my bed, holding breakfast. She didn’t need to say why she was there instead of Mom. Mom was still mad at me and had left before I woke up.
While I understood her stance, her anger didn’t help matters. What did she expect me to do? Of my ten waking hours, I spent the majority in school. It would have been a lot easier to choose a boy if I could have actually spent time with them outside of school. Sure, I should have used the summer, but I’d thought I’d have plenty of time and pushed it off.
So, I accepted my toast, hurried to get ready, and walked to school while freezing my butt off.
Beatriz lounged against a neighboring locker when I finally got to school. She looked mildly amused.
“You’ll never guess what rumor is floating around school,” she said as I started to peel off a few layers of clothing. “Apparently, I’m gay and have a girlfriend. One I totally admire, especially her sense of fashion.”
I pulled out what I needed for first hour and closed the locker, giving her my full attention.
“It’s you!” she laughed as we started walking through the crowded halls.
Given my weekend, I’d forgotten about the boy at lunch. Though I liked that Beatriz took the rumor with a sense of humor, the timing of it couldn’t have been worse, considering my mom’s anger over my lack of effort to choose.
“It doesn’t really bother you, does it?” Beatriz asked, and for a moment, I was confused. “A rumor today is forgotten tomorrow. It’s no big deal.”
Understanding, I smiled and assured her it didn’t bother me.
“Great. We should hang out after school sometime. I think you’d like my brother. He graduated last year.” She studied my face for a moment. “We could spread the word about your interest in him and put an end to the rumors.”
I upped the wattage on my lackluster smile and shook my head at her offer, assuring her the rumor didn’t bother me. But I did wonder if I could talk Mom out of the chanting thing so I could go out at night. It wasn’t as if they were really protecting me from anything. Morik visited me at will. They didn’t know that, though. I thought of all the things I missed about the night. To see the stars again...I hadn’t seen them in years.
