by Nina Levine
Rowan leaned across the table and touched my hand. “You’re quiet tonight,” he said quietly while the rest of the group kept bantering back and forth. Rowan was one of the most sensitive guys I had ever met. Serena had introduced us at a party where I knew no-one and he had gone out of his way to stay close to me that night and make sure I was okay. He was also the guy who would bring you soup and medication when you had the flu and the guy who gave up his plans to go to a football game when you needed someone to go with you to visit your sick grandfather. Yep, he had done those things for me as well as so much more. He was also one of the hottest guys I had ever met; tall, really well built, covered in ink and bald. However, neither of us were interested in anything more and I valued his friendship.
“Yeah, there’s some stuff going down with Scott and the club. He’s trying to get me to go back home again,” I replied.
“And you’re refusing again?” he grinned and shook his head. Rowan and I had often discussed my brother’s desire for me to return home, and because he had sisters he felt sympathetic towards Scott.
I nodded emphatically, “Of course I am. So now he is sending someone here to look out for me.” I rolled my eyes.
Rowan laughed, “You would drive me fucking insane if you were my sister, Madison. I can just imagine the hell you are going to give this poor guy.”
At that exact moment I glimpsed him entering the restaurant; the guy that Scott had sent. And I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. Over six foot of pure muscle, tanned and inked skin, dark hair and piercing blue eyes; he was as gorgeous today as the last time I saw him. My heart started beating faster and I blocked everything else out as my mind focused on the man that was heading straight for me. He looked as pissed as I was. Yeah, I bet he didn’t want this gig and I could picture the battle he probably had with Scott about it.
I pushed my chair back and stood up, ready to face him. It had been two years since we had seen each other and while my head was screaming that it didn’t want to see him, my body was betraying me. I had that fluttery feeling in my stomach; felt that familiar deep need in my core. No man had ever affected me like he did.
He walked up to me, ignoring everyone around us. “Madison.”
His gravelly voice did me in, it always had. I felt weak at the knees and gripped the chair to steady myself; there was no way he would see me falter now. He had sent me away two years ago; ripped my heart out and crushed it, and I would be damned if he discovered what he was still capable of doing to me. I lifted my face and met his eyes, “J.”
Chapter 4
Jason
Fuck, she wasn’t going to make this easy for either of us. I was convinced that Scott was handing me my balls on a plate by sending me here. One look at Madison and I wanted to shove them at her and get the fuck out of here. Christ, she was still as goddamn sexy as the last time I laid eyes on her. I ran my eyes down her body and took in the low-cut, short dress and fuck me heels; god I loved those shoes and my dick twitched just thinking about wrapping those legs around me.
“Can we talk outside for a minute?” I asked.
She pursed her lips and appeared to be assessing the situation before she gave me a curt nod and said, “Fine.” And with that she grabbed her purse, brushed past me and stalked towards the front door. I watched her ass sway as I followed her out and told my dick to settle the fuck down. No way were we going there again; I was here for one reason and one reason only.
Once we were outside she reached into her purse and pulled out a cigarette. She quickly lit it and took a long drag. God, I hoped she was still sober; last I had heard she was and she looked pretty healthy, but the way she sucked on that cigarette looked like a junkie fixing for their next hit.
“Scott told you I was coming, yeah?” I asked, taking in the glare she had levelled on me. Yep, balls on a plate.
“No,” she snapped, “He said someone was coming but he failed to mention it was you.” She looked like she was going to say something else but took another long drag on her cigarette instead.
“Well, you’ve got me until he pulls me back home so I say we make the best of a shitty situation and put our crap aside.”
She took another long drag on her cigarette, threw it down and ground it out before scowling at me, “You’re a fucking asshole, Jason and for all I care you can go to hell.”
It was time to take my balls back; Scott had pissed me off by making me come here but now Madison was irritating the fuck out of me. “Babe, call me whatever the fuck you want, but trust me when I say that you do not want Nix to find you alone.”
“Don’t call me babe,” she snarled, “And I really don’t think Nix is going to come here looking for me. Scott is overreacting.”
I shook my head. “You’ve got no idea, Madison. The Nix you knew two years ago has nothing on who he is now. Since he became President of Black Deeds...he wouldn’t think twice about fucking over his own mother.”
“Don’t talk to me about what that motherfucker is capable of. I know what he can do and you know that,” she had come close to me and jabbed a finger in my chest.
The anger swirling around us threatened to snap my patience and I flicked my hand out and grabbed her wrist. I managed to startle her and made a quick decision to shock her into understanding just what Nix did to those in his way. Grabbing my phone out with my free hand, I scrolled to a photo and shoved it in her face. “Yeah babe, I know what he did to you, but this...this is what he did to Bec.”
I watched her face pale and let her rip her hand away from mine. She slapped my face which I should have been ready for, knowing her preference for doing that when she was pissed at me. The anger at this whole fucking situation took over me and I shoved her up against the wall behind us keeping one hand on her waist and one on the wall above her head. “Listen the fuck up cause I am not going to repeat myself. Nix is out for blood and I’m betting he hasn’t let go of that shit that went down between you two. He wasn’t ready to let you go, Madison, and nobody walks away from him like you did. Bec tried and what you saw in that picture is what he did to her. You want that to happen to you?”
She stared at me in what I figured was disbelief. “They were together? And he killed her for leaving?”
I loosened my hold on her and stepped back to give her some space. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Yes, from what we’ve heard he raped her and let his guys take a go as well before slitting her throat. They dumped her body outside our clubhouse.”
Madison’s hand flew to her mouth and she let out a sob. Fuck, I hadn’t wanted to have to tell her all that but she’d left me no choice. I knew that shocking her into letting me stay was the only way she would cave. She had tears streaming down her face now and I pulled her close to comfort her. I was surprised as shit when her arms wrapped around me but I hugged her back and let her get her grief out. We stayed like that for about five minutes and it felt good to have her in my arms again but I knew that once she got herself together she would push me away. Fuck, she’d probably slap me again.
We were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. Madison pulled away, wiped her eyes and reached in her purse for a tissue. I focused my gaze on her as I answered my phone. “Yeah?”
It was Scott. “You got her?” He was always to the point; I appreciated that about him, no fucking about.
“Yeah. I think we’ve just come to an agreement.” I raised my eyebrows at Madison, waiting for her acknowledgement that she was going to go along with this. She nodded her head once and I knew it pained her to do so but I was fucking relieved.
“Good because Nix just killed Georgie. This shit is really fucked up now.”
“Fuck!” I roared. Georgie was Bec’s fifteen year old son. Nix and Bec had been together for a year before she recently left him. Now he had taken them both out, so his agenda was pretty clear. “You’ve got Crystal?” That poor kid; Bec’s ten year old daughter had lived through some ugly shit and now she was alone in the world.
Madiso
n’s eyes were wild; she’d picked up that something bad was going down and she snatched the phone out of my hand. “What’s happened?” she screeched.
Scott spoke to her and I figured he was telling her about Georgie because she started crying again. I reached out and touched her on the shoulder; it was an automatic movement and she didn’t flinch. It reminded me of a time when things were good between us, but that love didn’t exist anymore, we had killed it.
She finished her conversation with Scott and handed me back my phone before turning around and walking back towards the restaurant. I could tell she was wiping the tears from her face.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Without turning to look at me she replied, “I’m just saying goodbye to my friends. I’ll be right back so wait here.”
I let her go and pulled out a smoke. This day had completely turned to shit. And yet, it was fucking good to see Madison.
Shit.
Chapter 5
Madison
As I entered the restaurant to say goodbye, Blake’s eyes met mine from across the room. He was mingling with his customers but left them to come to me.
“You okay?” he asked.
I shook my head, tears threatening to spill again, but I pulled my big girl panties up and said, “Not really, but I will be. It turns out that Scott wasn’t kidding when he said that there was some bad shit going down. I just found out an old friend of mine was murdered by Nix.”
He sucked in a breath. “Fuck, babe. Why?”
I shrugged. “Who knows why Nix does anything he does, but the club thinks it is because she tried to leave him.”
His eyes widened in understanding. “So, they think he will come after you now because you left him. Is that what this is all about?”
“Yes, I think so. Knowing Scott and J though, there’s most likely more to it that they aren’t telling me.”
“What are you going to do? Go home?”
“I need some time to think it through, but maybe. My friend’s daughter is all alone now so I want to check on her. She’s only ten, Blake. How the fuck could someone do that to her? Take away her family like that,” it was really hitting me now, “I can’t believe I dated him. It makes me feel sick.”
He pulled me into a hug. “There are some twisted people out there, baby girl. I’m here for you. You know that, right?”
Nodding, I answered, “Yeah, honey. I know I can always count on you.”
Stepping out of his embrace, I turned to the table where our friends were. They were all watching us intently, probably wondering what the hell was going on. I smiled at them and left Blake to go and see them.
Serena stood up and came at me with a huge hug. “You’ve been crying. What the fuck did he say to you?” she was mad on my behalf and I loved that about her.
“I’ll fill you in later, okay?” She nodded and I continued, “I’m leaving with J now, so I’ll see you when you get home.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked.
I smiled at her, “No, I’m okay with him. Besides he looks exhausted and will probably just go to sleep. I need some time alone to think.”
“Fair enough, but I won’t be home too late.”
“Thanks.”
I said goodbye to Faith and Rowan, and then headed back outside to J. He was sitting on his bike waiting for me, still looking as pissed off as he had when he first arrived.
“You ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes, but I’m not so sure that I’ll be able to get on your bike in this dress.”
He smirked. “Never stopped you before, babe,” he said, letting his eyes roam over my body, and I hated to admit it, but that turned me on.
Shit, now I was flustered. “Just pass me a helmet,” I snapped at him.
He did what I asked and then turned around, settling into his seat while I attempted to hike my dress up enough to allow me to sit on the bike behind him. Don’t ask me how, but somehow I managed this, although I did feel like my ass was hanging out for all the world to see.
His hands gripped my legs and pulled me in closer to him. Bloody hell, my pussy was taking notice now, and that was not a good thing. Not where J was concerned, because if I let her take control of the situation, god knew where we would end up.
I wrapped my arms around him and held on while we sped off into the night. Fifteen minutes later we pulled into my driveway. I guessed that Scott had given him my address. Letting go of him, I did my best to get off the bike without flashing too much and quickly smoothed my dress down before taking off the helmet and giving it back to him.
Without a second glance in his direction, I went inside and headed to the kitchen, flipping on lights as I went. I was not one of those people who tried to conserve power or money by never putting lights on; I loved the house lit up. Turning the tap on, I filled the kettle and started making coffee. Figuring J could do with caffeine hit, I got him a mug too but then stopped myself when I went to fill it. It had been awhile since I had made him coffee, perhaps he took it differently now.
He entered the kitchen and I turned to him, holding up the coffee and a spoon. “How do you have your coffee these days?” I asked.
“Same as before,” he replied, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms.
I felt a little self conscious with him watching me like this, but hell would freeze over before I admitted that to him so I went about the task of making coffee. We stood in silence while waiting for the kettle to boil. It was uncomfortable and I wished that J would just say something, but he didn’t. Eventually I finished making the coffee and handed it to him before we both took a seat at the kitchen table. And, again, there was complete silence. Normally, I enjoyed silence, but with J, right now, it felt really awkward.
So, I forced myself to say something. “How the hell did Bec end up with Nix?” Both her kid’s fathers had been bikers who had screwed her over so the last I knew she had sworn off bikers.
“From what I can work out she flipped after what happened with Rob and got into some bad shit. Led her to Nix eventually. I think he targeted her.”
My mind was racing and I could feel my anxiety rising. I didn’t want to talk about Rob and J had caught me off guard even bringing it up. My hand brushed over the scar on my arm without me realising it, until I saw J’s eyes move to it. He lifted his hand and went to touch me. “Don’t,” I snapped, and scraped my chair back so I could stand up.
“Fuck, Madison. You’re still dealing with that aren’t you?” J stood and moved towards me, but I was backing away so he reached his arm out and hooked it around my waist, pulling me towards him.
I raised my palms to his chest in an effort to halt his progress of bringing us together. “Don’t talk to me about dealing with that. I fucking have. You’ve got no idea what I’ve been through with all that shit, so don’t think you know all about it.” I tried to push away from him but he was too strong and held me close.
“You might have dealt with your drinking and I hope you fucking have babe, but I can tell that you haven’t sorted through some of the other shit in your head,” he bit out.
“It’s none of your business. You made it perfectly clear that you weren’t interested when you told me to leave,” I hissed, and gave him another push away. He relented and let me go.
J’s face contorted in anger and he raked his fingers through his hair. “Fine. Don’t wanna get into this crap right now anyway,” he jabbed his finger at me, “Mark my fucking words though, we will be getting into it.”
Oh, my god. He was still one bossy fucker.
***
I rolled over and checked the time on the bedside clock. Three am. Shit, it was going to be a long night; I’d woken up every hour since I went to bed at midnight. The revelations of the evening had stirred up long suppressed feelings and I couldn’t stop the memories that were coming to me. I reached for my smokes and lit one, taking a long, hard drag on it. I closed my eyes as it filled my lungs and the
smell of it hit my nostrils; it felt damn good and I took another drag, trying desperately to block out the images of Bec suffering at the hands of Nix.
Bec was my best friend growing up. Her father was also a member of the club and we had been inseparable. She was a few years older than me and had always looked out for me. Bec had fallen pregnant at seventeen, and I had helped her look after Georgie when he was born, and later, Crystal. We had been through a lot together and had always sworn that nothing would come between us, but then on that fateful day that changed my life, something had come between us and there had been no going back from it. Bec cut me out of her life and I had had to learn how to live life without the unwavering support of a best friend. Even after Nix had fucked me up she had not checked in on me; she hated me that much. But I had never stopped loving her and my broken heart cracked even more at the realisation that I would never see her again.
You see, Bec had been dating Rob at the time that he attacked me. They had been together for a couple of years, and although he had often flirted with me, I had thought he was harmless. Turned out he was far from harmless. After J killed him, and he and Scott buried the body, Bec had been heartbroken at his disappearance. She wasn’t stupid though, and suspected the club had something to do with it because Rob and the club had always had problems. Threats had been made against him so she assumed that the club had finally made good on those threats. And when he had failed to ever show up again, and I hadn’t helped her find him, she turned against me saying that I had taken the club’s side. If only she knew the truth. But I couldn’t tell her the truth because it implicated J.
I stubbed out my smoke and got out of bed. There was no point trying to sleep when it just wasn’t going to happen. Wandering out to the kitchen I saw the light on and realised that J was up. He was sitting at the table and looked up when he heard me. We hadn’t spoken much after we had argued. I had hooked him up with a pillow and blanket, and then shut myself away in my bedroom. To be honest, I didn’t trust myself with him yet. I was confused about how I felt about him; I thought I hated him after the way he had treated me years ago and yet there was this almost relief at seeing him again. Why the fuck would I feel relief of all things?
