“I don’t know,” he said though the possibility had crossed his mind. “Like I said, I’m still hoping there’s some kind of logical explanation.”
“Wayne came to the diner tonight,” Layla said, shoulders hunching as she crossed her arms. “Right when I was about to get off work.”
“What?” His skin suddenly felt too tight, prickling with the helpless feeling that hit him every time he realized how vulnerable Layla was, no matter how hard he was trying to protect her. “Are you okay? What the hell did he want?”
“I’m fine,” she said, shaking her head. “Well, mostly fine. He came to apologize. The test results on the hair samples came back, confirming we both were poisoned. So now he thinks I’m innocent and…wants me back.”
Cole fought to keep his voice steady. “And what did he do when you said that was never going to happen?”
Layla’s smile was so bitter he could practically taste it. “He asked me to help him rob his parents’ business in Houston and run away to Mexico with him. He promised everything would be better as soon as we were out of Texas.”
Cole cursed.
“He’s not going to listen to reason when it comes to me,” Layla continued. “But I don’t think he would have done anything to Lily. I don’t think he could have. He said he got the call from the police about an hour before he showed up to talk to me. If he’d been out in the middle of nowhere on your land when he heard the test results, there’s no way he could have made it to the diner so fast.”
“And no way he would have gotten the call in the first place,” Cole agreed. “Like you said, there’s no cell service once you round the first few bends in the trail.”
She nodded. “So I think we can rule him out, but I’m still so sorry. I hate that there’s even a tiny chance that I’m to blame for this.”
“You’re not to blame and you don’t have to be sorry,” he said, slipping his hands onto the top of her shoulders, hoping there would come a day soon when she wouldn’t shrink inside her skin every time her ex’s name was mentioned. “I shouldn’t have said anything about being on guard. I never meant to make you feel bad. I’m just worried about Lily.”
“I know.” She cast a concerned glance over his shoulder toward the house. “And I’m sure poor John’s scared to death. Would it be easier for him if I went to your place? I don’t want to add to his worries by being in the same house with his boys while he’s away.”
Before Cole could answer, the front door opened and John stepped out onto the porch.
“The kids are in bed,” his big brother said, his deep voice tight. “If you’re still good to stay with them, I’m going to head up to Mom’s.”
Cole turned. “I’ll be here. Layla and I can take turns sleeping so someone’s always by the phone if the police call.”
John nodded, relief flickering across his features as he hurried down the steps. “Thanks. To both of you. I appreciate it.” He rattled his keys anxiously in one hand. “But hopefully I’ll be back in a few hours with Lily and we can all sleep in our own beds tonight.”
“We’ll be praying for that,” Layla said.
“Thanks.” John swallowed, his throat visibly working.
“You’ll find her.” Cole pulled John in for a hard hug and clapped him on the back. “Be careful and don’t drive too fast in the dark.”
“Thanks for being here.” John returned the embrace, before adding in a softer voice, “And for helping me hold it together in front of the kids.”
“Anytime, brother,” Cole said, hating that something as serious as Lily disappearing had to happen to get them back on the right foot again.
As he released his brother and watched him jog toward his truck, he silently promised that he wouldn’t let his temper get the better of him again.
But then…that’s one of the things he’d wanted to improve on after all the shit went down in December. He’d been determined to be the best version of himself, but how quickly he’d lost control when he began to feel powerless.
There was nothing Cole hated more than being helpless to protect the people he loved, which made the next few hours an exercise in torture.
He and Layla sat at the kitchen table playing cards, trying to stay positive, while the minutes stretched on, the moon rose in the sky, and still there was no word from John or the police, who’d promised to call as soon as they found out if the forest service would be able to fly over the Lawsons’ property tomorrow morning in their helicopter.
Finally, around midnight, Layla set the cards down. “Why don’t you go try to get some sleep. I’ll stay up and sit by the phone.”
Cole shook his head. “I won’t be able to sleep. I’m too keyed up. You go get some rest. The guest room’s at the top of the stairs and there are extra toothbrushes under the sink in the boys’ bathroom. Lily’s got a thing about buying them in bulk.”
“A woman after my own heart,” Layla said, dropping the cards back into the box with the poker chips. “But I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep, either. Would you want to watch a movie? Something mindless to help the time pass? I could make popcorn.”
“Sounds good, but I’ll make the popcorn.” Cole rose and moved around the island into the kitchen. “I know where everything is and I’m the best popcorn maker ever. I’m pretty sure yours wouldn’t measure up.”
“Fine, Mr. Wonderful,” Layla said with a tired smile. “You can be master of the popcorn. After a day on my feet, I’d rather be waited on anyway.”
“I like Mr. Wonderful better than Rainbow Sprinkles,” he said, but the banter felt forced and he couldn’t seem to get his smile to stay on his lips. “But you can call me whatever you want. So long as you still call me.”
“Hey,” she said softly, the teasing note fading from her tone. “You okay?”
Cole braced his hands on the counter top and shook his head, knowing his voice would shake if he tried to speak.
He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe Lily was missing and he was standing in her kitchen getting ready to make popcorn, like this was any other night when he was babysitting the boys so she and John could go dancing at The Ticklish Iguana.
Layla rose from her chair, coming to stand behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her palms coming to rest softly on his stomach through his tee shirt. “You don’t have to pretend with me,” she whispered, her breath warming the back of his neck. “If you’re worried and sad, be worried and sad.”
His hands settled over hers, drawing strength from her touch. “I just wish we’d heard something. The more time that passes…”
He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t have to. Layla was smart. No doubt she had already realized that the longer they waited for news, the more likely it was that the news would be bad. Later he would wonder if that’s why she said what she said, those words he’d almost blurted out a dozen times in the past few days as the reality of being with Layla proved a hundred times better than any of his fantasies.
“I love you, Cole Lawson.” Her arms tightened around him and her breasts flattened against his back. “And I will be here for you, no matter what happens.”
In the end, it didn’t matter why she said it, only that it was exactly what he needed to hear and that he could tell the words came straight from her heart.
He turned in her arms, lifting his hands to cup her face. “I love you, too. I’ve loved you since that day in the barn, when you were crying and all I wanted to do was hold you forever.” He brushed his thumb lightly across her bottom lip. “There’s never been anyone else, not even when I knew you were taken and should have moved the hell on.”
“I wish there’d never been anyone else for me,” she said. “I should have kissed you for real that day. If I had, maybe everything would have been different.”
“Maybe.” He let his hands slide into her thick hair. “But I was just a dumb kid. I might have been too stupid to realize I’d found the right girl without years of dating t
he wrong ones.”
“I was dumb too,” she said, lips parting as he urged her closer. “I like to think I would have appreciated heaven without going through hell first, but I don’t know for sure.”
Her hands slipped up the back of his tee shirt to rest against his bare skin. “All I know is that I’ve never felt this way before. It’s never felt so good or right or…effortless. I don’t even care if it’s not forever. I’m just grateful for the chance to love someone like this, however long it lasts.”
Cole fought to swallow, emotion making his throat so tight it was hard to get his next words out. “Is it okay if I care about forever? Because I don’t want to let you go.”
“But you would if I asked you to,” she said, eyes shining. “And that makes me love you even more.”
She pressed up on tiptoe and Cole met her halfway, kissing her with all the emotion flooding through his chest. Her tongue slipped between his lips, banishing the taste of fear with her sweetness, assuring him that he wasn’t alone. He cupped her bottom in his hands, drawing her up his body, moaning when her arms wrapped tight around his neck and the kiss grew more intense.
But, even though his body responded to her the way it always did, this kiss was about so much more than heat or passion. This kiss was a drink of water in the desert, a hand up out of the quicksand. This kiss was a promise that, even though the world was full of darkness, he would always find light in this woman’s arms.
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips, knowing he’d never get tired of saying it. “Thank you for being here with me tonight.”
“There is no place I’d rather be,” she said, the simple words melting what was left of his heart. “Now let’s make some popcorn and watch a movie and keep hoping as hard as we can. I know it feels awful, but there’s really nothing else we can do.”
“All right.” Cole set her back on her feet, feeling stronger than he did a few minutes before. “Go grab the butter from the fridge. I’ll get the popcorn and the pot.”
They made popcorn and melted extra butter to drizzle on top and retreated to the den to settle into the overstuffed couch in front of the big screen. They flipped through two massive binders full of movies and eventually decided on a cartoon blockbuster from a few years back that Layla had never seen before.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this,” Cole said as he slipped the DVD into the player. “I must have watched it a hundred times. The boys went around singing these songs so much the entire soundtrack was burned into my brain against my will.”
Layla smiled. “I haven’t spent a lot of time with kids, but I’m looking forward to filling in the gaps in my education.”
Cole settled onto the couch beside her and, amazingly, somewhere between the sad beginning of the cartoon and the dancing snowman, he began to relax. His focus narrowed to the movie and the buttered popcorn and the woman warm by his side and he forgot to be afraid. About halfway through the film, Layla fell asleep on his shoulder and at some point not too long after, Cole followed suit.
He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when the ringing phone woke him, the living room was lit with dawn light and birds were chirping outside the kitchen windows.
“The phone.” Layla sat up, pushing her hair from her face. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know. I fell asleep too.” Cole jumped from the couch and jogged into the kitchen, grabbing the phone on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Cole. What’s up?”
“It’s Mom, honey,” his mother said.
He’d only heard her voice sound that way once before. Cole had been a teenager when he’d lost his dad and couldn’t remember exactly what his mother had said at the funeral, but he would never forget the tone of her voice as she stood at the front of the church remembering the man she’d lost or the way her misery had echoed in his chest.
“What is it?” he said, jaw clenching. “Just tell me. Did they find Lily?”
“They found her.” She paused, pulling in a ragged breath. “Part of the trail leading down into the valley collapsed. Lily must not have seen the damage in time. Her four wheeler went off the trail and rolled down the side of the mountain.”
“God.” Cole’s eyes squeezed shut as he braced one hand against the kitchen cabinets. “How bad is she hurt? Are she and John on their way to the hospital?”
“No, baby,” his mother said. “It was too late. She’d hit her head and…she’s gone. Lily’s gone.”
Cole’s legs buckled and he sat down hard on the floor beside the kitchen island. “Oh fuck, Mom. Fuck!” His face crumpled and tears flooded his eyes. A moment later Layla was beside him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
“I’m with John right now,” his mom said, voice breaking. “We’re waiting for the police to get here. I need you to hold it together, okay? And take care of the boys this morning.”
“Okay.” He sucked in a breath, fighting to regain control.
“Don’t tell them what happened, but don’t send them to school, either,” his mother continued. “Just make them breakfast and let them watch cartoons until we get down there. This is something they should hear from their daddy.”
Cole winced, the realization that his nephews were going to learn their mother was dead today sending pain slicing through his chest. “Fuck, Mom. How did this happen? We had the trails checked last fall. Everything was fine.”
“I don’t know, but I have to go Cole. I’m afraid to leave your brother alone for too long. I’m not sure what he’ll do.”
“Go,” Cole said, sitting up straighter. “Take care of him. Tell him I love him and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I love you,” his mother said with a soft sob. “We’re going to get through this as a family. We’re not going to let this break us. That’s not what Lawsons do.”
His mother hung up and Cole let the phone drop to the floor. Layla picked it up, standing to settle it back into its cradle before reaching down to take him under the arm.
“Come on,” she said, giving his arm a tug. “Let’s get you upstairs and into bed. I’ll take care of the boys’ breakfast and get a movie started for them when they’re through.”
Cole shook his head numbly. “No, I should be here. I’m their uncle. I’m supposed to take care of them.”
“I understand, sweetheart, but if they see you, they’re going to take one look at your face and know something awful has happened.” She tugged his arm again, more firmly. “The best thing you can do for them is get to bed before they wake up. I’ll take care of them. I’ve got lots of practice keeping what I’m feeling from showing on my face.”
Cole looked up at her, her features swimming through the tears sitting in his eyes. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s dead, Layla. She was like my sister, a real sister. Shit, most of the time I liked her better than John. She was such a fucking good person.”
Layla leaned down, hugging him tight as she pressed a kiss to his temple. “I know and I’m so, so sorry, but you need to come with me. Right now. I think I hear the kids moving around upstairs.”
“All right.” Cole forced his legs to move, but he didn’t remember climbing the stairs or letting Layla help him out of his jeans and under the covers.
He came back into his body as she was covering him with the sheet and quilt and smoothing the tears from his cheeks. “I’m here,” she whispered, kissing him softly. “I’ve got this. Let yourself sleep. Sometimes being unconscious is a blessing, and you’ll be stronger when you wake up.”
He watched her move to the guest room door and close it behind her; a moment later he heard her voice wishing the boys good morning and asking how they slept.
She’d gotten him out of sight just in time.
She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for and he was grateful she’d realized he was in no shape to pretend everything was okay in front of his nephews. But he didn’t think there was a chance in hell that he’d be able to sleep. The grief was too big, t
oo new, so overwhelming it felt like a cannonball had been shot through his chest.
He couldn’t imagine how John must be feeling right now.
As soon as the thought was through his head, he realized how wrong he was. He could imagine how John was feeling. He could take every perfect day he’d shared with Layla so far, multiply it times nine years of marriage, add in two beautiful children made with the woman he loved, and he could imagine it. He could, and it made him feel like every cell in his body was exploding with agony, all at once.
His poor brother had lost his partner, his lover, his best friend, and had watched the sun rise this morning knowing that the person he loved the most had been taken away from him.
Forever.
It was so fucking awful, so senseless and stupid that Cole had no idea how he was going to get through losing her, and he was just the brother-in-law. He didn’t know what was going to happen to John. He didn’t know how they were going to get through this, no matter how they pulled together as a family.
A fresh wave of grief washed over him, making his heart squeeze miserably in his chest. A moment later, his eyes slid closed and sleep pulled hard at his conscious mind.
Layla was right. Sometimes being unconscious was a blessing, the only blessing left in a world where beautiful things have been lost forever.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Two days later
Layla
Sometimes, the heart surrenders. But sometimes, it rises from the ground and takes up its weapon, knowing it has no choice but to fight.
To fight and win, or to die trying.
There was no longer any question what Layla’s heart had to do next. That decision had been made for her. Now she simply had to be careful, be smart, and be ready to do whatever it took to protect the man she loved from any more pain.
Her tank was full of gas and her bags were packed. She was leaving town at noon, as soon as they finished putting Lily in the ground.
Layla tightened her grip on Cole’s hand as they came to a stop beneath the mesquite trees that sheltered this corner of the cemetery from the afternoon sun, taking their place on the thick rug that had been laid out beside the open grave.
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