Popped

by Carol Higgins Clark

  “It’s funny,” Neil agreed. “I think it’s James-proof.”

  They both laughed.

  “That guy is pathetic.” Noel put down his mug of tea and picked up the phone next to the bed. “I’ll call Bubbles and tell her the script is ready.” When she answered and he identified himself, the harangue that came from the other end caught him off guard.

  “I can’t take it anymore!” Bubbles screamed.

  “Can’t take what?”

  “Roscoe!”

  “Roscoe? It’s not even nine in the morning. What happened?”

  “I called him a few minutes ago to ask if we could use his balloon tomorrow morning for our opening scene, and he tells me he has a young couple he wants us to write into the script! I can’t breathe! I can’t take it! This is totally unfair!”

  “What?” Noel demanded. He felt a tingling sensation run through his body.

  “You heard me!”

  “We were up until the middle of the night working on this. It’s perfect the way it is!” Noel threw his pen across the room.

  Neil sunk back into his chair. He picked up the knife he’d used to butter his blueberry muffin and held it up to his throat.

  “Don’t tell me it’s perfect. Now I feel even worse!” Bubbles cried. “I’m convinced that Roscoe just likes to make trouble.”

  “Welcome to Hollywood. You think this is bad? Neil and I once worked on a script where they made us change a thirty-five-year-old heart surgeon into a twenty-year-old surfer dude with aspirations for medical school. And that was three days before filming.”

  “Well, you’ve got yourself another surfer dude! These kids are young!”

  “Are they coming to the studio today?”

  “Yes. Right now they’re at Roscoe’s enjoying their wedding breakfast.”

  “Wedding breakfast?”

  “They got married last night at Graceland Wedding Chapel and went for a balloon ride this morning at sunrise with Roscoe. That’s how he met them.”

  “Are they actors?”

  “Supposedly.”

  “They can’t be as bad as James. And I have to say, Neil and I are pretty proud of ourselves with what we did with the script. It’s James-proof.”

  “James-one-hundred-proof,” Neil muttered.

  “Wait till Pete finds out. He’s not going to be happy,” Bubbles predicted.

  “Whose lines should we cut to make room for this new couple?” Noel asked, running his fingers through his hair.

  “Not mine! Take them away from Grandma and her boyfriend if you have to. And I don’t think Pilot Pete will be happy if you cut back on his air time.”

  “Hmmm, okay. Neil and I will think about this. Are we still meeting downstairs at nine-thirty?”

  “Yes.” Click.

  Noel held the phone out, frowned, then hung it up. “More rewrites. We have to add a young couple to the cast.”

  “What are we going to do with them?”

  “Beats me. It depends on what Roscoe wants.”

  Neil waved his hand. “Let’s give the kids one line and send them up in a balloon.”

  Noel laughed. “Maybe we should have them kidnap James. The others would love that.”

  “Yeah. We’ll make them sinister characters. Spies from another ballooning company.”

  Neil grunted and fell over on his bed. “What is it that Mom says about us?”

  “That we should go for career counseling. That there must be some other profession that would make us happy.”

  Neil laughed wearily. “She’s probably right. Something tells me this situation is only going to get ‘worser and worser.’ ”

  44

  “I want to call Danny on the house phone and let him know we’re coming up. He’s not expecting anyone until nine,” Regan explained to Barney.

  Barney nodded and put his hand over his mouth to stifle another hiccup.

  The lobby was fairly quiet. Regan picked up the phone on a table near the registration desk and dialed Danny’s extension. He answered after three rings.

  “Danny, it’s Regan. I’m down in the lobby with Barney. We need to talk to you before your parents and Agony and Heartburn gather in your room.”

  “Barney needs to talk to me?” Danny repeated. “Now?”

  “Yes. Can we come up?”

  “Regan, is it bad?”

  “It could be better,” she answered honestly.

  “Come on up. Nothing like getting the day off to a great start.”

  Regan hung up the phone, feeling sorry for Danny. Why do I have to give him the first bad news of the day? she wondered as they headed for the elevator.

  Danny had the door of the suite open. Regan knocked and called out to him. “We’re here.”

  “Come on in. I’m on the phone.”

  Barney followed Regan into the living room. “This is nice. Too bad the contestants don’t get a suite.”

  “Too bad,” Regan agreed wryly. “Have a seat.”

  “Okay, Mom, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Danny hung up the phone. “Good morning, you two. I have to admit I’m afraid to ask. What’s going on?”

  “Elsa is missing,” Barney moaned, his lip quivering.

  “Missing?” Danny’s eyes widened. His blond hair was still wet from the shower, and the smell of the citrus soap permeated the room. It was an invigorating start-of-the-day kind of smell.

  Regan quickly relayed the story and concluded, “She could just be out gambling. We’ll know at ten o’clock. If she doesn’t show up, then we have real cause for concern. I’m going to call the police right now. They wouldn’t consider Elsa a missing person yet. But they can be on the lookout for her…” She didn’t want to finish the thought in front of Barney.

  Danny felt terrible. Terrible for himself, terrible for Barney. Mostly terrible for himself. He had six contestants, and one was missing. And it was only Tuesday. “She did win a lot of money last night,” he repeated to Barney in an attempt to comfort. “Maybe she needed to get some air.”

  “Why didn’t she wake me?” Barney moaned, the tears starting to fall. “We love to go on walks together.”

  “In the middle of the night?” Danny asked, his voice rising.

  “Twenty-four/seven. We love each other more than words can express.”

  Regan stood. “Let me call the police.” As Regan dialed the local precinct, Victor arrived. He looked as fresh as a daisy in his khaki shorts and bright green polo shirt. His hair was gelled, he smelled of cologne, and he had a clipboard under his arm.

  “You look happy,” Danny observed.

  “I’m all set to get going. Nothing like a good night’s sleep.” He paused and looked at Barney who was alternating hiccups with sobs. “Is something wrong here?”

  Morosely, Danny filled him in on Elsa’s disappearance as Regan conversed with an officer at the police department. She hung up and told Barney, “They took her description and will let us know if they come up with anything.”

  “I think I’d better lie down,” Barney said meekly. “Danny, what will we do if she’s not here by ten o’clock?”

  Danny shook his head as though he was trying to clear it. “I have to get over to the studio with the others. We’ll start with the segments we have planned for today. When Elsa gets back,” he continued optimistically, “we’ll have someone come to get you. Regan, would you mind waiting here with Barney?”

  “Not at all. Barney, go take a rest. Maybe Elsa will come back. I’ll be here in Danny’s room until it’s time for everyone to go.”

  Barney hiccuped and walked toward the door. “These are the best of times, the worst of times,” he recited as he exited.

  Victor shook his head. “Dollars to doughnuts Elsa is sitting at a slot machine somewhere, losing money.”

  “Why do you say that?” Regan asked.

  “I’ve been around this town for a long time. People like Elsa win big money, and they’ve got to have more. So they start playing like crazy. They keep lo
sing, but they can’t stop. They think they can win their money back. Before you know it, they’ve lost everything. This town was built on people losing money, not winning.”

  “But she won over $400,000,” Regan said with genuine concern. “That’s 1.6 million quarters. I doubt she’s used that up in one night.”

  “Her arm would be pretty tired,” Danny observed.

  “They have five-dollar slot machines. Money can disappear pretty fast into those,” Victor reminded them.

  “Maybe Elsa’s afraid to come back if she lost a lot of her money,” Regan suggested.

  “Talk about a true test of love!” Danny exclaimed. “Wouldn’t that be great for the show? Can Barney handle the fact that she squandered their recently won fortune?”

  “Danny!” Regan cried.

  “I know, I know. I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things.”

  “Your parents are going to be here in a few minutes,” Regan prodded him.

  “Right. Victor, I have some things to talk over with my parents. Why don’t you get some breakfast and come back a few minutes before ten?”

  Victor looked hurt. “Regan, do you want to have breakfast with me?” he asked.

  “Thanks, but I have to talk to Danny’s parents.”

  “It’s a New Jersey kind of thing,” Danny said awkwardly.

  “Is there anything wrong?” Victor asked.

  “There was a little incident that I didn’t get to tell you about,” Danny noted as Regan held her breath. “My parents were delivering a sack of mail to Agony and Heartburn; it was stolen from their room at the 7’s Hotel last night.”

  “It must be someone from the sitcom!” Victor cried vehemently. “They’re staying there, and I bet they’re in on it!”

  “You think?” Danny asked.

  “Of course. Upset the major players on our show. Sure!”

  Is Victor being real? Regan wondered. Or is this an act?

  There was a knock at the door. Danny answered it and found Sam standing in the hall.

  “Sam, come on in.”

  “Heyyyyy,” Sam greeted everyone as he walked in. He seemed to be half asleep. He had on a fresh pair of shorts and a checked shirt, and the water in his blond hair was slowly evaporating.

  Guys are so lucky, Regan reflected. They step out of the shower and are out the door in two minutes. Most women would look like hell if they didn’t do a little bit of futzing with a hair dryer.

  “I just saw Barney in the hallway. He looked a little upset and said you all were in here.”

  “Elsa got out of bed last night and disappeared,” Danny said flatly.

  “Bummer.”

  “It is a bummer,” Danny agreed.

  “She won all that dough. Maybe she went out to have a good time.”

  “That seems to be the consensus.” Danny sighed. “One way or the other.”

  “What are you going to do if she doesn’t come back?” Sam asked. “It would kind of kill the show.”

  “Either that or the competition between the two remaining couples would be cranked up a few notches,” Victor said excitedly, his brow furrowed. “You know, boss, that could work, too.”

  “Guys,” Regan chided them. “We have someone missing here. Let’s just hope she’s all right. That should be our first concern.”

  There was another knock at the door. This time it was Agony and Heartburn whom Danny escorted into the room.

  When they saw Regan, Victor, and Sam, they both looked taken aback.

  “Victor and Sam are just leaving,” Danny explained.

  “I am?” Sam countered. “Man, I just got here.”

  “We have some things to take care of,” Danny told him.

  “Hello Aunt and Uncle,” Victor said as he got up from the couch. “I know when I’m not wanted.”

  “I guess I’m not wanted, either,” Sam said dejectedly. “But I could use some eggs.”

  “That’s right,” Danny agreed. “See you guys in about an hour. We plan to leave here at ten o’clock, Elsa or no Elsa.”

  “What happened to Elsa?” Agony asked.

  “She got out of bed in the middle of the night and never came back.”

  “She won all that money. And as is so often the case, money is the root of all evil,” Agony declared solemnly.

  “It helps to have money to pay the bills,” Heartburn noted feebly.

  “The two strongest motivating forces in our lives—love and money,” Agony continued. “People have killed for them. Killed without a second thought.”

  Is Aunt Agony losing it? Regan wondered. Oh, well. She probably had a bad night’s sleep. Her career as an advice columnist could be out the window if this story leaks.

  Sam and Victor both shuffled out. It was hard to tell who was more reluctant to leave.

  Aunt Agony looked at Regan questioningly.

  “Regan knows everything that’s going on,” Danny explained quickly. “She is a private investigator I hired to help make sure things go smoothly. And she’s my friend.”

  “So you’re not planning a reality show?” Agony inquired.

  Regan smiled. “Not anytime soon.”

  Aunt Agony put her fingers to her lips. “Don’t tell a soul, Regan, about our problems. But I think I can trust you. It is my business to read people.”

  “Mine, too,” Regan replied. She noticed Heartburn flinch. “And my lips are sealed,” she continued reassuringly. “I really want Danny’s show to work.”

  Heartburn sighed. “I never should have married that Evelyn. She was bad news from day one. It would ruin us if someone found out I owe back alimony.”

  “Ssssshhhhh!” Agony ordered. “Don’t say that! Once you release words into the universe, they reverberate.”

  “I just want to get this over with,” Heartburn declared.

  “My parents will be here any minute,” Danny promised. “Would you like some coffee?”

  “No, we’re jittery enough,” Agony noted. “By the way, I had a magnificent idea in the middle of the night.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We can give the Rorschach test today.”

  “The Rorschach test?” Danny repeated, sounding very doubtful.

  “Yes! You know, you pour ink on a piece of paper, fold it in half, and then ask people to interpret the design. You can tell a lot about a person from that test. Their emotions, their intelligence, whether they’re compatible with their partner. You wouldn’t believe how differently two people who are supposedly perfect for each other can interpret the same blob of black ink.”

  “It’s the old ‘you say tow-may-tow, I say ta-mah-tow,’ ” Heartburn added. Then he sang, “Let’s call the whole thing off.”

  “I can’t afford for any of the couples to call the whole thing off,” Danny groaned. “We have to keep this operation together until Friday.”

  “Of course!” Agony said. “But it will be fun. Where one person sees a flower, another sees a weed.”

  Ten to one Elsa sees a slot machine and Barney sees a hankie, Regan thought.

  A few minutes later Shep and Maddy arrived. Neither of them looked very well rested.

  “Sorry we’re late,” Maddy apologized. “Oh, Regan, hello. Please don’t tell anyone back in New Jersey about this.”

  “I already warned her,” Agony chirped.

  “Regan is here to help me out,” Danny stated firmly.

  “We’re a little late because we called our financial adviser this morning,” Maddy announced. “He is already transferring the money to your account.”

  Heartburn ran over and hugged Shep. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Agony and Maddy also hugged. “No sign of the mail, I suppose?” Agony inquired.

  “No,” Maddy admitted. “But we do have the $40,000 for you.”

  “I gathered that.”

  Regan watched the two couples with interest and realized that each couple had something hanging over the other’s heads. The
y could easily ruin one another. Now there’s an idea for a reality show.

  “Let me call my lawyer and let him know everything is okay,” Heartburn said.

  “Did you explain to your lawyer where you were getting the money?” Maddy asked nervously.

  Heartburn paused and looked at her. “I advised my counsel that my producer’s parents were very understanding people who are giving me a loan.”

  Ten minutes later all the arrangements had been made. It’s amazing how fast a lot of money can change hands, Regan marveled. From Shep and Maddy’s account to Heartburn and Agony’s account to the ex-wife’s account. From the slot machine to Elsa to God knows where.

  “Well, Danny,” Maddy asked. “Are you going over to the studio this morning?”

  “Yes, Mom. But one of our contestants is missing.”

  Shep looked as if he was about to cry. I’ll never get my money back, he worried. This show is never going to make it to the air.

  45

  N ora and Luke were in the air on the way to Santa Fe, three hours into the flight, the time when passengers often start to get itchy. Nora was reading a novel. Luke had dozed for a bit, then opened his eyes and reached for the in-flight magazine in the seat pocket in front of him. Flipping through it, he came across an article on the Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Fiesta.

  “Look at this.” Luke leaned closer to Nora, the magazine wide open in his hands.

  Nora peered over her glasses. “What’s that?”

  “It’s a picture of the special shapes balloons at last year’s balloon festival.”

  Nora smiled. “It reminds me of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.”

  “Yes. Except Macy’s doesn’t have Ham-let.”

  “Hamlet?” Nora asked. “The Shakespearean character?”

  “No.” Luke pointed to the picture. “A flying pink pig.”

  Chuckling, Nora glanced at the array of unusual balloons on the double-page spread. “Let’s see. A beer can, Noah’s ark, a soccer ball, Mr. Potato Head, an octopus, a hot dog, a hamburger, a witch, and a castle.”

  “Among others.” Luke laughed. He turned the page and proceeded to read the article about the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. It was the biggest balloon fiesta in the country with over 750 balloons registered. A number of years ago the festival had become even more popular when they added an evening event called the Balloon Glow, or “Glowdeo.” The balloons are tethered to the ground and the pilots fire up their burners, causing the balloons to glow like huge lanterns. Spectators have a great time walking around the field and chatting with the pilots. Numerous vendors are on hand to provide refreshments. The evening is capped off with a spectacular fireworks show.