by Fiona Lowe
“There may have been one or two,” he said lightly with a typical Ethan self-deprecating tone. “But we’re not talking about them. We’re talking about you. You’re holding down a regular job, and that’s very normal.”
“I’m the only female police officer in one hundred miles, so my job isn’t all that normal.”
“You’ve been having regular coffee dates with Millie and making friends.”
“She’s leaving town.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay. You’re teaching gym classes.”
She reached for a quick reason as to why that wasn’t normal but drew a blank. “Actually, that is pretty normal, isn’t it?”
He smiled. “Totally normal. Of course you do like to de-stress by trying to kick me in the head, which possibly isn’t normal, but it could be healthy for conflict resolution in our relationship.”
She immediately tensed at the word relationship. “This is so easy for you, Ethan. You grew up seeing what’s normal behavior in a relationship and what’s not.”
“You obviously haven’t met my parents,” he joked before becoming serious again. “Tara, no relationship is easy. My parents love each other, but that doesn’t mean they don’t argue or occasionally yell at each other. Mom once got so frustrated with Dad arguing about where to store the trash can and referring to it as exhibit A just like in his courtroom that she threw an egg at him. Granted, it was hard-boiled, but he didn’t know that.”
An anguished laugh escaped her lips.
His thumbs drew circles on the tops of her hands. “I can’t promise you there won’t be times when I get frustrated with you or disagree with you and vice versa, but I can promise you this. I will never cheat on you or lie to you. I will never intentionally hurt you. I will always put you first, protect you, cherish you and love you.” His gaze, filled with a mixture of hope and uncertainty, continued to hold hers. “Tara, none of what I just said can happen unless you take that massive leap of faith, trust me and let me into your life.”
Let me into your life. Five little words, but their size was deceiving, because they could cause more damage to her heart and soul than a cluster bomb exploding on enemy installations. Sweat beaded on her hairline, her throat tightened so much she couldn’t swallow and her blood rushed through her ears, deafening her.
She looked at Ethan’s kind and considerate face, his warm eyes and the humor lines around his mouth. “You really love difficult, defensive me?”
“I really love challenging, clever, resilient you.”
“I want to believe, Ethan, I do, but . . .”
“I know.”
The fact he didn’t say Just do it helped. “This has all happened so fast.”
He shrugged as if six weeks wasn’t fast or really an issue. “Moving forward we can take things as slowly as you like. There’s no rush to move in together or get married, but we don’t have a fighting chance unless you can commit to the idea of a future together and believe that it’s possible. I want a future with you, Tara. One that stretches far into the years ahead.”
A future. It called to her, pulling at all the reasons she’d decided to move to Bear Paw in the first place. Reasons she both craved and feared all at the same time. Could she really have what other people had? A man who loved her? A home?
Doubt rose to the surface. “You see children in your future, don’t you?”
“Our future, Tara. Yes, I do.”
“Is that a deal-breaker?”
He paled. “You don’t want kids?”
Her heart squeezed even tighter. She hated that she was hurting him. “It’s not so much that, it’s . . .”
“Just say it, Tara,” he said raggedly. “Believe me, you saying it out loud is going be easier for me to deal with than me imaging what you’re thinking.”
Say it fast. “You’re so much better with kids than I am. I might not be any good at being a mother.”
Relief crossed his face. “Stop being so hard on yourself. I’m just more relaxed around them than you are because I’ve currently got more experience, but you’re already better than you think. When you first arrived in town, you would never have roared like a lion with them.”
Warmth spun through her. “That’s true.”
“And if being an at-home mom isn’t your thing, I’ll happily be a house husband for a few years until they’re old enough for school.”
“You’d do that?”
He placed her T-shirt on the table between them. “Trust me, Tara,” he said simply. “We’re a team.”
Trust me.
This man—this loyal, caring, loving man—wanted her in his life. She could continue to hold him at arm’s length like she did with most everyone and continue to live the life she’d been living.
That horse has bolted. He’s already changed your life.
Or she could step off the cliff and invite him in and share the future with him.
A shake started in her toes and radiated along all her limbs until she was shivering all over. “I trust you, Ethan. More than anything I want to be part of your team.”
He was on his feet in a heartbeat, around the table and pulling her into his arms, wrapping them around her tightly. His love circled her and flowed into her, and an unwanted tear slipped out of her eye, followed by another and then another until she was sobbing and making a wet and sticky mess on his shoulder.
“I don’t cry,” she managed to gasp out.
He gazed down at her with eyes filmed with tears. “I do.”
She continued to shake and cry and laugh as he held her and his heart thudded against her chest, each beat a testament of his love for her. She shot out a hand and grabbed her T-shirt, wiping her face with it before drying his eyes and drying his shoulder.
“I love you, Ethan.”
His smile was wider than she’d ever seen it before. “I love you, too, Tara.”
She laid her head on his chest, feeling his arms around her, and she knew that finally, after all these years, she was safe. She was truly home.
MILLIE was standing on top of Mount Brown, staring out at the spectacular view that surrounded her. The vivid blue of Lake McDonald lay far below to the west, and the boats on the water looked like toys. To the north was the craggy gray rock face of Heavens Peak, its majesty carved out by millions of years of ice and snow. She snuggled her back into Will’s chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I told you it was worth the hard hike. Isn’t it amazing?”
“You’re amazing.” He dropped his head into the curve of her neck and kissed her, his warm breath sending tingles shimmering through her. “Millie, I don’t want this to end.”
“Neither do I.” She turned in his arms and pressed her hand to his cheek, loving the roughness of his stubble on her palm. “Come to Seattle with me.”
He looked down her, his gaze full of love. “I’m way ahead of you. I’ve already found us an apartment and—” Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
The noise pulled her hard and fast out of her delicious dream, leaving her struggling to work out where she was and what was happening. With sleep still fogging her brain, she shot out her hand toward the nightstand, feeling for Dex. Her fingers closed around her CGM, but it wasn’t vibrating. Another level of sleep vanished, and she realized that Dex didn’t even make that sort of sound. It was her phone.
God, she had too many devices in her life. “Hello.” She thought she heard a muffled Thank God.
“Millie,” Will said, his voice rumbling down the phone like a cozy hug. “You sound half asleep.”
“That’s because I was.” She yawned, expecting him to apologize for waking her up.
“But it’s after nine.”
“So?” She blew a curl out of her eye. “I’m on the clinic schedule this week and I have today off.”
“I know. You told me last night.”
She thought about how wonderful last night had been, and her thoughts wandered off in that direction before she remembered there mus
t be a reason for his call. “Are things busy? Do you need me to come in?”
“No, it’s quiet. Kelli Meissner’s asked me to scrub in on a bowel resection.”
Why? Millie tensed. She hadn’t warmed to the arrogant female surgeon, and Dr. Meissner’s physician’s assistant usually accompanied her. Even if the PA was sick, the surgeon still had the Bear Paw nursing staff. Why would she be asking Will to assist? He probably hadn’t been in an OR since he was an intern.
Because the OR is her turf and she can show off and impress him there.
“I hope you can remember the difference between Babcock forceps and Mayo clamps,” she teased, trying to cover her spurt of jealousy.
Will laughed. “It might be a bit of a challenge. Anyway, you good?”
“I’m fine. I’ve got my whole day planned.” Including a surprise for you. She heard noise in the background.
“Sorry, Millie, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later. Have fun on your day off.”
As he hung up, she realized he hadn’t asked her whatever it was that had been so important that he’d woken her up. He didn’t call her very often.
He doesn’t need to.
Ever since the night they’d missed Shakespeare in the Parks and Will had mentioned that her mom knew they were sleeping together, he’d started staying for breakfast. Actually, he’d been having supper here the nights they weren’t working, including two barbecues around the pool with her parents. In fact, when she thought about it, he was only going to the motel to get his shirts from the laundry service. Between work and home, they were pretty much together 24-7.
Not for much longer.
Don’t think about it. You’ve still got a week left.
She thought about the dream instead. Odd that it was on Mount Brown. She and Will still hadn’t managed to do the hike yet, but the rest of the dream she guessed was her subconscious verbalizing what she wanted to say to him. That wasn’t quite accurate. She didn’t expect him to change jobs and move to Seattle, but she wanted a sign from him that this wasn’t all going to end absolutely on July 31.
Dex started beeping. The snack she’d eaten just after Will had left for his early-morning bike ride had done its bridging job, giving her a rare sleep-in, but now it was time to get up and have breakfast.
MILLIE was taking a break from her long list of errands and having lunch with her mom at the diner. In between mouthfuls of Shannon’s pulled pork and apple flatbread, Susie was excitedly studying a map of Seattle.
“Oh, honey, your apartment’s close by everything.”
Her mom was planning on helping her move as well as spending a couple of days taking her shopping. Since the success of the sundress, Susie was on a mission to find clothes that fit Millie’s criteria and looked good. Millie, who appreciated Susie’s new zeal to clothe her in a style she felt comfortable in, had conceded that there were special occasions like weddings and parties when she could strap her pump to her thigh and move her setups to her arms. Given the list of shops her mom had just suggested they visit, she was wondering if she should have kept that bit of intel about the setups to herself.
Millie’s phone rang and she ignored it, because she knew how much it irked her mom if she took a non-urgent call at meal times.
“Honey, shouldn’t you take that? It’s Will.”
“You sure? I guess the hospital might need me.”
Her mother nodded and returned her gaze to the map of shopping precincts.
She picked up the phone. “Hi.”
“G’day. What’cha doin’?” Will asked, his accent always more pronounced on the telephone.
Nothing about his tone of voice sounded urgent or harried. “Um, having lunch with Mom.”
“Oh good. You’re not on your own.”
It seemed an odd thing to say. “Ah, no, but would it matter if I was?”
“It’s nice for you to have some company on your day off.”
“I guess.” She thought about his call earlier. “What did you want to ask me?”
“Ask you?” He sounded confused.
“When you called before.”
“I was just saying g’day.”
Usually, they saw each other on and off during the day at work. Was he missing her? A warm feeling flowed through her, sparking hope. If he’d called her twice in the six hours since he’d kissed her good-bye this morning just to hear her voice, surely that meant something. Meant that he’d want to find ways they could be together when one of them was in Seattle and the other was in Great Falls. She didn’t even want to think about the possibility of him returning to Australia.
“G’day, then.”
He laughed at her attempt to sound Australian. “So you’re having a good day?”
“I am. What’s that expression you use? I’m kicking goals. The party preparation’s almost done.”
“So no highs or lows?”
Her tuna wrap curdled in her stomach. “All under control,” she said overly brightly.
“Excellent. I’ll let you get back to your lunch, and I’ll call you around three about dinner plans. Say hi to Susie.”
The line went dead.
Around three. It suddenly hit her. He’d been calling her today around the times she tested her blood sugar. Was he checking up on her? Her brain shied away from the thought. She was being ridiculous. Sure, he still brought in healthy food to the hospital, but as half the staff was now trying to lose weight, she knew it was no longer specifically just for her. He didn’t check up on her at work, did he? No. She reassured herself those stolen kisses at random times across the day were just that—random.
He called you three times the other day when he was working at the clinic out at the rez. And he called Helen when you didn’t pick up.
She started scrolling through her call log, checking the times while her thoughts fought each other. They were work-related calls. He needed information each time.
Information other people could have given him.
“No emergency?” Susie looked up from the brochures.
“No.” She laid the phone down on the table, hating the information it was feeding her.
She thought back to the night she’d whipped him at pool, furious that he wouldn’t take her white water rafting or go on a hike up Mount Brown—convinced he was treating her like a patient. Only she’d misread him, because those long looks had been about wanting her, nothing to do with her diabetes. Since that first night, life had been busy with work and community events in Bear Paw, not to mention having sex, so her plans to push him to go hiking had taken a back step. Surely those were the reasons they hadn’t gone hiking, biking or rafting?
“Is everything okay, honey? You look a bit pale.”
“Everything’s fine,” she said, giving herself a little shake to put everything in perspective. “He says hi.”
“I think it’s lovely that he just calls for a chat.”
Her mother’s expression was similar to the one she wore when she’d just finished watching a sappy movie. “From my side of the fence, he looks like a keeper. Have the two of you talked about—”
“No. It’s complicated.”
“Because of his work visa?”
I wish. Battling the bureaucracy of the INS would probably be a lot easier.
WILL checked his watch and willed the checkout line to move a bit faster. When he’d called Millie at three and said he’d be home at six with steaks, she’d said, “That just guaranteed a sick patient will walk into the ER at five and you’ll be there until after seven.”
She’d sounded a bit pissed off in general. It was hard to tell if it was from low blood sugar or if something else was bothering her. As much as he wanted to ask her if her blood sugar had dipped, it was up there with asking any woman who was snarky if they had their period. So he’d gone with the general, “Everything okay?” and she’d replied, “Just great. See you at six. I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Great. I’ve got one for you, too.”
/> And now it was six and he was stuck behind Bethany in the late predinner rush at the grocery store. She was telling the young cashier about her new television, even though her groceries were bagged and she’d paid for them.
“Excuse me, ladies,” he said with a smile. “I’m sorry, but there’s an emergency, so if I could just . . .”
He justified the white lie to himself because there would be an emergency if Millie had bolused insulin anticipating that dinner was going to be when he’d promised. Another reason for him to tell her about his surprise gift to her.
Bethany narrowed her eyes at him, and he expected a volley of words, but all she said was, “Humph.”
The cashier looked wide-eyed and grabbed his produce out of his arms. “Oh, sure, Doctor Bartlett, sorry.”
He paid, ran to the car and texted Millie.
Sorry! Five minutes away.
Four minutes later he was kissing her hello and sneaking a peek at Dex, which was on the kitchen bench. “I’ll start cooking.”
“Mom sent over some dips she made, so I thought we could munch on those while we wait for the steaks. Do you want a drink? Beer? Wine?”
“Iced tea would be great.”
Her hand paused on the refrigerator door. “I thought you said the only way to drink tea was steaming hot.”
“You’ve corrupted me,” he said, kissing her again before heading outside to the deck. He fired up the propane-fueled grill, letting it heat the way his father had taught him so when the steak hit the metal bars, it seared in the juices.
He set a timer on his phone to remind him when the grill would be hot enough and then sat at the outdoor table, which Millie had set for dinner. There was an envelope propped up on a candle with his name on it. “What’s this?”
Her cheeks pinked. “Your birthday present.”
“But it’s still a week away.” His birthday was just before she left Bear Paw for Seattle. He hadn’t been thinking about either event, because since Charlie’s death, he never thought much beyond the here and now.
She sat down next to him. “It involves some planning and a schedule change, so just open it and all will be explained.”
