The Nanny's Secret

by Kiersten Modglin

  I want to demand we talk more, but there’s no time. He’s already a few feet ahead of me and gaining distance fast. Just like that, everything I thought I knew, is over. And there’s no one to blame but myself.

  Please wait for me.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Mia

  THREE MONTHS AGO

  It’s the first time I’ve stepped inside Gilford Glades Market since Tom and I broke up. I waited over a year, a year and a half to be precise, trying to give him his space. It’s what he deserves. The least he deserves.

  Today, like most days, I’m missing him. More than I should be after a year with no communication. More than I should when I’m the one who said no. Nevertheless, when I step into the market where we shopped together, the place where we’d chosen what meals we’d make during our nights at each other’s homes, where he’d picked out my favorite flowers on a random Tuesday just because, where we’d sat in the cafe sipping iced coffees with our feet bumping under the table without a care in the world. It’s strange, I guess, but I’ve lost him in my apartment. The bedding has been washed, his stuff has all been packed and sent back to him, but this place is still full of him. Today, of all days, this is where I need to be.

  I walk aimlessly through the aisles, not really in search of anything—besides him, I suppose. Things have changed since I was here last. The aisles have been rearranged. Pasta is now in aisle ten, while canned goods are in aisle three. Tom would’ve gone down both. He ate pasta like it was a lifestyle choice, and his favorite sauce was an off-brand, out-of-a-can kind whose packaging looked terrible but the sauce was actually pretty delicious. I consider getting it, cooking it for myself, but I can’t. I can’t go down that rabbit hole again when I’ve spent so long digging myself out of it.

  For the first few months after our breakup, I hardly left my bed. I ditched all my friends until they stopped calling and haven’t talked to my mom or sisters in at least eight months. Besides work, I never leave the comfort of my apartment, which for a while, looked like a shrine to him.

  Just last month, I’d finally gotten the courage to pack and send the last of his things to him.

  “Mia?”

  Hearing my name pulls me from my thoughts, and I spin around, staring in shock at the very man who was just on my mind. What are the odds?

  I let out a heavy breath, my arms out at my sides. “Tom?” I try to look happy, and maybe I am. He reaches in for an awkward hug, and I don’t know what to make of it. All I know is that I want to be in his arms. I hold on for a moment too long.

  He has a basket in his hands when we pull away, and I notice it has salad and fresh-cut fruit in it, not the pasta. He looks like he’s lost weight too, while I’ve only gained it. Maybe losing me was the best thing that ever happened to him.

  “H-how are you?” he asks, his jaw still slack as he takes in the sight of me. I wish I’d thought to put on more makeup today, or at the very least, let down my hair.

  “I’m…well,” I say, wrapping one arm around myself. “How are you? You look great.”

  If there are still hard feelings between us, he isn’t showing them. Perhaps he’s moved on. The pain of the assumption sends shots of lightning through my body, and it’s suddenly all I can do to keep from crying. Maybe he found someone who was brave enough to say yes.

  “Thanks.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I’m doing really well, too.”

  “Still at Locke?”

  He nods slowly. “Yep, still at Locke. What about you? Are you still working for Dr. Otte?”

  “I am,” I tell him. “Becky quit, so I was promoted. I’m training the new hygienists now.”

  “That’s amazing, Mia. I’m…gosh, it’s so good to see you.”

  I don’t think he’s lying. Heat rushes to my face, and I smile. “It’s really good to see you, too. It’s been…what, a year, two?” I’m lying, I know exactly how long it’s been. One year, six months, two weeks, three days.

  His expression falls. “Too long,” is all he says. “Hey, would you…” He looks at my empty cart. “Would you like to grab a bite to eat with me? I was just going to get lunch after I check out, and…I’d love to catch up.”

  I nod before he’s even done speaking and keep nodding. It’s all I want. “Of course. I’d love to.”

  A flicker of hope passes over his eyes. “Great. Great.” He looks at the cart again. “I can let you finish shopping and meet you back outside if you’d like.”

  I push the cart away from me, leaving it stranded in the aisle. On a normal day, I would never do that. I’ve worked retail. I know I suck right now. But this is not a normal day, and these are not normal circumstances. Based on the way he’s looking at me, I may not have missed my chance, after all. There still may be time for me to fix everything I ruined.

  “I can come back later,” I say, to which he chuckles and holds out his bent arm. I loop mine through the open hole between his elbow and side, sliding into place just as though I never left.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Mia

  TWO AND A HALF MONTHS AGO

  Two weeks later, Tom moved in with me.

  Okay, technically, he moved his things in with me, but he still has his apartment downtown. Close to work, but also an escape route for him in case things don’t work out between us this time. I don’t care. Whatever capacity I can have him in, I will take.

  For so long, I was sure I’d never see him again, never hold him again, never love him again. Now, I get to do all those things. Now, he comes home to me every night and kisses my lips. All is right in the world.

  I grab the folded laundry from my basket, shoving his clean clothes into the drawers I cleared for him. When I go to put his stack of pajama pants up, my hand connects with something hard in his drawer. I lift the two pairs of pants already in the drawer and gasp. The black box from that night. The black box that holds my waiting future. I pull it out, my fingers rubbing over the velvet. I hold my breath as I open it, half-expecting it to be empty. Inside, sits the ring he offered me, a single diamond in the center. It’s beautiful, and so me. So much my taste that I would’ve picked it out myself if I’d had the chance.

  A year and a half ago, I wasn’t sure I wanted to marry Tom, but I knew I wanted to be with him. Now, I feel confident in my decision. After going for so long without him, missing him every day, regretting and second-guessing my decision every day, now I know he’s the one. Now, I know I don’t ever want to be without him again. I don’t ever want to take him for granted or assume I’ll always have him. I want to show him that I’m certain about our future—more than ever. Now, when he asks me, I’ll say yes. I’ll scream yes. I’d marry that man tomorrow if given the chance.

  I close the box, sliding it back into place in the drawer, when a cruel thought hits me. Will I ever get that chance? He kept the ring, I know. But have I done too much damage? Will he be terrified to attempt it again after I botched his last try?

  I stare at the box, wondering if I could drop enough hints to let him know I’m ready if he still is. But he was. He already made the decision to marry me, and I ruined it. I said no. I chased him away.

  The front door to the apartment opens. “Honey, I’m home,” he sings, and I hear it shut.

  With little more than ten seconds to think, I snatch the box from the drawer and shut it. When he enters the room, I’m standing on our bed.

  His brows draw down, lips curl in confusion. “Did you…see a mouse?”

  I shake my head, my heart pounding so fast I’m not sure I’ll make it through what I’m about to do. I hold out my hand for his. “Come here.”

  “What are you doing?” he asks, looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have.

  “I like being up high,” I remind him.

  He looks skeptical until he spies the black box in my opposite hand, then his expression falls. “Mia…”

  “Shhh,” I warn, tilting my head the opposite direction. I wag the fingers of my stil
l-outstretched hand. “Come on.”

  He takes my hand, kicking off his shoes before climbing up. He stands beside me, his eyes locked with mine, expression blank with fear.

  I have nothing rehearsed. Nothing to say, but I’m going to wing it anyway. “When…you asked me to dance that day, I thought you were asking the wrong girl. You said I was too good for you, but the truth was…I thought, I’ve always thought, you were too good for me. The way you treat me, Tom, it rivals my favorite romance novels. The way you look at me, it’s…like nothing I could ever craft up in my imagination. I wouldn’t meet your eye on that dance floor because I felt sure if you got a close enough look at me, you would realize you meant to ask Kelsey or Stacey or Nicole. Never Camilla. Never me.” I swallow back tears. “I wasn’t like the girls you dated. I’ve never been like them, but still, you saw me.”

  “Mia…”

  “Shh, let me finish,” I tell him, choking back tears. “But you did. You did see me, and you kept seeing me. When you asked me out to dinner after I got back to New Gilford, I didn’t stop smiling the whole day. I couldn’t stop thinking about our awkward first dance, either. Everything about our relationship has been so perfect, and I’m sorry I said no to you that night on the rocks. I’m so sorry, Tom. I’ve regretted it every day since.”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “I do, though. I should’ve said yes. I should’ve said yes a thousand times, Tom. But I was scared. I was so scared of saying yes and hurting you or saying yes and not being what you wanted in five years or ten years. That terrified me, because you deserve everything, Tom. You deserve it all. But, now, as much as I’ve regretted saying no to you, I’m partially thankful I did, because now I know. I know it deep in my bones,” I place a hand on my chest, “that this is right. That we’re right. I can’t imagine not living with you, not loving you, not being your wife. I don’t want to imagine it anymore. I want a future with you, baby. I want it all. I’m just so sorry I couldn’t see that when—”

  “It’s okay—”

  “I’m not scared anymore.” I kneel down on the bed, the mattress shifting with my weight. He bends down, too, tears glistening in his pale blue eyes. “Being without you was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. Waking up and not being able to text you, eating dinner without you, not being able to come home to you and tell you about my day…I hated it. I hated being without you, and I can appreciate you so much more now because I know with every fiber of my being that you are right for me. That I am right for you. That we, this,” I move my hand from my chest to his, “this is right. I’m not scared of what we can become. I love you so much, and I want to marry you. I want to be your wife…if you still want me to be.”

  He wipes a tear from his cheek, and then a tear from mine. “If I still want you to be…” He scoffs. “Woman, I’ve always wanted you to be my wife.” He reaches for the box, taking it from my hand. “Camilla, will you marry me?”

  I nod, tears choking my voice as he pulls out the ring and slides it over my finger. It’s a perfect fit, just like the two of us. Nothing could be more right. “There was never any question for me,” he whispers, pulling my face to his. He kisses my lips, and it’s soft and tender, the way Tom is. He’s loving and delicate, taking in every second of our intimacy.

  I love him so much my heart feels like it could burst in my chest, but I don’t even care.

  I could die happy right here. In his arms. Being loved by him.

  I could die happy knowing all is right between us, that we’ll be together forever.

  That I’ll be his wife, and he’ll be my husband. That I’ll take his name.

  I could die happy with Tom by my side.

  At least, that was the plan.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Mia

  TWO MONTHS AGO

  I’m with a patient when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I ignore it, trying to talk over the hum, as I finish cleaning his teeth.

  I’m on the last tooth when it vibrates again, and I stand, pulling off my gloves. “Dr. Otte will be in to see you soon,” I tell the patient. It’s too brief. I should say more, but I have a bad feeling. My phone is out of my pocket before I shut the door, and I stare down at the screen.

  Tom- 2 Missed Calls, 1 Voicemail

  I click on the voicemail and press the phone to my ear, chewing my lip as I nervously pace in the hall.

  “Take that to the breakroom, would you?” Theresa asks as she zips by, obviously shocked by my blatant disregard for the no cellphones in front of patients rule.

  “Hey, baby, it’s me. I don’t have long…something’s happening here. I, um,” he stops. There is a loud rumble in the background. BOOM. “Shit!”

  I jump with the noise, putting my shaking hand to my lips. “I’m okay. I’m okay. Listen, I need to tell you something…everythi—”

  The voicemail is cut short, and I look down at the phone to see an incoming call.

  “Tom, thank God. What’s going on? I just listened to your voicemai—”

  “Can you meet me at home?” he asks, his voice filled with panic.

  “Y-yeah. Yeah, of course, why?” I glance around. We’re short-staffed, but I don’t care. I dart to the breakroom and grab my purse and keys.

  “Just meet me there as soon as you can. Please.”

  Twenty-five minutes later, I walk into the apartment, drop my things on the counter, and begin to pace. His office is at least half an hour from my apartment, so the fact that he’s not there yet isn’t worrisome, but I have enough worry as it is. What is happening?

  The radio on the drive home reported that a bomb has gone off downtown, but I don’t know anything other than that. Is he hurt? Has he lost his job? Was Locke Industries the building that was bombed? I pull up Facebook, trying to see if anyone has any news, but I don’t see anything yet.

  One person has posted #PrayersforNewGilford with a praying hands emoji, and there are twelve comments asking what happened and echoing prayers and warm thoughts, but nothing else.

  The sound of someone coming down the hall makes me put my phone down, waiting. They stop in front of my apartment. The front door opens, and Tom’s wild eyes find me. I run to him, and he scoops me up, clutching me to his chest. “Thank God. I was so worried.”

  “What’s happening, Tom?”

  He kisses my head. “Someone set off a bomb at Vance Corporation downtown.”

  “I heard,” I confirm. “Was anyone hurt?”

  “They don’t know yet,” he says, his hands are shaking in mine. “It was small, I think. The building is still standing, but downtown is a disaster. Cops and EMTs everywhere. People are panicking. We don’t know who did it or where they’ll go next.”

  “You don’t think they’ll do anything to Locke Industries, do you?”

  He shakes his head, but his eyes are distant. “I don’t know. Vance is one of our clients, but I don’t know. For all I know, they might.”

  “Oh my god,” I say, covering my own mouth. This feels like a dream—a nightmare.

  “I’m just so glad you’re safe. You have no idea how worried about you I was.”

  “I know. When I got your voicemail, I thought—”

  “Did you listen to it?”

  “Not yet.” I pull out my phone. “I mean, I had started to when you called.” He takes the phone from me and sets it on the counter.

  “Don’t.”

  “Why?”

  His expression is conflicted. “What I said on the voicemail doesn’t matter now. I want to tell you everything in person.” He nudges me toward the couch gently, and I sit.

  “Everything? What do you mean? You’re scaring me.”

  He swallows audibly. “Don’t be scared. It’s just…I want you to know how much I love you. How much you mean to me.” He kisses my forehead. “But I’m thinking of leaving Locke.”

  “What are you talking about? You love working for Mr. Locke!” It’s true. It’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him,
working for the CEO of such a large corporation. Orrick Locke is one of the most prestigious men in New Gilford, and I know how much him taking Tom under his wing has meant to Tom.

  “I do,” he confirms, holding my hands as he sits beside me. “I do love it. Orrick is a great boss, and he’s really helped me, but Locke Industries isn’t completely what it appears to be.” He winces as he says it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know a whole lot, but Orrick has told me some things about some of our clients and, it’s…troublesome, to say the least.”

  “What are you talking about, Tom? What things?”

  “I don’t want you to worry. I just…I have to tell you. You deserve to know.” His face has grown pale. “We protect people who do shady things, Mia. I don’t even know half of it, but I do know why people would target some of our clients. Some of them are really bad people.”

  “And Orrick knows about this?”

  His stony expression is a confirmation. “I never thought it would affect me. I was just there to do my job, but today, Orrick left the office before lunch. Half an hour later, Iris left in a hurry. I mean, she practically ran out the door after getting a strange phone call to her direct line, but when I checked it out, there was no one there. It felt sketchy, so I called you. I was planning to tell you I was going to come home early, just to be safe, but then, five minutes after Iris left, the bomb went off.”

  “Tom, wait.” My breath seems too loud now. I can’t think straight. “Are you saying Orrick and Iris Locke knew about the bomb that was going to go off in their client’s office?”

  “I don’t know what to think. I don’t want to believe they’d be capable of doing anything like that…hiding it. But they hide a lot, Mia. Could this be just another job they’re covering up? I don’t know what to think,” he repeats. “The Lockes have always been kind to me, but I have reason to worry, you know? The way they left…it’s suspicious at the very least. I just…don’t understand why they would ever do something like this.”