“Shhhhh,” he whispered as he took an armful of votive candles from her. “It’s okay.”
He began to arrange them in small circles around the room and light them.
For some reason it pleased her to watch him do that, but she wondered about the matches in his pocket. Where did a cursed man who lived in a computer get those? You’re having a dream, Kerry, she reminded herself. A revelatory dream. That’s why you’re going along with it, and that’s the only reason. Your unconscious is trying to tell you something, and you’re going to listen, even if it makes you want to squeal and hide under the bed.
Her questions vanished as she realized he was gone. She looked around the room, bewildered, and saw him returning from the living room, absent the blue aura. He’d turned the TV off, but he was carrying the one remaining candle, and she was finally able to see him. The sinuous flame played its tricks, but she was certain this was the same man she’d seen on her screen.
She wondered if the sexy dark curls on his head had been cropped short to tame them. His lashes were equally dark and feathery. His mouth was even moodier and more sensual than she remembered, given its width, the curvature of his upper lip, the tilted corners. He was better looking than on the screen.
“You bring a word to mind,” he said.
“I do?”
“Beauty. You have so much of it.”
“I was thinking that about you,” she said.
“How difficult is it?”
“Shuddering? It’s not hard at all. There are so many ways. Your voice,” she said. “Your voice makes me shudder.”
He took in her flushed features, obviously pleased. God, how he made her heart beat and the blood hum through her veins. It felt like her body was making music, trying to sing.
A circle of candles flickered from the mirrored dresser, setting fire to the glass.
“Can you tell me how it works?” he asked.
“Your voice touches nerves. I can’t explain it, but if I could touch you in the same way, you’d shudder too.”
He was wearing a black sweater shirt that buttoned up the front. She slipped a hand through an opening in the comforter and touched the material. What was she doing? The room was so quiet you could hear her fingernails click against the bone buttons as she began to undo them. Her heart was beating unnaturally hard, but it seemed the right thing to do, the only thing. Moments later, the silky material fell away from his torso, letting the firelight reveal him. His abdomen was hard and smooth. Above it, sienna-colored nipples peeked through glossy dark hair.
He caught a breath as she touched his midriff.
Rippling muscles tightened torturously.
“There,” she said. “See? See how easy it is? You’re a free man.”
He laughed and threw back his head. “God,” he whispered.
“It worked, right?”
“Oh, no, Kerry,” he said, nearly as breathless as she was, “no, I’m still cursed. I’m more cursed than ever.”
Kerry was crushed. “That wasn’t a shudder? It was a quiver maybe?”
“I don’t know what it was, but it was unbelievable.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
He pressed a hand to the fluttering muscles. “It’s an amazing feeling, but I don’t think it’s the one I’m missing.”
“Really, are you sure? I guess we should try something else then. How do you like to be touched? Lightly? Firmly?”
His lips melted into a smile. “Are you my guide now?”
It was impossible not to smile back. “I could be. Would you like to go on a tour of Jean?”
“Lead on,” he said.
“This is just a dream, isn’t it?”
“It feels pretty real to me.”
Well, of course, she thought, what else would she expect a dream character to say? He wasn’t the one under stress and popping amino acids. This was her learning experience. Who cared what he thought?
She solved the problem of her comforter by tucking it in like a bath towel and wearing it like a cape. After that she eased open his shirt to allow more access. The silky material slid off one shoulder and dropped down his arm. It was an incredibly sexy accident. She didn’t want to think about how sexy.
A river of muscle, sinew and bone, that’s what she was dealing with. His belly button was the only reasonably soft thing she could see. She could start there, but like the apex of a wheel, it would only lead to things that were hard, no matter which way she went. She drew a little circle, keenly aware of the taut heat beneath her fingers, of the sensitive puckers and tucks, and the bull’s-eye at its center.
“How’s this?” she asked.
He shook his head as if to say “Nice, yes, but still not the right one.”
But she had seen the way his muscles sucked in and his shoulders lifted.
She tried those same shoulders and his neck next. There were some irresistibly tawny cords and tendons that actually quivered when she touched them. Now that could make a woman want to die, it was so thrilling. What must be going on inside him, she wondered. The same exquisite sensations that were stirring in her? He had such a marvelously responsive body.
“I don’t think so,” he said.
An idea came to her, but was it too reckless?
“This is only in the interests of helping your cause,” she told him. “It’s nothing personal.”
She tilted up and pressed a breathless kiss to his mouth.
Air jetted from his nostrils, but his expression barely registered the impact.
“Anything?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“No? Really? Are you sure?”
She brushed her mouth over his again, only this time she let her fingers glide down his body, over his hardened abs and across his crotch. Just so very lightly, she brushed him and felt him turn into a girder beneath her fingers. He was certainly built like a human.
A groan shot through him and his whole body quaked.
She stepped back with a secret rush of pleasure. “Congratulations,” she said.
“Whoa,” he breathed, “I’m still vibrating. What did you do to me?”
She wasn’t sure herself. “It was just a touch, and barely one at that. Maybe it was what I didn’t do.”
It seemed as if he needed to sit down to get his bearings. He stepped back and ended up on her bed, but when he looked up at her, he was shaking his head.
“You’re not going to believe this,” he said with the huskiest of voices, “but I don’t think that was it. No, I don’t think so.”
“What? How could it not be? Your stomach muscles were practically in spasm.” She really was at a loss—and then lightning struck again. God, the creative process. She loved it.
“Do you think it could be that you need to touch me?” she asked.
She was still bundled inside her igloo, and he looked her over as if to say that he couldn’t see how much touching was going to get accomplished with only her face showing.
“Here,” she said, “I’ll just move the comforter off my shoulder. See, like this.” She touched her fingertips to bare skin and quivered. “Oh! Try that.”
His fingers brushed her flesh and her igloo fell away. It dropped to the floor, revealing her tank top and bikini panties. She stood there, staring at him, wanting to gasp, gasping deep in her soul where shudders start. That was the moment she knew that something momentous was going to happen to her tonight. He was going to touch her in ways she’d never been touched before, redefine the very word, touch. And not only that, she wanted him to. Let the journey begin. It was only a dream, after all.
And she hadn’t shuddered this way in such a very long time.
* * *
Chapter Five
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Whatever you secretly desire in life has already imprinted itself on you. All you have to do is recognize its existence…
Kerry heard his voice as if he’d just whispered the words, but he couldn’t have. He was doi
ng something much more thrilling and terrifying with his mouth than whispering. He was showing her what she secretly desired. It was the only part of him that touched her body, his hot, whispering mouth.
“Oh!” she cried as he rolled her nipple between his teeth. She felt the sharp edges against her aching flesh, and nearly swooned with pleasure. It was sweet relief. She was stretched so taut that even a nip would have felt good. Anything that released the pressure. How she wanted his hands on her! How she wanted to be touched and squeezed and fondled until she did swoon. She would fall into unconsciousness, aroused only by each nip, by each sharp, unbearably sweet thing he did to her.
It’s a dream… it has to be … I couldn’t do this if it weren’t.
She had fleeting thoughts of turning away from him, of trying to cover herself, but that was impossible… and this was perfect. In some way, it was perfect.
She was naked and wantonly displayed for her dream lover…. The comforter had fallen away at his touch, as had her tank top, and she couldn’t remember how it had
happened. She didn’t know when her breasts had come to be bared. How her whole body had come to this wild flash point of desire.
She had to turn away.
This was her last chance.
That thought took hold of her, but when she tried, he spun her back into his arms. Her head dropped back with a gasp and weakness flooded her. Shock burned her face and her jaw fell slack. What was happening? The more powerful he became, the weaker she got, and that made her utterly breathless.
“You can’t win this game by bluffing, Kerry. You have to show your hand.”
“I’m naked,” she whispered. “Look at me. What more can I show you?”
“Yourself, show me that.”
Show him that.
“The entire rainbow, Kerry… it’s all yours to feel.”
“It’s too much feeling.”
“Breathe… let go of everything else… breathe and float…”
Her eyelids fluttered, and she became aware of her breathing. It was deep and regular. She was succumbing again, falling more deeply under his spell, and soon there would be no hope for her. Maybe there never had been. A sensation lived in the pit of her stomach. It was as crystal clear as a violin’s song. Her body was making music again. She could hear the clarion tones that rang from within, and they were even more compelling than his voice.
A moan slipped out. “Mmmmmmmm…”
He gripped her arms, and she was glad. If she made him crazy with her sounds, then yes, she was glad. She wanted power over him, any little bit of power she could get.
They were standing by the console, his legs braced wide and hers between them. He had brought her here to make love to her, female intuition told her that. He had laced his hands through her hair and searched for the secrets in her gaze and said her name. Said it with hunger. Passion burned off him like radiant energy—rough and tender passion— and it was all she could do to stay on her feet.
“A highwayman,” he whispered near the lobe of her ear, “who sees a woman running through the fields in a transparent gown…”
Who rides her down on his horse and takes her against a tree.
Kerry’s toes curled into the carpet beneath her feet. The edge of the console dug into her back, but she was grateful it was there to steady her. She couldn’t move against him, but he could move against her. And he did.
“A male slave so aroused by a woman he can’t hide it…”
His erection burned her belly, and she melted against it like candy in the heat. It was beautiful the way he wrapped her in his arms, protecting her nakedness, and at the same time whispering forbidden things in her ear. Terrible, terrible things and she wanted every one of them to happen to her.
“The handsome stranger behind you in line, who murmurs that he has been fantasizing about you in a dress with no panties underneath…”
A sound vibrated in his throat. It ran all through Kerry.
He startled her by holding her at arm’s length and looking down at her body, admiring her in the way that hungry males do succulent females. She had never thought of herself as edible, but his expression forced her to. His eyes were hot and his mouth was just slack enough to make her imagination run wild. Those moody lips and white, glistening teeth.
What those teeth could do. Had done. She felt another bolt of electricity at the thought. Such excruciating pleasure.
“Come with me,” he said. “Come with me on a tour of us.”
He lifted her onto the console and moved between her legs. The inside of her thighs ached with anticipation, and the ache deepened as he moved closer, spreading her legs wider. Pressure built within her, and it was wildly irresistible, one of the more glorious feelings she’d ever experienced.
She hadn’t paid any attention to the fact that he was still dressed. She barely knew what she had on. But when he trailed his knuckles up her thigh and toyed with the leg of her bikini panties, it released a shower of thrills. She was down to one skimpy article of clothing, which wasn’t doing her much good at all.
His fingers had become her sun, the center of everything. She could think about nothing else. Every move they made riveted her, especially as they delved inside the elastic of her panties and touched the nest of curls there. She was hit by bolt after bolt, and moisture gushed.
He continued his exploration, delving farther.
Kerry’s head snapped up, and her breath caught fire.
Lord, how she wanted him to touch her there, deeply, taste her there. But to her surprise, he didn’t do either of those things. He shocked her breathless by asking her to pleasure herself.
“What?”
“Touch yourself the way you want to be touched. Show me, Kerry. Show your hand.”
She was self-conscious, but with his encouragement, she caressed the curve of her own throat, including the sensitive little pocket just beneath her chin—and decided it must be the softest part of her body. Of course, that was before she got to the insides of her elbows and wrists. Hundreds of receptors? She had thousands. Her thighs were like water and her fingertips, sunlight. They left diamonds everywhere they traced.
God, how she ached, how wonderfully she ached for him.
There wasn’t anywhere she didn’t want to be touched.
He guided her hand to where his had been, and she had barely brushed the silky curls before the voltage started. A shaking breath slipped from her throat. Her whole body throbbed. For a moment she was swept by the intensity, and all she could do was rock forward. When she opened her eyes, he was picking her up in his arms.
He laid her on the bed, and then he began to undress. Candlelight flickered over him as he pulled off his shirt, and Kerry was dazed by how powerful he looked. His shoulders were wide and muscular, his arms dark with hair. He unbuttoned his pants, but left them on as he moved over her.
His weight pressed her deeply into the mattress, and she gave out a little cry. They really were going to make love, and she was stunned by that possibility. She had to stop him.
“Can you feel that, Jean? Are you shuddering like I am?”
“God, yes, I can feel it.” He pulled her into his arms. “It’s beautiful, even my breath is shaking.”
“Then you’re free? You must be free.”
Something compelled her to search his face, even though her body ached for his attention. She was quivering for completion, for the journey she’d never taken. But she had to know if he felt the way she did.
“Is this it? Is this the shuddering you were talking about?”
He touched her face, her mouth, but he didn’t answer her right away. He looked a little shell-shocked too.
“Kerry, I’m not sure,” he said. “It has to come from the soul. This is incredible. I’ve never felt anything like it, but I just don’t know.”
Kerry was hurt and bewildered. She couldn’t hide it. “How can you not know? You said that you would know. I remember.”
He studied her s
earchingly. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you, your feelings. It’s about the rainbow. Let me give you that—”
Her shuddering did come from the soul. He didn’t feel that way?
“No,” she insisted, “this has never been about me. It’s about freeing you from the curse. Why else are we doing this?”
“Because we want to. I can’t imagine any greater pleasure than making you happy, than making you shudder.”
He didn’t feel the tremors she felt, this ecstasy? She had failed utterly in her attempts to reach him? That destroyed her. It simply did.
“I can’t do this,” she said. “I can’t go on with it.”
“Kerry, don’t—”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
She covered herself with her arms and refused to look at him.
“Kerry, for God’s sake, don’t,” he whispered. “There is no curse on me except you. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anything else. To live like a normal man would be hell.”
His rough voice sent a thrill through her. It didn’t sound like Jean at all. He sounded desperate, and Kerry was torn. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t let him do these things to her. The feelings were too intimate. They had to be mutual. She couldn’t be the only one falling in love.
She looked up to tell him that… but he was gone.
This time Kerry got traction on the doorknob the first time she tried. It was even more amazing that she’d been able to walk to her front door, turn the knob, and open it without an internal earthquake. The floor didn’t ripple and warp, the lights didn’t dance, but her pulse was kicking painfully. And now that she had the door open, she couldn’t seem to move.
He was gone, and she had to find out if he’d ever existed. Could she have dreamed him? Was she crazy? Someone had aroused her to the point of delirium last night, but this morning she awoke to burned down candles and her own discarded clothing. He was gone. Parts of her body were still throbbing, and her heart was an aching knot. What had
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