Other people were passing by on their way to their carriages, yawning and sleepy. Now was the time for her to tell her brother about Edmund, if she were going to tell him at all. She looked into his dear face and knew she could never put him in danger.
She forced a smile. "It was more than I could have imagined."
He placed a quick kiss on her forehead and took Glory by the arm. "Sleep late in the morning-it's expected after a big shindig like this."
She heard him mumble a good-night to Jonah and walk to his own buggy to help his wife inside. Abby was tense as Jonah climbed into the buggy beside her. She could feel the warmth of his presence, and it was both painful and comforting at the same time. She leaned her head back as the buggy moved forward. Unpleasant thoughts of Edmund Montgomery stalked through her mind like a lurking spider. She didn't want to think about that man until she had decided what she was going to do about him. So she turned her thoughts to other matters.
She almost wished Grant were beside her instead of Jonah. The ranger would tease her and make her laugh on the way home, while the man who sat beside her so silent and grave seemed incapable of either. "Do you know why Grant had to leave in such a hurry?" she asked at last.
They were just leaving the town behind when Jonah glanced at her. "No. I don't. It must be ranger business that took him away."
"I thought he was working for you."
"Not for me-with me."
The horses had just started on a downhill grade, so he moved forward to tighten the reins, brushing his thigh against her leg. Even the small contact made him turn to her with fire in his eyes. After that, it seemed to Abby he retreated into his thoughts to become cold and distant.
At last, after the silence became painful, he turned to her again. "Sleepy?" he asked, slowing the horses for a sharp turn in the road.
"A little. Are you?"
She saw his chest expand as he took a deep breath. "I haven't been sleeping very well lately."
"It's probably because you are so worried about the payroll robberies."
His lips curved slightly. "That's probably it."
She put her hand over her mouth to hide a yawn. "I'm sure my feet are going to hurt tomorrow."
"It's already tomorrow." His jaw tightened. "Not that you would notice. You were too busy charming the ranger."
She was swaying with the gentle motion of the buggy and turned her head to watch him, wondering what he had meant by that statement. He was staring into the night, and she saw his jaw tighten and his hands clench on the reins.
"What's wrong, Jonah?" She sat forward. "I am not trying to pry, but we have known each other well enough for me to sense your change of mood, and I can tell when something is bothering you, like now."
He turned to her, his eyes glistening, started to speak, and then reconsidered.
"Jonah?"
"Do you know what you just said?"
"Yes. I-"
"No, you don't know. You said you can feel my moods. Well, I know yours, too. I know in my heart when you are happy or sad; I can feel it if you are angry. I feel you in my head, my mind, my body. Why do you suppose that is, Abby?"
"I don't know why."
He stopped the carriage, and she stared at him, not knowing how to react to his behavior tonight.
"Abby, we have to talk."
"No. I don't think-"
He touched her arm, his finger sliding down to her hand. "I need to tell you about myself. I want you to understand what my life was like before I met you."
"You don't need to remind me about your fiancee."
"I don't mean her, although Patricia figures into it."
His eyes reflected a fierce light, but he seemed outwardly calm and aloof He leaned his head back as though gathering his thoughts.
"What do you want to say?"
"My family is not like yours, Abby. The plain truth is, I wish they were. I have two sisters whom I never see because they cut themselves off from our father. The general is a hard man who insists on perfection in his offspring. He directed my mother's life, my sisters' lives, and he already had my life mapped out before I was born. That's just the way he is."
"I can't see you going along with any plan for your future if it didn't coincide with what you wanted. You are a strong-willed individual-you wouldn't be an officer if you weren't."
"It never occurred to me to challenge the general until lately-since... I came to Texas."
In that moment Abby realized where this conversation was headed. He was telling her good-bye. "Jonah, I understand. You don't have to say any more."
He gripped her arm and brought her resisting body toward him. "You can't possibly know how you have turned my world upside down, made me question my life, made me dissatisfied with the direction I have chosen."
Her head fell into the curve of his shoulder as his hand swept up her back to rest against her neck. "It's hard to turn my back on what I really want, but I'm trying to do what is honorable. I want to do the right thing by Patricia, and yet..."
Abby felt his breath on her neck, and her arms slid up his shoulders. "Jonah," she said softly. "I don't know what to say to you."
He lifted her chin and studied her face as if he were memorizing every detail. "There is nothing you can say, Abby. There is nothing either of us can say."
She felt hot tears just behind her eyes. He was saying good-bye.
He touchedhis lips to her cheek and pulled back reluctantly when he tasted her tears. "I could walk away from the army and never look back, but I can't hurt Patricia. She deserves better than that."
Abby had been sensitive all evening to their growing awareness of each other, and she sensed an aching torment growing inside him. She could also feel her own heart breaking.
What would it be like never to see him again?
"I don't know what happened between us, Abby, because it happened so fast, and I didn't see it coming. That very day, just before we met, I knew something was waiting down that road for me. But I didn't know it was going to come swinging out of a tree at me."
"I was angry with you that day."
"I know. Our relationship started off stormy, and it's only become more so."
"And now?"
"I couldn't just leave you without telling you how I felt."
She sensed that he needed her to make it easier for him to leave-and that was what she would do.
"You would be a lesser man if you could abandon the woman you are pledged to marry. And I could not respect a lesser man."
He drew her back into his arms, and she felt his intake of breath. "When you say things like that, it only makes it worse." He swallowed before he could continue. "I want to walk away from duty and honor so I can be with you. Say the word and I will, Abby." His arms tightened about her. "Say you want me to walk away, and I will."
She buried her face in his jacket. If she chose to, she could have him. All she had to do was ask him to turn his back on honor, commitment, and the kind of man he was. But if she did, the day would probably come when he would despise himself for buying passion at the expense of honor, and she didn't want that for him.
"I would never ask you to act against your principles, and I will not act against mine."
He drew in a shaky breath. "I needed to hold you in my arms this one time."
He hadn't really told her anything. He had merely left her feeling more confused than ever. "I don't understand."
"How could you?"
He traced her lower lip with his finger, and she closed her eyes against the powerful emotions that one simple gesture created inside her.
He clasped her face between his hands. "Abby, I have been trying to think of a way to tell you that I'll be leaving at dawn."
She had known this time would come, but not so soon-what would she do when she could no longer see him? "Will you be going back to Fort Fannin?"
"Not at this time. Victorio is on the warpath again. The army needs all the men we can muster to protect the settl
ers in that area. My troops will be joining the others that are massing near the Mexican border." He was quiet for a moment, his gaze settling on her mouth. "I want to kiss you in the worst way. I want you in every way a man can want a woman, but I'll never know the sweetness of your body."
Tears gathered in her eyes, and her head became so heavy it fell weakly against his shoulder. "You are going into battle."
"That's what I do, Abby."
She was so afraid he might be killed. She wanted to hold on to him to prevent him from leaving. But instead she had to let him go. She asked in a choked voice, "Would it be so very wrong if you kissed me good-bye?"
With an urgent groan he lowered his head, his mouth so near hers. "When I leave here I will be saying good-bye to ... what we could have had."
His lips were soft and gentle at first, conveying sweetness and tenderness. Their need built swiftly.
Her breath became trapped in her throat, and she felt the awakening of something beyond tenderness-she felt the first unquenchable flames of desire.
Jonah ran his tongue softly across her lips, and she opened them for him. She felt him quake when her tongue tentatively touched his, and searing heat rushed through her when he deepened the kiss.
She wanted to pull him back to her when he suddenly broke off the kiss, but she closed her eyes as his mouth slid down her neck. His hand gently moved up her ribs to slide over her breast, and Abby thought she would die from the longing that shook her.
At that moment Jonah's horse stomped his hooves and whinnied, making his presence known.
Jonah drew his head back and looked into Abby's luminous eyes. The sweet honey smell of her hair, the cool smoothness of her skin beckoned to him, but he stiffened and pulled away. "I want to have you, and damn the rest of the world. Letting you go will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But it is the right thing to do."
They stared at each other for a long moment, and then his hands dropped away. Silently he picked up the reins, and the buggy jerked forward.
Abby laid her head against his shoulder, knowing that one kiss was all they would ever have.
His hand found hers, and their fingers laced together. He raised her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her wrist.
They were both silent as the horses clomped along at a steady pace. After a while Abby withdrew her hand from his and moved to the far side of the buggy. She turned her head away so he would not see how badly she was hurting.
When they reached the house, she stepped out of the buggy as Navidad came out of the barn to unhitch the horses.
"Did you have a fine time dancing, Senorita Abby?" he inquired, smiling at her.
"It was... the dancing was lively." She turned away and hurried into the house, knowing Jonah and Navidad were both staring after her.
She ran inside with her heart pounding. When she reached her bedroom, she closed the door and leaned against it so she wouldn't be tempted to open it and run into Jonah's arms.
She wanted to go to him, to beg him to love her, but she couldn't do that. They had already said good-bye, and that was the right thing to do.
But if it had been the right thing to do, why did it hurt so badly?
Abby was restless and unable to sleep. She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally, in frustration, she grabbed up a blanket and wrapped it around her, not bothering to put on her dressing gown.
She moved silently out into the hallway, pausing only a moment at Jonah's bedroom door, wishing she could go to him.
She quietly opened the screen door and closed it with only the creak of hinges to betray her exit.
The barn and bunkhouse were dark; everyone had gone to bed hours ago. Her father wasn't home, and she didn't know where he was-she hoped he hadn't started drinking again.
She leaned her head against the porch post and closed her eyes, reliving the moments when Jonah had kissed her and confessed that he had feelings for her. She could almost feel the pressure of his hand as their fingers intertwined. She looked dryeyed at the moon, wishing she could-
"You couldn't sleep either, Abby?"
She turned, startled by Jonah's voice. She could barely make out his outline because he stood in shadows at the other end of the porch; he must have been there all the time.
"I... no. I was restless." She took a step forward as if drawn to him like a magnet. "Why couldn't you sleep?"
He was quiet for a moment, and she heard a deep intake of breath. "I couldn't stop thinking about how you felt in my arms."
Her footsteps were measured, her actions cautious as she moved closer to him.
He advanced a step and studied her face to judge her mood. "Abby!"
There was an urgency in the way he uttered her name. It was a tormented cry from deep inside him, and her heart answered.
She dropped the blanket at her feet and flew into his open arms. He lifted her to him, and at the same time their bodies met each other, their mouths fusing together in a kiss. The fire that had been smoldering between them all evening now burst into a roaring flame.
The tight restraint he had been keeping on his emotions was released in a rush. His hands moved over her body, pressing her against him, holding her tightly to him. He could feel her lips part and soften.
She groaned a protest when he broke off the kiss and set her on her feet, dropping his arms to his sides and tightening his hands into fists.
"You are too young and innocent, Abby. I can't do this to you."
Without hesitation, she reached for his hand and pulled him toward the door. "I'm old enough to know what I am doing. I want to give you something of myself to take away with you. Something to remember just before you go to sleep each night."
"AbbY~ T'
"It's what I want."
He scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the house, his hunger for her so deep it tore at him. He did not even remember the short walk to his bedroom. He kicked the door shut and lowered his head, his mouth finding hers. Her lips were soft beneath his, and he had no will to resist.
Her arms wound around his neck and the passion spilled out, washing over them both.
"Jonah," she whispered, laying her cheek to his. "I want to be with you this one time. This is something I can give you of myself."
He should have resisted; he'was stronger, and he knew what it could mean for her later on. But her body was like silk, and the smoothness of it jolted through him as he held her and drifted down on the bed.
Abby had very little memory of Jonah undressing, but she could see his wonderful lean body in the moonlight. She lifted her nightgown over her head, then held her arms out to him, and he came to her.
His hot flesh seared her, and she quivered when his hand moved from her ribs to her stomach.
She was perfect, from the top of her black satin hair to the bottom of her delicately arched foot. "You are beautiful, Abby," he murmured, his hand sweeping across her skin, and his gaze taking in each soft curve.
She dug her fingers into the mattress when his mouth touched her nipple in a kiss so soft it was like velvet. She could hear his ragged breathing, and it fueled her response.
They had gone too far to stop. Her arms went around his neck, and she looked into those dynamic blue eyes that were half-closed and heavy with passion.
His mouth found and covered hers hungrily. Gently he slid his body over her, hurling her into a need so deep, she cried out to him. He opened her mind to powerful emotions that rocked her to the core of her womanhood. He guided her through a world of aching need.
Abby touched her lips to his so she could convey her willingness.
While he kissed her, he gently parted her legs. With raw passion he probed her inner folds and entered her slowly.
She gasped and closed her eyes when he filled the emptiness with such wonderment that a tear slid down her cheek.
She threw her head back to keep from crying out his name when he sank deeper into her, stirring wild, hot des
ire. She had dreamed of this moment, ached to be a part of him, needed his touch. His movements were gentle, and she felt he was holding back, keeping a tight restraint on his desire. But she wanted more of him, so she arched her back to take him deeper inside her.
With a soft groan his mouth came down on hers, plundering her lips, and he drove into her body with such force she gasped. He raised passion-bright eyes to her and eased some of his length out of her. "Don't tempt me like that again, Abby. This is your first time." His lips touched her breast, and he murmured, "I don't want to hurt you."
Her body throbbed and ached, but not with pain. She could feel him surround her, filling her, making her his. Love poured out of her heart and washed over her like waves on the ocean. He stared into her eyes, filling her heart even more.
"Abby,"he breathed against her lips, holding her while her body shook and trembled. Moments later his arms tightened about her, and his body rocked with his own fulfillment.
He rolled over and they rested side by side, reluctant to move. Her leg was thrown over his as she rested her head on his shoulder.
Then she raised her head and touched his cheek, feeling a slight stubble where he needed to shave.
Th e was no false modesty in Abby, and it delighted him how readily she had thrown aside her innocence and accepted his lovemaking. She had matched his passion in every way, and now she allowed him to touch her body, sliding his hand over every curve.
"I will never forget tonight," she said, her eyes shining. "And I don't want you to either."
"How could I?" He gathered her close, touching his lips to her throat. Now that the flame of passion had been satisfied, he felt the first prickle of guilt. "But I should never have allowed it to go this far, Abby."
She raised herself up on an elbow. "You didn't have any choice. I wanted this to happen between us." She looked at him uncertainly. "Are you sorry?"
He drew her head back to his shoulder. "l am only sorry that I didn't consider what my actions might mean for you." His hand glided across her hip and up her back. "For myself, I have never felt as alive as I feel at this moment." He turned her so she fit against the length of his body. "My mind is so clear. Something happened between us that borders on the miraculous. Do you feel that too?"
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