Reagan?
“Girl, men and space have never been a good combination. If you’re ready to solve the problem, you need to show him.”
“But I thought if you loved something, you’re supposed to let it go. And then if it comes back, it’s meant to be.”
“Hell to the no. If you want something, you go get it. You don’t leave that shit up to chance.”
I smiled to myself as I imagined the only two women I’ve ever loved sharing a bottle of wine and having this conversation. I was honestly impressed that Reagan had even gone to visit my mama after all that had went down between us. But that’s how I knew she was a keeper. And Mama did too, which I was sure explained this “accidental” phone call. She might’ve been able to sneak it past Reagan, but she certainly wasn’t foolin’ me.
I continued listening in, finding out a lot more information than Mama probably expected me to. But it was just the thing I needed to motivate me to get through the next couple of days.
Reagan
“Maybe I should just… wait until the next show. In a month or so.”
“Hell no, Reagan. That’s too long. You’re getting on that plane tomorrow and that’s that.”
I wasn’t sure why I had even invited Leilani over to help me pack knowing she was the last person that would let me get out of this. But after talking to her and then talking to Ms. Griffin, I came to the conclusion that not only did I wanna make things works with Gavin, I was also going to step out of my comfort zone to show him.
It was so unlike me to actually go after a man, but that’s how I knew Gavin was different. He brought that out of me; that fire, that want, that desire, that... need.
Even after watching the video on repeat and looking at those damn pictures until my eyes burned thinking maybe I was just being a fool, all I could do was smile, and be proud, and be… anxious. Anxious about making my move, but more importantly, anxious to find out how we would decide to move forward. Of course my mind was already made up, but I wasn’t sure how Gavin felt about the whole thing. I mean, what if the time away only made him realize that I wasn’t who he thought I was? That I wasn’t who he really wanted to be with?
“Lei, I can’t do this,” I confessed as I fell onto the bed right on top of the pile of clothes we had just pulled from the closet for me to pack.
And of course, Leilani only rolled her eyes as she stalked over to the bed, pushing some clothes out of the way so that she could sit down next to me. “Not only can you do it, but you will do it, Reagan.”
“Thanks, Coach,” I tossed out sarcastically.
“Seriously! If he’s that important to you, you’ll do what you gotta do. But if he’s not then…”
I cut her off. “Of course he’s important to me, Lei. Isn’t it obvious?”
She shrugged. “Well it would be obvious if you got your ass up and finished packing.”
I sighed, closing my eyes as I played different scenarios in my head. I mean, sure he might actually be happy to see me. But he could also brush me off, believing my decision was made by how much time had already passed. It hadn’t exactly been a long time; a little under two weeks exactly. But for people like him, that may have been long enough to move on and find someone new.
Someone new.
“Lei, what if he’s already got a new girl? What if she’s there?! I can’t go.”
I was on my way to a panic attack when she replied, “Reagan, will you calm your crazy ass down? If he really loves you, he will not have a new girl already. And I’m pretty sure his Mama wouldn’t have been so welcoming the other day if he did.”
I wish that was enough to convince me, but I was already well-versed on the truth that, “Gavin doesn’t bring his girls home to Mama. Hell, even I was by chance.”
“Or was it? I mean, sure ya’ll were doing some slick shit back then, but you said it yourself; how real it felt. That’s because it was, Reagan. You and Gavin… ya’ll are the real deal.”
I wanted to give a rebuttal, but I knew she was right. Regardless of the circumstances that had brought us together, regardless of our circumstances now, there was no denying the authenticity of what we felt for each other. It may not have been cookie-cutter perfect. Hell, we might’ve burned the batch more than once. But it was undeniably real, and that was all I could ask for.
“Leilani, can you at least come with me? It’ll make me feel better if I don’t have to deal with my heartbreak alone.”
She let out a hideous laugh, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as she assured me, “He’s not gonna break your heart, Reagan. But if me coming along makes you feel better, then I got your back.”
&
It was a perfect 80 degrees out, but I was still shivering as Leilani and I waited outside of the venue that Gavin was performing. The line was impressively long, wrapped around one corner and down another block, even leaking into the street. Luckily we had arrived just as they were beginning to let people inside, so the line was moving at a reasonable pace.
“So, what’s your game plan, sis?”
My heart dropped as I whispered, “Shit. I didn’t think that far ahead.” I mean, we had general admission tickets so I suppose we could get reasonably close to the stage.
But then what?
It wasn’t like we were at The Black Market where I could pull a few strings. This was a real venue, meaning real security, and real barriers.
“Just tell them you’re his girlfriend. That he’s expecting you.”
I rolled my eyes, more annoyed with myself than her as I replied, “We’re not public, Lei. They’ll just laugh in my face if I try to use that line.”
“Damn. That’s true,” she said as she handed her ID to the bouncer. He scanned it then flashed his eyes up to her with a smile before handing it back to her. But when I handed him mine, his face changed completely as he peeked up at me before turning around to whisper something to his partner.
The partner nodded his head a few times, taking a look at my ID himself before he said, “You two. Come with me.”
“What? Why? I promise you that’s my ID!” I was way too old to still be getting accused of carrying a fake ID.
The guy gave a little smirk as he handed it back to me and said, “I know it’s yours, sista. But I still need ya’ll to come with me.”
My eyes flashed over to Leilani and she only shrugged, not being any help at all.
“Did I do something wrong? We both have tickets.”
I was already pulling them out of my clutch when he began to laugh, holding his hands up to stop me. “Chill, sista. Just come with me, alright?” Then he took off before I could respond. And since Leilani was right behind him like nothing was out of the ordinary, I had no choice but to follow too.
He led us to the side of the building which was more of an alley and I was just sure he had taken us back there to kill us.
“Oh hell no!” I yelled before we could be whisked into complete darkness.
But the dude was as calm as can be as he said, “My sista. Queen. I’m just taking you to the side entrance so you can get backstage easier.”
“Backstage? There must be some kind of mistake. We only have general admission tickets,” Leilani replied for the both of us.
“I don’t make the rules; I just follow commands. Now go on inside past the first two curtains, make a left, and you’ll find what you need to find.” And then he was gone as if he had just disappeared into the night. Again, I looked to Leilani for answers and she only shrugged before she pulled the door open. And in no time at all, we were ducking through the curtains like we belonged.
“Lei, this is nuts!” I whisper-yelled as I was hit with the heavy velvet sheet she had unexpectedly let go.
“Girl, shut up and come on,” she tossed back like it was no big deal.
But it was.
We were literally sneaking backstage even if it came with an unexpected invitation. And being backstage meant facing Gavin sooner than I expected to.
Sh
it, I’m gonna be sick.
We made it out of the curtains and turned left. Well, Leilani turned left and I rushed to keep up with her in my heels. She was moving like a woman on a serious mission.
The left led us to a hallway buzzing with people preparing for the show. I paused, stealing a moment to take it all in; the fact that all of these people were working just to make sure Gavin’s show would go accordingly.
But before I could get lost in the hustle and bustle, I heard a voice say, “Reagan! You actually made it. G’s been waiting for you. Come on!”
I had hardly gotten a chance to recognize Caleb, let alone digest his words, before he was already pulling me down the hallway. I peeked back to Leilani and she served me the guiltiest smile that instantly put things in perspective.
She knew.
Somehow, some way she knew what was going on - had a part in orchestrating what was going on - even though I was completely clueless.
“You sneaky bitch,” I mouthed just as she was giving me a dainty little wave. And before I could ask Caleb any questions, he was already dropping me off at Gavin’s door.
Gavin
I was in the mirror working on my stage-presence mannerisms when there was a knock on the door. I had already been interrupted with a bunch of unnecessary shit, so I had a legitimate attitude when I went over to open it. But when I finally saw who was on the other side, all that shit melted away instantly.
It was her - the real her -, and she looked damn good.
In all honestly, she could’ve shown up in sweatpants and t-shirt and I would’ve been equally thrilled to see her. But the fact that she was definitely “shittin’ on people” from top to bottom had my damn heart racing.
Pull it together, bro.
“Hey,” I tossed out casually as I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
I could tell she was just as nervous as me, her voice a little shaky as she replied, “Hey to you. Can I… come in?”
“Uh… yeah. Of course,” I said as I stepped back so that she could slide inside past me. And even that was a mistake as I got a whiff of her natural scent only partially covered by the perfume she was wearing. The scent that I had been missing like crazy.
I closed the door, taking a deep breath to gather myself, before I offered her a drink. She initially declined, but quickly retracted with a nervous laugh, “On second thought, I think I will take a drink.”
Perfect.
Something to keep me away from her.
I walked over to the makeshift bar, putting together the equivalent of a whiskey sour. And the second I turned around to deliver it, her smile was giddy as she said, “You still remember.”
I refused to match her giddiness, instead offering a more half-hearted grin. “Couldn’t forget, Reagan. How you been?”
I settled in near her against the vanity counter, struggling to keep my distance. I wasn’t supposed to make this easy for her, but my hands were damn near trembling as I tried to keep them off of her.
“I’ve been… alright. Living, breathing, partially miserable but still making it through. How about you?”
“Same,” I said as I took a swig from my bottle of water. I checked my watch and knew I had a little under a half hour before I was supposed to be hitting the stage, but that honestly came second to this moment.
I watched out of my peripheral as Reagan took a short sip of her drink, biting back the sting before she tossed out, “I’ve missed you.”
I tried to hide my excitement, though in all honesty I wanted nothing more than to take advantage of the time we had left by doing a more… physical reconciliation. But instead I asked, “You have? Why is that?”
Again.
Not making this easy for her.
“Cause I… I don’t know. I had some time to think about the situation; think about us. And I… overreacted. I should’ve let you tell your side instead of getting wrapped up in what the media was selling, and I suppose I let my own insecurities take reign of the situation and…”
I cut her off, turning to stand in front of her as I said, “I get it, sweetheart. I promise you I do. But I can’t have my woman trippin’ off that silly shit, you know? I need you to trust me.”
“And I do trust you, Gavin. Which is why I’ve missed you because I feel foolish for letting that get to me; foolish for letting that keep us apart.”
I finally smiled - crooked just the way she liked it - as I used my hand to tilt her chin up so that I could look directly into her eyes as I told her, “But you know what, Reagan? You’re here now.”
Her lips formed a smile of their own as I leaned in to give her a kiss, savoring the lingering flavor of lemon juice as I swirled my tongue with hers. She lifted her free hand, landing it on the back of my head to pull me in deeper as I used both of my hands to grab her ass.
Damn, I missed this.
She was already on her tippy toes, so I lifted her the rest of the way so that she could settle in comfortably on top of the vanity.
“Gavin, I’m...”
“Shh… don’t say a word, sweetheart. You showing up tells me everything I need to know.”
“How’d you know I was coming anyway?”
I shrugged. “A little birdie told me. I wasn’t 100% sure though. Just hopeful as hell, I guess.”
“Hopeful, huh?” She teased as she rubbed a hand through my hair that had gotten significantly longer since the last time she saw me.
“Yeah, hopeful. But I’m glad they were right cause I missed your ass too.”
She continued playing in my hair as I landed kisses along her neckline. “You know; I was telling Leilani how devastated I would’ve been if you had moved on. Like… if another girl was back here or somethin’.”
“Another girl? A nigga couldn’t even look at a fat ass with a clear conscious for the last two weeks, let alone think about new prospects.”
She tossed her head back with a laugh as she said, “Oh please! I know you’ve looked at more than a few fat asses in the last two weeks.”
“Not with a clear conscious, I said. Even though we weren’t on good terms, I still felt guilty as hell. But I guess that’s the kind of shit that comes with being in love, huh?”
She smiled proudly as she replied, “I guess so, G. Griffey. I guess so.”
&
The show couldn’t have been any more perfect.
The crowd – which was sold out according to Caleb - was rockin’ with me heavy. And my girl was here, vibing even harder than anyone else as she rapped along to every song I performed. From the glimpses I caught of her out of my peripheral, she could’ve honestly came out as my hype man considering how well she knew the words. But I had a surprise for her; a song she wouldn’t know.
“Can I spit some new shit to ya’ll?”
The crowd went wild as they had been all night. I turned around to Caleb and gave him the signal to which he smiled, cueing up the song I had wrote while Reagan and I were going through it. I must’ve been feeling optimistic as hell when I asked Caleb to download the track just in case Reagan showed up and things actually went well. But as I peeked to the side of the stage and saw her wearing the cutest little inquisitive face, I couldn’t wait for to hear it.
The beat was riding in, so I took the opportunity to talk to the crowd.
“Yo, have ya’ll ever been in love before?... Like real love?... That shit’s crazy, huh?... I mean, I’ve said I love you before, but I ain’t never really been in love. Until now. And let me tell you, that shit ain’t easy. A nigga heart gets involved and that shit just changes the game; changes everything. But when you find that one, that special someone, you gotta rock with ‘em. Through the good, through the bad, through the ugly. Because you never know if you’ll get that shit back again. Now listen….”
“I’m scared outta my mind as I write this rhyme, cause I don’t know if you’ll ever listen or give us more time.
We said I love you and we meant it, but that’s not all it takes and I
know that shit for fact cause my heart is at stake.
I want you so bad…. but I gotta feel it too. I would’ve never got this far if I didn’t think it was true.
But it's you.
The one that’s probably scared of love, and it's all because a nigga that was clearly a scrub.
But let me tell you girl, you ain’t gotta worry a bit. Cause when I tell you I love you, I mean that shit.
Don’t you forget.
I done held you down since the beginnin’, and that shit’ll never stop, never miss out on you grinnin’.
Cause we winnin’.
Yeah you got yo’ own shit too and that’s what makes me fall even deeper in love with you.
But I hope it doesn’t go to waste, I hope that we can make it
…cause if you leave me pretty girl, I don’t think that I can take it.”
The beat rode again as I put a hand to the back of my neck, taking a moment to feel the energy from the crowd before I peeked over to Reagan who was wiping tears out of her eyes.
My hard ass Reagan was actually crying over this shit.
I was looking at her, but I got on the mic to say, “I love you, Reagan.” And the crowd let out all types of awwww’s, mainly the women who the execs all assumed would hate the idea of me having a girlfriend. But by this point, I could’ve cared less either way.
This music shit was temporary.
But Reagan…
Reagan was forever.
epilogue
Reagan
“Tyson, do me a favor and see if Ms. Leilani needs more hot dog buns please. Thank you honey.”
I had been ripping and running for days trying to get things prepared for this event. The center was hosting a back to school extravaganza which included free food, games, bounce-houses, and free backpacks full of supplies all sponsored by G. Griffey. Since his album had now officially dropped and sales were through the roof - the album going platinum in a matter of weeks - nothing made him happier than being able to not only provide something for the kids, but also perform for them.
The Real Deal Page 14
