“I’m not sure I can because I’m not sure what’s going on with him—and me.”
Zack shot him a questioning look. “Him being Rob?” Since Zack knew Rob was living at Darren’s house, it was a logical response.
“Yes. We had…well, not an argument, but a discussion about…Damn.”
“Let me guess. You’ve fallen for him.”
Darren grimaced. “As childish as that sounds, yeah, I think I have. He’s a good, decent man and we’re friends. The problem is, I think I want it to be more.”
“You don’t know?”
“Okay, I do. And he said something that makes me believe he feels the same way. Or that he would if he could trust that I’m not just looking for a fuck buddy, since it’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone. He didn’t put it quite that way, but that’s the essence of it.”
“Oh, boy.”
Darren nodded. “There’s no way I could prove what he thinks isn’t true. And he’s probably going to move out as soon as he can, anyway, because he got a job.”
“Good for him. About the job, I mean. I hope he realizes, unless he’s making a lot, he’s not going to find a place in the next week or even the next month that he can afford. Even the worst dives want first and last, to start with.”
* * * *
Rob was thinking the same thing as he got ready for bed.
Maybe I was jumping the gun when I told Darren I’d move out as soon as they catch those guys. On what I’ll be making, it’s going to be a while before I can save enough to find a place of my own that isn’t a dump. By then…
He considered the alternatives—continuing to live with Darren or moving into a cheap motel. No on the motel. I’d be spending money I should be saving, which sort of defeats the purpose. Can I stay here? After tonight, and what we both said…
He sighed. “Maybe he does have real feelings for me. I know I care for him, but what if it’s only because he’s helping me get back on my feet. How do I tell the difference between being grateful for that and honestly wanting something more than friendship between us? I’ve never had a real relationship with a man. Been with a few, yeah.” He chuckled. “Even as closeted as I was in the army, I did manage that. But getting involved with someone I like and making it work? Do I have it in me to try, and to believe he could feel the same about me?”
A question he had no answer for at the moment.
* * * *
“If you like him,” Zack said, “figure out how to prove it’s because it’s him, as a person. Not because you need sex and he’s handy.”
“How the hell do I do that?” Darren replied as he checked the buildings they were passing for any signs of trouble.
“Romance him? It worked with my wife, back when I was courting her.”
“Somehow I don’t think flowers and candy work with another man.”
Zack arched an eyebrow. “How will you know until you try? It might be the first step, as corny as it sounds.”
“Real corny,” Darren replied. “A nice dinner out, though…”
“There you go. Small steps until he trusts your intentions are honorable.”
Darren snickered. “I’m not sure honorable is the right word. I mean, they are. I’m not trying to get him into bed for the reasons he thinks.”
“Take it slow, Darren. Let him know you want him to keep on living with you, even after we catch those guys.”
“If we do,” Darren muttered.
“We will. Maybe not us, but someone will.”
And when they do, I guess I find out how convincing I can be about wanting Rob to keep living with me afterward. That should be interesting. I suppose I can start by romancing him, to use Zack’s words. Darren laughed, getting a questioning look from his partner. “I was thinking, maybe I should let Jesse play matchmaker, again.”
“Umm, no? Talk about smelling a rat. Rob would in a heartbeat.”
“Maybe. But it also might be a way to make him realize I’m serious about him.”
“Whatever works, I guess. Right now, though…” Zack went ‘lights-and-siren’ as a car sped through the red light ahead of them without stopping. He stepped on the gas, and they took off after it.
Chapter 8
Rob’s first day at work went about as he expected—some time spent helping customers, a lot more restocking the shelves. In between, he and Sarah chatted. She was interested in finding out why he’d ended up homeless, so he gave her what details he was willing to, avoiding the fact he’d chosen to leave the army because of DADT. That, he figured, might not be his best move, so soon into his employment. He didn’t think she was prejudiced but why take the chance.
By three, which was quitting time for him, he was ready to leave. Not that I don’t like her company, but I’m not used to anyone who seems to be interested in me as a person. Well, other than Darren, and maybe Jesse and Leah, and my bother. That brought home the fact that he did have people in his life, now. Ones who seemed to care that he was in theirs. It was a strange feeling, after years of only being a homeless guy on the street corner panhandling.
“But what do I do about Darren? It’s not as if I’m going to walk away this minute,” he said under his breath as he started back to the house. Not unless I want to end up sleeping in alleys or on rooftops again. That idea held no appeal at all.
He stopped in front of the house, wondering if Darren was awake yet. It was his day off—the first one on a Thursday since Rob had moved in. Monday they’d spent shopping, doing chores, and then ‘The Dinner’. The fateful dinner—and Malcom. Tuesday they’d gotten Smokey, before Darren had gone to work. And now I’m working while he’s off. I wonder if he missed having me around. Probably not. He could spend his day the way he wanted to, without me interrupting it.
“Just him and Smokey,” he murmured as he unlocked the front door and went inside. Darren was nowhere in sight but Smokey was sprawled in the middle of the living room floor. The cat got up, coming over to rub against Rob’s legs in greeting. “Where’s your master?” Rob asked, petting him.
“I think he’s the master, not me,” Darren said, coming down the stairs. “He ran me ragged, playing fetch.”
“Uh-huh. And you loved it.”
“It was fun, up to a point,” Darren admitted. “How was your day?”
“More tiring than I expected. Probably because it’s been forever since I’ve had a job. Other than that, it was fine. She’s a nice woman to work for, at least so far.”
“She hired you, so she must be,” Darren replied. “Okay, that didn’t come out quite the way I meant it.”
Rob laughed. “I got what you were trying to say.” He started toward the stairs. “Give me a few minutes to shower and change, then we can figure out what we want for dinner, if you haven’t already.”
“I have, well sort of. I’m taking you out to dinner.”
“You’re what? Why?”
“To celebrate your first day at work?”
“You don’t have to,” Rob protested.
“I want to. Okay?”
“I…Sure.” As he went upstairs, Rob wondered if that was the real reason. He might be planning on asking me to leave as soon as I can afford to, and is using dinner as a way to soften the blow. He wasn’t certain he believed that, but it did make sense.
When he’d finished showering, he looked at himself in the mirror and brushed his hand over his beard. “This needs to go, or at least get trimmed up.” He checked the cabinet over the sink, found a pair of short scissors, and set to work. When he’d finished, he decided he looked a hell of a lot more respectable. His hair could use cutting, too, but he wasn’t about to attempt that on his own. After cleaning up the sink, he went down to his room to dress; choosing one of the new shirts he’d bought after Sarah had hired him.
“Wow, look at you,” Darren said when Rob came into the living room a few minutes later. “A whole new man. You look great.”
Rob ducked his head in embarrassment. “Thanks. I de
cided it was time to go for a little more respectability.”
“It works. Are you ready to leave?”
“Yeah. I hope you’re not planning on some fancy place. I’m not quite dressed for that.”
Darren snorted. “I don’t usually wear jeans to a hoity-toity restaurant.”
The place they ended up at wasn’t close to that, although it was much nicer by a long shot, Rob thought, than any of the diners he’d frequented in the past.
Darren had obviously planned ahead and made a reservation, because when he gave his name at the hostess stand, they were immediately taken to a table for two along the side wall.
“At least it doesn’t have white tablecloths,” Rob said, looking at the silverware and fancy water glasses.
“Trust me, I’m not a guy who would go for the kind of place that does,” Darren replied with a grin as the waitress came over. She asked what they’d like to drink, while handing them menus. Rob ordered coffee, declining Darren’s suggestion he have a beer or wine. Darren asked for a beer and she left.
“What’s good?” Rob wanted to know, looking at the menu. He refrained from adding, “And cheap.” It was obvious nothing was, at least in his opinion. But then it’s been a long time since I’ve read a menu that wasn’t encased in plastic to keep it clean.
“I’m a fan of the ribs,” Darren said. “The chicken’s excellent, too. So is the pork tenderloin.”
Rob decided on the chicken—and told the waitress when she returned with their drinks. True to his word, Darren ordered the ribs.
“This is a nice place,” Rob said. “Comfortable, and not noisy.”
“One of the reasons I like it.” Darren took a drink of his beer. He seemed uncomfortable and Rob wondered if he was already regretting asking him to dinner.
“Do you come here often?” Rob asked, trying to help Darren relax.
Darren lifted a shoulder. “It used to be our go-to place before Jesse moved out. Or at least before he met Leah. After that, well, all his time was taken up with her, so I came here on my own occasionally.” He smiled ruefully. “Reliving old times, I guess.”
“You miss having him around.”
“I did, at first,” Darren replied. “Then I got used to being on my own.”
“Now, you’re stuck with me and wishing you were still alone.”
“Not at all,” Darren protested. “If that was the case, I wouldn’t have suggested you move in to begin with.”
“Uh-huh. I’m there because you’re keeping me safe. Your version of protective custody.”
“Not really.” Darren took another drink then said, “That was my excuse. I could probably have convinced my lieutenant to put you in a safe house. Yeah, I know I said it wouldn’t happen, but…” He winced. “Hell, I lied.”
“You wanted me living with you so you could get me to clean up my act,” Rob replied snidely.
“I’ll admit that was part of it. Well, all of it, until after dinner at Jesse’s. Before then, you were only a man I considered a good friend. You know that.”
“Yeah, I do. Now that’s changed, for both of us. We’ve sort of admitted it has. I meant it though, Darren. I will not fall into bed with you so you…so both of us can scratch an itch.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes,” Darren adamantly. “That’s never been my intention, no matter what you may think. All I want…” He went quiet when the waitress approached the table with their meals.
“All you want is what?” Rob asked when she left.
“I want to find out if we can move beyond friendship to something more.”
“So you figured you wine me and dine me as the first step?” Rob had the feeling he was right, and, being honest with himself, he found it appealing. He wasn’t certain anything would come of it, but it was a nice gesture.
“You don’t care for the idea.”
“I didn’t say that. I’m just not sure I’m the man you should be with,” Rob replied in a burst of honesty. “Why you even think I am is beyond me. And don’t tell me it’s because I’m a good guy who got a raw deal. That’s hardly the basis for any sort of relationship beyond being friends.”
“That’s the point. Maybe, if you’ll get off your pity party, you’ll see you’ve begun to move past that.”
Rob scowled. “Pity party? Is that what you think is going on with me?”
“Okay. Wrong choice of words. I don’t think at this point you feel sorry for yourself.” Darren had picked up a rib. Now he pointed it at Rob. “If you do, you shouldn’t. You’re on your way to becoming what you would have been if you’d done anything other than join the army.”
“Didn’t have much choice in that. Or, more, I didn’t think I had any other options.” He looked at the rib. “Will you quit waving that around? You’re going to get sauce on your shirt.”
Darren took a bite and put it down, with a quick check to make certain there weren’t spots of red on his clothes. “You’re trying to change the subject.”
“More like, how about we put it on hold until after we’ve eaten. There’s no sense in ruining a good meal by arguing.”
“We’re not…Okay, you’re right.”
“I usually am.” Rob grinned.
Darren snorted. “I’d debate that, but not right now. How’s your chicken?”
“As soon as I try it, I’ll let you know.” Rob did, and deemed it delicious. “I wonder if we can get the recipe from the cook. I’d like to try making this at home.” It wasn’t until he saw the knowing look on Darren’s face that Rob realized what he’d said. Okay, so maybe I’m weakening a little? What would it hurt if I stuck around at least for a while, until we decide if our feelings are based on more than a sort of enforced proximity? I do like him. He took another bite. What am I afraid of? Well, other than getting kicked out if he decides things aren’t working out. Been there, done that, more than once. I’d survive. I wouldn’t like it, but it wouldn’t send me back to the streets, either. “I’m never going back there,” he said aloud, if softly. As if in doing so it reinforced the promise he was making to himself.
“To being homeless?” Darren asked, cocking his head in question.
“Yeah. I’ll even put up with staying with you if it’ll keep that from happening.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Rob chuckled. “It’ll give us a chance to get to know each other better. Well, better than we do already.”
“I’ll take that in the way I suspect you meant it,” Darren replied with a grin.
“There’s a song from some old movie,” Rob said after eating a bit more. “One with Judy Garland, I think. Something like, friendship, friendship, the perfect blendship.”
“I know the one. Being it a jam, ending up in jail, and she’ll be there.”
“Up a tree, down a well…” Rob smiled at Darren. “It fits you perfectly.”
“Now do I look like Judy?”
“Not even close,” Rob said. “You’re going to look like a kid who got into Mom’s lipstick though, if you don’t wipe the sauce off your lips.”
“That happened once. Mom was not happy. Not because I was a boy, but it was her favorite one.”
“Ouch.”
Darren nodded. “She definitely let me know that was not acceptable, for me or my siblings.”
“I didn’t realize you had brothers, or sisters. Of course I never asked, either.”
“That’s okay. You’ve had more important things on your mind.”
“It doesn’t mean I should have been so self-involved that I didn’t try to find out more about you. So, now I am. How many?”
“One brother, Mike. Jesse works for him at his architectural firm. One sister, Carol, nicknamed CC for obvious reasons.”
It took Rob a second to get what he meant. “Carol Cameron, ergo CC. I bet she hated that.”
“Not really. She was, is very athletic, so it worked somehow. That’s how she met her husband. She was on her co
llege soccer team. He was one of the coaches. They butted heads more than once when he told her what she was doing wrong, which of course she didn’t like one bit.”
Rob grinned. “And he decided to give her some personal training?”
“Yep. Things progressed from there. Now they have their own team. Okay, not quite that bad. They don’t have eleven kids, thank God. Just five.”
“A bit larger than my family,” Rob said. “I’ve got two of each.”
Darren grinned. “Should I feel deprived with only one of each?”
“Maybe?” Rob grinned back, went to take another bite of his meal and realized he’d finished.
So had Darren, who asked, “Do we want dessert?”
“I don’t, but go ahead.”
“Naw. I’m good.” He flagged down the waitress, asked for the check, and declined more coffee, as did Rob. Darren paid, and then they headed back to the house.
When they got there, Smokey looked at them as if to say, “Where have you been? It’s been years.” Then he stalked to the kitchen, looking pointedly at his bowls. One was empty; the other was still half-full of dry food.
“Yeah, yeah, we’ve been starving you,” Darren said with a laugh as he filled them. “You’re going to eat me out of house and home.”
“I wonder if I can get an employee discount,” Rob said. “I’ll ask Sarah in the morning.”
“I almost forgot you have to work,” Darren said. “I guess I’ll rattle around the house until you get home and I have to go to work.”
“Uh-huh. You’ve always ‘rattled’, until I moved in. I think you’re used to it.”
“True. But it’s been nice to have company this last week or so.”
“We’ll always have Mondays.”
Darren laughed. “Is that like ‘We’ll always have Paris’?”
“First song quotes, now movie ones. Are we getting old?”
Darren’s gaze slowly went over Rob’s body before returning to his face. “For damned sure you’re not.”
Rob snorted, even as he felt heat rise from Darren’s scrutiny. “I’m forty-two, and I feel every day of it and then some. My bet is, anyone who sees us together thinks I’m the older one.”
Lonesome Men Page 9
