by Nina Levine
He chuckled, eyes twinkling, “She’s too easy to play with, babe.”
Before we could continue this conversation, his phone rang and he went outside to take the call. I traipsed into the kitchen in search of Serena.
“I might just throw this at him, instead of giving it to him,” she muttered.
I laughed. “You do know he’s just playing with you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, well I don’t want to play with him. He rubs me the wrong way,” she complained.
“Fair enough, honey. Do you want me to take him his drink?”
“Yes!” she exclaimed, shoving it at me.
I took it from her and headed outside to find him. He was still on his call when I got to him. He looked up and caught my gaze. There was no smile, but there was certainly some heat there. I watched as his eyes moved, slowly, hungrily, over my body while he continued his conversation. When they made their way back to mine, I was wet with desire. My stomach had butterflies and my core was clenching. I wanted him. He ended his call, put his phone in his pocket, and walked to where I was.
“That mine?” he asked, nodding at the drink.
“Yes,” I breathed out, handing it to him. I was bewildered from the way he had undressed me with his eyes, and was having trouble thinking straight.
He drank some of his drink, but kept his eyes on mine the whole time. I didn’t know where this was heading, but I was beginning to feel completely exposed to him, like he was reading my thoughts and desires.
Needing to put some space between us, I went to leave but he reached out and grabbed my wrist. “You feel it too, don’t you?” he said, his voice low and hoarse.
I avoided his eyes, and instead focused on my wrist that he was holding. He let me go and put his finger under my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. I just wanted to squeeze my eyes shut; I didn’t want to look at him, and I really didn’t want to look inside myself for the answer to his question.
Instead, I jerked my head out of his hold, and said, “It doesn’t mean anything, J.”
“You sure about that, babe?”
Now I looked directly into his eyes. “Yes, I’m very sure,” I retorted, even though I was pretty damn sure I was lying.
He contemplated me for a couple of moments, and then slowly nodded, like he had settled something in his mind. Then he changed the subject. “Still no word on Nix’s whereabouts.”
“So we’re still on lockdown?” I asked, my words laced with mild sarcasm.
He chose to ignore my attitude. “Yeah.”
“Okay. I’m pretty tired after not much sleep last night, so I’m going to have a nap,” I said. I also needed some time to myself; these unwanted desires and confused thoughts needed to go into bloody lockdown as far as I was concerned.
I left him outside; telling my pussy to shut the fuck up, she wasn’t getting any today.
***
I slept all afternoon, waking around dinner time. J and Serena had managed to not kill each other. In fact, they were in the kitchen, cooking dinner together when I found them.
I sat at the table and asked, “Have you two been playing nice?”
Serena poked her tongue out at me. “As a matter of fact, we have been. J changed the oil in my car and checked some other things too.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Really? How did she convince you to do that, J?”
He smirked. “Let’s just say she had her ways.”
Serena flicked him with the tea towel and scowled, “You make it sound dirty, biker boy,” she said, and then directed at me, “I cooked cupcakes for him.”
I had to stop myself from laughing at that. “Where’s the mess from your cooking, honey?” I asked, surveying the kitchen that was fairly spotless. I was always the one who had to clean up her kitchen messes so I wondered who the heck had done this one.
“J cleaned it up,” Serena replied, and I didn’t fail to notice that she seemed kind of impressed about this.
J was a clever man; winning my friend over by doing things for her. I looked at him and he was watching me, smile in place. Yeah, he knew what he was doing alright. The only question was – why was he going to the effort?
***
The rest of the weekend passed pretty uneventfully. J continued reporting that Nix hadn’t been found yet, so we stayed home all weekend, only heading out for food and movies. Serena and J kept up their bickering. Because I knew J, I could tell that he was enjoying it, and when I tried to point this out to Serena, she just rolled her eyes and whinged that he should go home. Having no experience of the world I had grown up in, I don’t think she realised just how dangerous Nix was. I shuddered to think what he would do if he found us, but I didn’t share this with her. J didn’t push the point either. In fact, he seemed to be going out of his way to keep things light; perhaps that was why he insisted on playing with Serena – to keep the focus off the reason why we were stuck at home.
Monday morning rolled around, and Serena and I had to go to work. J tried to talk me into not going but I stood my ground, so at nine o’clock the three of us arrived at work. I had tried to convince him we would be alright without our own personal bodyguard but he refused to listen.
Gina, our boss, greeted us with a smirk, “I heard you had a bodyguard but they never told me he was this hot.” Gina was Blake’s sister; he must have told her about J. She was a kick ass boss and I loved her hard. Unfortunately, she had no filter and said whatever came to her in the moment.
“Yeah, sorry but he will be hanging out here today,” I apologised.
“No need to say sorry, darl. Frankly, you’ve made my day. I do love me some eye candy,” she said with a wink.
Thank goodness J was standing outside and wasn’t privy to this conversation.
We got to work, restocking the shelves and cleaning while J stayed outside for most of the morning. He seemed pretty busy on his phone and I was grateful that I didn’t have to deal with him in the shop.
Being around him was hard; old feelings kept resurfacing and I alternated between hurt, anger and lust. Every now and then I caught glimpses of the J I had loved and those times were the hardest; they hit me fair in the chest. I wondered if he had a girlfriend currently. We hadn’t really even had a friendly conversation about our lives since he had been here so I had no clue what he had been up to over the last couple of years. Jealousy wrapped itself around my heart when I thought of him being with someone else. I really didn’t want to know. Fuck. Who was I kidding? I had a desperate need to know these details of his life.
I mentally slapped myself; time to get my shit together.
“So, darl, have you decided if you are going to head up to Brisbane?” Gina approached me.
I sighed. I hated this question. “I think I am going to have to, even though I don’t want to. I really want to make sure my friend’s daughter, Crystal, is okay. But I don’t want to leave you stuck for staff.”
She waved her hand, “Don’t worry about me or the shop. We will sort something out. I just want to make sure you are safe. And I want you to go tomorrow.”
My eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, absolutely. You stay away as long as you need, and your job will be here when you come back,” she promised me.
I gave her a huge hug. “Has anyone ever told you that you are the best boss?”
“Oh, they don’t need to. I already know I am,” she replied, her eyes dancing with naughtiness. “Now, you go and have your lunch break and then Serena can have hers.”
I grabbed my purse and headed outside to go and buy lunch. J was on the phone, but saw me come outside and signalled for me to wait.
“I’m going to buy lunch, J. And I only get an hour so I don’t have time to wait for you,” I said, tersely. He kept talking and scowled at me. I turned and started to walk away from him, towards the cafe where I always bought lunch.
I could hear him muttering something into the phone and then he must have ended his call because he went sile
nt. Then, he barked, “Madison!”
The last thing I wanted to do was stop for him, but there was something in his tone; a ‘don’t fuck with me’ command. So I stopped, and turned around to look at him. Oh, my. He was shitty.
He stalked to where I was and got in my face. “Why the fuck do you have to be so difficult about this?” He was fuming.
Well, I could see him, and raise him in his anger. “Maybe it has something to do with the way Scott has gone about this. And the fact that he sent you!”
He flinched. It was only for a second, and most people wouldn’t have even noticed it. But I knew J, and I saw it. It surprised the fuck out of me. “Well then, it looks like we’ve got some shit to sort out, babe, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want to sort shit out with you. That ship sailed two fucking years ago, J,” I spat.
He gripped my arm, pulling me closer, “No, it fucking didn’t,” he growled, eyes blazing, “And you can’t deny there’s still something here. I feel it and I know you feel it too.”
I laughed. No, actually, I cackled. “You wanna fuck, J? I can feel that, and, yeah, if you wanna go there, I’m all for it. But don’t mistake my desire for your cock for anything else.”
He let me go, and looked at me disgustedly. “When the fuck did you get so bitchy?”
I settled icy eyes on his. “The day you ripped my fucking heart out, asshole.” We glared at each other for a few moments and then I said, “Now, can we go and get lunch?”
“Lead the way, sweetheart,” he grit out, and I didn’t miss the way he said ‘sweetheart’, like I was the furthest thing from his sweetheart.
My heart cracked a little more, even though I didn’t think it was possible. And fuck him for that.
Chapter 8
Madison
I unzipped my bag and then answered my ringing phone, balancing it between my shoulder and ear so I could continue packing my clothes. It was Tuesday morning, and after talking it over with Serena and getting her opinion on the situation, I had decided to leave today. J seemed immeasurably happy about this, as did Scott. I was yet to talk with my father about this which surprised me; I had figured he would be straight on the phone to me about it. He usually had something to say about everything I did, or at least that was how it felt to me. Since moving to Coffs Harbour, I had managed to lessen his involvement in my life and even my mother had stepped back and given me the space to live my own life. She was the kind of woman who had to have a say in just about everything her family was involved in. I was feeling quite apprehensive about immersing myself in the club life again; I had fought hard for my independence and wasn’t about to give it up for anybody.
“Hello?” I answered the phone.
“Madison,” it was Blake, “What time are you leaving?”
“Soon, honey. Have you got time to come over so I can say goodbye?” I really needed to see him before I left. Serena was my best friend but Blake was the person who always calmed me, and I could use some calming right about now.
“I’ll be there,” he replied and we hung up.
I opened my closet and started throwing clothes into my bag. My plans were so up in the air that I really had no idea what I would need so I just filled the bag, figuring I could buy more later if I needed it.
Serena breezed in and sat on my bed watching me pack. “That man of yours is moody. I’ve been trying to make conversation but I give up,” she said.
“Let’s get something straight. He isn’t my man,” I said, as I finished packing my bag.
“Why did you two break up?” she asked.
I sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. “There were a lot of reasons we broke up, but he was the one who ended it when I accused him of cheating on me. When I found out later that he didn’t cheat I thought we might have had a chance at getting back together but stuff happened, and he told me to get out of the club, to leave town. He was done with me.”
“Fucker,” she rocked a dirty look; best friends were the shit. I loved that Serena never pressured me for more information than I was willing to give. Even though we had been best friends for two years now, she had never pushed me to talk about this stuff from my past. She knew I had been through something that I didn’t like to talk about, and knew that I had had a messy breakup, but was happy enough to leave it at that.
“Yeah, fucker,” I grinned and hugged her. “God, I am going to miss you.”
She hugged me hard and then pulled away. “I know. Me too. Maybe I could come and visit soon,” she said.
I shook my head. “I don’t think you should, honey. From what J and Scott have told me it is pretty messed up at the moment. I don’t want you getting mixed up in all of that.”
“Fuck that. I can’t leave my best girl alone when she needs me. I am sure that J and his boys can look out for both of us.”
I laughed out loud. “You’ve got no clue but I do love you. Now, get your ass off the bed and help me carry my stuff out of here.”
We carried my bag out to the living room and ran into Blake who had just walked through the front door. He pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a moment. It would be tough leaving him as I had come to depend upon him over the last two years. He was my voice of reason when my level of crazy hit epic proportions, and he was the steady influence in my life.
“You know where I am if you need me, baby girl,” he murmured in my ear and then let me go.
My eyes met his and I smiled at him, “Absolutely. You’d better keep your phone close all the time because I’m sure I’ll be calling you often. I’ll need you to talk some sense into me when I lose my shit. Okay?”
He nodded and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I mean it, Maddy, if you need me, I am there.”
A phone started ringing and I looked around to catch J staring intently at Blake and I. He was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and I had not heard him come in. It was his phone ringing but he wasn’t rushing to answer it.
“Are you going to get that?” I snapped.
He scowled at me and stabbed at his phone to answer it. “What?” he barked into it and walked back into the kitchen, away from us.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Blake and Serena. “Are Rowan and Faith able to come and say goodbye?” I asked Blake.
“No, they are busy, but I think they will both give you a call later on,” Blake answered. He jerked his head towards J, and asked, “What was that all about?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.” And I really didn’t. J could be a moody bastard and I figured he was just in one of his moods, especially because of what was happening with Nix and the club.
“Are you sure you want him to take you back home? I could drive you,” he offered.
“No, I’ll go with J,” I said quickly and Blake raised his eyebrows at me.
Shit. That was pretty eager of me. Fuck, this wasn’t good. I needed to keep my distance from J.
“No, maybe you could drive me,” I changed my mind and looked to Blake who was nodding in agreement.
“Madison is with me,” J growled, and I turned around to find him almost right behind me. He caught me by surprise and I stumbled back a little, and his hand shot out to catch me from falling. His arm snaked around my waist and he held me firmly. I looked up at him as he stepped closer to me; our breath mingled and I felt my stomach clench with that feeling of anticipation that I hadn’t known since we broke up. “You’ll ride with me, it’s safer,” he ordered.
“I think Madison can make her own mind up,” Blake retorted.
J tore his eyes from mine to glare at Blake. “Did you not fucking hear me the first time? She rides with me.”
“You’re joking aren’t you?” Blake snorted, “Madison is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.”
“Do I look like I am fucking joking?” J challenged Blake, and I realised it was time to cut in before this got out of hand. Blake was still being polite, probably for my sake
, but if push came to shove, Blake wouldn’t hesitate to take J on.
I laid a hand on J’s chest and said to Blake, “It’s okay, I’ll ride with J. He’s right. With Nix off their radar it will be safer for me to stick with him.”
Blake and J continued glaring at each other, and I pushed on J’s chest and pulled myself out of his hold. “Are we going?” I asked him, impatiently.
He looked away from Blake to me and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll get our stuff and meet you outside.” With that, he gathered up our belongings and headed out to his bike, shooting Blake one last glare before he left.
“Like I said, moody,” Serena stated and looped her arm through mine as we followed him out. She turned her head to me with a wicked glint, “I bet he’s fucking intense in bed, right?”
“Oh my god! We are not going there,” I shook my head in exasperation. Serena had a one track mind most days and today was no exception.
She laughed and I couldn’t help but join her; she really was the sunshine in my life.
***
I grabbed Blake and Serena in a group hug. “I’ll call you once we are there. Will be in about four or five hours.”
J was waiting for me on his bike and I could sense his impatience so I finished my goodbyes and climbed on behind him. Apart from the other night, it had been years since I’d been on the back of a bike and it felt good. I had missed it. Wrapping my arms around J’s waist, I tried to wipe away the thoughts of just how good it felt to be on his bike. He pulled my hands so that I was holding him tighter and pleasure shot through my body at his touch. I wondered if he felt it too, but quickly dismissed that thought because, let’s be honest, he was the one who had ended it all those years ago.
We took off and I settled in for a long trip. It would give me some time to try and get my thoughts and feelings about J, and going home sorted out. As much as it thrilled my body to be close to him, my head and heart weren’t thrilled. He had been the love of my life; breaking up with him had devastated me. We had many nasty run-ins after we separated, and it had crushed me to watch him go through woman after woman. After I moved, I’d never heard from him, and had not intended to see him again. My heart was still fragile; I hadn’t given it away since he shattered it and I wasn’t sure it could cope with being near him again. The heart wants what it wants. Often we have no say over who it chooses, and I was just trusting and hoping like hell that my heart knew that J had the power to break me again.
