All I Ever Wanted

by Francis Ray

  “Can I hold one?” Kayla asked.

  “When they’re older. Now it’s best that they’re handled as little as possible.”

  Kayla turned her attention back to the puppies. “They don’t have a daddy, either.”

  Naomi gasped, bit her lower lip. It took considerable control for Richard not to pull her into his arms. He knew, more than anything, she blamed herself for marrying the wrong man. She believed that she’d failed Kayla as a mother.

  “They don’t need a daddy when they have a good mother. She loves and takes care of them,” Richard said.

  “Just like me and Mama.” Kayla said, then stared back at the puppies. “Can I come see them again?”

  “Anytime,” Richard said.

  “Kayla, we need to go so you can get to bed.” Naomi held out her hand. Kayla was slow in getting up to take it.

  “We’re ready to leave,” Naomi said quietly.

  “I’ll follow you to the front and set the alarm.” Richard watched Naomi hurry to the front. She was backing away again. It wouldn’t do her any good. He had no intention of letting her push him out of her or Kayla’s life.

  * * *

  As soon as Richard stopped his truck in front of her apartment, Naomi unbuckled her seat belt, got out, and opened the back door to get Kayla. Her hand firmly in her daughter’s, she hurried to her door and unlocked it. “Thank you, Richard. I need to get Kayla her bath and into bed for school tomorrow.”

  “I’m not sleepy,” Kayla wailed.

  “You will be.” Naomi said gently urging Kayla inside, then turning to face Richard. “Good night.”

  “It’s not over,” Richard said, then he returned to his truck.

  She gulped and hurried inside. By the time she heard his engine starting, Naomi was halfway across the living room with Kayla.

  “I wanted to show him the picture I drew,” Kayla protested.

  “You can when you see him again,” Naomi said.

  “When is that?” Kayla wanted to know.

  “I’m not sure. Now let’s get your bath and into bed.” Naomi was relieved Kayla didn’t ask any more questions, because she didn’t have any answers for either of them.

  * * *

  Naomi had another restless night. She might not want Richard in her life, but her subconscious certainly liked having him around. She freely admitted as the day wore on that forgetting Richard was going to be more difficult than she had imagined. She decided work would help and kept busy during the day at school.

  Naomi had her arms full of material to be copied and her mind on the coming science fair when she entered the main office. Science fairs were always hectic, but fun. Naturally, Kayla wanted to do one on animals. Which reminded her that they needed to stop by the store to pick up the supplies for Kayla’s project. Thank goodness the last hour of the day was her planning period and she could work on getting the never-ending paperwork done.

  She smiled at the secretary and clerk as she passed the curved desk counter. Neither acknowledged her. Their gaze was fixed on the door leading into the school clinic. Puzzled, she glanced in that direction to see the broad-shouldered and hulking build of a man, and a petite woman.

  “You’re just stupid!” yelled the man.

  Naomi froze, clutching the books and papers to her. The angry voice hurtled her back into the past.

  “I’m sorry, Jessie. I just forgot to give the school the new phone number.”

  “Forgot!! You’re as useless as they come!” the man continued. “You don’t work! All you have to do is keep the house and take care of one child, and you can’t even do that!”

  “Your daughter only had a slight temperature elevation,” the school nurse said soothingly. “I have your new phone number now, so if anything else comes up, I should be able to reach you. I’ll also give it to Lisa’s teacher and place it on her record. It shouldn’t happen again.”

  “Damn right!” the man yelled.

  Seconds later, a man in slacks, a blue shirt, and a tie rushed out of the office with a small child shivering in his arms. A woman half his size and a foot shorter, dressed in a long-sleeved blouse and jeans, followed. Her head down, she barely managed to catch the closing door before it hit her in the face. She glanced back toward the desk, then hurried after her husband and daughter.

  “Scumbag!” the secretary said when they were out of sight. “He wouldn’t talk to me that way.”

  “She should have put him in check long ago,” commented the clerk. “She allows it.”

  The school nurse came out of the clinic. “She probably doesn’t have a choice since she doesn’t work. Their daughter appears well cared for. This is the first time I’ve seen her in the clinic, and she knew her grandmother’s phone number, which is a good sign.”

  The secretary grunted. “I’d be in jail if Frank had treated me that way.”

  It was on the tip of Naomi’s tongue to ask them if they knew what it was to live in fear—how the man you thought you loved could destroy your self-esteem, your courage.

  “Mrs. Reese, I see you’re just as shaken,” the nurse commented.

  Naomi was, but not for the reason they thought. They knew she was divorced, but not the shameful reason. “She needs help,” Naomi finally managed.

  “God helps those who help themselves,” the secretary quipped, then reached for the ringing phone.

  “Until she asks for help, there’s nothing we can do.” With a wan smile, the nurse returned to her office.

  “You want me to run those copies for you, Mrs. Reese?” the clerk asked.

  For a long second Naomi stared at the young clerk. The altercation between the woman and her abusive husband was forgotten. It saddened Naomi as much as it angered her that no one in the office felt the need to help the terrified woman. None of them had ever been in a position where they felt helpless and alone. The secretary was a widowed grandmother. Her desk was crowded with pictures of her children and grandchildren. The clerk, as far as Naomi knew, was single, but looking. The nurse was happily married to a fireman. They had five happy children.

  Naomi didn’t think any of the three women knew what it felt like to be scared and ashamed because the man you once loved, a man you thought loved you, thought more of the dirt on his shoes than he did of you. You didn’t reach out because you were scared and felt trapped. Worse—you had done it to yourself by falling for the wrong man.

  “Mrs. Reese?”

  “Thank you.” Giving the clerk the material, Naomi hurried back to her classroom. Closing the door after her, she took a seat behind her desk, something she seldom did while teaching. Her legs couldn’t support her any longer.

  She was trembling and she wasn’t sure if it was due to anger at the man, pity for the cowed woman, annoyance at the staff’s dismissive reaction, or the harsh reminder that she had once stood in the woman’s shoes.

  Naomi hoped she would have finally gotten the courage to leave, but if Gordon hadn’t been so jealous of Kayla and posed a very real threat to her, Naomi wasn’t sure. She’d wanted too badly to be loved, to make her parents proud that at least they could say their daughter had a good marriage like the children of their friends and associates.

  Even when she and Kayla reached Santa Fe and needed help, she’d been too scared, too prideful to ask. Thankfully, Catherine had understood that fear. So had Richard. Neither had judged her.

  Life had given her some hard knocks, but it had also given her good friends and a beautiful daughter. She’d forever be grateful for both.

  The strident sound of the alarm clock on her desk startled her. She always set it five minutes before the dismissal bell rang. She and the other kindergarten teachers walked their students from gym to the front of the school for dismissal. There were too many children for the coach to supervise, plus the teachers knew the parents or siblings and made sure they didn’t leave with the wrong person.

  Shutting off the alarm, Naomi rose from her chair and left her classroom. Deep in thought, she a
lmost bumped into Bess Hightower, Kayla’s teacher.

  “I’m sorry, Bess. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

  The usual sunny smile didn’t appear on Bess’s pretty face. This was her first year teaching. She loved her students, and was always trying to come up with innovative ways for them to learn.

  Naomi was immediately concerned. Bess had a peer partner, but Naomi wanted to help if she could. No matter how much you loved teaching, it could be daunting at times. “Bess, what’s the matter?”

  Bess glanced around the hall, then took Naomi’s arm and led her back into her classroom. “It’s about Kayla.”

  “Kayla?” Fear clutched at Naomi’s heart. “What is it?”

  “She’s changed from the bright, outgoing child she was since the day after the interview. At first I thought it was because she missed being the center of attention, but I soon dismissed that. She’s always ready to help other students,” Bess explained. “She doesn’t participate in class, mopes during recess. The only times she eats is when you come over during lunch.”

  One fear receded, but another took its place. Naomi should have been more watchful.

  “Then yesterday she was her old self. This morning she’s back moping.” Bess folded, then unfolded, her arms. “She’s one of the brightest and most outgoing of my students. I hope you realize I’m not prying, but has there been a change in her or your personal life?”

  Richard. Naomi’s stomach knotted.

  The dismissal bell sounded, giving Naomi a reprieve. “Thank you, Bess. We need to pick up our students.” Not waiting for an answer, Naomi hurried out of her room and down the hall to the gym. The other kindergarten teachers were already there.

  Naomi’s gaze searched the row of students lined up until she located Kayla. Her head was lowered, her small shoulders slumped. Usually she watched for Naomi and gave her a discreet wave and a huge smile since they were supposed to remain quiet and at attention.

  Not today, and Naomi knew exactly the reason. Her heart ached for her daughter.

  Not even the strident whistle of the coach caused Kayla to lift her head. Row by row, the students came to the door to meet their teacher. Naomi positioned herself so she’d be closer to Kayla when she passed.

  “Kayla?”

  Her daughter’s head came up, a pitiful excuse for a smile on her face. “Hi, Mama. I’ll wait with Ms. Hightower.”

  Her teacher was right. How had Naomi missed her daughter’s unhappiness that morning? The answer was painful to admit. She’d been too busy thinking about herself. All she could do was stand aside when she wanted so desperately to hold Kayla and tell her how much she loved her.

  Her students were called next. She led them outside, her mind in a whirl. Her daughter was hurting. The thought made her throat sting with unshed tears, her stomach knot. It was difficult to keep her own smile as she released her students to siblings, sitters, or relatives.

  When the last student was released to her grandmother, Naomi quickly went to Kayla. She ached to pick her up. Instead she placed her hand on her shoulder and lifted her troubled gaze to Bess. “Thank you.”

  “Bye, Kayla. See you tomorrow.”

  “Good-bye, Ms. Hightower.”

  Naomi and Kayla walked in silence back to her classroom. “How was your day?” she asked, trying to find her way.

  “Okay.” Shrugging, Kayla stared down at her feet. “Mama, could we go see the puppies? Maybe they’re awake.”

  Her daughter hadn’t mentioned the puppies since yesterday. Naomi squatted down in front of her daughter and gently placed her hands on her shoulders. “You want to see Richard as well, don’t you?”

  Kayla glanced away, an evasive action that wasn’t lost on her mother. She’d done the same thing when faced with a situation she wasn’t sure how to handle. “You said we shouldn’t bother him.”

  “I’ll let you in on a secret. Mommies aren’t always right,” Naomi said, trying to smile and put her daughter more at ease. “Do you want to see Richard?”

  Kayla’s head slowly lifted. “The last show-and-tell is next week and I thought I could ask him to come. Maybe … if … if he wasn’t too busy.”

  Naomi’s heart ached. She’d promised to keep her daughter safe and happy. She’d broken that promise. Again.

  Never again, if she could help it. She wasn’t going to make her daughter suffer because of her unwanted response to Richard. Regardless of how scared she was of what was developing between them, Richard was a good man. “I think I might like to see the puppies again myself.”

  Kayla’s head lifted. Her eyes were huge in her face. “You do?”

  “I do,” Naomi told her, happy to see Kayla smile for real. “And you can ask Richard about the show-and-tell.”

  “You think he’d come?”

  “If at all possible, he’ll come.” Naomi came to her feet and reached for her tote. “Let’s go see the puppies, and you can ask him.”

  Chapter 9

  No more, Naomi decided on the drive to Richard’s clinic. She wasn’t going to let her fear take any more from her daughter. Somehow she’d get Richard to understand that anything more than friendship between them was out of the question.

  She frowned and bit her lip as she recalled that yesterday he hadn’t seemed to pay any attention to her. Perhaps she had misread him. Her ex was the only man she had seriously dated—and look where that had gotten her.

  Her hands clamped and unclamped on the steering wheel. She might have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Her face flushed with embarrassment at the thought. But a quick glance in the rearview mirror at Kayla’s happy expression and she stiffened her shoulders. She had to be strong enough to face her doubts and fears if she wanted Kayla to have a normal, happy childhood, and for now that meant having Richard in her life.

  Putting on her turn signal, Naomi pulled into the parking lot of Richard’s clinic. There were several cars already there. “Looks like he has a lot of patients.”

  “He always has time for us.”

  Kayla said the words with such surety that Naomi smiled. Richard and Sierra might be right. Kayla could be stubborn, but that was all right with her mother—up to a point. No one was going to run over her daughter.

  Unbuckling her seat belt, Naomi got out of the SUV. Kayla almost beat her out of her seat in the back. She reached for Kayla’s hand. “Remember, we’re just looking.” Kayla nodded, and they started for the front door.

  * * *

  Richard was having one of those nonstop days that tested his patience. Besides his scheduled appointments, he’d had to work in emergency cases. He usually didn’t mind, but today he was having a difficult time being the calm, unflappable doctor. At least this was his last emergency patient—unless another patient came in. He wanted to vent his anger, brood because Naomi had made it clear she didn’t want him in her life any longer. Still, his hands were gentle and steady as he examined the Lab’s foreleg.

  “I don’t think it’s broken. An X-ray will tell for sure.”

  “What a relief, Dr. Youngblood.” Tears filled Mrs. Sams’s eyes. “I didn’t know his paw was under the rocking chair.”

  Richard curved his arms around her thin shoulder. King had been a patient of his since he was a puppy, and the companion of his eighty-year-old owner, a widow of ten years. The thought of causing injury to her beloved pet was heart-wrenching to her. “It’s not your fault. Accidents happen.”

  “That won’t be happening again. I’ve already moved the chair into the guest bedroom.” Her arthritic hand smoothed over the dog’s shiny coat. “Dr. Richard is going to take care of you, and then we’re going to stop by the store and get you a nice steak.”

  Richard didn’t try to dissuade her. King and Mrs. Sam needed to do a bit of celebrating. “I’ll get my assistant for the X-ray.” Opening the door, he stepped into the hallway and came to a dead stop.

  “Dr. Richard!” Kayla took off running.

  Richard dragged his eyes from Naomi long e
nough to catch Kayla as she wrapped her arms around him as best she could. Her eyes wide and happy, she looked up at him.

  “We came to see the puppies. Mama said she’d like to see them again, too.”

  Richard lifted his gaze to see Naomi slowly make her way toward him, as if she wasn’t sure of her reception. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” she said. Her smile kept sliding away. She had a death grip on the ring of her car keys.

  “Naomi?”

  She realized on seeing him how much she’d missed him. She could relax around him. He’d given her so much, and she had given little in return.

  “I have a patient.”

  She felt a stab of disappointment and wondered if that was how he felt when she pushed him out of her life. “Oh.”

  “If it wasn’t important, I’d go with you. I was about to do an X-ray.”

  He read her too well. She was so flustered, she didn’t know how to respond.

  “You have to take care of the animals that are sick,” Kayla said.

  “We can come back,” Naomi quickly said.

  Richard absorbed her statement, and wondered what had happened that she was no longer running from him. “Not necessary. You know the way, and Kayla knows she can’t reach inside the cage.” He stared down at Kayla. “Right?”

  She nodded, then straightened. “I remember.”

  His hand swept over her head. She was so easy to love and so accepting of affection. He wished her mother was the same. Naomi’s smile slipped as he stared at her, and she bit her lip. She reached for her daughter.

  “Come on, Kayla. Richard has a patient to see.”

  Kayla’s gaze went from her mother back to Richard. “Before we go, I want to ask you something.”

  Richard had to smile. Kayla was certainly persistent about having a puppy. “Sure, but the final decision rests with your mother.”

  “Oh. All right,” she murmured, her head falling.

  Richard frowned. Kayla usually bounced back.