Torn (The McKerricks Book 1)

by Harris, A. K.

  “You’re so bad you know that?” she murmurs before biting my earlobe.

  “Ow! Hey… how am I bad?”I pull back with a laugh, and her green eyes are practically iridescent in the low light.

  “You have a bodyguard to protect yourself from us… no, no Connor McKerrick, we’re the ones that need protecting from you.” She rests her hand directly over my heart with a sigh. “A girl could so easily fall in love with you, you know?”

  “D-did you? Are you?” The words come out as a stuttered whisper, part of me fears what she will say, and the other part, the larger part, hopes. “Have you fallen in love with me?”

  She shakes her head, and I should be relieved. I should be relieved because I don’t want that kind of commitment. The kind of feeling that can’t possibly last, but instead of relief it hurts. The twisting pain crushes and coils until my heart might die from it.

  “I know better than to love you Angus. I know better than to love anyone. Because once anyone gets a look at the real me… they won’t want me anymore.”

  I stare into her tear filled green eyes and I know I’m lost, but I also know she wont remember tonight. So I’m honest. “I would still love you little author. I don’t think I can let you go at this point. Don’t think I could survive you.”

  Her hands slide against my chest undoing the buttons, “You will. You’ll survive in your lonely tower, because you can never let anyone that far in… just like me Angus. You’ll be lonely, but you’ll survive.”

  “Henley…”

  “I’m far to tired of talking about sad things,” she murmurs as she rolls on top of me, straddling my hips. “So why don’t you fuck me like neither of us are broken.”

  With a groan I relent. Because I know she’s right. I know that I’m not cut out for the long term. Not when I’m just waiting for things to fall apart. And if she knows herself, then she isn’t cut out for it either. So I lift her hips off me far enough to undo my zipper, and grab a condom, before sliding my full length into her. She trembles lightly above me, as her tight wet pussy stretches to accommodate me.

  “Ah, Henley… always so tight. I keep thinking it’ll get easier on you…”

  “Don’t blame me for being too tight,” she responds with a breathless laugh. “Blame your dick for being to big.”

  “If it’s too much you’d tell me wouldn’t you? I don’t… want to hurt you Henley.”

  “Would you stop?”

  “Fuck no.”

  I can feel her smiling against my chest, and it brings a smile to my lips as I begin slowly building the pace to a steady rhythm. She doesn’t moan, but her silence doesn’t feel like it was before. It feels more like a necessity to keep quite so we don’t wake the kids rather than her fear to let anything out. I prefer this Henley. The one that is honest and open. Even if I have to wait till she is mostly asleep to find her. This Henley is mine. The Henley I get to see that nobody else does.

  It takes longer than normal, with the slow slide in and out, but I don’t increase the pace. This isn’t about chasing the orgasm. No this is something else entirely. This is about loving Henley. Loving the way my lips fit against hers. Loving the way the peaks of her breasts scrape against my chest with each thrust. Loving the breathy pants that she allows me to greedily devour. This is about loving every inch of her.

  And when her orgasm finally claims her, and her green eyes lock onto my blue ones, the words are right there on the tip of my tongue. I’m ready to forsake everything I know about happy endings to try and find one with her. But before I let the words out they stick in my throat. She said she knows better than to love me. So with a deep groan, I let myself go, and refuse to breath life into something that we both know won't work.

  Chapter 12

  The world comes back into focus slowly. The light grays of an early morning are creeping softly into the room. The night before is in stark focus, how close I came to losing everything I am in Henley. How willing I would be to do so even now.

  Her brunette curls are fanned out across her pillow, and her face is peaceful in the light of the early morning. I could get used to this. I could enjoy this. Waking up to Henley in the mornings. The soft kitten—like snoring. Even the little bit of drool on her lip is endearing. In my world where people are never content with how they were naturally born, Henley is a breath of fresh air.

  My hand traces down her shoulder and to her upper arm, just above the crook of her elbow where her arm warmer ends, and skim softly over the words written in her skin. ‘Fake it ‘till you make it’. Henley doesn’t seem like the kind of girl that would get anything random inked into her skin, so I can only wonder at the deeper meaning behinds the words. Somehow they feel dark against her skin.

  With a sigh I drag my hands further up and away from her ‘no go’ zone on her arms. I part her lips with my fingers, skimming my thumb against her plump lower lip. Her lips part on a breath, and I lean forward pressing my lips softly against them. The rich warm taste of her invades my mouth, and it isn’t long before a small taste just won’t do. My lips become more insistent against her, and with a soft whimper her body arches into me and her lips reciprocate. I tried to keep it gentle. I really tried. But at the first sweep of her tongue against my lips, I was lost in her. Lost in the way her tongue battled for dominance. Lost in the way her fingers felt sliding under my shirt. Gripping my hair. Clawing my back. Lost in every little sensation Henley provides.

  “Aunt Henley!” The banging on the door is erratic and far to loud for this early in the morning. “Breakfast! Feed us!”

  Henley’s arms grip me tight, eyes scrunched tight, and when she pulls back and her green eyes finally open, there is such a pain there at letting go. So much that it seems the thought physically hurts her. Just as much as it hurts me. Its only a moment before the look is wiped clean and replaced with Henley’s usually guardedness and half smile.

  “Guess that’s my queue Angus.”

  I stay silent, as I roll off of her and let her get up. I watch her slowly move about the room getting dressed. She doesn’t remove the arm warmers.

  “Can I take a shower?” I ask indicating the adjoined bathroom. I don’t know what the protocol is for this but I don’t want to overstep my bounds when she finally seems to be warming up to me.

  “Yeah,” she responds with a nod. “I’ll… make breakfast… you like bacon and all that?”

  “Yeah,” I reply toward her back.

  She hasn’t turned and looked at me once. Not once. So when she tries to slip past and out the door I grab her arm around the warmer. She freezes in my grip, even her breath stills as I turn her toward me. That half smile is locked on her lips, and her eyes are somewhere just above my head. Looking without really looking.

  I grip her face on both sides firmly, and pull her down and kiss her. I drink her in. My tongue forces its way past her lips, sparring with her, and when she finally reciprocates I pull back with a smile as her green eyes land on my blue ones.

  “Don’t go getting shy little author.”

  “Don’t worry Angus,” she replies with a genuine smile before bouncing toward the still knocking door, swinging it wide open to face the kids on the other side. She casts me another smile as she herds them out of the way and closes the door.

  I make my way to the bathroom to wash away the sweat from the night, and almost the mornings, activities. I let the water run cool, which feels great against my heat soaked skin, but it barely does anything to lessen the blood pumping to my dick. It looks like this might be a long cold shower, because I am not about to beat one off in Henley’s shower.

  When my body finally calms down, I climb out of the shower, dry off, and put on my clothes from the day before. I’m really going to have to start doing something about this, but I don’t think Henley would be really appreciative of having to share her closet. So with a sigh, I run my hand down my wrinkled work shirt, and make my way out of the room.

  Henley has music playing, and her and the ki
ds are singing at the top of their lungs. It’s so off key it should be off putting but it’s adorable. Especially the fact that I know Henley can sing, because last time I was here for breakfast she was singing beautifully to herself. The fact that she would get so far off key to have fun with the kids, the fact that she doesn’t care that I hear her like that. Henley just being Henley.

  She flashes me that soft smile, and motions to the table. “Just finishing the bacon. Take a seat Angus.”

  The table is piled high with fresh fruit, waffles, eggs, and bacon. Thankfully the chocolate is missing. The kids slide into seats next to each other, which leaves Henley and I sitting next to each other. This should scare the shit out of me. The domesticity of it all. Connor McKerrick should be running for his life, but instead I’m actually smiling. It feels like being at home. Not my home. My home that isn’t really a home. It feels like the same warmth I felt growing up. A home with family in it. A home with love and caring. A home that gives a shit about more than money. It makes me an outsider, but I don’t care. I’ll soak up this feeling as long as Henley will put up with me.

  “Hey Mr. Serial Killer,” Emily starts thoughtfully. “Are you going to stay today?”

  “Well… uh, again… my name is Connor and unfortunately I have a business meeting to go to,” with Adalin Hirsch of all people, and my family. The last people I want to deal with right now. No doubt Aiden has already blabbed to everyone I’m wrapped up on a girl. And they are going to assume it’s Adalin. Which will be the last thing I need, seeing as I am trying to keep her from thinking I want her.

  “That’s a shame,” Emily continues when Henley walks away from the table to answer the phone. “You make aunt Henley happy. It’s good to see her happy.”

  I freeze, and watch the little girl looking up at me so innocently. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah… usually aunt Henley is so sad because-”

  “Emily! We’re not supposed to talk about that…” Hunter looks nervous and he is squirming around in his seat, before leaning and making sure Henley wasn’t coming back. “I was there you know… when we picked her up from the hospital I was four. She’s got a lot better at faking her smile since then.”

  They both start chewing their food animatedly, and shortly after Henley walks in. I study her face closely, but I can’t see a trace of her faking anything. I can’t see any sickness peeking it’s way through. I am confronted with the fact that there is more of a puzzle to Henley than I first anticipated.

  “That was Mimi, phones on the porch, go on.”

  The kids bolt up out of their seats and run for the door. I watch Henley closely trying to find it. Trying to see the hidden Henley. The one she said if anyone saw they wouldn’t love her anymore. I can’t see it. All I can see is the sweet, voracious, green eyed vixen that cast her little spell on me to turn my world upside down.

  “What?” She asks with a frown, when she catches me staring.

  “You look tired,” I opt for the truth, since I don’t even know what I’m hoping she’ll say. I know if I want any answers I’ll have to ask the half asleep Henley.

  “I love ‘em you know, they are such a trip. And I rarely get to see them since I moved here… but it’s nine in the morning and they are already keyed up. I feel like I need a nap.”

  “You must be getting old,” I reply with a laugh. “And what do you mean since you moved here? Where are you from?”

  “Ah, Louisiana. Near Lafayette.”

  “You’re a long way from home.” This throws me for a loop. She has no discernible accent. Nothing about her immediately screams out of place, she blends. ‘Fake it ‘till you make it’ indeed. She must be good at blending.

  “Not far enough Angus. I don’t think I’ll ever get far enough away from that place.”

  Somehow I have a feeling she isn’t talking about Louisiana. And I know it is the end of the conversation, when she takes a big bite of her food and keeps her eyes directed at her plate.

  “I have work today but… when would it be alright for me to visit again?”

  Her green eyes flick back up to me, and her cheeks are slightly pink as she smiles. “Well… I’ve got the kids till Friday morning. So maybe Friday night would be okay?” She actually sounds hopeful to see me again.

  “I’ll pick you up and we can go out?”

  “Sure that… sounds… really good Angus.” Her eyes drop back to her plate and I can see her trying not to smile. She is cute when she’s being shy. Even if I don’t know what caused it.

  I lean over and kiss her on top of her head before heading for the door. I’ve got to get ready for the benefit tonight. It’s going to be a long night if my family and Adalin are in attendance. But now I have something to look forward to. Instead of fighting what I want… Henley is mine.

  Chapter 13

  The crowd outside the limo is buzzing. Even through the tinted windows, the flash of cameras seems too bright. Since the whole family is going to this event I have of course spent the last few hours getting primped and pampered. Mother’s orders. And now we are all in a limo, Adalin at my side, as she chats gaily with my mother. And my mother… well she chats back just as enthusiastically, because she thinks she is talking to my soul mate. I didn’t bother to correct her.

  Gwen and Aiden are watching on with frowns. Ignoring their dates as they try to solve the puzzle in front of them. I don’t think they like her. That would make three of us. Four if you count Aiden’s date who doesn’t seem to like Aiden staring so long at Adalin. So when the limo finally stops, and my dad steps out of the car and helps my mom out, and we all follow suit, by age of course the only way my mom would have it, I can feel their eyes boring into my back.

  And why not? They all know I’m interested in someone and then I bring Adalin. And then I don’t say more than the few words it takes to introduce her. I don’t want anyone knowing that I’m dating Henley just yet… I want her to be mine. I want us to be mine. For a little while longer at least.

  So I smile for the camera. A smile that I know makes me look amazing from any angle. I’ve checked. I keep Adalin close to my side, comfortable but not intimate. Formal, but careful not to show how unpleasant this is to me, while my mother and father practically fawn over each other, even after thirty seven years. Although I am the only one old enough to remember when they fell apart, so now everything I am second guesses if they were able to hold it together or if they are faking it just as much as I am.

  We get safely through the paparazzi gauntlet, and into the benefit, but I still cant relax. The me that would have been fine with a tall brunette on my arm is missing. The me that would be making rounds, garnering deals, and making money here, is missing. I know I need to get my head in the game, but the only thing I want to ‘get into’ is Henley. I want to be in her body, her mind, her life, and her heart. Deep enough that she can’t scrape me off no matter how hard she tries.

  After the first round of speeches, I politely manage to excuse myself to get some fresh air. Adalin is too busy trying to embed herself with my family, to bother with holding on. I don’t get to spend long in the chill night air before Aiden and Gwen join me.

  “That girl… she doesn’t eat powdered donuts. I bet you a hundred bucks on that. Heck. I’d bet the business on that.” I can hear the worry in Aiden’s voice and I don’t like it. I’m the older brother after all I don’t need a lecture.

  “Donuts?” Gwen chimes in thoughtfully.

  “That’s not her,” I respond leaning against the balcony rail.

  “That’s not your chocolate whipped cream donut eating goddess?”

  “No.”

  “Thank God,” Aiden replies with a sigh. “She is trying to force her way into the family for sure. I don’t want you liking a woman who sees you for your dollar signs, but I wasn’t going to say anything just in case that was her.”

  “Where is she then if that isn’t her?” Gwen is fiddling with her necklace which means she is thinking long and hard.
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  “At home I guess?” I don’t really know where Henley is. It’s not like I’m her babysitter.

  “And she is okay with this?”

  “With what?” I’m looking between my siblings and they both have that look on their face. The one that says I’m so fucking screwed.

  “That you’re here… on for all purposes a date with another woman? A publicly recorded date I might add.”

  “This is business…”

  “Did you tell her that?”

  My silence tells them everything they need to know, and they both groan in disappointment.

  “He’s going to ruin it before he’s even started!” Gwen is half hysterical gesturing wildly in my direction.

  “Well maybe we can recover it? Maybe it’s not to late and…”

  “What is wrong with you? There is nothing to recover,” I say irritably. “She doesn’t belong here anyways.”

  “That’s harsh… even from you… I thought you liked this girl?”

  I groan, and level them with my best glare. “She is better than this. She is better than rich people sitting around pretending they give a shit. She doesn’t belong here with all these fake people.”

  “Geez, you’re even more of an asshole when you’re in love than normally,” Aiden says with a sigh.

  “I didn’t say I was in love.”

  “Well if you don’t want her to dump you,” Gwen starts with a frown, “you’re going to want to tell her you’re going on dates without her.”

  “I’m not going on dates!”

  “Women don’t really notice the difference. You are out with another woman. Period. That is the way they will see it.”

  “You might be okay if she really trusts you.”