“So can I ask you a question that’s not family related?” I decided to ask him.
He kind of smiled. “Possibly.”
“Well it’s just this whole career thing. You seem so set against telling me what you want out of life. Are you just dodging the stress of making a decision, or do you really have a plan and you don’t want to tell me? You don’t even have to tell me what it is; I just want to know if it’s one or the other.”
“It’s the other.”
I shoved him and he laughed.
“You are so annoying,” I told him. “So you just don’t want to tell me then. Okay, that’s fine. I’m just curious. I tell you all about my stupid little career ifs, ands and buts. I just thought you could share with me.”
He sighed, but he was still smiling. “Isn’t it awkward, though?”
“Isn’t what awkward?”
“Saying, ‘Oh, and if this works out then I’ll do this,’ or ‘if that doesn’t happen then I’ll do that instead.’ Doesn’t it feel weird to say it out loud to people? I mean it’s like you’re admitting that you have absolutely no control over what happens in your life. It’s like trying to map out all of your decisions for everyone to see. It’s uncomfortable to me.”
“To discuss options? No one has everything all figured out, Tyse.”
“I know that, but sometimes it’s just nice to keep things to myself.”
“You keep a lot of things to yourself.”
“Because I like to reserve the right to change my mind without someone saying, ‘What? I thought you were gonna do this or that; why are you doing something else?’ I just like to do my own thing without being questioned. I’ve been questioned my entire life, Ellie. And I guess not just questioned, but my parents totally shot down anything I ever wanted to do. If I voiced my ideas it was just a ‘let’s see how we can make Tyse feel like nothing’ fest. And I’m tired of it. I don’t want people to have a hold of my goals. They’re mine to keep, and I’m not laying them out for judgment—”
“Okay, sorry I asked. I mean I understand why you feel that way—all of that makes sense—but I’m not your parents, Tyse. I would never laugh at your hopes and dreams.”
He sighed. “I was going to add, ‘but I’ll tell you if you’re really dying to know.’ ”
I studied him carefully, just to make sure he was being serious. He seemed to be, so I replied, “You don’t have to if it’s awkward.”
“See, you always give me that out. You make it too easy, Ellie.”
I laughed and said, “Well I just don’t want to offend you. I don’t want you to totally hate me and be mad at me for pressuring you into something you’re not ready for.”
He raised an eyebrow. “We’re still talking about me sharing my life plan with you, right?”
It was my turn to laugh, but I did it uncomfortably. Just thinking about…that…was kind of weird. I mean with Tyse?
“Are you thinking about it?” he asked me in an accusatory voice. “Ellie Abbott—”
“I am not!” I protested—unsuccessfully though, because Tyse started laughing.
“You were too. I’ll admit; I’m kind of flattered.”
“What? I was only trying to understand your question. Of course we were talking about your life plan. You were going to share it with me.”
“No, not anymore. You’re not who I thought you were. Sheesh, thinking inappropriate thoughts about me,” he muttered, lying back in the grass. He put one arm behind his head and the other across his eyes.
“Whatever,” I chuckled. “You just use anything you can to get out of the things you don’t want to talk about.”
“Damn right,” he replied. “And about you and me… It wouldn’t work out because you’re a horrible kisser.”
I gasped and he moved his arm away from covering his eyes—probably to make sure I wasn’t about to punch him. But instead I asked, “And how many drunks are good kissers?”
“Uh, definitely not you.”
I did punch him in the arm and he laughed as he sat up. “And you’re also too violent.”
“Oh, I’m too this and I’m too that; I’m a choir girl—no I’m not a choir girl because I’m a drunk and a horrible kisser. Gimme a break.”
He laughed again. “And you’re too sensitive.”
“And I’m too sensitive.”
“And you’re really cute when you’re mad.”
I only glared at him because I guess I was feeling a little sensitive, but I did like hearing the cute part. I mean he already told me I was beautiful once, and pretty another time, but it was nice to hear it again.
“I’m not mad,” I finally said.
“Okay, I embarrassed you. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not embarrassed either.”
“Okay,” he smiled.
He resumed the position he’d been in, and I joined him by lying on my back, too.
“So I have a question for you,” I stated.
He kind of groaned as he turned his head sideways to look at me.
“It’s not a personal one; it’s about Wyatt,” I clarified.
After a few seconds he asked, “What about him?”
“At the sports bar that night—when those two girls were talking to you guys—did Wyatt really tell them he was married?”
“Yeah. You think I would agree with him just because I’m a guy?”
“No,” I replied quickly. “I guess I was just wondering if he really meant it, or if he had to say it because you were there.”
“Oh. Yeah, I think the latter. He wasn’t really too resolute about it. I mean he stated it as a fact, but he was still pretty friendly with her, smiling and joking around.”
I growled to myself, imagining my fist going into Wyatt’s face. Maybe I really should have let Dawn take care of things that night. I asked, “Is that how you would have handled it? To ‘let her down easy,’ or whatever it was he claimed he was doing.”
He chuckled. “No, I was pretty firm about being married to you.”
I laughed. “No, really. Is that how you would have reacted if you were married—or had a girlfriend or whatever—and some girl decided to hit on you?”
“No,” he scoffed. “I’m…”
He kind of looked upset for a second, and I was little unsure of how I’d offended him. I guess implying that he would have flirted with a girl because it was an easy opportunity was totally insulting to him.
“I didn’t mean to accuse you of being a player or anything,” I said quietly. “I was just wondering if most guys do that or…”
He was shaking his head so I didn’t finish the sentence, but after a few seconds he sat up and sighed pretty heavily.
“I can’t even count how many girlfriends my dad has had on the side,” he said. “That’s what I was thinking about, I guess. Sorry.”
I sat up too. “You mean affairs with other women while he’s been married to your mom?”
“Yeah. He’s a real upstanding guy, isn’t he?”
“And your mom? If this is something you know about, does she?”
“Sure. She just turns a blind eye.”
I didn’t say anything in response. I guess I was just storing away another piece of information about Tyse’s life.
“But no, I didn’t react like Wyatt did. I told her I wasn’t interested and then I just watched the match on the screen.”
“How come you weren’t interested? I mean she wasn’t your type or anything?”
He kind of laughed again. “Uh, no she wasn’t, but I was there with you. The fact that we were just there as friends didn’t matter, but I was still there with another woman.”
I smiled when he did, and I was kind of impressed. “Aw, thanks Tyse. I feel important.” He was about to reply but I cut him off with, “Wait a minute. Do you think one of those girls is Lil? Maybe that’s who he started seeing. You sure she didn’t slip him a phone number or something?”
“No, she didn’t. And their names were Desiree and Na
tasha.”
“Ooh, someone remembered names,” I said with a teasing tone. “Are you sure they didn’t leave an impression?”
With a smile he said, “Uh, yeah I’m sure. I just have a good memory.”
“Uh-oh, I’ll have to remember that.”
My phone rang just then, and my heart kind of panicked when I saw it was Gage. I wasn’t sure if I should answer it or not for two reasons: Was it rude because I was hanging out with Tyse, and did I want to avoid Gage because I was with Tyse…
Chapter Twenty-One
“You can answer it if you want,” Tyse said. He returned to the grass in the same position he was in before.
“Uh, no that’s okay. I probably shouldn’t.”
By then it went to voicemail, and Tyse gave me a funny look. “You don’t want to talk to him?”
“Yeah, I do…”
“But?”
I shrugged. “He’ll ask what I’m up to.”
Tyse didn’t say anything as he watched me from where he was. I wasn’t sure if he realized what was going on or not, but I felt uncomfortable anyway. I listened to Gage’s message after he’d left it—it just said he was calling to talk and for me to call him back. He ended it with an “I love you,” and it kind of stabbed at my heart.
“So he wants to date other people, but you don’t want him to know you’re hanging out with someone else?” Tyse asked me.
“Uh…”
“Ellie, what’s wrong with having other friends? He doesn’t honestly expect to date other people but not let you do the same, does he?”
“No, he doesn’t expect that. At least I don’t think he does.”
“So why are you worried?”
“I’m not worried.”
“Then why couldn’t you answer the phone?”
“Because I’m hanging out with you. It would have been rude.”
“That’s not the reason and you know it,” he sighed. “You know, maybe he’d feel more motivated if he felt a little competition.”
“That’s how it all started,” I said out of frustration.
He looked me over carefully before saying, “How what all started?”
I sighed, but I knew I should just be honest and get it out. “Gage didn’t like me being friends with you. I mean at first it was okay because he didn’t feel threatened in any way, but maybe something changed. I don’t know. We’ve even fought about it a few times, so I just decided to focus my time and attention only on Gage.”
“Which is why I hardly saw you for a couple of weeks,” he barely nodded, suddenly realizing why.
“Yeah. It didn’t feel right, but I went along with it. I guess it didn’t matter because he dumped me anyway.”
“Because of me?”
“I don’t know, Tyse. I don’t even know what’s going on.”
I was really frustrated just thinking about it again and he could tell.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m just trying to understand it, too.”
“I know,” I sighed.
“Well I didn’t realize he had such a problem with me. I mean I can understand it because I see where he’s coming from, but he never said anything or acted weird about it.”
“He didn’t mind that I was friends with you; he only had a problem with it when he wasn’t around and we started hanging out together.”
He barely nodded his understanding. “And to him it was like someone moving in on his girl. Yeah, I get it. I’d be pretty pissed, too.”
“You would?”
“Well yeah. If I couldn’t be around my girlfriend and she was spending time with another guy, I would feel kind of worried about it.”
“Would you ask her not to spend time with the guy?”
He thought for a second. “I don’t know. I guess it would depend on the situation. If I completely trusted her then I would let it be. If I didn’t trust the guy then I would probably be concerned. I’m sure Gage has more of a problem with me than with you, Ellie.”
“He doesn’t know you very well.”
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I do like spending time with you, and I guess I knew it might create a problem between the two of you, but I suppose I felt a little selfish about it and wanted to be friends with you anyway.”
“Well I wanted to be friends with you, too. It was mutual.”
“Then maybe Gage just needs to realize what he’s giving up. I guess that’s the part I don’t get, Ellie. If he felt threatened about our friendship, why would he do the opposite of what would normally be done in that kind of situation?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s upset because you’re friends with another guy? And then he decides you guys should see other people. That, to me, doesn’t make sense. If it were me I would be doing all I could to preserve the relationship, not speed up the downfall.”
“But what if he just did it as a defensive move? Maybe he was afraid I’d find another guy so he just wanted to change up the rules so he wasn’t the one that got hurt?”
“That makes sense too, but really, Ellie… If he loves you…”
I didn’t want to hear him finish the sentence, and I was glad that he didn’t. I already understood what he meant; I just didn’t want to accept it.
“I have no idea what he’s going through because of his dad,” I said. “He could be creating more misery for himself just because he can. Sometimes people do that. He even said something about not holding me back. I thought he meant from dating other people. Maybe he meant something different. Maybe he meant he didn’t want me to…I don’t know, go through what he’s going through or something. He’s still struggling, so maybe he didn’t want me to be unhappy because he’s unhappy.”
Tyse only looked at the ground and didn’t respond.
“I know; that probably doesn’t make sense,” I said.
“No, it makes perfect sense. You push people away so they don’t have to be a part of a world you yourself don’t even want to be in. It’s pretty common actually.”
“Do you think that’s what’s going on with Gage? He thinks he’s doing me a favor?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess you’ll have to talk to him about it.”
“I’m kind of nervous about it,” I admitted.
“About him coming back for a while?”
“Yeah, and about… Well…”
He patiently watched me squirm, but I guess I didn’t have anything to lose by talking to him about it.
“I just wonder what things are going to be like. Last time he stayed with me, at my house, but that was when we were still together…”
Tyse slowly nodded his head. “And you’re wondering if he’s gonna want the whole ‘friends with benefits’ deal?”
I could feel my face flush. “Yeah, I guess.”
Neither of us said anything for a while, but I was surprised when he said, “I have to admit I was a little stunned that you were already at that point in your relationship. From my understanding, you had it all figured out and wanted to wait because Gage was such a respectful guy.”
I almost felt like my dad was admonishing me, or my older brother at least. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Things just kind of evolved that way, I guess,” I said quietly. “And I had even put the brakes on it because I kind of thought Gage was just struggling emotionally, and I didn’t want it to be for the wrong reasons.”
“But it was?”
Man, I was not equipped to talk about this stuff with another guy. Dawn, maybe—if she beat it out of me—but not Tyse. It was really awkward, even though I didn’t feel it should be.
“No, not then. To tell you the truth, I was actually thinking about the conversation we had in the kitchen.”
“The conversation you and I had?” he asked, motioning between us.
I nodded. “I guess I was just thinking about what you said—about every relationship being different—and I knew I wasn’t quite ready to take on that step ye
t.”
“Then. At that point, right? But somewhere along the line something changed.”
“Mmm…”
“What do you mean, ‘mmm’? You still weren’t ready?”
“It wasn’t that— well maybe, but… I don’t know. I was, but I think my reasons were a little off. Gage was having such a hard time, and because we weren’t able to be together consistently it just made it a little more…intense when we finally were together.”
He gave me a look that seemed to say, “uh, okay,” but then he said, “Understandable, I guess. Disappointing, but understandable.”
“Disappointing? What do you mean?”
“That you felt that way. That it just kind of…‘happened’ that way.”
“Wait, if you’re saying that I regret my choice…”
“Do you?”
I only stared at him for a few seconds. “No. I mean I don’t if… Well, if he’s decided…”
“If he’s decided he’s done with you, then yeah you regret it, right? Because now that he got what he wanted—”
“Don’t even say that. You don’t know Gage.”
“He’s not like that?”
“No.”
“It doesn’t run in the family?”
I just stared at him.
“I’m only trying to be objective, Ellie. It just sounds a bit coincidental to me. It’s not the first time a guy has used grief to his advantage.” He saw me roll my eyes and chuckled with, “What? Don’t tell me that didn’t cross your mind.”
I didn’t say anything, and I was wondering if he really should come with a filter. After half a minute of silence he said, “Ellie, I’m not trying to be a jerk or make him look like a bad guy or anything. Personally I like Gage, but I can’t really look at him the same way when talking about his relationship with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I take on different feelings. Gage as a teammate, a roommate, a guy to hang out with…he’s a cool guy. I really like him. Gage as your boyfriend is a different story. I’m a little more judgmental, I feel very defensive for you, and I have a hard time seeing you get hurt. I don’t really like him right now. I won’t apologize for feeling that way, but this is your life that he’s affecting and it bothers me. If I were to see Gage before I left town, I would probably have a few words with him.”
Summer Swing Page 23
