The People’s Republic of Desire

by Annie Wang

  Last year, the tension really escalated when Lulu went home for the New Year. Any incoming phone calls from men became a family matter. Her mother insisted on answering all her phone calls. She shamelessly asked every man, "What do you think of our Lulu?… If you like her, when do you plan to be my son-in-law?"

  Lulu quickly ran back to Beijing. This year, she decides not to go back to her hometown to be humiliated once more.

  "Where do you want to go?" Beibei asks, jerking Lulu back to the conversation.

  Lulu says, "A philosopher has said that nature is our real home. I plan to celebrate the Chinese New Year in a deep forest. I want to return to our spiritual home."

  Before Beibei and I can comment on Lulu's idea, her cell phone rings. She starts to talk in her local dialect. So much for returning to her spiritual home.

  "Who was it?" Beibei asks after Lulu hangs up.

  "It was my mother calling from home," Lulu says.

  "What did she say?" I ask.

  Lulu answers, "She says she will come to Beijing to visit me for the Chinese New Year! I guess I will just stay in Beijing."

  "Remember, Beijing has become your home!" Beibei tells Lulu.

  I add, "Home is a relative term. Anywhere your bed and pillow are becomes your real home for that night, New Year's or otherwise!"

  Lulu screams, "Oh, no! Talking about bed and pillow, I just remembered that my mom said she'd like to sleep in the same bed with me so that we could have good mother-daughter conversations at night. The same bed, can you believe it? I'm already over thirty and she still wants to tuck me in. Give me a break!"

  POPULAR PHRASES

  HUIJIA: Return home. Family and home are extremely important in the Chinese culture. One must never forget where he or she came from, and returning home for special events is more than just a nice thing to do; it is a re-quirment of any self-respecting Chinese.

  XIAHAI: To jump into the sea: to go into business. In China, starting a business is probably even more risky than jumping into the sea!

  64 Country Mother and City Daughter

  Lulu's mother comes to visit her a week before the Chinese New Year. She plans to stay with Lulu for a month and insists that they sleep in the same bed.

  For a single, independent, big-city girl, it might sound like a nightmare to share a bed with her unworldly country-bumpkin mother for a month. But it turns out to be not as unpleasant as Lulu had expected. It is actually fun… for a while.

  Lulu's mother is an excellent cook and a clean and tidy woman. Whenever Lulu comes back home, the dinner is cooked and ready to be served, and everything from her keys to her gloves has been organized and put in good order. Moreover, having someone waiting for you at home makes Lulu feel so warm. It is this sense of family that she hasn't had for so long. There is only one moment that turns out to be a bit embarrassing. One evening, Lulu and her mother are watching the Discovery Channel. That day's program showcases a primitive tribe on the Amazon, and some of the tribal members have no clothes. "Nudity! It's so awful!" Lulu's mother screams and hastily switches the channel. Lulu thinks her mother is making a fuss. Other than that incident, the first week Lulu and her mother spend together is nearly idyllic.

  But mothers have their own set of priorities. And before too long, things start to change. Lulu's mother, like most Chinese mothers, is curious about her daughter's private life. She peppers Lulu with questions about her relationships with men. Other generational, social, and cultural differences begin to appear.

  One day, Lulu comes home, takes a shower, and starts to get dressed to meet Beibei and me. She suddenly discovers that all of her sexy underwear is missing. Lulu is partial to thongs, brief panties, and lace bras that reveal as well as support. She is dismayed. "Mom, did you do the laundry? Where did you put my underwear? I can't find a single clean set."

  Her mother tells her that she thought they were not only not functional but also way too small. "I threw them away and bought you new big, roomy underwear. Why should you squeeze yourself into such tiny bits of fabric that don't even cover anything?"

  From there it only gets worse. Another day when Lulu comes back from work, her mother is waiting for her at the kitchen table. She is holding a package of condoms in her hand.

  "Lulu, what is this?"

  Lulu's mind begins to reel. She is embarrassed; discussing sex with one's parents is never easy. It is just not done in Chinese culture. So she tells her mother they are balloons. "Black balloons? Black is not a lucky color. Why do you have black balloons?" her mother keeps the questions coming.

  Lulu cannot tell her mother that this is for girls who have fantasies of black men like her, so she has to make up an answer on the spot. "Mom, that is the most fashionable color. Don't you see that so many young women always love to wear black clothes?"

  Her mother murmurs, "I also wonder why they smell like cherry."

  Lulu cannot tell her mother that it actually tastes like cherry too. She dodges the question by saying, "Let's go get some red balloons for New Year's Day."

  But the worst is yet to come. One day Lulu comes home. Nothing happens during dinner. They watch some TV, then they decide to go to sleep. Once they are in bed, her mother says bluntly and without warning, "Adult movies are not proper for unmarried girls like you."

  This is a totally unexpected statement. "What do you mean?" But Lulu can already guess the rest.

  Her mother scolds her, "I was putting away the laundry, and I opened the bottom drawer of your bureau. I found a collection of adult movies. Why do you have them? It's not right for you to watch movies like these. Only bad girls do that. You aren't married yet and you have to care about your reputation."

  Lulu tells her mother that this is Beijing, not the small town she came from. People can watch anything they like, and it is not considered evil for a single woman to enjoy the privileges of married women. Lulu considers giving her mother some more detailed examples from her own love life but quickly decides against it.

  Her mother shuts down and becomes quiet. Both of them toss and turn in the bed. A few hours later, Lulu, who is already half-asleep, receives a nudge from her mother. "Lulu, are you still awake?"

  "What?" Lulu asks her mother in the darkness.

  Her mother finally reveals the puzzle in her mind. "Lulu, I watched one of those videos. Do foreigners really do that in bed? That is so dirty!"

  65 Sun-Tzu on the Art of Love

  When her mother lives with her, the most awkward moment for Lulu is not that her mother throws her small sexy underwear away. Nor is it when her mother finds her adult video collection and black condoms.

  "It's the moment when Chang calls from the United States and my mother picks up the phone," she tells me when we meet for a late cup of tea.

  Chang is Lulu's childhood friend. At that time, Lulu was the best student in sports and academics. Moreover, she was able to speak perfect Mandarin, which was considered a symbol of status. Thus, she was deemed a princess. Chang was her quiet admirer.

  By the time Lulu was admitted to the best university in Beijing, Chang had failed his college entrance examination. But he studied hard, joining Lulu in Beijing being his only motivation.

  A year later, he got into the English program in the same university Lulu attended.

  Since both were in Beijing, Chang thought it would be a good chance to develop their relationship. Lulu had never thought of him in a romantic way. After all, she had defeated him in virtually every arena, including height. Chang was too shy to proclaim his love and Lulu pretended that she didn't know he was enamored of her, so the two acted like normal friends.

  After graduation, Lulu worked for Women ' s Friends in Beijing and Chang was hired by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs as an interpreter.

  Six years pass.

  Chang has become a promising diplomat working in the Chinese embassy in Washington, D.C. He was afraid of being a lonely celibate in the States, so before leaving for Washington, he selected a woman from amon
g the many Chinese girls who dreamed of being the wife of a foreign diplomat. His wife is a traditional Chinese woman, thin, shy, quiet, worshipful of her man.

  When Chang calls Lulu from overseas, there is much to catch up on. I imagine he wants to tell her about the beautiful cherry blossoms in Washington, the different ethnic foods along Embassy Row, the art galleries and museums and the charming Georgetown area… but Lulu isn't home. Instead, her mother answers the phone. She has seen Chang grow up. Hearing his voice from the other side of the earth, she almost burst into tears.

  "Chang, I knew that you were such a good boy from the very beginning. I knew that you'd be so excellent some day. I always dreamed that you and Lulu would become a pair when you were young. But I didn't want to interfere because I thought kids should make their own choices. Before Lulu's father died, his biggest hope was to have Lulu bring him back a nice boy. Such a simple wish still hasn't come true yet. Chang, my good boy, tell me, what's wrong with our Lulu? Is it that she is not beautiful enoug h? Is she too independent? Is she too old?" Lulu's mother is really laying it on thick.

  As her mother is talking, Lulu returns and overhears everything. She doesn't know what Chang's answers are on the other line. But it's clear that all those cold shoulders she gave Chang when they were young are now being returned. Chang finally has his revenge.

  She feels a deep sense of defeat. All her previous victories over him, from grades to love, have just become history, with no current value. Henry Kissinger once said that the ultimate aphrodisiac is power. Between them, two friends and two rivals, she is the failure – and she has been betrayed by her own mother. It's a power game, reversed.

  By the time she enters the room, her mother has just hung up. Lulu suppresses her rage, but her voice still trembles.

  "Mother, even though I'm the lowest of the low, I thought that I still had my pride. But just now, my last shred of pride and privacy has been taken away!"

  She later tells me, "Game, set, match, I just lost to Chang 40-Love."

  Her mother tries to reassure her. "Totally submitting without pride is a winning strategy in Sun Tzu's Art of War."

  Lulu is confused, not sure what an ancient general has to do with twenty-first-century love in Beijing. "What do you mean?"

  Her mother smiles like a flower. "Lulu, I just used fake weeping to test him. He still has feelings for you. Can you win him back? I want to be the mother-in-law of a diplomat and see cherry blossoms in Washington, D.C.!"

  As I listen to the stories of her mother, I think, Lulu's mother isn't as conservative as she thinks after all.

  66 The Delicate Art of Bribery

  Lulu lives in company-subsidized housing. Her three-bedroom apartment in Beijing 's upscale San Yuan Qiao neighborhood is worth 700,000 yuan. Recently she found out that the magazine she works for wants to sell the flat to a staffer – and she is being considered.

  "I would like to buy it, but I can't afford it," Lulu tells Sukang, her boss.

  "Yes you can. We are selling it for just seventy thousand yuan!" he replies.

  "Really? Just one-tenth of its market price?"

  "Yes," says Sukang winking. "As a perk for an employee."

  Buying apartments and selling them cheaply to employees is common practice in China. Both employers and employees get a tax break. But normally it's 10 percent or 20 percent off the market value. Offering a place for one-tenth of the market value is rare indeed. Last year, ugly arguments usually erupted when there was a similar announcement. Four older, married senior editors almost went to war over one apartment offered way below market price. Now it could be her turn.

  Sukang tells Lulu there are two other senior editors under consideration. "Who is chosen depends on your performance," Sukang says with a subtle smile. "This is the last time an offer like this will be made. I am your superior and you had better make me happy."

  Lulu understands what Sukang means, but she has never been good at sucking up to her boss. She also knows that whoever gets the apartment will receive the equivalent of 640,000 yuan. It's a terrific deal. Later, she hears her competitors have already visited Sukang's home bearing expensive gifts.

  "What should I do?" she asks Beibei and me.

  "Take gifts to your boss at once," Beibei suggests.

  "Isn't that bribery?" Lulu asks. "I've never given him anything. Now, all of a sudden, I go to his house bearing gifts? That is too obvious."

  Beibei replies: "Bribery is an art. If you give your boss money, he must refuse, but if you put the money in a red envelope as a gift to his kid, he won't say no. Always avoid a direct and obvious bribe. Rule No. 1: Be subtle. Rule No. 2: Timing is everything. Chinese New Year is the perfect time to give gifts. The bribe is concealed within a legitimate gift. You've come to pay seasonal respects, and never mention the apartment in conversation."

  "What gift should I give?" Lulu asks.

  "What are his vices? If he is a drinker, give him imported liquor," I suggest.

  "Brandy or scotch whiskey or cognac?" Lulu asks.

  "How old is he?" Beibei asks.

  "Fifty-five."

  "Choose something in a nice bottle with fancy wrapping," Beibei says. "What about a bottle of VSOP? Men his age can't tell the difference in price between a VSOP and an XO. For them it's good as long as it has English letters."

  Following our advice, Lulu rushes out and buys the VSOP. At the bank, she withdraws ten new one-hundred-yuan notes. She puts the money in a red envelope with a small card saying, "To Dede from Auntie Lulu." Dede is her supervisor's son. But later, she throws away the card, deciding instead to slip the envelope into the VSOP package. Everything had better be subtle.

  On New Year's Eve, she visits Sukang's home. He appears gracious and friendly. He receives gifts all the time, so to him it is quite normal. For the first time, he asks her about her hobbies and her family. She feels at ease, sensing definite rapport.

  A few days later Lulu gets together with Beibei and me.

  Before she can start to describe the whole affair concerning the apartment, Beibei says, "I'm exhausted. Too many employees visited me. They gave me so much stuff, I don't have enough space for it so I'm giving you each a bottle of VSOP."

  We say thanks and unwrap the bottle. Amazingly, Lulu sees a familiar red envelope that falls out from her bottle of VSOP. Inside the envelope are ten crisp one-hundred-yuan notes.

  Beibei says, "I'll take the money back and leave you the VSOP if that's okay."

  "But it's my money!" Lulu screams.

  "Why yours? I just gave this to you. You're so ungrateful!" Beibei says as she snatches the money out of Lulu's hands.

  "Who is it from?" asks Lulu.

  "One of my employees. His wife teaches but wants to become a singer. She wants to sign with us."

  "Where does she teach?"

  "The Anan English Elementary School," says Beibei.

  "That's an expensive gift for a teacher to give, isn't it?" I say.

  "Come on, nowadays all the kids in school are from one-child families. Most parents try to curry favor with nice gifts," Beibei says. "I bet teachers get lots of liquor as gifts. That's why she didn't bother to open this package."

  "Sukang's chi ld Dede goes to that school. I gave Sukang the VSOP and the money!" Lulu says, shocked.

  "What goes around, comes around," Beibei says as she reaches for the bottle. "Let's have a drink and use up this one thousand yuan."

  67 A New Dating Strategy

  Since Lulu's mother has come to Beijing, Lulu has told us many funny stories about her. Lately, she asks Lulu to update her about her boyfriends on a daily basis. If Lulu has a date, she wants to know everything in detail so she can make some judgmental comments. Her mother's opinions often irritate Lulu. If Lulu doesn't have a date, her mother will sigh and say things like, "Why are you so unattractive? Something must be wrong with your character. You are too strong." Her constant nagging hurts Lulu.

  Lulu's mother married at twenty-five, already cons
idered late at that time. She would like Lulu to get married so that both of them can have emotional and financial security. As she continually whines about Lulu being so picky in choosing a husband or ending up an old maid, Lulu can only joke lightly, "Mom, the later I get married, the better my man will be."

  When she really falls for someone, her mother isn't happy either. She says that Lulu is being stupid. "Other girls all use their brains. Only a stupid girl like you will give her heart and her body so quickly. When I was young, I never let boys get me so easily."

  When Lulu doesn't like some man she met, her mother will say things like, "You're already over thirty. You'd be undesirable in my time. You're lucky to have some man who would like to go out with you."

  Lulu is distressed by her mother's interference in her love life, but she manages to contain her anger. She never loses her temper – until her mother finally goes too far.

  One day, Lulu's mother is especially unhappy when Lulu makes negative comments about a man named Ching, whom her mother likes. "He's bald, with a Buddha belly," she tells her mother. "He uses a toothpick without covering his mouth at the dining table. I can't stand him."

  Her mother thinks differently. Besides having a good job, Ching is honest, which will make him a good son-in-law. Plus, Ching's affection for Lulu is obvious. So when Ching calls later that day and Lulu is out, her mother answers the phone and chats with Ching.

  Ching asks for Lulu's e-mail address. Her mother says that she doesn't have one – perhaps Ching could set up one for her. After Ching gets an e-mail account for Lulu, he calls. Once again, Lulu's mother picks up the phone. Ching asks her to pass on the instructions to Lulu about how to send e-mails. Her mother doesn't pass on the information to Lulu. Instead, she pretends to be Lulu, sending affectionate e-mails to Ching.