Roll Me Away: A Smokey's Roadhouse Novel

by Jacobs, Jessa

  She was in a pickle. I had some money, but even if I could’ve given her all of it, it wasn’t enough to help.

  “Do you have any relatives or friends that would help?”

  “My dad’s brother, but I don’t have enough money to get to Florida, and he might not take me in anyway. He and Dad are pretty tight. Friends? No, not really. My high-school friends scattered to the four winds, and I’ve lost track of where they landed. Didn’t really make that kind of connection in college.”

  “What did you study?”

  “Health Care Administration.”

  “So, like, government work, with Medicaid or something?”

  “No, no. I mean, yeah, I could maybe get on with something like that. But it’s more about running hospitals. The whole business office end. Policies, procedures. Finance.”

  I stared blankly at her. What I knew about that shit could fit in a shot glass. No, something smaller. “Does that pay pretty well?”

  She shrugged. “Like anything else, you have to work your way up the ladder. But yeah. The head of a hospital could make six or seven figures, depending on where and how big the hospital is.”

  I whistled. No one I knew could even conceive of making that much money. At the same time, something in the back of my mind deflated. Here I’d been waiting for Jake to dump her, and thinking maybe there’d be a chance for me. Ignoring the fact that she was way out of my league. Way out of Jake’s league. And she’d been talking about being someone’s old lady? What the fuck was wrong with her? Never one to think before speaking, I blurted the question out just like that.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “You were willing to settle for being someone’s old lady, getting cheated on, lied to, maybe having to put up with your old man fucking other women in front of a camera for a living, and you could make a million a year? I don’t get it.”

  It may have been too blunt for her. Her chin came up. “You’re in no position to judge me.”

  She was right. I lifted my hands out to my sides, and then dropped them. “Sorry. You’re right. Your choice. But hey, I just had an idea. Can you do this anywhere?”

  “Sure. Anywhere there’s a hospital. Why?”

  “We have hospitals in Wyoming. And I happen to know someone who has a spare room. What if you came to Rawlins with me? No strings. I’d get my mom to put you up until you’re on your feet.”

  “Seriously?” Hope sparked in her eyes. She couldn’t know I did have an ulterior motive. I wanted her to be grateful enough to me to give me a chance, even if it was like a beggar hoping a supermodel would notice him. She was that far out of my league. But even if she didn’t, I felt responsible enough for her, it would be great to provide her with a safety net.

  “Seriously. My mom would love you.”

  “Zach, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t treated you well.”

  “You’ve been fine,” I said, mentally crossing my fingers for telling the white lie. It still smarted when I remembered her implied insult as she rejected me for another chance with Jake. But she was here now, and acting like she considered me a friend. It could lead to something.

  Eighteen

  Cricket

  “Mrs. Schafer, I’m home! I have good news!” I called out to Zach’s mother as soon as I entered the front door.

  She came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on an old-fashioned apron. Mrs. S just happened to be an outstanding cook. I’d gained a couple of pounds the first two weeks I was there, before I got smart and started walking before the heat got too bad in the mornings.

  “What is it, dear?”

  “I got the job!”

  Her expression was the funniest combination of happy and sad I’d ever seen. “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, I’m happy for you, dear, of course. But I’ve enjoyed you so much. Now you’ll move out, and I’ll miss you. Promise you won’t be a stranger?”

  “I promise. I’ll have to get at least one paycheck under my belt before I’m ready to get my own place, anyway. Maybe two. Do you mind if I stay another month or two? I’ll pay rent.”

  “I’d love it, and you’ll do no such thing. It was so lonely here after Zach left, and you’ve made me feel useful again.”

  I almost felt guilty about that, since it meant she was happy to cook for me. And I was happy to eat her cooking. So much had happened in the past few weeks. Zach’s suggestion that I go to Rawlins was as good as any idea I had, and it had the added advantage that I wouldn’t have to spend any of my money getting there.

  Meeting Zach’s mom was surreal. I had a biker momma pictured, especially when he told me his stepdad was a motorcycle mechanic. What I imagined couldn’t have been further from the truth. The slender, elegant lady who met me at the front door of a brick ranch-style house in a Rawlins neighborhood could have been the wife of a doctor, or lawyer, or anyone, really.

  I’d met his stepdad at the shop when Doc, the old biker who drove the van back to Rawlins, stopped to pick up Zach. He’d ridden another hot bike from Sturgis and was delivering it to his stepdad, Carl, to be ‘chopped’.

  I had a feeling his mom didn’t know what her husband did, and I wasn’t about to tell her. In fact, I tried to put it out of my mind. Because I knew and had said nothing to the authorities, I’d be an accessory after the fact if it ever came to light. Why that didn’t bother me was a mystery I left unexplored. I just put it all out of my mind and went about my business, which had been finding a job and freeing Zach’s mom from the obligation of putting me up as a guest.

  She’d been very gracious when Doc dropped both of us off, and Zach more or less dumped me on her. Then he was gone, riding with Doc to wherever their mysterious club property was, and Rose and I were left to our own devices. We quickly established some common ground.

  Both of us were passionate fiction readers. Rose had been a nurse in her youth, though she hadn’t worked outside her home in years. She doubted Zach even knew about it, as he’d been only three or so when she quit. She’d almost started again when he was fifteen and his dad had left. But before she’d found a job, she’d found Carl. Zach had told me about that part, including his part in running his real dad off. Sometimes his stories scared me.

  Anyway, Rose and I had things in common, and even though it had been years since she worked as a nurse, she had plenty to say about hospital administration. I listened avidly, tucking away the information against a time when I’d be in a position to do something about those things.

  I saw Zach about once a week. He told me the club was big on family, which surprised me. Since he was one of the few members (prospect, he always corrected me) whose family didn’t live right there in the complex, the club sent him on errands to town in the chase vehicle.

  He was allowed to take the time to see his mom, which meant seeing me usually. He’d said nothing about dating, but he took me out for fast food or to a movie now and then. Now the weather was cooling off, we sat on park benches and talked a lot, and I began to see the good man he was instead of the biker he wanted to be.

  He was upset that his service in getting two bikes for them hadn’t resulted in being immediately patched in, which meant that he wasn’t entitled to any of the money earned from the bikes. That frustrated him, because he’d counted on that money to buy his own ride, and without one he couldn’t fulfill his probation.

  He called it a no-win situation, but not once did he talk about stealing a bike locally, having Carl do his magic, and splitting the money with him. It was like what he’d done in Sturgis was part of an alternate universe, in which he was an outlaw biker. But when he was with me, he was just another young man who struggled with becoming an adult with a future.

  He shared a lot of his childhood with me. Some of it scared me, like what he’d done to his father. But with me, he was a perfect gentleman. He never even tried to kiss me, much less get me in bed. Sometimes, he’d take my hand and the touch would send a thrill through me. His eyes told me he still wa
nted me, but he made no attempt to act on it.

  In fact, by the end of September, it was beginning to annoy me. I was falling for him, or maybe I was just horny. To figure it out, I was going to have to move the relationship along. But it was still too soon since I’d thrown myself at Jake. Zach probably thought I was too fragile, and anyway, I didn’t want him to get the idea I was just ready to jump the nearest body.

  I got my chance on the last day of the month, though, when the weather went unseasonably cold without warning. We’d gotten ice cream cones and eaten them at a nearby park. We were still talking when the wind shifted and came at us out of the north with a bite like it had passed over the North Pole. Rain soon followed.

  I started shivering right away, and Zach put his arm around me to shelter me as we ran for the van. He stuffed me into the passenger seat and then ran for the driver’s side, his lips blue and his wet hair standing straight up from the wind.

  I laughed at him, and then told him his lips were blue. The next thing I knew they were on mine. I opened for him, letting his tongue slide sweetly in to explore my hot mouth. When the kiss ended, we were both panting.

  “What was that?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. You kissed me.”

  “Did not. You kissed me.”

  “Okay, we kissed each other. Your lips aren’t blue anymore.”

  “Good. Then we should keep doing that. Keep us from freezing to death, you know.”

  “I agree,” I breathed, just before his lips crashed into mine again. He totally kissed me. This time I was sure of it.

  As his arms came around me, I lost myself in the thrill of being in a man’s arms again. Not just any man. My friend. My protector. The idea I was falling for him solidified. But I still needed to sleep with him. I’d know then.

  Zach broke the kiss first again. I whimpered a little with the loss of his lips, but he tightened his arms.

  “Cricket, are you sure this is okay?”

  “More than okay. Couldn’t you see I’ve been wanting it?”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” he asked.

  I looked deeply into his eyes and slowly shook my head. I couldn’t tell him why. He’d have to figure it out. My telling him would ruin everything.

  Zach

  All those weeks, I’d been dying to take Cricket in my arms. At the same time, I couldn’t let myself do anything that would make her think of that asswipe, Jake. So I kept my distance, treated her like a friend instead of a conquest, and something crazy happened. We became friends. Oh, I still wanted her. No doubt about that. More than ever, in fact.

  I could have used the Bunnies to relieve the ache, but it didn’t seem right. Even when they came on to me, I didn’t let it happen. Around the clubhouse they started calling me the Monk and joking about my gay tendencies. I knew better than to react. Fighting with the members wouldn’t help me get fully patched in.

  They still hadn’t told me about the porn videos, and I didn’t ask. They sent me on errands mostly. I did what I was told. Every time I went to Carl’s shop, I checked in his back room for the bike he’d promised to save for me.

  She was a beauty – a 1958 Harley Duo-glide that I’d picked up for $4500 a couple of years ago. I had to pawn her to Carl to pay the fine to keep me out of jail when I took a cop on a chase while riding her way too fast, but he promised to hang onto her, and in the past couple of years we’d done some customizing.

  I needed to do some more if I was going to take Cricket on the back, but before I could even ride her myself, I needed to come up with $8500 to get her out of hock and pay for the custom work. Considering she’d sell for twice that or more, it didn’t even make me mad that Carl took interest from family. Well, maybe a little.

  To be fair to him, he could have sold her for more any time in the last year. He didn’t ever say he loved me, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. At least I knew he loved my mom, and he’d provided me with room and board until he handed me off to the Devils, even though he paid me a decent wage and could have asked me to pay rent. He didn’t even mind Mom taking Cricket in and feeding her until she got on her feet.

  As I held her, waiting out the rain in the Devils’ van, it did cross my mind that the back of the van wouldn’t be the worst spot in the world to take her up on the offer I thought she was making. Two things stopped me. The first was the fact it also wasn’t the best spot in the world. The second was her odd head shake when I asked why she hadn’t said anything. What did that mean?

  She didn’t make any move to take it any further, but I didn’t want to push my luck. She said she wanted it. But I wasn’t sure what it meant, and she wouldn’t tell me.

  We sat there awkwardly for a while, until the rain died down. I got out and made sure we hadn’t left any trash behind when we ran for the vehicle, and then drove her home.

  “Can you come in?” she asked. I should have, if only to say hi to Mom. But I was already late getting the van back to the compound, and with the shift in the weather, they might be worried about me.

  “Nah, not this time. I’ll be back soon, Cricket. Can I see you?”

  “I got the job, remember? We probably won’t have matching schedules, unless you get them to send you in the evenings or on the weekends.”

  “I’ll work it out. Hey, break a leg!”

  She laughed and playfully hit me. “That’s for actors! Don’t ever say that to a health care professional.”

  “Ooh, aren’t you fancy now? You’ll probably drop me as soon as you make friends on the job. I’ll miss you.” I was joking, or I hoped I was. But her eyes turned serious.

  “I’ll never drop you, Zach. I care about you.”

  At that moment, those words sounded like the classic ‘let’s be friends’ speech at the end of a relationship. It scared me and pissed me off at the same time. I couldn’t lose her, even though I didn’t even have her. We weren’t in a relationship. “Yeah. Sure. I care about you, too. Tell Mom I said hi.”

  It was too dark by then to see her expression as I drove away. I hadn’t even driven a block before I regretted the way I left it. Too late now to fix it this time, because I was already late.

  At the shop, Carl was just closing. Needing to see my other girl, I brushed past him on my way into the back room.

  “Hey! Who shoved a hornet up your ass?” he called after me.

  The Duo-glide was still there, just as she’d been there every time I visited. I ran my hand over her leather seat and wondered about the plan to replace it with a tandem. That would require some frame modification. Why did women have to be so difficult?

  Carl came back and told me he’d locked the front door. He held out a bottle of beer, keeping one for himself. We didn’t have to say a word as we took our first swig. After we stood looking at the bike for a while, he nudged me with his elbow.

  “Talk about it? Everything okay with the club?”

  We hadn’t ever openly acknowledged his business with the club. It was better not talked about. The first time I showed up with a bike I picked up in Sturgis, I just handed over the keys and walked out. Second time, he looked up and nodded at me when I came in the door, but still didn’t say anything. I must have looked pretty bad, mooning over my bike, for him to offer to talk.

  “Yeah. Club’s fine. They’re not telling me stuff, but I get it. They will, in their own good time.”

  “What kind of stuff?”

  “Can’t talk about it. Not supposed to know.”

  “Is that what has you bothered?”

  “Nope.”

  “It’s the girl then. Zach, I know I’m not your dad…”

  I fixed him with a hard look. “Lucky for you.”

  “Let me finish. I’m talking about dads in general, not your scumbag of an old man. I’m not one to you, never have been. Not good at this, either, but I’ve got some advice for you. First, she’s out of your league.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” I turned and hurled my almost-empty
bottle at the wall, where instead of shattering as I’d intended, it just bounced off the drywall and rolled to the floor. The gesture didn’t make me feel any better.

  “Okay, good. You know it. But second, she’s not good for you anyway, and you’re not good for her. I’ve heard what happened between her and Jake.” At my warning look, he thinned his lips. “They’ll never accept her. Even if you were in a position to make her your old lady, she’d never fit in. The other thing is, you aren’t in that position. You need to focus on patching in, and let her get established in her job. And then you need to forget about her, because being involved with you won’t help her career.”

  I knew he was right, but God help me, I couldn’t accept it.

  Nineteen

  Cricket

  I hadn’t seen Zach in a couple of weeks, and Rose hadn’t heard from him either. We both worried, but at least I had the distraction of my new job to keep me functioning. I’d been hired as an assistant patient accounts services manager.

  Before I could perform my assigned duties, I had to train in each of the jobs done by the people I’d be supervising. The first week of my job was spent in the training sessions given new registrars.

  Seeing it from the side of the people who did the work was enlightening. I knew all about the reasons for the careful documentation of who’d referred the patient, what their insurance was, the exact procedures they were there for, and the rest. Dealing directly with the patients or their families during the second week, I wished every day that I’d had more classes in how to serve distraught or hurting people.

  It didn’t take long for me to learn which of the new registrars would burn out and quit within their first few months, and which had the coping skills to withstand anger misdirected at them. I’d have been among the first group, frankly. I could deal with it for a week, though. Watching my co-workers talk down the hysterical patients taught me a lesson I might not have been able to learn in a classroom environment. By the end of the second week, I was looking forward to training in the billing department.