by Leach, Kiki
And her mother called.
Again.
It was urgent this time.
Being alone gave Vanessa time to reflect, and think; think about what her life would’ve been like with Sheila still in it, what it would’ve been like had she been the one to marry Nathan instead of her former best friend.
She walked all over her spacious home, taking in everything from the off-white walls and marbled frames, to the Vincent Van Gogh paintings hanging in her foyer, and wondered if Nathan would’ve appreciated her sense of style if this was his home too. And then she realized he wouldn’t have cared as long as they were together. At least that’s the person he used to be. She didn’t know who he was anymore. And as much as she wished she didn’t care, she couldn’t help but.
After taking time to reminisce, she went to the kitchen and pulled a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from the freezer. She slammed the door shut and noticed Maurice’s invitation still laying on the table. No one had taken the time to throw it away.
Maybe they forgot, she wondered. Or maybe they felt I needed to see it and stare at it long and hard until I finally moved past it.
She picked it up by the corner as if she were carrying a dirty diaper to the trash bin and moved over to the stove, tossing it down on the edge.
“This should’ve been my wedding,” she said to herself as she jabbed the spoon into the middle of the carton, digging out a large scoop. “But you chose a slut over me.”
As she looked around, she noticed the knobs on the stove and thought about turning one of them on the highest number it would go, wishing to burn the invitation to a crisp. If it didn’t exist, they didn’t exist. She picked it up and stared at it, shaking her head at the blue cursive lettering and ribbon embroidery. The card itself was light pink, which had always been Sheila’s favorite color. His was yellow. And she realized in that moment that he was nowhere near this wedding. Aside from possibly showing up on the day of, he was nowhere to be found in any of Sheila’s decisions. There were no personal touches, nothing that said he was eager for this wedding to happen in a few months, if at all. A part of her felt bad that he was essentially on the outside looking in on one of the most important days of his life. But then a bigger part of her felt it was karma for choosing someone so selfish to begin with.
She stepped back a few feet and placed a hand on her waist. Just as she was deciding what to do with the invite, her cell phone rang. She went over to her purse, pulling it out and scrunched her face when she saw the name. It was her mother, calling her for the seventeenth time in just the last few hours. She took a deep breath and pushed the green button, forcing a smile as she set the phone on speaker.
“Hello, Mother.”
“My God, Vanessa!” Alexis hollered. “Girl, where in the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you since this morning, worried you had tossed yourself into the East River when you never called me back!”
“What?”
“I can’t imagine that you haven’t seen it. Have you seen it?”
Vanessa went back to her ice cream and licked the cookie dough sitting at the edge of her spoon.
“Have I seen what?” she asked, her mouth full of dough.
“The infamous invitation.”
“Oh, yeah. To the wedding from hell? I’ve seen it.”
“I had been trying to call you about it.”
“That’s what all the missed calls were about? Why were you so desperate to tell me about this, Mother, to rub my face in it?”
“No, Vanessa, I would never do such a thing. Especially not when it came to those two.”
Vanessa rolled her eyes.
“Right. Then why were you calling me?”
“To warn you. I was hoping you wouldn’t read through it when you noticed it was from Sheila.”
“It would’ve made no difference. Had I not gotten the invitation, it would’ve been in the papers or on the internet and local news.”
“Not for at least another two weeks.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Sheila’s mother called me last month when I was in the office to inform me of the wedding as well as when they had planned to announce it to the press and send the invitations to everyone.”
She tossed her spoon on the counter and knit her brows in fury.
“Last month -- Are you kidding me?! Mother, why the hell wouldn’t you tell me about this if you had known long before now? And not only that, why wouldn’t you tell Veronica that there was no way in hell I was actually showing up to her demon seed’s ceremony? If she told you of the invitations that means you knew damn well I was invited!”
“Watch that tone!” she snapped back. “And I didn’t think about it at the time! She called during work hours and I had other things on my mind to worry about, such as Alexander’s health scare and your sister’s new baby.”
“Your husband is fine, Mother. It was just a scare. The man didn’t need a cornea transplant, he just needed a better set of glasses and daily contacts. And last I checked, Felicia and her husband lived in Newport with their newest baby as well as their oldest, and all four of them are perfectly fine and healthy. Meanwhile, you’re in Paris and apparently becoming more neurotic by the second. If anyone needs to be worried, it’s you about yourself.”
“Long distance uncertainties, honey. You’ll learn as you get older.”
“Mm-hmm.” She dropped back on the counter and dug out more ice cream with her index finger, licking it quick before it could drip down the sides of her hand. “So when are you coming back?”
“I’m taking an early flight out tomorrow morning. I hadn’t planned on it, but it seems someone missed a few appointments as well as reschedules with important publishers for the magazine.”
“Well, maybe if I hadn’t gotten that ridiculous invitation at work and had known as long as you have about this impending circus, I’d have been there for all of that today instead of at home eating a tub of ice cream in my underwear.”
“Oh, Vanessa! Sometimes, girl, you can be so classless. It was five years ago, honey, when are you going to move past this?”
She clutched her spoon tight and huffed. “How long did it take you to move past daddy leaving us when we were damn near destitute from all of his gambling?”
“That was an entirely different situation, Vanessa Rae Brown. I had two children and we had been married for at least ten years. You were just in high school. Eighteen years old with no clue of who you wanted to be, let alone who you wanted to be with. Puppy love doesn’t equate to a marriage.”
“See? You always do this. You always try to make my problems seem as if they’re no big deal compared to yours. And then you wonder why I don’t ever tell you anything.”
When her doorbell rang unexpectedly, she realized it was the only excuse she’d have to be rid of the conversation.
“I’ve got to go. I ordered a pizza and it’s here now.”
“First ice cream, now a pizza? And all by yourself? If your figure goes to hell because of that man --”
“Goodbye, Mother, have a safe flight home.” She clicked the off button and slammed the phone down onto the counter.
The doorbell rang again and she put the ice cream back into the freezer, wiping her hands down on her pajama pants as they had become sticky.
When the bell rang again, she became aggravated.
“I’m on my way!” she snarled.
As she reached the foyer asking who was on the other side of the door, a familiar, deep voice spoke out to her. She smiled, relieved, and ran over quickly, pulling back.
A beautiful man with smooth brown skin stood before her wearing a solemn smile. His name was Alexander Grant, and his face looked as if it were hand carved by God himself. He was by far considered one of the best people Vanessa had ever known. And from her own lips, he was too good to still be married to her mother for nearly ten years.
“Hi,” she said. “If you can believe it, I just finished talking
to your wife on the phone.”
He clutched her shoulder in concern and walked inside. “Baby girl, your mother is the reason I’m here.”
“Oh, goody.” She clasped her hands. “She wanted you to make sure I hadn’t tossed myself into the East River too?”
“Something like that. She had been calling me all day but I was too busy at the restaurant and couldn’t talk or get away any faster. She assumed you must have seen the invitation this morning which is why you kept dismissing her calls. You weren’t in the mood to talk.”
“No, I wasn’t.” She shut the door. “But when am I ever in the mood to talk to her? That being said, for someone who knows very little about me, she still seems to know me all too well.”
She went back to the kitchen as Alexander followed. “How long had you known about the wedding?” she asked.
“I didn’t learn of it until today when your mother called. She left a few panicked voicemails and just kind of threw it in there.”
“Sounds like her.” She sighed. “At any rate, I’m not going to that thing. Even if I was certain it was going to be a certified train wreck and bashed across every media outlet imaginable. She only invited me to be spiteful.”
“Or she’s trying to make amends.”
“Well, if this is her way of trying to make amends, then her screwing Nathan behind my back was her warning me off of him. And if that’s the case, she’s a fantastic friend and I should’ve thanked her instead of decking her lights out at the senior pool party.”
He raised his hands and smiled a little. “Alright, ok,” he stated. “I’ll back off of that one.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “Where is everyone?”
“Out. Mo’s out to dinner and Nik’s at another acting class. Where’s Little Bit?”
He soured. “Gina hates when you call her that, V. She’ll be sixteen in a couple of months.”
“I know that, but she’s not here and you are. So where is she?”
“She’s at her mother’s this week.”
“Oh. Then I guess Alexis didn’t want either one of us to mope.”
“She’s afraid of me being alone; thinks I miss her too much.”
“My mom or Gina?”
“Both.”
Alexander went over to the fridge, opening the door and staring down at the bareness on every shelf.
He reached inside, moving things around – water, mustard, bottles of ketchup…
Wine. Tequila. Vodka. And at least three variations of six-packs.
“Do you all ever go to the grocery store for actual food?”
“Only when we’re down to pretending various condiments taste like a New York Strip Steak. What exactly are you looking for? Because you’re not going to find much unless you’re looking to collapse soon.”
“There was a gallon of ice cream the last time I was here.”
“It’s on the other side,” she informed him.
She bent forward on the counter, enfolding her arms, and exhaled.
“So.” He went over to the drawer for a spoon as he held the carton in his hand. “How are you taking all of this wedding information?”
“You said you were backing off.”
“I’ll back off of defending Sheila. But this is about you now, and how you’re doing with all of this.”
“Well, then...” She sucked in air and shuddered a little at the surrounding circumstances. “I’m taking it terribly. I snapped at work and completely lost it in front of my employees. I said things that would make even the devil blush.”
“Like what?”
“Heavily inappropriate things. I’m telling you, if anyone else had come to the office acting like that over something so personal, I would’ve had them fired immediately, no explanations wanted. The way I reacted and the things I said… I took ‘angry black woman’ and just lit her ass on fire.”
“Vanessa, that phrase is nothing more than an unfortunate stereotype placed upon black women to dismantle and belittle their anger.”
She made a face and craned her neck. “Have you been reading Alexis’ self-help books again? Or O Magazine, or something?” she asked. He didn’t respond and only smiled. “Either way, I completely fed into the idea of what it’s supposed to mean. I know that I have a right to be angry and I’m allowed to have it without being branded or labeled or defined by it. But even Alexis said she’s surprised I still feel this way. Nik said the same. Frankly, I’m surprised too, at times. It’s been five years, why can’t I just get the hell over it already?”
“You really want my advice or is this conversation one sided?”
“No, no. If you have an opinion, I’ll listen.”
“Even if you don’t like it?”
“If I don’t like it, you just can escort yourself out beforehand.”
“Alright.” He laughed. “For starters, I think your view of Nathan as the love of your life might be slightly skewed. Some people are lucky to find that at eighteen. Others, not so much. There’s a first love, and then there’s a true love, the one that lasts. It was meant to be from the beginning, even if it may not have started there. You come back to it because it’s authentic. I don’t think you’ve ever been sure what category Nathan falls into, you’ve just placed him into one.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Maybe the fear of moving on. What you had with him was special and felt genuine to you. You might be afraid of letting go of what once was, because you think you won’t ever find it again. But you will, baby girl, it’s just a matter of putting yourself out there.”
“That’s a different way of looking at it, I guess; which I never have. Do you believe my mother is your first love, or your true love?”
“There’s the case of both, too, and she’s it.” He ate a scoop of ice cream and waved his spoon a little. “Alexis opened my eyes to a world I never knew about when I first met her. At thirty-eight, I was an aspiring chef turned car salesman living off commission when she walked into my life, wearing that tight yellow dress that fit her like a glove. She wanted to drive off of the lot that very morning in a brand new red Cadillac. I told her that we didn’t have any more red Cadillac’s at the moment and wouldn’t again until the New Year, and she wanted one specially ordered for her anyway.”
“I remember.”
“And so I called in favor after favor and after two weeks, managed to get her that car. When I handed her the keys, she looked at me and smiled in a way I had never seen anyone smile at me before. It was as if she believed I could do anything, and do it for her, and that entertained her. And it made me feel like something more than what I felt I was at the time. Maybe it was all in my head back then, but it’s what I believed. It was a good motivation. And the way she said thank you…” He nodded and shifted his eyes, reminiscing. “I knew that I could love this woman for the rest of my life after that day.”
“That’s all it took?”
“That’s all it took,” he said. “I never thought Alexis would want someone like me. She was a pioneer in the magazine industry and was known for her reputation with a certain kind of man like your father. I had been married before but more out of convenience than love, and had a six year old child I was raising on my own because my ex-wife was in rehab. I had no steady income and was living in a one bedroom apartment that was just a few steps above the benches in Central Park. I wasn’t exactly what one would call her type.”
“But you changed her mind overtime by showcasing who you are as a person and as a father to Regina,” she said. “That’s what she fell in love with and after daddy emotionally left her high and dry, it was the most important to her. And then she got you a new wardrobe.”
“And helped me pay for cooking classes which led to a better paying job as head chef at Eleven Madison Park. When you work alongside the greats like Wolfgang Puck, your entire view on the world of cooking changes in an instant.” He stopped. “Your mother is the first and only love of my life. You don’t think a
bout finding that at nearly forty, but I did. And I couldn’t imagine life without her. But had it not been for the life I had with my first wife, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it, and even hers with your dad and for my job at the dealership, it’s possible I never would’ve met her.”
“So what you’re basically saying to me is that Nathan is to me what your first wife was to you, minus the rehab?”
“What I’m saying is that you need to really think about who you are and what you want in life.”
“What I wanted was to marry Nathan and have his children. But life said, ‘tough shit, he’s choosing someone else to spend eternity with and you’re going to work for your mother’.”
“That’s because the universe was telling you to move past it before you knew you were supposed to let go. Now it’s time, V. It’s the only way you’re ever going to truly heal from what you’ve been through. Alexis was my salvation, but that may not be the same for you. Maybe it’s the magazine, maybe it’s your friends or someone you’ve never even met before. Or maybe it’s someone you’ve always known, I don’t know. But you can’t stop living your life and dwelling on the past because of a possibility that may never come. Move on with it, don’t wait on life to do it for you. Once you do, things will start to happen that you least expected. Some good, some bad, but that’s what it is. Dwelling will only keep you where you’ve always been, furious, indignant and lashing out not just at your employees, but the people you care about most. I want you to learn from the mistakes of your elders so that you don’t make your own in the same way. Are you hearing me?”
She stood up straight and fixed her shirt. “I hear you,” she said. “I hear you. But it’s hard.”
“Nothing in this life is easy, baby girl. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.” He looked down at his watch. “I’ve got to get to the restaurant to check on things. We hired a new chef a few days ago and he’s already managed to burn up two calendars in the back part of the kitchen. Tonight’s his last night if he can’t get his act together.”
