All I Ever Wanted

by Francis Ray

  Naomi might have been equally proud if the situation were different. She didn’t have a clue how to tell her that they’d be seeing less of Richard, so she’d walked her to Fallon’s apartment, then returned. To keep her mind off Richard, she called Sierra. She punched in the phone number without taking her seat.

  “Hello,” Sierra greeted, laughter in her voice.

  Naomi wrapped an arm around her waist and hoped she wasn’t interrupting anything. “Hi, Sierra. It’s Naomi. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “Hi, Naomi,” Sierra greeted, then asked a question of her own. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

  “No.” That was the one thing she was certain about. “I’d like to look at homes that need minor repairs. Maybe I could get a better deal,” she said, trying not to recall that it was the idea of the man she planned to cut out of her life.

  “Excellent idea. When Luke and Daniel’s cabin was being built in the mountains, I helped,” Sierra said. “A woman can build or repair just as well as any man.”

  Naomi thought she heard male laughter in the background. Probably Sierra’s husband, Blade.

  Regrettably, Naomi wasn’t one of those women, but it was too late to think about that now. She’d never done any household repairs or renovations except paint Kayla’s room when she was a baby. Her ex had gladly pointed out the glaring spots that needed another coat of paint when the paint dried, and the waste of money.

  “I’ll have you know that Aunt Felicia, Mama, and me nailed the last nails on the porch and put up the two lanterns on either side of the front door, so there,” Sierra said with a laugh. “Excuse me, Naomi, my husband was trying to be funny.”

  More laughter and a woman’s playful squeal, and something like “You’ll pay for that” from Sierra.

  Naomi’s hand flexed on the phone. They were having fun, enjoying each other. She and her ex had never been that way. Without thought, a picture of her and Richard at the circus, laughing and having a good time with Kayla, popped into her mind.

  “I’ll add that to my data search. Anything else?”

  “No.” At least nothing she could think of.

  “All right. I’ll call you when I get a lead, but if you’ll remember, I like to show clients more than one option at a time so they can compare. It might take several days,” Sierra reminded her.

  It had been the same way with her apartment search. It was easier to judge and make a decision when you saw one after the other. You didn’t forget as much. “That’s fine.”

  “Good. I’ll make the appointments after six so Richard can come with us.”

  Naomi moistened her lips. “That’s not necessary. I’m doing this on my own.” There was a long pause. Naomi steeled herself for the inquisition.

  Sierra spoke her mind. “You’re the client.”

  The relief she expected to feel at not being questioned didn’t come. All she felt was an aching loneliness and a sense that she’d betrayed a good friend. “Thank you. Good night.”

  “Call anytime. Good night.”

  Naomi placed the phone in the holder, easily seeing Blade and Sierra in each other’s arms. They had each found that one person who loved them. Not every woman was as fortunate. She and Kayla were safe. Gordon was out of her life. She wouldn’t be greedy for more. She’d be crazy to even think of letting another man into her life.

  She started for the chair at the kitchen table to finish grading papers. There never seemed to be enough time to do everything at school. The ringing phone stopped her. Her pulse raced on seeing YOUNGBLOOD’S VETERINARY CLINIC on the readout.

  She wanted to ignore it, but that was what had landed her in the present predicament. Her hand trembling, she picked up the receiver. “Hello.”

  “Hi. How did your day go?”

  Naomi’s gripped the phone, started to ease into a chair, then straightened. She was too nervous to sit still. “Fine.”

  “I realize it’s early, but does Sierra have any leads?”

  “Not yet,” she answered, reminding herself to keep her answers short.

  “She will, and when she does, I’ll help you check the places out.”

  Just thank him for his help in the past and tell him you don’t need any assistance, she told herself, but she couldn’t say the cold words aloud.

  “How was the celebrity’s day at school?”

  “Wonderful. Thanks for calling, I better get back to grading papers.”

  There was a slight pause. “Sure. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Here was her second chance. “I might be busy.”

  “Is everything all right?”

  Naomi bit her lower lip, shoved her fingers though her hair. She was trying to push him out of her life and he was worried about her. She didn’t want to hurt a man who had the bad judgment to see her as a whole woman, but she didn’t see any other way. “Yes. I really have to go.”

  Another pause. “Good-bye. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Like I said, I might be busy.”

  “I’ll call. Good-bye.”

  “Good-bye.” Naomi hung up. He wasn’t going to take the hint and back off. As long as he thought there was something wrong, he was going to be there for her. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to change her mind. This was for him. She couldn’t be the woman he needed.

  * * *

  This was his fault.

  Eyes closed, Richard leaned back in his chair behind his desk in his office. Last night he’d scared her. For that one critical moment he hadn’t been able to keep his emotions under control. He’d let her see his desire for her, and it had cost him.

  What the hell had he been thinking?

  Too upset to sit, he pushed away from his desk and stood to pace his office. The receptionist had gone and he was alone. He stopped. But how much more alone was Naomi?

  He shoved his hand over his head. He couldn’t even be annoyed with her. Her reaction was in response to his. She wasn’t ready to think about a man in her life. The problem was, he wanted so badly to be the man she ran to, the man who banished her fears, the man who loved her so completely she was never afraid for herself or Kayla again.

  Love wasn’t always enough. He only had to look at his cousin Lance to realize that. But sometimes it was. He’d been friends with the Graysons almost from the time Mrs. Grayson had moved with her five children from Oklahoma to teach at the university. He and Brandon had been in the same grade. Now all of them were married and as happy as they could be.

  He recalled Naomi being concerned about Catherine but, as he’d told her, Luke would find a way to help her, just as he’d helped her care for Hero, the hybrid wolf she’d discovered near his cabin in the mountains. When the animal had been wounded, they’d brought him to the clinic. Coincidentally, their coming had also led to him meeting Naomi.

  And now he’d lost her. Only if you give up, a small voice chided.

  Richard pulled out his cell phone and looked at his contact list. Finding Sierra’s number, he dialed and listened to her outgoing voice message. He tried her private number and listened to another recording that it had been disconnected. He should have guessed as much. Since her marriage to Blade, access to her wasn’t as easy. Now that he had come to a decision, though, he wasn’t giving up. He punched in another phone number he knew by heart.

  “The Red Cactus,” answered a cheerful voice.

  “Brandon, please. Richard Youngblood calling.”

  “He’s in the kitchen, Dr. Youngblood,” came the quick response.

  In the kitchen meant he wasn’t to be disturbed. He might be cooking something you could pull him away from or he might not. Brandon could be temperamental at times, unless it was with Faith. “Never mind, good-bye.”

  Disconnecting, he called Casa de Serenidad. The phone was picked up on the second ring. “Faith Grayson, please.”

  “May I ask what this is in regard to?” came the response.

  “It’s personal. Please just tell her it’s Richar
d Youngblood. I was one of the guests Saturday afternoon at the restaurant for the Women’s League.”

  “Please hold, Mr. Youngblood.”

  If Faith wasn’t available, he wasn’t sure of what to do next. He supposed he could drive out to the castle, as everyone referred to Sierra and Blade’s home, and ask to be admitted, but security there was tighter than at the White House. It was iffy at best.

  His last resort would be Mrs. Grayson. He didn’t think he could sleep without knowing there was still a chance for him and Naomi. Showing up unannounced on her doorstep wouldn’t help.

  “Hi, Richard.”

  “Faith.” He rounded his desk and picked up a pen. “I need Sierra’s personal phone number, please.”

  There was a slight pause. “We were instructed never to give that out, but if it’s important, I can call her.”

  “It is.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I called Brandon but he was in the kitchen. I didn’t even think of asking them to disturb him.”

  Faith laughed softly. “Good thinking. It would have been bad for all parties. I’ll call Sierra. Should she call back at this number?”

  “Yes.”

  “All right. Bye.”

  “Bye.” Richard disconnected the call and paced some more until his office phone rang less than a minute later. Caller ID read UNKNOWN. “Hello.”

  “Hi, Richard, what’s on your mind?” Sierra immediately asked.

  He was just as forthright. “I want to be there to help Naomi find a house.”

  “Naomi said you were no longer involved,” she said.

  Richard hadn’t thought it would be easy. Sierra wasn’t a pushover. With her family background and married to a real estate mogul, she had to be her own woman. “She needs my help. I want to check out the house for her, make sure everything is on the up-and-up.”

  “That’s what I and my top-notch inspector will be doing” was her crisp response.

  He wasn’t sure if he had insulted her or not. Sierra had a way of cutting a person down and they didn’t even know it until later. “I’m not insulting your capability. It’s just…” He blew out a breath. How to explain it? “I just want to help her.”

  “I have to adhere to my client’s wishes.”

  His hand flexed on the phone. He’d call Mrs. Grayson. Perhaps she could persuade Sierra to help him. Mrs. Grayson had helped him once with Naomi, but at the time she’d also made it clear the reason wasn’t because of him. She’d assisted Naomi and Kayla through the Women’s League because they were in need.

  “However, if I were to call you and tell you where I’d be and you just happened to drop by, that would be an entirely different matter.”

  Relief coursed through him. “Thank you.”

  “If I hadn’t seen you with her and Kayla, I wouldn’t be helping,” she said. “Sometimes people need a little help in seeing what’s in front of their eyes. Another lesson I learned from my mother. Good night.”

  “Good night, and thanks.” Richard disconnected the phone and took a seat behind his desk. He hadn’t missed the reference to her mother’s matchmaking skills. Ruth Grayson had married off her five children just as she’d planned. He’d take all the help he could get. He still had a chance with Naomi, and this time, he’d make it count.

  * * *

  Naomi turned at the knock on the back door. Looking through the peephole, she saw Fallon and Kayla. Reluctantly, she opened the door. Kayla had a one-track mind when it came to something she wanted.

  “Hey, you two.” Bending, she kissed Kayla. She had a no-good man for a father, and the man she looked up to, she couldn’t see again—all because of her mother’s incompetence.

  “Mama, I can call Dr. Richard now. His clinic is closed.” Kayla started for the phone on the kitchen counter.

  Naomi caught her by the arm before she had gone two feet. “You haven’t said good-bye to Fallon or thanked her.”

  “I did, Mama, before she knocked on the door,” Kayla replied, staring up at her mother with impatience. “We gotta call him. I want to tell him about today and ask about the puppies.”

  Naomi’s hand flexed. Shoving Richard out of her life also meant shoving him out of Kayla’s. Why did her daughter have to pay again for her mother’s mistakes?

  “Kayla, you were going to show me the drawing you did in class,” Fallon said in the ensuing silence.

  “I almost forgot. I’m going to give it to Dr. Richard.” She took off running for her bedroom.

  Naomi didn’t even think of reprimanding her for running in the house. Instead she shut her eyes in gratitude for the brief reprieve.

  “From the look on your face and not wanting to call Richard, you’ve made up your mind,” Fallon said softly.

  “I have. It was doomed before it began.”

  “Not if you don’t want it to be, Naomi. Give Richard a chance.”

  “It’s better this way,” she answered. Richard would soon forget her. One day they might even be friends again. This way was better for both of them. He’d never realize she wasn’t a whole woman, and she wouldn’t have to live with the disappointment and distaste on his face.

  She heard the sound of running footsteps, then Kayla’s excited voice. “Here it is! You think Dr. Richard will like it?”

  Fallon squatted down to eye level, then carefully took the tablet offered her to study Kayla’s pencil drawing of the cover of The Guardian.

  ‘It’s not the best one in my class, but my art teacher said the meaning and the heart in doing artwork is just as important,” Kayla pointed out.

  Naomi felt the lump in her throat just as she had the first time she saw the painting. In The Guardian, a male member of the search party looking for the lost little girl in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains was the one who’d found her. In Kayla’s drawing, she’d added a man holding her hand with the wolf in the bushes watching them.

  Naomi didn’t have to be a psychiatrist to realize Kayla wanted a father, and had placed Richard in that role. That wasn’t going to happen. Naomi would just have to fill Kayla’s life with so much love that she wouldn’t miss Richard.

  “You did a great job, Kayla. He’ll like it,” Fallon said before pushing to her feet and going to the door.

  “Wait for me,” Naomi instructed Kayla before joining Fallon. “Take care and thanks for everything.”

  “We can finish the ice cream after Kayla goes to bed, if you’d like to talk,” Fallon offered.

  “Some things just aren’t meant to be,” Naomi answered.

  Mouthing I’m sorry, Fallon left.

  Naomi took her time locking the door to give herself a few moments to compose herself before facing her daughter. A lump formed in her throat. She accepted that it was because of the realization that Richard was no longer going to be a part of their lives, and what it would mean to her daughter.

  Not for the first time, she wished she had been strong enough mentally to hit back at her husband at least once, to let him know what it felt like to be hurt. But she’d been a coward and was paying the price. Again. And so was her daughter.

  “Hurry, Mama. When I finish telling him about my day at school, do you think I should tell him about my drawing or wait until he comes to get me to go see the puppies?”

  Kayla was so excited her words tripped over each other. This was going to be even harder than Naomi had imagined.

  Sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, Naomi opened her arms. “Come here, sweetheart.” Her daughter’s hesitation was brief and telling. As soon as Kayla reached her mother, Naomi picked her up and hugged her.

  “Do you think I could have one of those puppies? I’d take real good care of it.”

  Naomi grabbed at the reprieve. She sat Kayla away from her and stared down into her face. “The apartment doesn’t allow pets, but I have a surprise for you. Sierra is going to be looking for a house for us. If she finds one, you’ll have a backyard and a swing set. I’ll think about getting you that puppy.”

  Her eyes roun
ded. “A house for real?”

  “For real.”

  Kayla threw her arms around her mother’s neck. “You’re the best mother in the world.”

  She was trying to be the mother Kayla needed, Naomi thought. However, there were times like now when she had no idea of what to do or say. She searched her mind to find a way to tell Kayla, who had excitement dancing in her eyes, that they wouldn’t be seeing Richard. She loved Richard, included him in her nightly prayers. Naomi knew he cared about Kayla as well. All but once—when she wanted to surprise Kayla with her own bedroom furniture—Kayla had been with them when they went anyplace.

  “Mama, can we call Dr. Richard now?” Kayla asked impatiently.

  Both of them had gotten used to speaking with him almost daily. “Not now, sweetheart. He’s a busy man. We shouldn’t take so much of his time.”

  “But he doesn’t mind,” Kayla insisted. “You remember he told us that he was never too busy if we needed him. Just like Miss Catherine told us.”

  Naomi wished for Catherine’s expertise as a child psychologist now. She relied on love as she stared down into her daughter’s expectant face. “I know, sweetheart, but we shouldn’t be selfish. Other people need him as well.”

  Kayla’s lowered her head, her chin almost touching her chest. “I guess.”

  Her heart breaking for her daughter, Naomi tried to smile. “Since you’re finished with your homework, we can watch one of your favorite movies.”

  Kayla lifted her head, but her eyes remained sad. “Dr. Richard likes Finding Nemo, too.”

  Naomi’s hands trembled. Although the Disney movie was an old one, Kayla’s kindergarten teacher had showed them the film. Kayla had immediately fallen in love with the father clownfish searching for his son Nemo, and Nemo trying to find a way home. Despite her father’s emotional abuse or perhaps because of it, Kayla wanted a father who would go to any lengths to find her, love her. Her drawing of Richard said as much.

  It wasn’t going to happen.

  “I love you, Kayla.”

  Kayla’s arms immediately went around her mother’s neck. “I love you, too, Mama.”