I can't see you doing that.
I didn't, for very long. I decided if I wanted to work with children I should work with real children. I even felt a tinge of sympathy for that jerk who represented me; he'd probably become conditioned to vacuous outbursts and treated all his women clients exactly the same. Eventually I found my way into the Defender's office and Recorder's Court.
She was more relaxed now, not making a pretense of it.
I've always liked to watch you, Raymond said. You never seem to get upset. You're always prepared . . . full of surprises for the prosecutor. He placed a hand on the brown cotton material covering her knee.
Her eyes, still calm, raised from his hand to his face.
But you're fucking up, Carolyn, and it isn't like you, is it?
If I tell you Mansell was here this evening, Carolyn said, it means I'm not going to discuss his involvement in anything until you produce a warrant and he's placed under arrest.
No, it means you're telling me a story, Raymond said. Clement wasn't here. He watched her expression; it didn't begin to change until he said, He was outside my window at 6:30 P. M. trying to blow my head off with an automatic rifle. Otherwise if he was here at the same time, then Clement's into bilocation. And I'm getting off the case.
Carolyn took her time, as if studying him before she said, You saw him?
No.
How many people, do you think, you're directly responsible for sending to prison? In round numbers.
I don't know five hundred?
Then count their friends, relatives
Lot of people.
You have the gun whoever it was used?
Raymond shook his head.
Do you have the gun that killed Guy and the woman?
Raymond almost smiled. He said, Why?
You know you're not going to get Mansell unless you can produce the murder weapon and prove it's his and even then you're going to have a tough time. On this new allegation, a suspicion of an attempt what have you got? Did anyone see him? At 6:30 it's already dark. Where are you going to even look for a witness?
Carolyn, Raymond said, getting used to saying the name. Clement wasn't here.
What I said to you on the phone, Carolyn said, with a hint of irritation now, in eye movement more than tone, is not something you can enter as evidence, even if you recorded the conversation. You know that, don't you?
You lied, Raymond said.
God damn it She seemed to come up from the cushion, but in the next moment she was composed again. If I don't care to admit I made a statement, whether to protect my client or because of the particular interpretation I believe you might give the statement, then I'll rephrase it to the best of my ability and memory.
Why did you lie? Raymond said.
Jesus Christ, are you dense or something? Finally with a bite to her tone, If you intend to use whatever I said then I'll flatly deny it.
Raymond got up, giving her a chance to breathe, maybe bring her guard down a little. He went over to the tea-table bar, found a cordial glass and concentrated on pouring aquavit into it, up past a crisscross design in the crystal.
I'm not threatening to use what you said in court. I'm not threatening, period. He sipped the clear liqueur from the rim of the glass and came back to the hassock, watching the glass carefully as he sat down again. All I'm trying to do looking at her now see, I have a feeling that Clement, that time in your office, scared you to death . . . holding something over your head. He called you this evening and did it again. Scared you to the point of covering for him. Then you have a couple of these and calm down and you're the lawyer again and you start using words on me, try and dazzle me with your footwork. But it doesn't change Clement, does it?
She said quietly, I can handle Clement.
He wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her and tell her to wake up. Fucking lawyers and judges who used words and a certain irritating tone and there wasn't a thing you could do about it . . .
Holding the cordial glass helped. He took a sip and placed it on the table next to hers. It was hard, but he was going to play this with her. He said, A man by the name of Champ who packed a Walther P.38 thought he could handle Clement and Clement took him out. Remember? Three years ago. I'll bet Judge Guy, calling the nine-eleven in his car, the judge thought he could handle him too. Clement's holding something over your head, he's threatening you or extorting you and you're letting him do it.
Carolyn picked up her glass and he knew she was going to dodge him.
He did tell me something interesting, Carolyn said. That you want to meet him somewhere and have it out. Just the two of you.
He said that?
How else would I know?
There are stories, Raymond said, the cop takes off his badge and they settle it man to man in the alley. If you think it's like that no, this is Clement's idea. You look at my living room window you'll see he's already started.
You're saying, what, he challenged you to what amounts to a duel?
He didn't give me his card or slap my face or anything, or give me a choice of weapons; but it looks like he leans toward automatic rifles. This is your client I'm talking about. The one you can handle.
Carolyn said, What're you going to do about it? Quietly but with new interest.
I'm gonna keep looking over my shoulder, for one thing, Raymond said. I'm not gonna turn a light on with the shades up.
What does the department say about it?
The police department?
Your inspector, commander, whoever you report to.
I haven't told anybody yet. It just happened.
Are you going to?
I'm gonna report the shooting, yes.
You know what I mean. Are you going to tell them Clement challenged you?
Raymond paused. I haven't thought about it.
What's the difference in the way you look at Clement Mansell and the way I do? Carolyn said. I tell you I can handle him. You imply to me, in effect, the same thing, that it's a personal matter.
There's one big difference, Raymond said. I've got a gun.
I know. That's why I think the idea appeals to you, Carolyn said. Mano a mano. No more like High Noon. Gunfight at the O. K. Corral. You have to go back a hundred years and out west to find an analogy. But there it is.
He thought of the girl from the News.
He said, I don't know and paused. In his mind the allusion to a western scene, the street, men with guns approaching, dissolved and now he saw kids playing guns in a vacant lot near Holy Trinity, before the places where they played disappeared beneath a freeway, seeing the same kids in school then, a little blond-haired girl named Carmel something, on a dismal fall afternoon in the fifth grade, dropping a note on his desk that said I Love You on ruled paper, like an exercise in Palmer Method kids sharing secrets a long time ago but still clear in his mind, part of him now as he sat in dimmed light with someone else who had a secret. He wondered if she had close friends or someone she spoke to intimately.
She said, What don't you know?
I thought of that, it's strange, what you said. When I was talking to Clement he kept making the point that I wasn't any more interested in upholding the law than he was in breaking it He said that?
Yes, that it was a personal thing between us that didn't have anything to do with other people.
Did you agree?
I said, 'yA long time ago we might've settled this between us.' And he said . . . 'yOr if we thought it might be fun.'
Staring intently she said, You haven't told this to the people you work with. But you've told me.
She came up from the silky cushion, close to him now but closed in on herself, arms against her body, hands clasped on her knees.
You said the other night in my office, 'yCan I help you?' You said it twice. Both times, the way you said it, I came so close to telling you, I wanted to
Her eyes were brown, the pupils dilated in the dim light, making her eyes appear dark and clearly
defined, like eyes in a drawing that were accentuated, inked in except for a small pale square to indicate reflected light, a soft sparkle.
Everybody, Raymond said, has to have somebody to tell secrets to. He liked the delicate line of her nose, the shape of her mouth and saw where he would go in and take part of her lower lip, biting it very gently.
She said, I make assumptions I think I know you, but I don't. You say, 'yfine art.' You say, 'yif he's into bilocation . . . 'y
Raymond said, But he isn't, is he?
She didn't answer.
Let me help you.
She continued to look into his eyes, into the deep end of a pool, gathering courage
Carolyn, I give you my word . . .
She said, Hold me . . . please.
Chapter 17
THEY MADE LOVE IN A BED with white sheets and a dark oak headboard that towered to the ceiling. They made love almost at once, as though they missed each other so much they couldn't wait, hands moving, learning quickly, and when he entered her she breathed a sound of relief he had never heard before even in the beds with decorator pillows and designer sheets, with the girls who would groan dramatic obscenities none of them came out of themselves the way Carolyn did. Raymond moved with her, involved, but aware of himself too, because he couldn't believe it was happening, he couldn't believe it was Carolyn Wilder moving and making the sounds, thrusting, arching up with her head back, straining in faint light that let him see her face in a way she would never see it or recognize herself, Raymond seeing a secret Carolyn and then, for a moment, seeing her eyes open, seeing her awareness. He wanted to say something to her. He said, I know you. The moment became a brief silence that was gone as her eyes closed again and then became something that had happened a long time ago.
They remained in darkness, in silence for several minutes, Raymond holding her, seeing the faint outside light against window shades across the bedroom. He heard her say, very quietly, close to him, God, that was good. He thought of ways to reply but said nothing. She would feel him holding her, his hands moving gently, stroking; she would know what he felt.
Finally she said, in a voice that was a murmur but clear in the silence, In my office the other night, when you were on the phone She paused. He said, as he started to leave he said, 'yWhen do I get the money?' I looked at him, I didn't know what he was talking about. He said, 'yThe hundred-thousand you promised me for killing the judge.' I said 'yWhat?' I couldn't believe it. He said, 'yDon't try and act dumb to get out of paying me. I have proof the judge was putting the stuff on you.' I said, 'yWhat do you mean?' But that was all. He said something else like 'yI'll be in touch,' and left.
Then tonight, Raymond said, he called you
He called this morning, too. Tonight he called just a few minutes before you did. He said, 'yI've been at your place the past hour if anybody wants to know.' I didn't say a word to him; I hung up the phone. He called back within a minute and said, 'yLook, if I take a fall on the Guy thing, you're going with me.' This time I told him if he was worried about it he'd better get a lawyer, because I was no longer representing him. He said . . . 'yOh, yes you are.' He said if it even looked like he might be convicted he'd sign a statement that I had paid him to kill Guy and he'd words to the effect that he'd produce enough evidence to substantiate it or at least give credence to a motive.
How can he do that?
That's what's interesting about it, that he thinks he can implicate me. Carolyn turned enough to see his face in the darkness. This is in confidence, right? Raymond didn't say anything. I'm not telling you something you can use anyway.
He was aware of a strange feeling even with her breast against his arm and their naked thighs touching that the lawyer was returning, that the woman who had let go was pulling in again, regrouping, perhaps not even aware of it herself as she lay in his arms.
Carolyn said, I mean if I filed a complaint against him, say on the grounds of extortion, it would be my word against his. Which would be considerable, but not nearly enough to convict him. He'll put on his dumb-hillbilly act and say I misunderstood him. Clement is very good at playing dumb.
Raymond said, Let's go back a little bit. First, he wants a hundred thousand or he'll cop, swear you paid him to kill Guy.
I think, Carolyn said, considering he's an opportunist, Clement's first thought is to capitalize on Guy's death. She paused. Whether he killed him or not.
Raymond told himself to wait, be patient. Ignore, for the time being, the warning trying to tighten up his insides.
But now he's a suspect and he's telling me to use every effort to keep him out of jail I presume free of charge or else he'll take me with him.
When did he tell you this?
This morning, he called me at the office.
What'd he say exactly?
He said he knows and can prove I had some kind of bribe scheme going with Guy, that I paid him off for acquittals or reduced sentences. But, because I testified against Guy before the Tenure Commission, helped to get him thrown off the bench in fact, I'm supposedly one of the ones Guy threatened to expose. He was going to write a book, 'yname names of people,' Guy said in the paper, 'ywith dirty hands and indecent fingers.' Clement will say I had Guy killed to keep him from writing the book.
Clement thought up all this?
Everybody misjudges him, Carolyn said. That's how he gets away with what he does, why he's . . . fascinating, really. She stirred, bringing her arm out from beneath Raymond. Would you like a drink?
Carolyn left the bed naked and came back wearing the brown caftan. She handed Raymond a glass of aquavit and turned on the night table lamp before getting into bed again to rest against the headboard. When Raymond placed his hand on her thigh she raised her glass and sipped the clear liqueur. He had never thought of women using men other than to get carpeting and appliances. He had said to her, I know you, and she had said nothing in return. He wondered what he felt about her beyond the fact he liked her eyes and her nose and her body. He wondered if he had been genuinely moved or if he had only wanted to mount and subdue the dignified, distinguished lady lawyer, or if it had been the other way around and it was Raymond Cruz who had been seduced.
Is he saying he has proof you were involved with Guy, Raymond said, or does he have something?
She turned, leaning against the headboard, to look at him, holding her glass in two hands. Are you asking was I actually involved, and could there be some valid bit of evidence?
I'm asking what he's holding over you.
Carolyn paused. Well . . . if, for example, you found my name in Guy's address book . . . name, phone number and figures that could be interpreted to represent amounts of money, perhaps, by some stretch of the imagination, a list of payments made to him, Guy and you were looking for a suspect, someone who might have contracted for Guy's murder would you consider that evidence?
Raymond shook his head. Not by itself . . . Did you see the address book?
What address book?
The one Clement, I assume, lifted off the judge.
Carolyn was still looking at him, at ease against the headboard. I said what if you found my name in his book. I didn't say Clement took it, did I?
We've come a long way, Raymond said, but I get the feeling we're back where we started. You were scared to death of him a little while ago
I'm still reasonably afraid, Carolyn said, enough to know that I have to be very careful with Clement. But that doesn't mean I can't handle him.
You don't have to handle him. All you have to do is make a statement, Clement admitted to you he shot the judge.
Because he's trying to capitalize on it, Carolyn said. I told you before, that doesn't mean he actually did it.
But he did! Raymond spilled some of the aquavit, pushing himself up on the pillow to get to Carolyn's level. She watched him brush at the wet spot on the sheet.
Don't worry about it, she said quietly, the bed's going to be changed. She lounged against the dark wood of the headbo
ard while Raymond sat erect, stiffly, bare above the sheet around his waist. She said, Look, we've confided in each other because sometimes we feel the need. You said before, everybody has to have somebody to tell secrets to. I've told you things I wouldn't tell my partners and you've told me things, you've indicated, you aren't going to tell your people. You have your game with Clement and I have mine. We both will admit he's an unusual study, a pretty fascinating character, or neither of us would be quite so uniquely involved. Isn't that true?
You told him to find another lawyer, Raymond said.
Yes, but he won't. He not only needs me, he likes me . . .
Raymond listened to the lawyer and the woman talking at the same time.
. . . But he is going to have to realize, once he gets this extortion-blackmail bullshit out of his head, that I charge a fee, and if he's not willing to pay it he will, indeed, have to go somewhere else. She seemed to smile, though it was a bland expression. We can play our games, but it still has to be within the context of the jobs we're paid to do. You can't expect me to give you information about my client, just as I don't expect you to shoot him down without provocation . . . Agreed?
I guess we are back where we started, Raymond said.
Why? Where did you expect to be?
He paused and said, I don't know, as he got out of bed and then stood naked looking down at her. But aside from all that, how was the fuck?
Let me put it this way, Carolyn said, her eyes moving up his body to his face, it was about what I expected it to be.
Chapter 18
MARY ALICE HAD SAID TO HIM, You don't care about anybody else; you only think of yourself.
Bob Herzog had said to him, You know what I admire about you? Your detachment. You don't let things bother you. You observe, you make judgments and you accept what you find.
Norb Bryl had said to him, You spend two hundred and ten dollars on a blue suit?
Wendell Robinson had said to him, I don't mean to sound like I'm ass-kissing, but most of the time I don't think of you as being white.
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