It was our fifth day on the island when Henley finally had enough. I was laying on bed in nothing but my boxer briefs just enjoying the evening, when she climbed on top of me. She had that smirking mask solidly in place, but now I knew it was a mask. Now I knew what to look for. Her eyes were almost wild, frantic, as she kissed her way up my chest. When her lips found mine she tried to urge mine to kiss her deeper, using her tongue to part my lips. It was erotic. After being this close to her and not being able to take her, I was hard. I let her rub her heat against my dick the only thing separating us was our underwear, but I didn’t move to take any of this further.
“Please,” Her voice was a whisper, like there was no strength left in her. “I promise I’ll tell you everything after I just want… one more time…”
“Henley why do you keep insisting I won’t want you?” I tighten my hands around her hips, and force the heat of her pussy back and forth across my dick until we are practically dry humping on the bed. “There is nothing about you that can turn me off at this point lover.”
“Then show me,” her voice is raspy as she thrusts her hips in time with my hands.
I’m only a man. There is only so much I can do. There is only so much I can resist, and after five days this isn’t one of those things. So before she knows whats happening I’ve flipped her over and I’m grinding my dick against her. Those too green eyes are watching me, filled with lust. Filled with aching need. I am lost to her.
I dip my lips to hers, parting her silken mouth with my tongue. I time the thrust of my hips to match each swirl of my tongue in her mouth, and she starts moaning against my mouth, her hips bucking wildly as my dick rubs directly against her clit through our clothes. I keep my lips pressed tightly against hers, as her first of hopefully many orgasms tonight claims her. I keep rubbing myself against her, even as her body begins to relax. When I start to pull back and gaze down at her, her eyes are half closed and lax.
I kiss my way down her throat, toward her breasts. Taking one nipple in my mouth, and pinching the other between my fingers. As my tongue swirls around one stiff peak, her body begins moving again, reacting to my touch. My lips and tongue trail further down skimming against her skin, making her writhe beneath my mouth.
When my lips reach the small bit of lace she has on for panties I pause and look up. She is watching me again with those green eyes. I wait for any indicator that she wants me to stop. That this part of her is off limits to me, but she just continues to watch with that hopeful want in her eyes. My hand skims up from her knee, across her inner thigh and I begin toying with the edge of the scrap of lace. I wrap my fingers tightly around it and rip it off. I bought it after all. I’d buy a dozen pair more just for the chance to rip them off as well. She whimpers but otherwise stays still under my scrutiny.
I let my tongue drag slowly down between her thigh and her pussy, and back up on the other side. Ever so slowly circling my way in, as I get closer to her center her body begins to tremble and thrash beneath me. I let my tongue drag directly down her slit, and her whole body jerks in response. I love slowly tasting her. Taking my time with her. The way she reacts is beyond all my expectations.
“Connor… please…”
I can feel a smile tug at the corners of my lips, as I suck and lick directly at her clit. She’s begging and I didn’t even have to ask for it. Sticking one finger in, I begin moving slowly in time with my tongue. All her muscles are tightening, and I know she is close again, so I pull back, resting easily between her thighs. My dick is straining against my boxers.
Henley is watching me curiously with those too green eyes, and I offer her a small smile as I run my hands along her inner thighs. Henley is the only girl I’ve ever gone down on. The only girl I’ve ever devoured. I want to offer her another first.
“Henley, are you on birth control?” my blue eyes are watching her green ones closely.
“Y-yeah,” she replies with a nod. Her cheeks lighting up a delicate shade of pink.
“Can I… without… I mean I’ve never, not with any women, but with you I’d really like to go without the rubber.”
That came out horribly unlike a question, but she answers with a nod anyways, and I’m relieved. I’d like to give Henley every first I have left. I take my boxers off, and position myself at her entrance. It’s like having sex for the first time. The almost giddy anticipation, the hurried desire, the nervousness.
I lean forward and press my lips against hers, parting her mouth with my tongue, as I slide in. Her body accepts me willingly, her searing heat engulfing me until it’s almost unbearable.
Instead of my lips catching her moans, it’s her lips that catch mine, my whole body trembling at the intimate contact. I start thrusting slowly, letting both our bodies accommodate to the new experience, but it isn’t long before need is driving my movements. Henley is becoming more frantic beneath me, her voice coming out in sweet murmurs.
“Henley. Lover,” Christ I can feel everything. Every roll of her hips, every flex of her muscles around me.
Henley starts moaning beneath me and I can feel the start of her orgasm building. I’m done for, her body is begging me, milking me, pulling every evolutionary trick it has to get me to come with her, so I do. I let go. Coming inside Henley gives me an archaically possessive feeling. It’s like marking my territory. I own her. It drags that lightning explosion out even further, as the pleasure lances through the both of us.
All I can do when the last vestiges of my orgasm fade, leaving me weak, is collapse on Henley and hope I’m not crushing her. Mine. Henley is mine. After a few minutes of her stroking my hair gently, calming me down, I manage to lift my head and watch her intently. Her eyes are sorrowful, and there are unshed tears in their depths. Shit. Fucking shit. Apparently that wasn’t as good for Henley as it was for me.
“Henley-”
“Don’t. That was amazing just… don’t. I’m fine, but could you… I mean it’s… messier than I thought,” she said with a soft laugh. “Could you let me up so I can, clean up a little bit. Then I’ll tell you everything.”
“Henley you only have to tell me what you want to tell me, but the more honest you are, the better off we will be. I want a fighting chance for us lover. I’ve never been anything but honest, and thats all I want from you. If this is something you think I need to to know then tell me. But leave it up to me to decide if I’m going to stick around after. And if you want me to get up and let you wash me off your skin, your sorely fucking mistaken, because I like just the way you are thanks.”
That sorrow in her eyes lifts for a moment and she laughs easily. “You’re such a guy. What is it? Something like since your come is all over me you can tell me what to do? I’m yours now is it? Staking your claim?”
“Something like that,” I reply with a smile, rolling so I can tuck her close to my body.
The mirth of the conversation wears off, and she goes silent. I could almost mistake that she had fallen asleep, except for her uneven breathing. I know whatever she is about to tell me is the root of her problem. The thing that sets her off. I want to be part of that circle of trust, one of the people she can depend on. Shit. Who am I fucking kidding. I want to be the one person she runs to. I want to be the person who she goes to when she has a problem. So I let my hand gently stroke up and down her arms, trying to offer her comfort, since this part of her story is hard for her.
“Do you remember when I told you no always means no?”
“Yeah,” there was no way I could forget. That was the moment I almost ruined everything.
“I was nine,” she starts softly, her voice barely a whisper. “The first time my dad raped me.”
The words take a minute to register in my brain, because there is no way in hell she is saying what I think she is saying, but there it is out in the open. My hand stills on her shoulder as I watch those too green eyes, and she lets out a bitter laugh.
“This is the sick kind of twisted thing I am Connor, are you sure
you want to know the rest? Or would you rather just cut your losses here?”
The sneer on her face is hateful, but this time its easy to tell the hate is for herself and not me. Because her eyes are filled with hopelessness, hopeless longing. I’m pretty sure its the look I have in my eyes every time I watch her.
“Do you want me to leave Henley? Tell me honestly.”
She is silent for a long time, so long that I don’t think she will answer before she finally chokes out her words. “N-no. I want… you to stay.”
“Then this is where I’ll be,” I reply pulling her back into my embrace, and she curls easily against my body, but I’m having to work hard to hold back my trembling. Someone hurt her. Some sick fuck… her own father… I’m fighting a losing battle against my anger, when Henley continues.
“I mean the first time wasn’t rape I guess… technically speaking it falls under sexual assault,” her laugh is bitter and her eyes are glazed as she looks deep into those horrid memories. “I was playing with Corvo, my dog, when he came home from work. I remember him telling me it was all my fault. Because I made him love me too much. He fisted his hand in my hair and shoved his dick in my mouth. I cried and cried, and he said ‘Don’t worry baby it’ll be over soon.’ And when he was done he told me if I breathed a word about it he was going to kill my momma and my sister.”
The tears are falling down her face freely now, and there is nothing for me to do but kiss them away and hold her close. She is clutching my body like its all that is keeping her from drifting out to sea. Her lifeline in the middle of all her misery.
“He used a condom every time, so there wouldn’t be any DNA. And eventually he got tired of shoving his dick down my throat, and he moved on to actual rape. When I would cry and protest that's when he would start hitting me. Fractured two of my ribs once… he made me tell the doctor I fell of my horse.”
“How long?” I barely manage to croak the words out past the lump in my throat. My Henley, my poor poor Henley.
“Hmm. I was sixteen when I snapped. He made me wait naked you know. Wait for him to get home. I had an art project using one of those tiny art knives? They look like scalpels… anyways, I had one at home and I was waiting in my bed… like I was told. He would hold me down by my wrists. That’s where a lot of the contact was… and I got to thinking about it, and you know my skin just started crawling. And I couldn’t take it. I scratched and scratched and it wasn’t working, so I decided fuck it. I’ll just cut the skin off. When I came to my senses he was shouting at me and there was blood everywhere. He came toward me… I don’t know if he was going to hit me or rape me, but all I could think was no more. No more.” Henley’s breath pulls in raggedly for a moment before she continues.
“I struck him with the knife… he managed to block it but I could tell he hadn’t expected me to fight back… he was so mad… the first punch to my face nearly blinded me from the pain of it… the second one broke my nose… My momma she… she hadn’t been feeling well so she came home early. She heard shouting and thought someone broke in… so she called the neighbor. He’s a cop. That’s the story I heard momma tell anyways… I heard a noise at the door and we both turned… and momma was standing there with the shotgun. I can’t even imagine what it looked like… well I mean I can. I was covered in blood my face all broken… naked. And her husband with his pants around his ankles with a hard dick. I’m sure she took it exactly how it looked cause she leveled that shotgun at his face the moment he backed up. If Bryson hadn’t showed up then… I’m pretty sure I’d be visiting my momma in jail.”
She watches me silently, probably waiting for me to freak out, and honestly I am. It’s a large horrific story. And it makes sense that Henley tried to push me away at first. That Henley ran so hot and cold… it makes sense that Henley would be scared of sex instead of embracing her sexuality. And all I did was push and push and push. It’s a wonder Henley can even stand the sight of me. It’s amazing that she doesn’t run the other way the moment she sees me.
“I’ll understand… you know if you can’t… if you don’t want to be with me anymore I’ll understand.” Her eyes are blank, like she doesn’t want me to see whatever emotion she is hiding in there.
With a sigh I rake my hands through my hair, I really fucked up the way I started this relationship with Henley. So I hold up my finger asking her to give me a minute as pull on my boxers and run over and grab some flowers that were delivered on the boat earlier. I scoop them all up in my arms and when I turn back to Henley her eyes are wary. Nervous. I stride purposefully back to her side before depositing the flowers in her lap.
“Hi my names Connor McKerrick, and there is the really awesome girl I’m into but I’ve really probably been an ass. In fact I’m one hundred percent sure I’ve been a major dick. But I hope that even though I accosted her in a womens restroom… twice… she’ll give me another chance.”
I’ll give her credit, she manages to hold a straight face for all of three seconds before she laughingly starts kissing me. “Well see that won’t work for me. There’s this swell guy I’ve been seeing and he gave me a drunk contract that says I belong to him until he’s done with me. And you know I sorta liked being accosted in the restroom twice. It’s exciting, I’d recommend it to all my friends.” She took the out I offered her. She is willing to not sit around and lament it. Not dissect every memory until she breaks. But all I can think is seven fucking years. She is so brave. So strong. Anyone else would have broken beyond repair under that kind of torture.
“Henley, Henley,” I kiss her deeper, pulling her into my arms and curling up in the bed with her again. “What happened to you was… Christ there aren’t even words Lover. But for as long as you’ll have me I’ll be here. I just… I feel like I need to do… something. I don’t know how you can sit there with a straight face after telling me all that.”
“I can sit here with a straight face because you didn’t run. You didn’t turn away from me so I can still face it calmly. Besides… I’ve had a long time to come to terms with my past… I’m sure you have questions, I’ll answer them if you like. You get a free pass ask me any question and I’ll give it an honest answer.”
I know she expects me to ask questions regarding her past. I know I should, but honestly I think we have both had enough upset for one night, so I ask another question that has been bugging me. “Why in the hell is your dog named Mr. Darcy? Was Darcy just not masculine enough or…?”
“That’s what your going to ask?” Her eyes are smiling again, a true honest smile. “Okay I’ll tell you. I’m a big fan of Pride and Prejudice, and I guess I just named him after that.”
At my clueless look she just rolls her eyes. “Really? It’s a book… a classic… Do you read? Like at all?”
“I’m just a pretty face, it’s a secret don’t tell.” I hold a straight face, which causes her to crack up all the more.
“Right a pretty face,” she laughs as she reaches into the nightstand and pulls out a sharpie. She climbs on my lap, straddling my hips with her thighs, and begins running her hands over my chest. “To me… Pride and Prejudice is the epitome of a love story. It offers the truest and purest form of what I think love could be. It’s not hot raunchy sex and physical attraction, even though those are all good. It’s love in it’s purest essence.”
She uncaps the sharpie and starts writing along the outer side of my abs. Her brows drawn in concentration. I try my best to hold still, as the pen skims and dips on my skin.
“ ‘In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’ ” My whole body trembles as she says those words, her green eyes meeting mine for the briefest of moments before she finishes whatever she is doing on my skin. “It is a good enough quote for expression, and one that is frequently remembered, however to me the true essence of what love can do to a person, of what love can be, is expressed ‘By you I was properly humbled.’ ”
Henley slides off putting the pen back in the nightstand, and I look down at the words she wrote. ‘By you I was properly humbled.’ I don’t get it. I look at her for an explanation and she just smiles.
“Love has a way of changing us,” she says simply, before she gets up and walk so the kitchen.
If I have changed… if I have been ‘humbled’ it has all been Henley’s doing. Whether she is consciously aware of it or not.
Chapter 19
The next morning we got on the helicopter and headed back toward the plane. It wasn’t until we were almost back to Seattle that Henley finally spoke. She seemed to be quite the introspective type. Not that I minded. Every second didn’t need to be filled with idle chatter. If she was content to be by my side in silence, I had no problems with that, as long as it’s by my side.
“Connor? What happens now?” Her green eyes were worried. “I mean we get back and what? Continue our regularly scheduled programming?”
I couldn’t help the chuckle that came out at her choice of words. Well shit. She’s worried about what comes next. Me too. “Well to start we gotta pick up your dog, I left him with Dr. Castillo.”
“Oh boy… Mr. Darcy hates Nora. That’s a recipe for disaster.”
“She’ll also have your things. Your purse and stuff.” Next comes the hard part. The part that she probably wont agree to. “And then I suppose we’ll go to my place… since your presence has been requested in Seattle Sunday.”
Torn (The McKerricks Book 1) Page 17
