Endorphins swept me up in their bliss. I had given myself to the man on top of me who was still lodged fully, making noises in my ear. I clasped his back like I couldn’t ever get enough of him. I wanted to yell from the top of my lungs in delight that he had me completely. I was utterly his. How could I be anyone else’s after what we’d exchanged? Nothing compared to the smell of sex all over him. Sweat from exertion. The fact that he didn’t want to pull his softening cock out and the way his arms shrouded me protectively were all signs that he was as wrapped up in me as I was him even if it was temporarily.
Pulling his head up from the crook of my neck, he looked fabulously shattered. His lips were tipped up into a sensational smile. His nose lowered to mine, nuzzling gently, and then he was adoring me with the most gentlest of kisses, a tenderness I wasn’t aware could inhabit such a troubled male.
My fingers found their place on his face, stroking his eyelids, eyebrows, forehead, and cheeks.
“Princess.”
“Mmm?”
“You saved me.”
Smiling against his mouth, I replied, “You saved me. We saved each other.”
Liquid was oozing out of me, past his now limp dick that was only just inside my swollen folds.
Opening his eyes, I could see real fear in them. “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you.”
“I know. I’m not asking for anything, except maybe a repeat performance.”
He chuckled, kissing my nose. “I don’t even know what this is. You. Me. I have no idea, but whatever it is, I need it.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Pushing his hair off his forehead, I spiraled into his emotive eyes, promising him things he’d never had before. That I’d never had before. We were both just beginning, and were bound to get things wrong at times, but that was okay too. I wanted my beginning to be with Justice.
Knowing we couldn’t stay all day, we separated and dressed, folding up the soiled blanket and tossing it in my truck to be washed.
The elephants awaited.
Chapter
Thirty-Five
Justice
Christ, I was whipped. That by far was the best fuck I’d ever had. Better than the first time with her because the drugs kicking through my system had begun to numb all the heavy shit in my brain, and I was able to just let myself go. For real, the princess I was sitting next to was so far under my skin it was frightening. Everything about her called to me. I wanted to let her in. To have that one person who accepted me with all my baggage. She’d seen me at my worst, passed out and bleeding on her bathroom floor, and she hadn’t treated me like a leper. It was actually hitting home that maybe she cared. Why would she, though? I didn’t have anything to offer her.
Glancing sideways, I caught her pretty smile and returned it. Who would have ever thought that by coming here I would have met such an amazingly genuine girl.
“What are you thinking?” I needed to know what was going through her mind after our hot session in the stables. It mattered all of a sudden.
“Just, how I have never done anything like that before? It was incredible.” And then quieter with a shyness to it. “You were incredible.”
A flutter around my heart caused me to take a deep breath. Braking outside the elephants’ gate, I turned the truck off and turned to her.
Could I give myself to anyone the way they needed me to? As a kid, I had wanted nothing more than to be part of something good, but somewhere along the way, that dream had been tortured out of me to such a degree that I’d lost all hope of ever finding it.
Lil was re-introducing me to that dream, igniting within me a light that had been all but snuffed out.
I reached out to touch her face to confirm she was real and not an illusion. The softness beneath my fingers confirmed she was here with me and not just in my head.
“Princess. You make me believe that maybe I can be something more than a deadbeat. I don’t want to go back to the life I had. I don’t want to go back to prison. Here in your world, it’s as if I’m accepted.”
She closed the gap and kissed me madly, flicking her tongue over my bottom lip. Our mouths belonged together. I craved hers like I craved the rest of her. Moaning at the contact, I ripped the seatbelt off so I could angle myself better. I could never just have one taste. I was too gluttonous. My cock still throbbed from coming so deeply in her that one touch from her luscious lips had me straining against my zipper all over again.
Ending the kiss with a sharp bite of my lower lip she panted, “You will always be accepted here. We care about those that have been mistreated, animals and humans alike. It’s a place where you don’t have to hide. I don’t believe you’re bad. I believe you were made to feel like you were by nasty people, but I’ve seen past some of your barriers. Underneath it all, you’re scared and vulnerable just like the rest of us, trying to find your place in the world.”
Touching the pulse on her neck, feeling the solid thud of her heart grounded me into believing her words. If Lil didn’t believe something to be true, she wouldn’t say it.
“You’re amazing.” Clicking the latch on her seatbelt, I dragged her across the center console so that she sat on my lap, back against the door, legs reaching over to her seat. Nuzzling into her neck, I reveled in the smell that was Lil. Her mild perfume had mixed with the scent of our fucking, so I licked a trail from her collarbone up to her ear, sucking just under her lobe.
She squirmed on my lap giggling. “So, I think it’s safe to say I’ve tamed you?”
The laugh ripped from me in amusement. “Oh, you’ve tamed me, have you? You of all people should know that you can never fully tame a wild beast.” My hand moved to her breast, squeezing roughly, my teeth biting patches of her neck to reaffirm my statement.
She keened under my touch. “Speaking of wild animals, uh, we should go do the rounds and let our four-legged friends know we haven’t forgotten them.”
Lifting her from my knee, I placed her back in her seat. “Do you have the keys? I’ll unlock the gate.” Handing them to me, I opened the wide gate so we could drive through.
The elephants were at the far end of their vast wilderness, frolicking in some dirt, so we parked nearby. I helped Lil manage her crutches, feeling freer than I had ever. Even with a border fence surrounding the property, it was so immense that you could wander for days and feel like the land was endless. The air was free of smog, and felt like it actually reached my lungs.
I’d never felt freedom like it. Part of me didn’t want to leave when my time was up, but staying wasn’t an option. I was here because of the law. I was fulfilling my obligations. After that, I didn’t know what the fuck I’d be doing. I had no home to go to. No family. No job. It was bleak, to say the least.
Attempting to push aside the thoughts for now, I focused on Aran, Inca, and Nellie, who had turned to watch our approach, lending their trunks to us.
Lil couldn’t get there fast enough but was restricted because of her crutches. It caused me to snicker at her attempt to hobble faster. In fact, lots of things she did brought laughter from me. That had to account for something. She could reach beneath my layers and pull out so many different emotions I had locked away for years.
In many ways, the elephants that wound their trunks around us and playfully sniffed had become part of my surrogate family along with Lil and Tom. There was no judgement. Just acceptance. It was liberating to finally feel like I was a part of something. I was going to enjoy it while I could.
***
We took another couple of hours playing with the animals. I stayed in the locked truck when it came time to enter the tiger and lion enclosures, but watching Lil with them was nothing short of amazing. She truly did have a gift with them, and it was incredible to observe the way they interacted with her. She was part of their prides. Even with her leg in a cast, the cats seemed to sense her injury and made no attempt to jump up on her. They merely nudged her side with their heads and flanks.
Back at the house, we could hear talk coming from the living room. Stepping through from the kitchen, we were met with Nate, Tom, and Daniel. The air was thick with tension. Glancing at Lil, I knew she felt it too by the way her brows drew together and her lips compressed.
“What’s up?” Lil asked. We both stood, not wanting to move in case we had interrupted something. Puppy was sitting on Tom’s lap. Tom noticed my observation.
“He was whimpering, so we let him out. There’s a nice mess for you to clean up on the floor in your room.”
“Ah shit. Sorry. I didn’t know we’d be gone so long.” I daren’t look sideways to the pair of rosy cheeks I knew would be reddening further. No one was aware of what we’d been doing, and I wasn’t going to be the one to give it away.
“I’ll just go and…” Pointing up the hallway, I took a step but was stopped.
“No. Don’t go. There’s something we need to discuss with you, Justice. I think you may want to stick around too, Lil. You’ll find it rather interesting.”
Okay, what was going on? Three sets of eyes were flicking backwards and forwards amongst themselves. Unease crept up my back.
I was all eyes and ears, still not wanting to take a seat next to anyone until they told me what the hell was going on. I could smell the tension in the air. Without the medication in my system, I’d normally be ready to punch something by now, an automatic reaction to tense situations, but because I was somewhat mellowed, my only response was a stiffening in my posture.
Lil and I both waited for someone to elaborate.
Tom nodded to Nate, who dug a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me.
Confusion had me glaring at the piece of paper, arms still rigid by my sides. Lifting my wary eyes, Nate nodded. “I figured you might want to see this.”
The strong dude was scaring me because of his sudden nervousness. What was in that folded piece of paper that had him on edge, and how did it involve me?
Scanning the room, all eyes were focused on me in anticipation as if they were all privy to information that I wasn’t.
Slowly I reached for the paper and unfolded it, my heart drumming a fierce tempo. Lil moved in closer, whether for support or to sneak a peek, I wasn’t sure, but her closeness offered me some comfort.
On the page were two photocopied printouts that resembled documents. Searching the top one, I noticed Nate’s name. Nathaniel Sinclair. The letterhead had bold letters spelling out two words, Birth Certificate.
Frowning, I attempted to figure out why he was showing me a copy of his birth certificate. That was until my eyes lowered to the second photocopy. Another record of birth. Justice Armstrong.
Flashing a look at Nate I asked, “What the fuck is this?”
“Keep reading, man.”
I did, and I couldn’t stop my mouth from dropping open as I began to connect the dots. Nate’s mother’s name was listed as Marie Kennedy. My mother’s name was listed as Marie Kennedy.
Faaaarrrrk!
“We have the same mother?” I whispered, the paper in my hands suddenly trembling.
“I know, totally blew me away too. I’m still trying to digest that I have a brother.”
“How come we have different last names from our mother and each other? It doesn’t make sense.”
“I guess she gave us our birth father’s name. My guess is the bitch didn’t want us using hers.”
It still didn’t add up. “But why did you grow up with your real father and I was put into foster care?”
Nate was thinking carefully and shaking his head. “I can only assume that I was given to my father to deal with, and when you were born, you were given away.”
How did one process the giant bomb that had been dropped? I had a brother? All this time, I’d been told I was an only child. I hadn’t known my mother or father and had lived with monsters.
Nothing made sense. “Why did you do this? Why were you searching for my birth certificate?”
Nate shrugged. “Guess I just wanted to know more about you.”
Lil’s arm came to rest on my shoulder. I turned to her without really seeing. My mind was trying to grasp the fact that I had been sent to live with Tom and Lil and the volunteer who happened to be working with them turned out to be my maternal brother that I wasn’t aware existed.
Epic didn’t come close to describing it.
The room was dead silent as if everyone were holding their breaths. And then Nate’s hand was held out in front of him for me to shake. A brotherly offering. A connection. He was in exactly the same position as me of just discovering he had family.
Dropping the paper, I took his hand, and before I knew what was happening, he had pulled me into a hug, patting me on the back. “Brother.” That’s all he said, and all that was really needed. My insides shattered into tears, emotion overcoming me. Not even the drugs could simmer the overwhelming sentiment his hug invoked.
Big fat girly tears dripped down my cheeks as I held on tight to the one thing I had always craved yet never had. It was like all of a sudden I had a place in the world. I belonged to that something I had always chased. Other arms joined in our circle, more tears. Lil was a sobbing mess next to me, and Tom’s eyes had glassed over.
The system had done me the biggest favor ever. It had brought me home. To family. Real family.
Epilogue
Lil
Sitting on a bench seat in the packed court house, Justice in the middle of Nate and me, and Dad on my left, we listened with baited breath at all the charges being read out against the monster who had not only abused Justice but, as it stood, seven other children in his care. I was disgusted and appalled that another human being could be so cruel.
Justice was trembling at seeing the bastard again who had stolen so much from him. I gave his hand a firm squeeze to help with his anxiety.
It was no easy feat getting him to come. A week earlier, we’d convinced him to press charges and suggested he come to the hearing for some sort of closure. Witnessing how he was handling it, though, I wasn’t so sure we should have pushed him.
Nate had loaned Justice a pair of dress pants with a long-sleeved collared shirt and tie. He looked amazing as he sat, head held high, trying not to let the maniac on the stand’s frequent sneers push him to breaking point.
Other victims’ families surrounded us, letting him know that he wasn’t alone in his trauma—although sometimes, it didn’t matter how many people you were surrounded by; you still felt isolated.
A couple of times, he attempted to pull out of my grip as if to stand and jump the barrier to get to his nemesis, but there was no way I was letting that happen after all he’d been through. He was not going back to prison. I held on as tight as I could, fingers entwined to lock him in place. It was hard to sit and listen to all the charges laid. When it came time for the judge to read out Justice’s horror story, I couldn’t halt the tears. No boy should have had to go through such debasing, sick torture.
All the while, the evil who had handed out such travesty gloated at the charges as if proud of his achievements. There was something so wrong about the man. His eyes were manic and detached. He gave me the impression he thought he was someone far superior to anyone in the room, and the eerie way he eyeballed his victims as if he still held all the power was unnerving. I couldn’t wait to leave.
The judge announced a short intermission while the jury decided their verdict. We all filed out into a carpeted hallway, glad of the reprieve. Justice still gripped my hand fiercely. He leaned down to my ear so no one else could hear. “Don’t let go of me, princess. I swear I want to kill that motherfucker. If you let go, I’m going to rip his head off.”
“I won’t. I’m here for you,” I murmured back, loving the feel of his large hand in mine.
Ever since our hot sex session in the st
ables, we’d grown closer each day. Everyone knew there was something going on between us, but nobody had asked, which I was so thankful for because I didn’t have a definitive answer. It was what it was, and we were both taking each day as it came.
Nate had offered Justice a place to stay with him after his eight week stint with Dad and me was over, but in truth, I wasn’t ready to let him move out. Dad had also promised Justice that he could stay on volunteering as long as he needed or until he found a job. I think secretly Dad wanted to keep him around too. The stables were far from finished and needed fitting-out inside. Then there was the upgrade to the rescue center that we wanted to do, and there was talk of bringing another elephant in from a closing-down zoo upstate. Having an extra pair of hands would be sorely needed.
Guzzling down our coffees, we were all summoned back into the court room to find out the verdict.
My heart was running its own race in my chest, and I could only imagine what Justice’s was doing. Sitting on the wooden chair, I watched his legs nervously juddering, and he kept squeezing his eyes shut tightly as if chanting to himself.
The judge came through a back door and took his seat, shuffling some paperwork into a neat pile, adjusting the gavel beside him. When he was satisfied the room was orderly, he began reading out all the charges. Getting the children to touch him sexually and give him hand and head jobs were just a couple of the many.
Justice growled in his throat when those charges were read out. I peeked sideways and witnessed him still with his eyes shut, face screwed up, speaking over and over quietly under his breath.
He looked absolutely lost, probably wondering if the man that had meant to be a father to him was going to avoid the charges, free to return home to begin the vicious cycle all over again.
Pain Page 24
