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NOVEL NAMES
Glossary and Pronunciation Guide for People, Places and Other Entities
Abel Muranda: Abel Moo – rah – ndah: The aspiring hangman.
Abernathy Mpeto: Abernathy Mpé – toh: Partner at the law firm of Gweta, Hurudza & Mpeto LLP.
Anala: Vaida’s long lost friend. Founder and CEO of M.S.G., the logistics company with the slogan: “… we also move things”. What “things” does the company “also” move? Anyone who asks this question does not need the company’s services.
Anonymous Man: The man who died for nothing.
Asher Muchenje: Asher: Moo – che – njé: Chief Forensic Retinal Analyst at Consolidated.
Benhilda: The metallic gallows that were built from de-commissioned weapons (secured through Mozambique’s post-war disarmament program). Benhilda’s platform is made from a series of AK 47s, which according to her maker: “… look like a metallic six-pack!”
Cecil Rhodes: English colonist. Buccaneer of exceptional ambition. Controversial industrialist who named two African countries after himself. Rhodes is the only man to win Professor Guyo’s respect.
Chief Justice Lameck Dinhiwe: Chief Justice La – méck : Din – ee – wé: Late Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Formerly a law professor at the University of Zimbabwe law school. Nicknamed, “Professor Argon” by his students because of his unexcitable nature. Notorious for drafting the world’s most cryptic legal writings. Left academia to become a judge when a gifted student humiliated him by breaking his notorious “B-Barrier”. It was the last exam that Professor Dinhiwe ever marked.
Daphne Allen: The long-suffering wife of Percival Allen.
Doll Eyes: Shadowy industrialist. Bankroller of infamous causes. The man with hard green eyes that never blink, even for lubrication. Prides himself for shunning sleep. Believes that the road to legendary accomplishments must pass through insomnia.
Earnest Chokwadi: Earnest Choh – kwa – dhi: Journalist at Zuva Redu Daily newspaper. Has the uncanny habit of reporting on peculiar events which touch raw nerves in high places. This tendency has caught the attention of the people at Consolidated. Earnest’s articles are highly anticipated and carefully catalogued.
Edith: Anala’s gigantic bodyguard. Edith is haunted by severe anger management problems. She must be tranquilized when her rage becomes uncontrollable.
Faipa: Fye – pah: Chief of Staff at the Tuvaluan embassy in Harare.
Father Masuku: Father: Ma – soo – koo: The Mazambuko Maximum Security Prison chaplain.
Giorgio Gweta: Giorgio: Gwé – tah: Partner at the law firm of Gweta, Hurudza & Mpeto LLP. The charming Mr. Gweta is known for his “golf course” hair, and symmetrical features. Of the latter, it has been noted that an ant walking from one side of his face to the other would experience a serious case of déjà vu. Known as, “The Devil’s Advocate” by his rivals, Mr. Gweta is infamous for his roster of shadowy clients. The lawyer is also the father of the “criminally beautiful” Ketiwe.
Hofius Mbozha: Hoh – fee – us: Mboh – zha (as is Rhodesia): The drunken “Big Shot” who tries to eject Abel Muranda from his room in the brothel.
Jokoniya: Joko – nee – ya: Zacharia’s invisible nemesis.
Justice Athabasca Murambi: Justice Atha – basca : Moo – rah – mbee: Judge of the High Court of Zimbabwe. Respected messenger of consequential news.
Ketiwe: Keh – tee – wé: Mr. Gweta’s criminally beautiful daughter. Luxon Hurudza’s personal assistant. Professor Khupe’s hormonal fascination. The girl who has a special way of saying “anything”.
Luxon Hurudza: Lah – xon : Hoo – roo – dza: Partner at Gweta, Hurudza & Mpeto LLP. Misanthropist. Agoraphobic. The most dangerous legal mercenary in the world.
Magistrate Changamire: Magistrate Chah – nga (as in hunger) – mee – ré: The Hanging Judge.
Moses: The most effective assassin in Southern Africa. Also known as The Reinsurer: he is only summoned to finish off the failed assignments of other assassins.
Mr. Chuma: Mr. Choo – mah: The quiet and trusted M.S.G. employee. Mr. Chuma discovers the flame lily that is feeding on the frozen warthog steak, and that other thing …
Mr. Kuripa: Mr. Koo – ree – pah: Chairman of the interview panel that was convened to interview the candidates for the hangman’s position.
Kristabelle Sibanda: Kristabelle : See – vah – ndah: Member of Abel Muranda’s interview panel. The woman whose ambition is to, “…succeed where another failed”. Lingerie is a powerful weapon.
Oliver: Security guard at the Tuvaluan embassy in Harare. Oliver is fired after he succumbs to a bout of Monetary Induced Amnesia (M.I.A.).
Percival Allen: The gallows-maker.
Professor Khupe: Professor Koo – pé: The ethno-botanist who discovers the carnivorous flame lilies at Great Zimbabwe.
Professor Khupe’s Aunt: The unnamed woman who mastered an art that could change the course of events. If they can find her, of course. And even then …
Professor Titus Clementine Guyo: Professor Titus Clementine Goo – yoh: The villain with a thermonuclear intellect.
Rumbidzai: Roo – mbee – dz – eye: Special Assistant in the Office of Custodial Institutions.
Sergeant Sithole: Sergeant: See – toh – lé: The police officer who is called to investigate the carcass of the mauled goat.
Shuvai: Shoo – vye: Administrative assistant at Consolidated. Once worked for Vaida.
Tedward Gudo: Tedward: Goo – dho: Founder, Creative Director and CEO of T.G.M.S.: Zimbabwe’s premier advertising and communications strategy firm.
The Rhodesian: Author of the warning letter to the High Court judges.
The Tuvaluan Ambassador: The Too – vah – loo – when: Ambassador: Unwitting host to an unlikely refugee.
Tongai Kuviringa Gejo: Tong – guy: Koo – vee – ree – nga (as in hunger) : Géjo: The obscenely muscular and moustachioed head of Consolidated. His hands are often busy ….
Vaida: Vie – dah: The sexual entrepreneur.
Xavier Mamhasu: Xavier Mah – mha – soo: The Chief of Public Relations for Mabaudo Foods: makers of Mhitsa Corned Beef – “Naturally Flavoured Cow!”
Zacharia: Zach – a – ree – ya: The mentally ill man who lives under the bridge.
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MHONDI BEER
Mhondi Beer is the official brew of the Hangman's Replacement series. It is manufactured by Mhondi Breweries: a dominant player in the African beer market. The intoxicating product has an alcohol content of 18.5%. A wild baboon was once reported to have collapsed into a comma after drinking three bottles of the tasty concoction at Gonarezhou National Park. The animal never raided another campsite again.
The word “Mhondi” means “murderer” in the Shona language. However, as the company’s slogan clarifies: “You don’t have to be a murderer to enjoy the killer taste.”
Mhondi Breweries has always been a controversial entity. For years before the Zimbabwe’s last hangman retired in 2004, the company lobbied authorities to become the official sponsor of Mazambuko Maximum Security Prison’s death row. Mhondi Breweries proposed to supply the inmates with a select menu of beers to accompany their last meals. In exchange for this promotional opportunity, the company would donate food and other resources to the prison, thus saving taxpayers the cost of looking after the inmates.
Though the executives at Mhondi Breweries knew that the authorities were unlikely to approve the proposal, they persisted with the campaign, and won the publicity that had motivated the stunt to begin with.
When Zimbabwe’s last hangman retired in 2004, the promotion was put on ice. However, when the effort to find a replacement was re-launched, the company returned to its old tricks. Mhondi Breweries hired Tedward Gudo of the marketing and public relations firm: TGMS. Mr. Gudo crafted an elaborate campaign to promote the new range of flavours that Mhondi Breweries had crafted for the death row inmates.
When the beers were released
to the wider public, the promotion sparked a lot of outrage, support, and discussion. Of course, Mhondi Beer saw a spike in its domestic and international sales. Some of the names in the Death Row Series are fanciful. Others are topical. All are attached to delicious beers that should be enjoyed with caution and on a full stomach.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Assuming Mr. Chiveneko were less antisocial, he would take the time to thank:
His mom, beloved partner, siblings, friends and mentors
THE CHIVENEKO PUBLISHING CONTRIBUTORS
Creative and Editorial Consult + Overall Inspiration: C.M.A
The Manuscript Review Panel … In Anagram
Carihrtns Meair Maes
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Raeg Gfitfihr
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Apsyn Ghtifirf
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Phlcasa Sdeaamangs
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Luiiessim Amseboh
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Izylz Tcyare
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Psumhtaa Lnnaaas
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Nsae YrchCatm
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Editorial Consultant: Stephanie Watt
Graphic Designer: Marina Mikulic
Print Book Designer: Alexis Roumanis
PLACES
Zimbabwe; Canada; (with particular thanks to the cities of Montreal, Regina, Ottawa, Vancouver); Stresa, Italy; Geneva, Switzerland; The Hague, The Netherlands.
ESTABLISHMENTS
Sandwicherie, Geneva (rue de Mont Blanc); Simit Sirayyi, The Hague; Tim Hortons Montreal (977 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest); Starbucks, Montreal (1171 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest); Carrefour Industrielle-Alliance mall, Montreal (977 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest); Tim Hortons (Broad Street Regina)
ANIMALS
Of course, the author’s various pets also deserve an honourable mention, including the cat he is not particularly fond of. No one can make it alone. Not even Taona Dumisani Chiveneko.
A SPECIAL ACKNOWLDGEMENT …
Stresa + Lightning Storm + Dramatic Premise + Limoncello + My Key Ingredient
“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _”
=
“THANK YOU”
Table of Contents
© CHIVE
Dedication
PROLOGUE
ABEL MURANDA
The Fireproof Candle
The Interview
Have You Ever Killed Anyone?
Vaida
The Overnighters
The Apology
The Guest Who Disinfected the Furniture
Consolidated
It’s Too Late to Succumb to Adolescent Emotions
Zacharia
Mrs. Sibanda’s Vagrant
THE CONSULTANT’S REPORT
There’s Been Enough Mincing For One Day
SPROUT OF DISRUPTION
ZUVA REDU: Cadaver-Hunting Flower Found at Great Zimbabwe
Great Zimbabwe Botanicals
Gweta, Hurudza & Mpeto LLP
Angustï Canibalis
Barbara Kuonyesha
The Patent
The Urgency of a Stifled Intellect
Anything ...
The Book of Nations
THE FIRST INGREDIENT: THE GALLOWS RUMOUR
The Caviar Trap
Doll Eyes
The Shipping Documents
The Wayward Son
The Vulture That Binged on the Mere Sight of Death
The Nudity Of An Unserviced Solitude
THE SECOND INGREDIENT: THE CARPENTER
The Affair
The Savvynova
Spiritual Voltage
The Man with Two Brains
THE THIRD INGREDIENT: THE HANGING JUDGE
Magistrate Changamire
Why a Good Judge Always Hangs Bad People
THE FOURTH INGREDIENT: AN EXCEPTIONAL LEGAL MIND
The Organ Herders
Justice Athabasca Murambi
Luxon Hurudza
Court of Error
A Plant Ate My Sandwich
PAIN AND ABEL
ZUVA REDU: Mermaid Found Wrapped in Giant Condom at Kariba Dam
Anala
I Am in Love with an Aspiring Hangman
The Man With Sunken Eyes
If You Touch Me I Will Kill You
A Legitimate Authority
Abel Muranda And This Job Need Each Other
The Seventeenth Mercenary
The Plant That Fed on Frozen Meat
The Gall
THE KEY INGREDIENT?
The Big Day
The Goat
More Than Ten Candidates
ZUVA REDU: Man-Hunting Lightning Bolt Vaporizes Chegutu Businessman
A Fateful Letter to an Illiterate Man
ZUVA REDU: Body of Man Found near Marondera: Face Disfigured by Acid
The Protest
ZUVA REDU: Zimbabwean Man Impaled by Stalactite in Barbados
TAMPERED INGREDIENTS: MR. CHIDOMA ESQUIRE
ZUVA REDU: Prisoner Escapes from Mazambuko Death Row
Standing Astride A Barbed Wire Fence
This Is Overwhelming
The Embassy Refugee
Monetary Induced Amnesia (MIA)
Mother Tuvalu
The Man Who Courted The Gallows
MUTATION: THE DETERMINATION GENE
The Harvester
The Hanging Grudge
ZUVA REDU: Employee Caught Trying to Throw Human Arm into Mincer at Mhitsa Factory
The Determination Gene
Suicide By Electrocution
Apex Predator
THE END ... OF THE BEGINNING
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
INTERVIEW WITH MR. CHIVENEKO’S LAWYER
MAZAMBUKO’S FINEST: THE TOP 10 MOST NOTORIOUS PRISONERS
Mazambuko’s Finest: Dishonourable Mention
NOVEL NAMES
Glossary and Pronunciation Guide for People, Places and Other Entities
MHONDI BEER
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A SPECIAL ACKNOWLDGEMENT …
The Hangman's Replacement: Sprout of Disruption (BOOK 1) Page 46
