by Claire Marta
Everything I thought I was.
These new truths cause me pain.
I’ve been kept in the dark all these years.
Lied to by my family.
I force myself to look away, not wanting Gabriel to see the tears I can’t stop from forming. When did I become so weak? What happened to the emotionless assassin I’ve always been? The woman who solved things with a gun or a knife.
All I want to do is escape. Hide away somewhere to lick my wounds. A place no one will find me.
“Mavi.” Gabriel’s voice is soft.
Mentally, I curl into myself. I can’t take any more. Not now.
With the back of my hand, I wipe away the dampness around my eyes. “Fuck you. I quit. I’m done. Find some other idiot to save the world for you. Get out and leave me the fuck alone.”
Chapter Twenty
Knocking back the vodka, I refill my glass from the bottle on the bedside table with an unsteady hand. Two weeks have passed. I’m holed up in a shitty cheap motel on the outskirts of London. I should probably leave. Get the fuck out and run as far as I can.
But I can’t. I’m tied here. My brother’s still in physiotherapy. Snatch is still in a coma. I haven’t spoken to Leo or Caesar since Gabriel brought me back from hell. I’ve even refused to see Uncle Dane while he visits.
Alcohol fuelled decisions lately haven’t been my best.
I’m lost.
Alone.
Buried in confusion and heartache.
When I close my eyes, I can hear the Devil whispering. Feel his kisses branding every inch of my tainted skin.
Gabriel and Lucifer.
They’ve left me broken with their deceit.
For once in my life I’m scared.
Frightened what will happen now I’m not feeding my darker nature. I’ve been killing since I was eighteen. It’s all I’ve known.
The beast within me wants out.
I had it under control.
Now the Devil’s set if free.
They’re coming.
One way or another I’ll be hunted down.
The Angels will see me as a danger or The Devil will want his due.
So now, I wait.
Cursed.
Fucked in more ways than one.
I drown my sorrows in drink and drugs, letting them dull my feelings and my heart, waiting for the inevitable.
“Mavi!” The pain filled voice snaps me out of my drunken haze.
Frowning, I blink up at my brother. “Nathan?”
He’s hovering before me. A pale apparition with wide, blue, terrified eyes.
“Please, you have to help me! Please God, make it stop.” Phantom flames lick up his scrawny legs. Writhing in agony, he screams as they burn.
Wobbling off the mattress, I snatch up the gun with my good arm. Pain lances through my healing shoulder, making me swear.
Rocking from side to side, I spin in a circle, almost losing my balance. Knees bumping the bed, I sit back down on my arse with a thud.
I’m alone.
Any indication Nate was here has vanished as quickly as it came.
Fuck, I’m losing my mind.
That can happen when you’re paranoid and snatching a few hours of sleep here and there.
Dumping the weapon, I drain my glass.
I need a new bottle. This one won’t last long. They never do.
Gaze drifting down, I see the empty ones scattered across the floor.
I focus on the scorch marks on the carpet.
I know they weren’t there a moment ago.
Smoke swirls up in wisps from the edges, proving they’re fresh. The burnt smell confirms they’re real.
Not a hallucination.
The fucking Devil has my brother.
Chapter Twenty-One
Crisp night air washes over my senses, doing nothing to diminish the pounding in my head.
It’s cold as fuck. Too early for anyone in their right mind to be out.
Shivering, arms wrapped around my body, I try to gather some warmth within the leather of my jacket. My jeans and jumper do little good.
I’m far from sober. The steady alcohol I've been downing the last few hours is still buzzing through my blood stream. But this can’t wait. I’m on a mission. Nothing will stand in my way.
My life has been an out of control roller-coaster lately. Sanity has been touch and go. An unlucky passenger along for the ride, barely clinging on by fingernails. Dealing with heavenly and demonic forces on a daily basis has turned me into a neurotic fucker.
A dull ache radiates from my shoulder, reminding me of the damage still healing from my visit to a Hell dimension. Unpleasant isn’t a strong enough word. It’s something I wish I could forget. I’ve consumed enough drink and drugs potent enough to bring down a herd of elephants and I am still haunted by it. I’m not holding onto much hope that I will ever bury it.
Head lights pierce the dark.
Raising a hand, I shield my eyes from the sharp brightness.
Rolling to a halt, the familiar van pulls up beside me.
“About bloody time.” I snap, throwing open the door and clambering inside.
Beneath a tartan cap, a pair of green eyes regard me through a mess of shaggy hair. “It’s one a.m. in the morning, Mavi. I wasn’t expecting a text from you, especially as you’ve been avoiding me and Leo for weeks.” Caesar huffs back. “Good morning to you too.”
I have.
Over two weeks ago, I was trapped somewhere only damned souls are supposed to go. A place I was hoping to never see.
It’s an experience I’m still trying to grapple with.
One I won’t share with my teammates.
The Devil played me.
So did my angelic boss.
Bitterness hounds me now for what they did.
I’ve been used, abused, and lied to.
Now the demonic son of a bitch has my brother.
I need to go back, no matter how crazy that sounds.
But this time it’s going to be on my bloody terms, not theirs.
“I’ve had shit to deal with.” I grumble, holding my hands out to the hot air blasting through the air vents. “I just need you to get my arse to Cease Fire.” Teeth chattering, I wait to defrost.
Caesar grunts.
I can see he’s far from satisfied, but he’s holding his tongue, not asking questions.
Turning the key, he soon has the van back in motion.
“Have you been drinking? You stink of it.”
Scowling, I realise my belt is not on. “What if I have?” I tell him, clicking it into place across me.
Frowning beneath his heavy beard, he sighs. “That’s Leo’s way of dealing with things, not yours. I thought you knew better than this.”
Of course, he has to bring our drunk telekinetic into the conversation. He’s rarely sober so why the fuck should I be?
“Tell me then, Caesar, how should I be handling things? You have no idea what I’ve been through. Don’t even think about sitting there and judging me.” Anger seethes through me.
It’s not his fault, but I want to lash out. Cooped up for two weeks long I’m about ready to explode. I can no longer contain things going on inside me.
“With a gun in your hand.” He replies calmly back as he navigates us through the early morning traffic which is at a crawling pace. “You always deal with everything with a cool head. This isn’t like you, Mavi. Five minutes together and I can see something's eating at you. Something you need to get off your chest.”
I can’t. Not this time. Things are different. Emotions are involved. Messy and complicated. Ones I wish I could pluck out and not have to deal with again.
I don’t know who to trust any more.
I’ve been betrayed so many times it makes my mind spin.
This is not how I envisioned my life going. Fate is an evil bitch. If she’s going to screw me she’ll find out I can be just as much of a bitch back.
Resting my head against the window
, I watch the lights of the city flash by.
The weight of the gun in the waistband of my jeans is a comforting sensation. With the amount of blessed ammo I have strapped to my belt nothing demonic is going to stand a chance.
If the Devil wants to play, I’ll play.
He’s made me recognize my own mortality and that scared the shit out of me.
He ruined me.
Now I want to return the favour.
“Have you been to see Snatch?” Caesar enquires softly.
My sense of pain intensities. Building inside me it crushes my heart making it hard to breathe.
“No.” I respond lowly. I’ve not had the courage to go to the hospital and see my friends gaunt face while he lays comatose. It’s my fault he’s there. Another guilty cross I must bear. He was supposed to be safe watching over my brother. Now because of my actions he’s paid the price. Another thing I need to make his royal darkness pay for.
Thirty minutes later and we’re smoothly driving through the tunnel which takes us to Cease Fire.
A place I used to call home.
Prickles streak over my skin as we pass through the familiar barrier from one world to another. it’s something I never get used to.
The run-down town is quiet tonight.
Most building are silent and dark. Above, two moons shine over the alien landscape, bathing it in a silver glow. It should blow my mind we’re no longer on Earth, but it never has.
“Are you going to tell me why you’ve dragged my arse out of bed to bring you here?” Caesar finally asks as the vehicle trundles down the road. “By the way black hair suits you better than red.”
I don’t bother to look his way. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
The second we pull up outside the Black Penny pub I’m out of the van before he can ask any more questions.
I don’t want to have to repeat this twice. When I’m facing our boss then I’ll explain, but not before.
The air is slightly warmer here than London. Drier from the dessert which stretches around the town in the middle of nowhere.
Still intoxicated, I wobble my way up the steps to the front of the building. For once, I don’t fall on my butt.
A soft glow through the window alerts me to the fact that Gabriel is waiting.
How did he know I was coming?
Does he already know about Nathan?
Probably. The bastard always seems to know things without being told. Maybe it’s an angelic gift. It bugs the shit out of me not being able to keep something to myself.
I catch sight of my reflection in the glass. Dark blue eyes which used to be lighter stare back at me. Hair that was once red is now black as ebony. My youthful face now holds an ethereal iridescence it never had before. All courtesy of Lucifer’s touch. It’s not just the outside he’s made over. He’s touched my soul too. Moulded it into something far more dark and demented than it previously was. Left scars. Wounds yet to heal.
Emotions tighten my throat. The fact I’ve lost sight of who I am because of him comes sharply into focus in my hazy mind.
Caesar clears his throat behind me.
Gaze flicking to his in the reflected surface I see a flash of sympathy and concern.
He’s probably wondering why I’m standing here staring at myself like a loon.
Grasping the handle of the pub door, I bang it open, mirroring my mood. With my other hand, I draw my pistol. Caesar is right. Things do feel better when I’m holding a weapon. Whether I am going to use it is up to Gabriel.
The son of a bitch I'm looking for is standing alone beside the bar.
In black leather clothes, the expanse of the archangels wide muscled chest and long sturdy legs are easily viewed. Hair, the colour of gold, ripples around his brawny shoulders, framing his rugged features.
Blue eyes narrowing, Gabriel frowns. “Mavi?”
“He’s got Nathan. I need a ride to Hell.” I blurt out in reply. Striding forwards, I bridge the distance between us, crowding his space.
“You’re drunk.” He states, wrinkling his nose.
I reek of liquor. I know. Not surprising when I have been getting wasted for days.
Clutching the front of his leather jacket with one hand, my fingers sink into the plush softness. “You need to listen to me. Lucifer has my brother.” I want to shake him. Make him understand. I’ve been bouncing for hours between rage and despair. I wave the barrel of the gun in his face.
“Sit your butt down. You’re not going anywhere in this state.” One heavy hand on my shoulder, he forces my unstable legs down until I’m sitting on a stool.
He’s not listening to me. I need him to listen.
For someone who admitted two weeks ago he was my Grandfather he seems a little too calm that his Grandson is being held hostage by demonic forces. This angel is the reason the Devil screwed me literally and figuratively. I’ve inherited Gabriel’s angelic genes. Something Lucifer wanted to activate and succeeded in doing so briefly. It was his calculating way of using me to try and erase his problem of rogue commanders trying to overthrow him.
“Caesar, watch her for a moment. Don’t let her get any pig-headed ideas to leave.” Without even sparing me a glance, he stalks off out back.
Caesar perches himself on another chair. Not too close. He’s always been phobic about being touched, but now I have a gut feeling it’s something more.
“Fuck.” I mumble under my breath. Banging the gun down on the surface of the bar, I rub a hand over my tired face. Shoulder throbbing, it’s a reminder I need to take things slower.
Gabriel re-emerges, carrying a mug.
“What’s this shit?” I ask, as it’s slapped down before me.
“It’s coffee. Now sober the fuck up then we’ll talk. I don’t need you doing something stupid before you can think it through.”
Giving him a scowl, I curl my hands around it, savouring the heat of the liquid as I raise it to take a sip. The bitter taste dances over my taste buds. Sighing, I let my shoulders slump.
Resting his hip against the bar, the archangel eyes me. “You finally finished with your nervous breakdown or whatever you were pissed over? You’ve never been one to linger on things too long.”
Levelling my gaze to his, I narrow my eyes. “I don’t like being used without my knowledge. What you did—”
“Hurts like a bitch. I know. But you haven’t been nursing your sorry arse over what you see as a betrayal. You got scared, Mavi. I saw it in your face the night I brought you back home.”
“I may be a psychopath, but even I know to fear the Devil.”
I should have realised sooner or later I was going to meet him. It wasn’t in the way I was expecting though. The attraction and lust. I still can’t believe we fucked. It’s still screwing with my head.
“You should.” Gabriel replies softly. “He could rip you apart if the whim took his fancy. You need to be careful when dealing with him. Lucifer isn’t one of the good guys. He’ll destroy everything you love and hold dear just for his amusement.”
“You should have told me that before I gave him my fucking soul.”
I still don’t regret that decision. Nathan is everything to me. After coming out of his coma I thought we were finally going to have time to reconnect. Now he’s a prisoner. A captive of Lucifer and I need to go kick some arse to get him back.
“You’ve been cleared of Colin’s murder. Those fuckwits he was with admitted it was Fritz who set you up. Luckily, you’ve already killed him, so we don’t have to deal with that tricky bastard.” He tells me, tensing his jaw with some pent-up emotion.
“Lucifer killed him.” I correct. “With the help of my hexed vagina.” With a cursed pussy I'm not going to get laid any time soon. Who the fuck would want me in this state?
“You’re still suspended, but I’m sure it won’t be for long. You’ll be back here shooting shit in no time.”
I raise an eyebrow at that. “I quit, remember?”
Taking another gulp
of coffee, I try to settle the anger I can feel building. Trust was hard for me before. Now he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting me to work for him again. He risked my life. My brother’s life. The team.
“So Caesar, how long have you been working for the Devil?” I ask, gaze dancing his way.
He freezes. Beneath his tartan cap and all that hair he hides behind, I see him pale. “I’m not.”
“I know you’re a demon, so you can cut the crap.”
Things have slipped into place over my weeks of solitude. Too many coincidences. I’m willing to bet his hat hides a pair of horns. With whatever type of demon he is, he doesn’t have a natural glamour to hide them. Green eyes instead of the demonic red? They have to be contact lenses.
Sliding my gun off the bar, I play with it in my hands, expression intent. With a cool detachment, I view him as a potential target.
The atmosphere is charged.
Within me the darker side stirs. Its hungry. I haven’t killed someone in weeks.
That makes it unhappy. It needs to be fed.
I’m done being played with.
“He works for me.”
Surprised, I turn to stare at Gabriel. “You?”
Still sluggish, it takes a second for that information to sink in.
He sighs. “Not all demons are evil. Some of them are happy to work for our side providing they get immunity and are allowed to integrate.”
This is news to me. All the ones I’ve met so far have been set on killing me. Mainly because I’ve wanted to kill them too.
“How did you figure it out?” Caesar asks nervously, fingers knotting and unknotting together in front of him.
“I met a demon in Hell who doesn’t like to be touched, just like you. Your phobia to physical contact was too similar. It’s been going around in my head for weeks while I’ve been holed up in a hotel.”
Gabriel grunts. His expression holds a lot of pride as he surveys me.
Not that I care.
The less I give a damn, the happier I’ll be.
I just want my brother back.
“Are you going to take me or do I have to hunt down another red eyed bastard to do it for me?”
From the dim light creeping to life outside the pub windows, I can see the suns will be up soon. This is wasting time. If I knew anyone else who could help I wouldn’t be here now.
