by Posy Roberts
“You think my hole is beautiful?” Bash asked as he faced Louis, draping his arms around Louis’s back in a way that screamed comfortably intimate. Louis slid his arms around Bash’s waist, hands fitting perfectly in the middle of his back the moment the handheld nozzle was on its hook.
“Very. And you’re . . . you’re comfortable using the word hole?”
Bash chuckled and pressed a kiss to Louis’s lips. “That’s what it is, right?”
“I guess. I’m just not used to such . . .”
“Crass descriptions?”
“No . . .” Louis tried to find a better way to describe this. “I’m used to more euphemistic terms. Pet names, I guess.” He shrugged as he realized just how stupid that was. And besides, that was another Mati thing he needed to leave in the past. “I’ve kissed a guy. That’s it. So I’ve never gotten to the stage where I named a guy’s dick Mr. Winkelkins or something stupid like that, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Bash mouthed, “Mr. Winkelkins,” then burst out laughing. “But you’ve gotten to that stage with women?”
Nothing could stop Louis’s embarrassed groan, revealing everything he wanted to stay tight-lipped about right then, but he was wearing Bash’s ring. They were sharing still. Sebastian had revealed his home, but this . . . talking about Mati right now. No. He just couldn’t do that. It would harsh the mood so bad, the last thing Louis wanted right now.
He diverted with, “I don’t want to talk about anyone but you. You’re the only person that matters right now. And you have a fucking gorgeous hole. I love the hair all over your body.” He thumbed Bash’s chest hair, the line on his stomach, but he stopped before running his fingers through the thatch at his groin even though he wanted to.
“Well, if you want to explore later, I’ll let you. If you’re ready for that.”
Louis kissed the tip of Bash’s nose. “The real question is, are you ready for that, Bash? I don’t want you to do this out of some sense of obligation.”
“That’s not how this feels at all.”
Louis stared into those eyes to see if what came out of his lips matched what his eyes said. Louis was good at reading people, and he believed what Bash said was true. “I want you to want this. You can sleep here even if you don’t give me one more kiss.”
Bash gave him a slow, sweet kiss with lots of tongue. A peck. Then, “Okay.”
Louis took a moment to catch his breath, then said, “One more thing.”
“What’s that?” Bash grabbed a bar of soap and worked it into a lather.
“Your real name. Bash can’t be it. And if we’re getting intimate—”
Bash cut him off with a peal of laughter.
“What?”
“Just . . . I can tell you were married and that you’ve slept with a lot of women.” Bash washed Louis’s shoulders and chest, back, so Louis returned the favor.
“How can you tell that?”
“You’re really careful with your language, like you were . . . trained not to offend.”
Was I? Probably.
“What if you used the words hole and tits and pussy around your wife?”
“I don’t know. I might’ve gotten slapped unless we were midfuck. She would’ve said it was disrespectful, but she was quite . . . proper. She was more likely to use medical terminology anywhere else. Penis, testicles, vulva, vagina.” He shrugged, feeling foolish.
“So you could say, ‘Your pussy tastes amazing’ as you’re going down on her, or ‘Ride me so I can suck your tits,’ but you couldn’t tell her that her tits look amazing in that tight sweater?”
Louis’s mouth fell open and his head involuntarily shook. “I’d never even attempt that.”
Bash tilted his head and gave him a half smile. “Try. For me.”
“But it feels like dirty talk.”
“Well, I want to hear you dirty talk me, then. And if you succeed, I’ll tell you my full name.”
“Is Bash related to your full name at all, or did you get it because of another reason?”
Bash laughed. “You really don’t want to speak frankly, do you? It scares you.”
“It does. I’m in the business of tempering all my words, so yeah, this is terrifying. I’ll be awkward as hell.”
“Newsflash, Louis. You’re already awkward as hell.” He giggled as he spun Louis around so he could scrub his back. “And yes, the nickname actually came from something I did. When I first moved to DC, I punched a homophobic bastard and knocked out his false teeth. Quick temper of mine.”
“I recall it. Just haven’t seen it in a while.”
“Lucky for me, everyone hated the guy, and he made himself scarce after that.”
Louis faced him again. “So that’s how you got the nickname?”
“Yeah, but I’m not saying it’s not related to my name as well.”
“You’re a tease.”
Bash beamed. “You’re just catching on to that? And here I thought you were smarter than the average . . . Well, you’re not a bear. Maybe you’re a daddy, but you might just be a wolf. Not sure you’re aggressive enough in bed for that yet. Only time will tell.” He winked and slipped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and leaving a trail of wet footprints all the way out of the bathroom.
“I’m just . . . Louis,” he said to the loofah.
14
Fish Out of Water
Sebastian didn’t know what to do when the door buzzed. How did Louis let people in? There was no staff, security, and the delivery person wasn’t on the other side of Louis’s door. They were on the outside door, which was locked . . . with a key.
“Louis? They’re here, and I don’t know what to do.” Fucking idiot. If you grew up like a normal person rather than with a silver spoon in your mouth, you wouldn’t be having a panic attack over this.
Louis shouted from upstairs, “The panel by the light switch, right next to the door . . . Hit the button on the left. That’ll let ’em in.”
Sebastian tried it, unsure it worked. “Did you pay already?”
“Yeah, but I’ll be right down.”
“Do I tip them?” People who delivered expected a tip, right?
“Nah. I included the tip when I placed the order.”
He tried to get his heart to stop racing. A person with a gun wasn’t greeting him. No one was expecting him to have answers. He wasn’t onstage, expected to perform for a roomful of his parents’ friends or a roomful of strangers.
It was food. The person was delivering food, for fuck’s sake.
A knock sounded on the interior door two feet away, and he shrieked. Not his finest moment.
He let them in, a guy wearing a baseball cap and carrying bags of food. If the guy had heard his startled reaction, he didn’t give it away. Maybe Louis’s front door was really well insulated or soundproofed or whatever words people who built houses used.
Your privilege is showing.
I know. Shut up.
Oh great, the battling devil and angel were back on his shoulders. Doubt was what his social worker called the devil. He believed her because the more successes he’d had since living on the streets, the less often he heard from Doubt. The other voice was his self-confidence, and listening to her was what made him apply for jobs and take chances. Doubt could go fuck himself. Doubt had to go away.
Louis was dealing with the delivery guy as Sebastian dealt with his inner demons. Hopefully he’d have them under control in a sec.
Soon they were alone again, and Louis had all the food set out at his kitchen table, along with dishes, napkins, drinks, and silverware this time. He dished up and passed the food to Sebastian as if nothing awkward had just happened.
“Who the fuck doesn’t know how a door buzzer works?”
Louis asked, “Well, have you had much opportunity to use them?”
“Fuck. I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
Louis nodded around a bite.
“I don’t know how to do basic things most people t
ake for granted.”
“Like?”
“Self-checkout. The first time I saw those lanes, I freaked out. Still haven’t used one.”
“And door buzzers? Letting people in?”
“I know how to let people up when there’s a front desk and security that calls me.”
“See?” Louis said, using his fork to point at him. “I’d be clueless in that situation. If I were the visitor, I’d think I could just head into the elevator all by myself, and I’d likely be arrested for trespassing or some shit.”
“Depends on the building.”
“People just knocked on my front door where I grew up. I didn’t know who was on the other side before I answered it unless I looked out the window first.”
“Scary.”
Louis smiled. It wasn’t cruel or filled with pity. It was more like, yeah, sometimes it was scary.
“His knock scared me too,” Sebastian admitted.
“I heard that. It’s okay, ya know.”
“Is it? To be afraid of such little things . . .”
“You had your fucking house thrown in the trash. By the city. And that was after you lost your whole world. I give you permission to be scared.”
Sebastian laughed as he slid a piece of pineapple off his kabob and popped it in between his smiling lips. “I’ll take it.”
“In fact, I think you should give yourself permission to just . . .” Louis shook his head. “I don’t even know how to say it. But based on how on guard you were when I first ran into you, I’m guessing you’ve buried your fears. You’ve had to.”
“I have. To survive.” Sebastian’s throat tightened. It was hard to swallow.
“I’m a veritable stranger to you, but I want you to feel safe here. My house should be a place where you can let your guard down. There’s no property to protect here. All you need to do is ask and I’ll help.”
“I do feel safe here, Louis. Safer than I have in ages. I slept here, which says a lot. Not because it was cold out. I slept here because I felt . . . secure.”
“You can sleep here again tonight. The guest room is yours.”
“Could I . . . maybe . . . sleep with you? Your neighbor’s early workout . . .”
Louis squeezed Sebastian’s hand. “Yeah. It was nice sharing with you.”
“I liked it too. Way more than I ever expected to, actually.”
Louis chuckled. “You make it sound as if you’ve never shared a bed.”
“Not for a full night, at least with someone I wanted to be in bed with. Nope.”
“Well, last night wasn’t a full night. We’ll see how you feel about bed sharing in the morning. I’ve been known to snore, and on occasion I hog the blankets.”
“As long as you don’t press your cold feet into my back or something like that, I think I’ll be good.”
“I sleep with socks on, silly goose.” Louis winked.
“Silly goose? Serious? I’m not five.”
“Truth. By the way, what was your favorite thing in the whole wide world when you were five?”
It was a weird question. Louis kept redirecting their conversations, taking unexpected detours and U-turns. Maybe this would feel less threatening to him even if it revealed a lot more than real first names or Sebastian admitting he was pissed at his parents.
“Grilled cheese sandwiches. No, my train set. It was huge. Took up half my playroom.”
“Which was how big?”
Sebastian sized up Louis’s place. “The size of the living room and dining room combined. Maybe a tish bigger.”
“Your place must’ve been huge.”
“Six thousand square feet.”
“Shit. That’s ginormous.”
“My wing—”
“Your wing?”
“—was about the size of your house.”
“Jesus Christ! You just brought home how differently we grew up.”
Sebastian scoffed. “And now I live under cardboard, tarps, and blankets, so does it really matter?”
“Hey.” Louis gripped his hand and ran a gentle thumb over his knuckles. “I didn’t mean . . .”
“It’s okay. I know how fucked my childhood was. And seriously, imagine being a kid living in all this space. Alone.”
“I don’t even like it as an adult.”
Sebastian looked into Louis’s watery eyes, and they had a moment before Louis played with the condensation on his glass.
Sebastian took the last few bites and chewed methodically. He’d savored his meal, a stark contrast to Louis, who’d been done for at least five minutes. He’d been nursing a glass of water ever since.
After Sebastian’s plate was clear, Louis asked, “Wanna watch a movie or TV show?”
“Not really.”
“Uh . . .”
Louis was clearly unsure of where to head now. Sebastian put him out of his misery. “I’d rather head to bed. Maybe read or something? I haven’t read in decent lighting in ages.”
“Sure.” Louis brightened as he waved a hand toward his stuffed bookcases in the living room. “What do you want to read? I have quite a bit to choose from, but I don’t know your preferred genre.”
“Romance.”
“Oh. Uh, I have some. They’re just not on the shelves. Mati read romance. Devoured, more like it.”
Sebastian laughed at the apt description. “Us romance readers tend to be voracious. There were times I read fifteen books a week.”
“Sounds familiar.” Pushing back from the table, Louis said, “I have a few boxes in my storage closet. I don’t know what she bought, but you’re more than welcome to read them all. I likely won’t.”
Five minutes later, Sebastian was surrounded by a sea of romance novels he was stacking, organizing them so he could decide which to read first.
“You’ve got this. I’ll clean up the dishes,” Louis said. “Meet you in bed.”
Sebastian absently said, “Uh-huh,” when he realized Mati had a collection of gay romance novels he was dying to dig into.
15
Glorious Tease
Bash was sitting in Louis’s bed, shirtless and at home. Louis smiled as he realized how soft he looked right then. No defenses up. No snark in play. He was just . . . open and exposed. Not just because his hairy chest was out on display. No. This was bigger.
He was sitting cross-legged under Louis’s bedding, reading the back covers of books with wide-eyed wonder. It was clear he was trying to decide which book to read first.
Oh, he thinks he has to choose.
“Planning on staying awhile?” Louis teased as he stepped into the bedroom and registered just how many books Bash had stacked on the bedside table. “That’s at least twenty.”
A lovely color snuck up Bash’s cheeks, at least the parts Louis could see, but he was sure Bash was blushing under his beard too. Oh, and there it was, drifting down his neck, spreading over his chest until it was obscured by hair there as well. Fucking gorgeous.
“I read fast.”
“And a lot, apparently.” Louis dug through his dresser and found his pajama bottoms, making quick work of getting ready for bed.
“The library lets me check out fifty at a time.”
“Geez.”
“Not that I’ve ever done that. I have to carry ’em home, after all. But at my favorite used bookshop, there’s a guy who keeps a pile of books for me that are too ratty to sell. I’ve just never seen gay romance before, so I wanted to explore.”
“Explore to your heart’s content. I won’t rush you.”
Louis crawled into bed, and Bash’s gaze darted from his chest to the comforter, back to his chest. He’d worn a T-shirt to bed last night, not his usual bedtime attire, which was just a soft pair of flannel PJ bottoms and warm socks in the winter. Summers he wore underwear only, or nothing.
Last night, he felt he had to wear a shirt. Why? He wasn’t sure. So he didn’t feel so exposed? So he’d be dressed if he was needed in the middle of the night?
N
ow he didn’t feel the need to cover up as much, for whatever reason. He wasn’t about to analyze it. He was just enjoying feeling this relaxed and comfortable around someone again. It had been too long since he’d let his guard down.
And he liked that he drew Bash’s gaze.
He liked it so much that he wanted more. Louis scratched his stomach; Bash glanced over before opening a book and flipping past the title page.
Louis massaged tension away from his neck muscles, moaning, making a show of it by arching his back.
Bash’s breath hitched.
Louis was doing something right.
He palmed his chest, thumbing over his nipples, and then his stomach. He pushed the bedding out of the way as he pressed into his hips, his groin muscles, his thighs, stretching until he’d worked all the knots and cracks out.
“You about done?” Bash asked with a quirked brow. “It’s like you’re making porn just for me.”
Rolling to face Bash, Louis grinned. “You like?”
“Duh.”
“Am I enticing you? Is it working, or are you more interested in reading?”
Bash blindly set the book aside, which meant he missed the bedside table entirely. The book tumbled to the ground, but neither of them cared as Bash palmed Louis’s chest. “Everything about you is enticing, Louis. Don’t you know that?”
Louis bit his bottom lip. “That’s not what my foray back into the dating world has told me. The opposite is what I’ve taken away, actually.”
Bash straddled Louis’s hips, not resting any weight on his groin, thank God. Louis was hard as a rock, and the slightest pressure, especially from Bash’s beautiful pajama-covered bottom, would’ve had him thrusting. They were talking, not fucking.
Bash leaned forward, palms pressed into the pillow on either side of Louis’s ears, but he looked down Louis’s body, studying every inch on display. “You’re fucking edible. You’re a dream come true. You sure you’re not heaven-sent?”
Louis chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I’m of earthly descent, but I wouldn’t mind hearing more about what parts of me you want to eat. And why.”
