I spent the rest of the day researching all types of things online from the different options I had to how to disappear and never be found. Yes, I was definitely looking for the most cowardly way out of this. Ultimately, I decided that I would just not tell him. I mean come on I knew I wasn’t ever going to see him again, and if by some weird coincidence I did then well… if I had the baby, he wouldn’t know it was his. How would he? The only person who would know was Nettie, and I’m sure if I begged and pleaded with her she’d keep my secret surely. I looked at my flat belly and sighed. If only I had it in me to just go to a clinic and get rid of it I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. It would be like it never happened but I didn’t even consider it as an actual possibility. No, I was keeping my baby and we’ll be fine. I also knew that being a single mom was hard, but my dad was a single parent. I like to think he raised me right – except for giving me the common sense to make sure I used a condom – and I could follow his footsteps. I’d be able to teach my child a ton of things. Plus, a lot of guys think kids are baggage and I’m willing to accept that but there are some men out there that are good guys and having a child wont hinder them. I still had a good chance at finding love and everything. The more I thought about it the better I felt. I mean, how could I feel his wrath if he never knew there was anything to be angry about?
Nettie came over that night with a test but I informed her that I’d already taken one. She wasn’t too happy with my decision to keep it secret, but she promised to not utter a word. I don’t know if I would ever be able to thank her enough. I mean, she’s known them longer and is more loyal to them but she understands this isn’t a typical situation. By the time I was done, she asked me to reconsider my decision but wouldn’t force my hand as this is my life and the life of a baby. She understood me not wanting to have a baby raised in the MC. Sure, I had come to like it there a lot but that was more for adult life. I can’t picture me trying to rock a baby to sleep while everyone is drinking, partying, and having sex all night right below us. Or when they are old enough to walk, what if they accidentally go downstairs in the middle of one, who knows what they would see. That’s just a child services case waiting to happen.
Sure I know I was exaggerating. I mean, I saw what Lucifer did when it came to me, the rules he had enforced. He shut down partying, made people behave… well you get the picture. I’m fairly certain he would do the same if his child was around and it’ll probably be worse… that’s even if he would’ve wanted our child around him. He’s not dumb and he knows how he needs things conducted for different audiences, but I was freaking the heck out. I was thinking of every possible scenario imaginable… and well the worse they became the better I felt about my decision even if I didn’t truly believe in them. For now, I found them calming. Before she left, she promised that she would stay in touch and needed to see me at least once a week. Especially if I’m not letting the father get involved I needed somebody… everybody always needed someone. She promised to stick this pregnancy out with me and time after. My heart warmed for her even more and I could never have been more grateful to had met her.
It was two days later and I’d just got in from work about an hour ago. I had picked up some pizza on my way in and was just finishing it when my phone rang. Not my new phone, but the one that Bull had got me. I looked at the screen to see his name flashing, I smiled.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Babe.”
“Bull?”
He chuckled. “Shit, you forgot about me already sugar? I’m hurt.”
I laughed. “Of course not! How are you I miss you.”
“Aww, I miss you too. You need to come visit, don’t be a fucking stranger.”
My stomach twisted with guilt and I began tapping my foot – a nervous tick. “Of course, although I don’t know if everyone will be happy to see me.”
He laughed. “Everyone will be happy to see you, and I know you’re talking about Lucifer. He might hump your leg and piss on it the second you walk through the door like a damn dog.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
He cleared his throat. “So I actually need to talk to you about something…” I squeezed my eyes shut. Please no, she couldn’t have told. “When Nettie came to see you, did she tell you anything?” I asked.
I frowned in confusion. “No…” I began.
“Nothing important…?” he urged.
I raked my mind and didn’t come up with anything when the story of their history and how he helped her popped into my mind. I opened my mouth to say it wasn’t much but I guess I took too long because he spoke again. “Is she having a baby?”
“What? No.” now I was so confused.
“I found a box of pregnancy tests in her bag and one was missing… do you know anything?” he urged.
I looked over to my mantle where the unused test sat. She had opened up the box and took one out before I could tell her I already did it. We got too wrapped up in the results to think of the extra tests. “No, she’s not pregnant.”
“You don’t get it. I need to know, because it will be my fucking baby and I aint gonna let her make any stupid decisions. So help me out.” He pleaded.
I sighed. “I seriously don’t think she’s having your baby –“
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It better be my baby. She’s not in a relationship with anyone and she’s only ever here. And no one in here better had fucking put a finger on her or I’m killing them both.” His voice was deadly and I shivered.
I needed to calm him down. “No, no. I didn’t mean it that way.” I said trying to back track.
“Don’t lie to me… because I will start slitting mother fucker’s throats in here one by one until I find out who fucked her. Then I’m going to gut him slowly in front of her before I strangle her with my bare hands. You getting the picture? That’s how fucking serious this is.”
Holy shit. I had no choice, I had to confess. Otherwise he might go bonkers on Nettie when he found her and she’d done nothing wrong but become my friend. She didn’t deserve his wrath because of me. “Ok Bull look. She had come over here the other day and we just chatted had a good time. I’d gotten sick and after some talking she had a thought, that you know maybe I could be pregnant. She promised to come back with some tests for moral support while I found out, but I was too anxious to wait so I went out earlier that day and took it. It was for me not her.”
The line went silent. “You serious?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He hesitated before asking. “What’d it say?”
I sighed. “Positive.”
A cough. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.”
“When are you going to tell him?” he asked.
I groaned internally. “I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
“No.”
“What do you mean you’re not?” he asked.
I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration, how do I explain this to him… his best friend. “Look you know him better than I do so I really shouldn’t have to explain this. But, seriously dude you know he doesn’t want this. It would require a form of commitment and that is a hard limit in his book. I would rather not go through a battle with him or possibly get murdered by him over this. I can handle it, I’ll be fine. He would most likely thank me for doing this.”
He growled. “Like fuck he will. I get it, I hear you… I actually understand where you’re coming from so when I say what I’m going to say next I need you to know it’s nothing against you. You know I care about you sugar?” he asked.
“Um hmm.” I grunted.
“Let me hear it…” he prodded.
I sighed. “You care about me.”
“And I only want what’s best for you.” He continued.
“And you only want what’s best for me.”
“That’s why I’m going to tell him as soon as I see him.”
“Which is why you’re going to tell – WHAT?!
” I exploded.
“Relax.” He tried to soothe me.
“What do you mean you’re going to tell him, please Bull don’t!” I pleaded.
He sighed. “I have to.”
I groaned and rubbed my now throbbing forehead.
“It’ll be fine?” he said but it came out like a question, he wasn’t so sure himself.
“You know it won’t.” I accused.
He sighed. “I honestly don’t know, but I’ve got to tell him.”
“Bull, when he kills me… don’t come to my funeral.” I said as I hung up the phone angrily.
I sat up in bed eyes wild flying around the room. What the hell was going on? Was there an earthquake? Loud banging continued and I could hear things rattling in my living room. I got up hesitantly and walked out of my room. I’d been sleeping peacefully – finally – which I thought would be impossible after the bomb Bull dropped on me and something had interrupted.
It took a minute for me to realize the banging was coming from my door and it was so fierce that it was causing things in my home to shake. My palms grew sweaty and I was nervous. Oh man, my dad only thought the mob was done with him but they weren’t. Now they were here to get me! They would chop me up and feed me to the fishes and I’ll never been seen or heard from again. They probably sent Tommy the Butcher here to off me. God, Al Capone could be at my door right now. I went into my closet and retrieved my bat, thankful that my dad taught me how to play baseball. It was going to come in handy right now. I edged to the door slowly and before I could reach it my door cracked and the lock broke. The door was pushed open forcefully until it crashed into the wall and there stood a very, very angry man. Suddenly, the mob didn’t seem so scary. I kind of wished it was them standing in front of me instead. Can I volunteer to go with the fishes? I’ll even jump off the bridge.
Chapter 8
Lucifer stood at the entrance of my apartment fuming. His glare was zeroed in on me and for a minute we both stood there and stared at each other. I’m sure he could see how frightened I was as I was visibly shaking in his presence. Without a word he let himself in and walked straight to the living room where he began pacing. I followed him hesitantly and kept a respectable distance between us. He didn’t say anything and after 5 minutes of watching him practically burn a trail into my floor I decided to speak, anything to try to break the tension stifling the room.
“Lucif- “I began.
“Don’t.” his eyes shot to me. “Don’t fucking speak or so help me god, I’m going to lose it.”
My mouth snapped shut and I only continued to stare. Time seemed to drag on for an eternity when really it was only probably a couple of minutes. “What the fuck?” he finally spat out.
His pacing continued and I didn’t answer because he seemed to be talking to himself. “What the fuck?” he muttered again running his hand through his hair and tugging on the end.
He finally stopped pacing and he swung around to face me. “WHAT THE FUCK?” he screamed out staring me straight in the eyes.
I gulped and wrung my hands together. His eyes narrowed. “Answer me!” he pointed a finger at me. “Tell me it’s a fucking lie.”
I shook my head hesitantly. I knew better to lie, because I knew if I did he would find out eventually. He would probably make it his mission to be sure. “You’re fucking pregnant?” he asked me, voice full of contempt. I nodded again. “Fucking shit.” he growled.
He bent forward tugging on his hair and released a feral growl that I felt in my entire body. I chanced a step towards him, “look I wasn’t going to tell you –“
He cut me off again. “I fucking know that.” he stood tall, “did you plan this?” he asked.
I was taken aback. “What? No!”
“Really?” he asked sarcastically. “So how the fuck did you get pregnant?” he asked tossing his hands on his hips.
My eyebrows shot up. “You really want me to answer that?” I asked.
He shook his head. “You fucking trying to trap me, I can’t believe this shit. I didn’t think you would, but I should’ve known better. I should’ve fucking known better. I shouldn’t have ever touched you; I should’ve stayed the fuck away. But then here you are, pushing yourself on me practically begging me to fuck you. Then I made the dumbest fucking choice and did it. You proud of yourself?” he asked.
I hated the way he was talking to me and it wasn’t fair that he was blaming this all on me. “You’re at fault here too. It’s not like I stole one of your dirty condoms.” I accused.
His eyes narrowed. “How the fuck did you get pregnant if you were on birth control?”
I frowned. “I wasn’t on birth control.”
He shook his head. “What the fuck do you mean you weren’t on birth control? Why the fuck didn’t you say anything? I wouldn’t have ever fucked you raw.”
Ok I get he was angry but what the hell? “You didn’t ask either and you never made an attempt to use a condom. How is this all on me?”
“Because you should’ve fucking said you weren’t protected before we ever did anything! I assumed you were because you never fucking mentioned anything. We were fucking for months and a condom never occurred to you? Then I bring you back here and boom you’re suddenly pregnant?”
Ok this was a bit too much for me. He was being unfair and I knew I wasn’t the only one in the wrong but he wouldn’t take ownership for what his part in this was. “And I wasn’t going to tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want this or take it well. Bull decided to spill to you. I was going to let you live your life in ignorant bliss while I went my separate way.”
He shook his head as if he wasn’t even listening to me. “What do you want? Money? What is in it for you that you did this? Did your dad send you to me for you to seduce me and get knocked up or something? Where’s the end goal, you might as well tell me now? What did you so willingly give up your pussy for?”
That stung. “There was no plan, I didn’t even intend to sleep with you… it just happened. I know you’re mad and this is a lot to take in, but I’m not trying to force you into anything. You don’t have to be a part of my life and my child’s.”
He let out a humorless laugh. “So you’re using the baby as leverage? What do you think I’m going to marry you and live happily ever after because you’re knocked up? I told you, you were just a fuck, there would be nothing. Fucking. Else. This… is something else. I hate the fact that I even touched you. You were nothing to me. You were a job and a good fuck at the time… now this. You can’t keep my child away from me, and I’m not a fucking punk man to turn my back on an innocent baby because his mom’s a whore. But know I don’t want a fucking thing to do with you. I don’t even want to fucking see you ever again, your one of the worst kinds of woman. I fucking hate your type, sneaky bitches. You won’t get a fucking thing from me, and I don’t want to hear from you until the child is born. When it is, I’ll be back for him.”
He couldn’t have twisted the knife in my chest any deeper. I felt angry, but mainly I was hurt. Hurt at what he thought of me, the things he was saying was so harsh that I couldn’t believe he could be this bad. I knew it was just sex but I stupidly let myself believe that he actually gave a shit about me. Now it sounded like he didn’t give a damn if I lived or died. The things he was insinuating, that I did this on purpose to try to get more of a relationship out of him? He couldn’t be any further from the truth! And he said he would be back for my baby? No.
My finger hit something hard and I looked down at the bracelet on my wrist that he’d brought me for Christmas. I felt dirty wearing it, so I tugged at it until the band broke. I balled it up into my fingers and let my anger take hold of me.
“I don’t want happily ever after with you. Why would I? Look at you! You’re the coldest person I’ve ever met in my life, why would I want to be stuck with you. Whether you admit it or not, this is your fault just as much as mine. You were just as careless. Keep your money, your time, your… everything. There’
s nothing I need from you. I’m doing perfectly peachy by my damn self and I will continue to do so. If you forgot, I have my own money there’s nothing you can offer me that I don’t already fucking have so you can take that degrading attitude and shove it up your ass.” I knew I was probably doing nothing to improve the situation but I didn’t care. I couldn’t take the way he was treating me. “The only thing you would do is bring me fucking misery. I can be shitty or do bad all by my damn self, I don’t need your help for that.”
I threw the bracelet in my hand at his chest as hard as I could. “I don’t need any remembrance of you or how stupid I was to sleep with you. Get the fuck out of my place and my life.”
He caught the bracelet before it could fall and he stared at it. He looked at me with narrowed eyes and walked until we were toe to toe. “I don’t give a fuck how you feel. You heard what I said; I will be back for the child… Not for you. Don’t do anything fucking stupid.” With that last threat said he left the same way he came.
I backed myself into a nearby wall and slowly slid down. I was mentally and physically drained. I didn’t want to ever see him again. I hated him. It was an eerie intense feeling that I’ve never felt before in my life. It was strong and devouring. It filled every inch of my body and soul and I almost couldn’t handle it. It felt like he beat me down, but it only made me stronger. I thought that I should be crying, cowering in fear, scared for my life. Instead, I was standing tall. I hadn’t realized when I got up but I was walking to try to find a way to shut the door for the night. I don’t know at what moment I had made up my mind, but I did. I knew what I was going to do, I just needed a plan.
I was going to run.
To save me.
To save my baby.
To get away from him.
I knew he meant his threat, which meant he’d be back. But when he came back for whatever it is he wanted, I’ll be in the wind.
Safe.
Mentally, physically safe.
Lucifer: Hades Riders MC Page 12
