“Rosalind wanted the best for her sisters,” Mrs Adams said gently.
“A pity she didn’t tell Annabelle that before Annabelle went into a room alone with a man,” Peter responded.
“What are you going to do?” Mrs Adams asked.
“What can I do? If I act and it becomes public that my wife has left me, they will both be ruined; if I don’t and Rosalind returns without anyone realising what has happened, Annabelle will still be ruined. At least that way Rosalind has the option of coming home; although after what was said last night, I doubt she will ever want to.”
“Do you want her to?” Mrs Adams had a suspicion she knew the answer to her question, but she wanted to be sure.
“A few months ago and I would have been over the moon for her to have left, I hated the situation as much as she did,” Peter explained, being honest. “But recently….recently I thought we had something together, but I was obviously mistaken,” he finished bitterly.
“I don’t think you were,” Mrs Adams said, being sympathetic but dismissive of self-pity. “So, I shall ask again: what are you going to do about it?”
Before Peter had the chance to reply, the door burst open, and Annie stormed in. She marched up to Peter and glared at him. “Where’s Rosalind?” she demanded.
“Annie, what is all this? Let’s sit down and talk about it; there’s no need to get upset,” Peter soothed, moving from his seat to console his sister.
“I can’t find her!” Annie wailed.
“She’s gone away for a few days,” Peter said gently, taking hold of Annie’s hand. “Come, sit and talk to Mrs Adams; she is here to visit.”
“No!” Annie, shouted, flinging her hands in the air. “Rosalind would not leave without saying goodbye!”
Part of Peter wanted to shout along with Annie; he knew exactly how she was feeling, but yet again it was his responsibility to put things right. “She had to go very early Annie; she told me to say goodbye for her.”
“I want Rosalind!” Annie insisted.
“I will send her up to you as soon as she returns,” Peter promised.
Annie looked at her brother, “As soon as?” she asked.
“Yes,” Peter responded. “Now return to Mrs Fisher and let me speak to Mrs Adams.”
Annie seemed content to trust Peter; she had never been let down by him before, so she left the room calmer and happier. Mrs Adams, turned to Peter with a shake of her head. “What are you going to do tomorrow and the day after when Rosalind doesn’t return? How will you pacify her then?”
“I have no idea,” Peter said remorsefully.
Chapter 18
Rosalind had expected to enjoy her time away more than she was doing. St Annes-on-Sea was a beautiful place, the area around it was level, and it felt like one could see across the sea for miles on a sunny day. It was quite a popular location for genteel folk coming to the sea for health reasons. The lodging house they were staying in was located on the promenade, which was set back from the sandy beach with large grassed areas between the houses and the sea.
The rooms they occupied had a sea view; every morning they could sit and watch the bathing machines take their occupants into the sea. The house was run by a proprietor who took great pride in the cleanliness of her establishment. The food was fresh, especially the fish, being brought in from the nearby port of Fleetwood. It was all very pleasant, but she was unhappy.
It was her own fault, she repeated to herself time and again. If she had not been so determined that she was right and Peter did not, could not, understand what she needed to do, they might have been able to talk things through and hopefully find a solution. Rosalind had not given Peter credit for knowing how obligated she felt, but when she calmed down she had to acknowledge that in reality, he had felt just as obligated to his own brother and sister. If he had not, he would still be living contentedly on a farm. She had reacted in haste, and now she was definitely repenting at leisure.
Annabelle had been quiet since their arrival. She had spent much of her time inside, pretending to read while looking out at the waves. There was a lot of activity around the beach and promenade, but Annabelle hardly noticed any of it. Rosalind forced her sister to go for a morning walk along the promenade but, apart from that, she did not seek out any other entertainments. In reality the thought of socialising did not appeal to Rosalind either. Questions would be asked as to why they were visiting, and she did not want to start a web of lies that could potentially make their situation even worse.
She had to admit to herself that she could hardly imagine how things could worsen. She was estranged from her husband and had only limited funds. Eventually, they would be forced to their parental home, and the thought of the reception they would get kept her awake long into each night that they stayed away.
During the hours she tossed and turned, there was something else bothering her: she missed Peter and Annie. She was not surprised she missed Annie; she was like a sister to her already, but the feelings about Peter were something else entirely. It felt as if a part of her were missing; she actually ached inside. Most of the day she felt hollow, but then she would see something and her first thought would be to remember it to tell Peter, then the crushing realisation would hit: she would never have that closeness with him or anyone else ever again. Sometimes it would take her breath away, but she strove to hide it from Annabelle. A feeling that she had made a terrible mistake seemed to haunt her, but she had made her decision and had no other option open to her other than to stand by her actions.
On the seventh day, she was feeling especially melancholy, so she persuaded Annabelle to take a walk along the sea front. Both women walked in silence for a while before Annabelle spoke.
“Annie would love the seaside,” Annabelle said.
“Yes, she would, as would Grace and Eleanor,” Rosalind replied.
“I miss them all,” Annabelle said quietly, watching her sister closely. “How long do we stay here? I haven’t sent any letters because I didn’t wish anyone to worry.”
“Nor have I,” Rosalind admitted. The reality was that her sisters would be concerned at the lack of communication. It was time to be honest with Annabelle. “I was intending staying until the money I have ran out, apart from the fare to pay for our transport home of course.”
“Sudworth Hall?” Annabelle asked.
“No. I doubt I would receive a welcome there,” Rosalind replied in surprise that Annabelle would think that they would be returning to Sudworth Hall. “Home with mother and father.”
“Oh,” came the quiet response.
An uncomfortable silence descended on the pair as they continued their walk. Rosalind felt bereft; she had never had any restraint between herself and her sisters, but during this last week a void had opened between herself and Annabelle. She had noticed that Annabelle seemed as distracted as she herself was, but had not felt able to ask what was troubling her sibling.
With flushed cheeks and curls that had been whipped by the wind, they reached the boarding house. When the landlady opened the door, she announced that a gentleman was waiting for them in the parlour. Both looked at each other; it could only be one of two people.
Annabelle entered the parlour first and smiled as soon as she saw who was standing at the mantelpiece. “Peter! I am so glad to see you!” she exclaimed, crossing the room and kissing him on the cheek. It was a greeting that surprised Peter and Rosalind, but it brought a smile to Peter’s lips. Rosalind frowned; this was not the greeting she would have expected her sister to give to the man who was trying to force her into a marriage she did not want.
“Hello Annabelle,” he said, holding her hands. “I see the sea air has done you good: You look refreshed.”
“Is that a polite way of saying windswept?” Annabelle asked, squeezing his hands. “The problem with living somewhere flat is that the wind has nothing to slow it down before it hits you. I would not like to live here in the middle of winter; it must be bleak.”
&n
bsp; Rosalind sat down while Annabelle was talking. Her first instinct had been to greet her husband by flinging her arms around his neck and begging for forgiveness, but she kept control of herself.
Peter looked at Rosalind; he knew her well enough to realise that the heightened colour on her cheeks was not purely down to the wind. What he did not know as yet, was whether it was a sign of anger.
“I’m sorry to have to trouble you,” he said looking at Rosalind. God, how he had missed her! He was not sure whether he wanted to shake her or hold her, but he knew that he needed to touch her. “I hadn’t meant to follow you, but circumstances force me to seek your help.”
Rosalind took a steadying breath. “What’s happened?” His words were like a slap across the face, but in reality, what had she expected? She had left him; it was the ultimate betrayal to any man.
“It’s Annie,” Peter started. If he needed evidence as to how much Rosalind cared for Annie, her actions reassured him. He had her full attention; she looked concerned and, for the first time since she had entered the room, she looked him fully in the eye.
“What’s wrong? Is she ill?” Rosalind asked, Peter’s words about Annie’s condition racing through her mind.
“She’s taken the news of you leaving particularly badly,” Peter started to explain. He was worried about Annie, but if he had not wanted to make contact with Rosalind, he would have found some other way of sending a message through. “Her behaviour over the days is becoming increasingly worse. I’m afraid she is going to do herself some harm. Twice we have found her in the grounds, trying to walk to you.” He had not been surprised at how Annie had reacted; he was feeling the same. The difference was that Annie could not contain her feelings whereas he could. It was breaking his heart to see his sister pinning for his wife to such an extent. Annie had not reacted when her father and brother had died, but he knew that she worshipped Rosalind, and he could not blame her. Both Rosalind and Annabelle had included Annie in as much of their lives as they could; for the first time, Annie had fully belonged to her family.
“Oh my goodness! The poor child!” Rosalind exclaimed, guilt washing over her. “Did she catch a chill?”
“Thankfully, no,” Peter admitted. He was not going to exaggerate the situation. “Mrs Fisher is keeping a close eye on her, but obviously she cannot be with her every minute of every day.”
“Of course not,” Rosalind acceded.
“We must go back; it’s time to end this nonsense,” Annabelle said. Both Rosalind and Peter looked at Annabelle, wary of what she was going to say.
“Annabelle, you cannot,” Rosalind said quietly. “I shall go and explain the situation to Annie and then return here.”
Peter felt a crushing in his chest; she was not going to return to live with him again.
“I want to return,” Annabelle said. “This has got to stop Rosalind; neither of us are happy here.” Rosalind flushed and bowed her head, trying to keep from her husband the truth in Annabelle’s words. “Annie is suffering because of my foolishness; it is time it stopped.”
“I forced you to leave,” Rosalind said.
“Yes, and I didn’t argue against it,” Annabelle continued. “I was acting out of panic; I need to return and face the situation that I caused.”
“No!” Rosalind said. “The only way that you will solve anything will be to marry Lord Stannage, and I won’t let that happen! You’ve already said that you don’t wish to marry him: that is enough; we will find a way to overcome this.”
“Rosalind, there isn’t only you in the family who cares about her sisters,” Annabelle responded. Her words were said gently enough, but there was also some censure. “I have been the cause of separating you from your husband and ruining any chance of my younger sisters finding husbands they can love. I want to return; I am ready to marry Lord Stannage, if he will still have me. I acted out of panic; I didn’t want to force him into marrying me, but if he is good enough to still offer, I will be happy to accept.” Annabelle had come to that conclusion a few days previously. She would always feel that she was forcing Lord Stannage into marriage, but marriage with him did not terrify her the way marriage to Mr Wadeson did.
“No!” Rosalind insisted.
Peter interrupted before Rosalind could continue. “Lord Stannage will still marry you; he has visited Sudworth Hall every day to see if there is news of you. He has assured me that however long it takes, he will marry you and face the gossips. He means what he says; he even sat through one of Annie’s tantrums, which would have sent many running as far away from Sudworth Hall as they could.”
“He is a more forgiving person than I deserve; I am only sorry that he has suffered because of my foolishness,” Annabelle said with a firm set of her shoulders. “I would like to return today if you would convey us please, Peter?”
“Of course, I had hoped to bring you both with me but was not sure if it was achievable.” Peter was watching Rosalind constantly, but the lump in his stomach was not easing at her hesitation at returning home.
“You don’t love him,” Rosalind said quietly.
“I shouldn’t have stayed in the study when I realised he was there, but I did. There are consequences to our actions Rosalind; this is mine. I need to do this. I will always feel that I have forced him into a situation that he didn’t want, but that is my worry not yours,” Annabelle said.
“I have failed you,” Rosalind said, tears filling her eyes. Annabelle moved across to her sister and knelt down before her.
“You have not! Yes, things have worked out differently than how we planned, but I will be married to a man who has not sought me out for my fortune. Sorry, Peter,” Annabelle said with a smile. Peter nodded his acceptance of the comment. “But more than that, I will be living near you, Peter and Annie, which will make me happy. I did not want to be hundreds of miles away from you Rosalind: I need your love; I missed you when you married.” Annabelle hoped that one day she would heal and turn to Rosalind for comfort even though her sister had no idea that she needed comforting and hopefully never would. She hoped that just being near Rosalind would heal some of the pain she felt.
“I missed you too,” Rosalind said with a teary smile. “It would be nice to have you nearby.”
“And we can invite Grace to stay immediately!” Annabelle said, kissing her sister. “That’s settled then; shall we pack?”
“You go ahead; I need to speak to Peter,” Rosalind said, not quite meeting her husband’s eyes.
Annabelle left the room, and Peter continued to watch Rosalind. He was not going to say anything; it was important she start the conversation. A moment or two passed before Rosalind looked at him.
“I let Annabelle speak about living close together; but I don’t know if we will, do I?”
“Do you want to?” Peter asked.
“Do you want me too?” Rosalind asked in return.
Peter let out a breath in frustration; why she could not just answer a question, he did not know. “You are my wife; I want you to return home. Annie wants you to come home.”
Rosalind knew that she was being unfair. There was no possible reason he would declare his undying love for her when he had never said it when they found their brief spell of happiness. This was in some respects worse than when she had first married; at least then she had not known the man before her. Now she knew him and missed him. She could not risk saying too much though: Pride would not allow it.
The three travelled quietly back to Sudworth Hall. Each was wrapped up in their own thoughts. With things no longer being comfortable between Rosalind and Peter, it was a journey reminiscent of the journey after they had married albeit shorter.
Early evening saw them turning into the drive at Sudworth Hall. Rosalind felt sick to her stomach for most of the journey, but her feelings of apprehension increased as they approached the hall. Life was about to change for her sister, and Rosalind was not sure if Annabelle realised just how much.
Peter stepped down from the
carriage and held out his hand for his wife; it was something that he always did, not allowing the footmen to help her. He saw Rosalind falter slightly before taking his hand, but he ignored the feelings the action stirred. They were home, and he was determined that, outwardly at least, things would retain an air of normalcy.
They were hardly through the door when Rosalind was grabbed in a tight embrace from Annie. Annie clung to Rosalind, crying and uttering promises that she would be good if only Rosalind would stay. Rosalind felt more guilt than she had ever felt in her life. Her actions had been foolish and selfish, not taking into account who they would hurt.
She led Annie to the drawing room and sat her down on the sofa, sitting next to her. Rosalind looked at Annie while wiping the tears away with a handkerchief. “Stop crying, Annie; we have returned. I am so sorry that I left without saying anything to you, but I promise you that if I need to leave home in the future for a visit, I will say goodbye.”
Annie enveloped Rosalind in another tight hold. “Peter did not know when you would come back; I thought you had gone for good like Robert did,” she whispered in Rosalind’s ear.
Rosalind held the girl tightly. “I’m sorry, Annie. Can you forgive me?” She had not realised what an impact her absence would have. It brought home that she was no longer a young woman but a married woman with responsibilities. She cursed to herself.
Annie stayed close to Rosalind for the remainder of the evening. Eventually she was persuaded to leave when Lord Stannage joined them for their evening meal. The meal was a little strained, both Annabelle and Rosalind remaining quiet throughout. When the gentlemen joined the ladies in the drawing room, Peter dismissed the footman, and they were finally alone.
“I did not wish to discuss marriage arrangements in front of the staff,” Peter explained as the door was closed firmly by the footman.
“I appreciate your consideration,” Lord Stannage said before turning to Annabelle. “I wish to assure you that I did not set out to cause a forced marriage between the two of us.”
Rosalind: A Regency Romance (The Four Sisters Series Book 1) Page 16
