Computers and overhead fluorescent lights hummed when he walked in, the same greeting he’d received each time he’d stepped inside the small utilitarian office the five months he’d worked there.
Kevin looked up from his desk.
“Aiden Cermak. What do you know? Fancy seeing you walk in.” He stood, wiped his hands on his slacks, approached Aiden with an extended hand.
“Yeah, I guess you can’t keep me away.” Aiden clasped his hand, grinning widely. His old boss looked much the same: short stature, small, dark eyes behind thick glasses, perhaps a bit grayer along the temples of his thinning hair. Aiden glanced over Kevin’s shoulder at a woman typing at his old desk.
“Got a new employee, I see.”
“I hired Carolyn a few months after you resigned,” Kevin said. “She’s a graduate student studying communications at the university down near Mattoon. Carolyn, this is Aiden Cermak, one of my former reporters. Aiden, this is Carolyn Bates.” Aiden offered his hand, but she remained at her desk, where she only glanced up with a quick nod and turned back to the computer.
Aiden inwardly chuckled that a communications major would seem fairly uncommunicative. “Good learning experience working here, I bet.”
“More for me,” Kevin said. “Carolyn teaches me a lot. She’s very bright, more than I am. I never had the chance to go to school myself. I was one of those old-fashioned, self-made guys, learned by the ropes. You young folks are lucky these days. You get a good jumpstart before diving in.”
“I always thought about going to grad school,” Aiden said. “I can never seem to get around to it.” He waited for Carolyn to partake in the conversation, but she seemed focused on whatever she was typing.
Tension in the office weighted heavier than Aiden had anticipated. When Aiden had resigned from the Blade with little notice last Thanksgiving, he understood Kevin had been glad to see him go. Kevin had come down hard on Aiden for investigating Kyle Yoder’s death. His nosiness had caused many complaints from Kevin’s readers. Eventually, Aiden had backed down from the Kyle story, but not without animosity stewing between him and his boss. Some of that mild discomfort still lingered, like an unattended toothache.
He smiled wider, hoping to force away the nagging sensation that he was unwanted, even in Kevin’s office.
Kevin kept up with the small talk. “Carolyn got a softball scholarship for college. She took the Henry High School team to the state championships. Has near perfect grade point average.”
“Sounds like you got yourself a star reporter,” Aiden said.
“She’s the best.” Kevin beamed with hands deep in trouser pockets. “Not that you weren’t good too.”
Aiden wanted to jump in with some self-effacing humor about his stint working for Kevin and his investigation into Kyle Yoder’s death, but opted to leave it alone. Sarcasm was a lost art, he feared, and he was unsure if Kevin would mistake his joking for an affront. “I guess I was okay,” he said.
“So what brings you to town?” Kevin asked.
“I’m going to Mark Schrock’s wedding.”
“I heard about him getting married. When’s the big day?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Oh, right. The Amish always get married during the week.”
“I like Mark’s fiancée.” Aiden glanced at Carolyn. Wordy text from the computer screen reflected off her eyeglasses. “She’s a nice girl.”
“Mark was always a good kid. I’m sure he knows how to pick a wife,” Kevin said. “That’s important for the Amish, you know, since they don’t believe in divorce. Unlike me. Got two marriages under my belt.” Kevin and Aiden shared a chuckle.
Carolyn stood with a harsh screech of her swivel chair and stomped to the printer. She seemed to be waiting for copy to slide out. She lifted the printer and shook it a few times, as if it were made of Styrofoam, and set it back down. Her burly form disappeared into the back room, where her shadow lingered by the door.
“So how long you in town for?” Kevin asked with a wobbly smile.
“Just until after Christmas.”
“You staying with the Schrocks, like last time?”
“No, we’re staying at the Harvest Sunrise Inn.”
“We?”
“Well, I traveled in with Daniel, Daniel Schrock, Mark’s brother.” Speaking the truth to his former boss, an Englisher like he, came easier, and he did not see any reason to fib about whom he had traveled with and where he lived. “We’re both living out in Montana.”
“Really? I heard word Daniel had moved out there,” Kevin said, his grin solid. “So you’re living there, too, huh? You finally got that cabin in the woods?”
“Yeah, I finally moved into a cabin.” Aiden wanted to acknowledge he lived with Daniel, but out of respect for Daniel, he held back. No point in going into every detail of his personal life with his former boss anyway, especially with that taciturn woman present. He already sensed he had stepped into the middle of something personal going on between Kevin and Carolyn, something more pressing than newspaper business.
Kevin chuckled. “I used to laugh to myself whenever you’d tell me tales about wanting to move to the woods. I’m glad to see you made your dreams come true.”
“Thanks, it’s hard to believe sometimes. I love it. Although the snow is something to get used to.”
“I bet you’re isolated, in the middle of nowhere, hardly any contact with other people?”
“It’s not that rustic, but as close as you can get in today’s world, I guess.”
Carolyn stepped back into the front office, glanced at Kevin, and went to her desk, where she began typing anew, her face screwed with focus. Or was it annoyance? Aiden sympathized. When he’d worked there, he’d become absorbed in his stories and disliked distractions too. Plus, today was Tuesday. Deadline for the weekly newspaper was always Tuesday at midnight. He recalled the hectic hours he and Kevin had spent trying to keep a few paces ahead of the clock. Perhaps he was interfering and should leave.
“You want some coffee?” Kevin asked him, needlessly loudly, as if to make a production out of the offer. Aiden interpreted that to mean he’d rather Aiden not stay long enough to have any.
“No thanks, I have to get going,” he said, glancing toward the Santa Claus on the door. “I’m sure you guys have lots of work to do. I still have some errands to run, myself. Great seeing you again.”
“You too, Aiden. Thanks for stopping in. And tell Mark and his bride congratulations for me.”
“Bye,” Aiden said to Carolyn. She gave a cursory gesture with her fingers without lifting her head. Shrugging to himself, Aiden walked out onto the street.
Aiden figured something heavier than work had transpired between Kevin and Carolyn. The tensions of a complicated couple had been thick, like smog. In some ways, he delighted that even a heterosexual couple had to hide their love.
He snickered, thinking how Kevin had gone on and on about Carolyn’s wonderful attributes. The fine art of subtlety had always eluded Kevin.
Twice divorced, Kevin had nothing to conceal. But Carolyn? Perhaps she was embarrassed by the age difference. Kevin was at least twenty-five years older than she. He knew enough about small-town living. Even in Amish Country, things weren’t always as white bread as they appeared.
Climbing into the Suburban, he gazed through the office window. Were they arguing? Looked as if Kevin was trying to console Carolyn about something. They stood face to face, his hands on her sturdy shoulders, him looking into her downcast eyes. Stress from working in a busy newspaper office? Aiden supposed everyone had their personal dramas.
Chapter Seven
THE morning of Mark and Heidi’s wedding, dozens of black buggies streamed along the blacktop lane abutting the Schrock farm. Buggy horses grazed in the snow-dappled field where, yesterday, Grace and David had spread out hay to keep the horses happy. More standardbreds nickered and snorted from inside the barn. Amish who lived close enough to walk dotted the lane in their Sunday best
.
Aiden and Daniel had hiked in from the Harvest Sunrise, appreciating the mild December morning when temperatures hovered in the mid-forties. Most of the previous night’s snow had melted. They had even left their winter coats at the inn.
Daniel, decked in his nicest Amish suit, looked so handsome, so masculine. The black broadfall pants, stark white shirt, and black dress coat, nicely pressed by the solicitous maid at the inn, pulled tight around his sturdy frame and enhanced his natural masculinity. His black, wide-brimmed hat, offset by his dark beard, framed his striking features. Despite Daniel’s spruce appearance, a tightness wrenched up in Aiden’s chest. Here in Amish Country, surrounded by a wash of Daniel’s own people, Aiden stood out like a moose at a gopher convention in his go-to suit for special occasions—in fact, it was the only suit Aiden owned: olive green tweed two-piece.
“I’ll have to go to Mark,” Daniel said. “It’s my job as one of his newehockers to calm his nerves.”
That the best men and bridesmaids, or newehockers, in an Amish wedding must be single annoyed Aiden. Daniel was single, but only in the legal sense. In their world, they had made a commitment to each other. To Aiden, they were more united than any married couple.
He dreaded the idea of Daniel going. Yet, at the same time, he figured if they were separated during the ceremony it might be easier for them both. Daniel had been uptight around him. Perhaps a short time apart would salve their nerves.
“Guess I’ll talk to you after the ceremony.” Aiden watched Daniel amble inside the house. Alone on the lawn, he tried to wrestle with the sense of alienation. He waited a moment, mustering his courage, before heading inside. A surge of Amish ushered him through the front door.
The guests crowded onto the benches that faced the makeshift pulpit in the front hallway. Men and women sat on opposite sides of the rooms where yesterday Aiden and the others had pushed aside the furniture to make way for the benches. After leaving Kevin’s office, Aiden had trekked back to the farm to avoid the sting of guilt, knowing the Schrocks would want the extra muscle setting up for the wedding. Everyone had been busy baking, scrubbing, and unloading the Church Wagon of benches, songbooks, fold-out tables—everything needed for the wedding and reception. Few seemed worried about Aiden. They’d been grateful for his and everyone else’s hard-working hands.
Looking around the gmay, Aiden recognized few faces. The Amish had come from communities far and wide, traveling by bus, train, or English drivers from places like Iowa, Missouri, Indiana, and, of course, Texas, Heidi’s home state. Heidi had told him last night that weddings were traditionally held in the home of the bride’s parents, but since Heidi was from so far away, and she was going to move to Henry anyway, common sense insisted they hold the ceremony at the Schrock house. He spied one other Englishman, about seventy, in a pinstripe suit. A few women wore modern dresses and sat with purses snug in their laps. Perhaps they were English friends and neighbors or the English drivers.
David, who had at one time not too long ago sought Aiden’s company, sat with a group of other boys in the back hallway. Samuel sat in the front section with the elderly men. Elisabeth cradled Gretchen alongside Moriah and Grace on the women’s side, while Rachel sat next to Leah near the front, her junior-sized wheelchair wedged between the wall and the bench.
Once everyone settled in their seats, the gmay sang from the Ausbund, the centuries-old Amish hymnal, while waiting for the ministers to descend from the upstairs with Mark and Heidi and their newehockers. The singing helped Aiden assuage his nerves. He followed along, singing fully, unconcerned with the glances cast his way. He supposed if the community refused to accept him, he might as well assert his rebelliousness. Ironically like the Amish hymn writers, imprisoned for their beliefs five hundred years ago, had done.
Shortly, Mark and Heidi descended the stairs, followed by Daniel and the other three newehockers. They took their seats at the special benches in front of the pulpit. Mark wore a black suit and crisp white shirt and black bowtie. Heidi was in a simple, calf-length plum dress with white cape and heart-shaped prayer kapp. Her two maydels wore simple dresses of light blue. Aiden smiled watching Daniel, so dapper, take his seat next to Mark. Pride filled his lungs as he thought about how Daniel belonged to him. If only he could proclaim his love to those around him.
His heart fluttered like an injured bird when Reverend Yoder, long bearded and broad shouldered, followed three other ministers from the upstairs in taking their seats at the pulpit. Reverend Yoder approached the lectern first. He acknowledged the gmay with a nod and began the ceremony like any regular Amish service on a Church Sunday. Aiden had attended an Amish church service once before, when the Schrocks had hosted last summer. Like last time, the reverend avoided any eye contact with the gmay throughout his sermon. Piercing blue eyes burned holes into the leaves of his Bible.
The other two ministers took their turns at the lectern, speaking mostly in Pennsylvania German, like Reverend Yoder, except when reading from Scripture, which they read in High German. Bishop Hershberger, the last to step up, gazed down his auburn beard at the congregation that flowed around him, some even into the kitchen. The bishop smiled lightly at the wedding couple. He was the first to directly acknowledge them.
He called them forth to kneel before him. Only at this time did the service resemble anything like a typical American wedding. Staring at them keenly, Bishop Hershberger read passages from the Bible that highlighted the importance of marriage and fidelity.
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled….”
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife… and the twain shall be one flesh.”
“…ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.”
“The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband that not power of his own body, but the wife.”
Turning to Heidi: “Let it not be a concern outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, wearing of gold, or putting on apparel. Ye should be known for the beauty that comes from within.”
And to Mark: “…honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….”
A train of thoughts passed through Aiden’s mind while he listened to the bishop read from Scripture. He hated to acknowledge his emotions, but there was no doubt. Jealousy pinched him. Much of what the bishop read from the Bible applied to Aiden and Daniel. But would he and Daniel ever have the chance to declare their love and commitment to one another openly, like Mark and Heidi now were?
His and Daniel’s love was genuine. As much as anyone’s. As much as any Amish couple’s. They had yielded their bodies to each other that night at Glacier National Park six months ago. God and nature had borne witness to their coming together as one.
How unfair they had to keep their love silent.
The bishop took Mark and Heidi’s hands in his and looked at them fixedly.
“You will care for each other, in sickness, in adversity, in pain, in tragedy, for the remainder of your lives, until death?”
Without hesitation, Mark and Heidi nodded.
A lump rose in Aiden’s throat. He longed to have Daniel seated next to him to at least sneak a loving gaze, or nudge his fingers closer to his strong thigh, to tap into his warmth and strength. They were so squeezed together on the benches, no one would’ve noticed.
Was Daniel’s head full of the same tender ruminations, watching his brother take his vows?
The bishop’s face softened, and he asked for the couple to stand. Still holding their hands, he said, “Go forth in da Hah’s name, and love each other as He loves you.” He paused, as if considering his next words, weighty like stones. Licking his lips, he finally said, “You are now man and wife.”
Gently turning them to face the gmay, Bishop Hershberger grasped their shoulders to bring them closer together and—without applause, kisses, or the exchanging of rings�
��officially presented them to the community for the first time as a married couple.
“IT WAS a nice ceremony,” Aiden said to Daniel after he had come down from the upstairs. The newehockers had disappeared with the ministers and Mark and Heidi once the services had ended. Aiden had worried Daniel might never come down. Standing alone against the wall by the kitchen, smiling at the women scurrying about preparing lunch, he’d begun to feel even more uncomfortable. Aiden wanted to tell Daniel how handsome he looked, but he knew better than to utter such words around Daniel’s friends and family.
“Weddings are all the same,” Daniel said. “I don’t care much for all the pomp.”
“This is nothing.” Aiden chuckled. “You should see the extravagance of an English wedding.”
“I been to an English wedding before,” Daniel said. “One of our neighbor’s sons. All seems like a waste of money to me.”
“I think it’s kind of nice to declare your love for someone in front of friends and family.”
Daniel shrugged. “I understand all that, but why do they have to have these big receptions afterward? I’d just as soon as go fishing.”
Aiden chuckled. “I kinda like that idea too.”
They stood side by side, silent. Rachel passed them, carrying a large tray full of celery sticks and carrots. By the time she passed them again, Aiden and Daniel had yet to speak. Aiden had never been at a loss for words in Daniel’s company since they’d taken up housekeeping together. Resentment seared his cheeks.
“You promised me you wouldn’t push me away,” he said.
Through clenched teeth, Daniel murmured, “Don’t start, will you, not here.”
“You said you’d spend time with me.”
“I’m with you now.”
“Strangers at bus stops are more sociable.”
Between Two Promises Page 7
