Audrey gave me a small smile from across the table. “For the record, I think he really does like you. But something must be holding him back.”
“I don’t get it,” Rachel said. “He’s the only one who’s like that.” She paused. “Well, never mind. Drake is also pretty closed off too. But he’ll date. He just prefers to break hearts instead of avoiding girls altogether.”
Audrey turned to her. “And what about Aaron?” I could hear the teasing in her tone. “Why hasn’t he asked you out yet? The winter dance is coming up, you know.”
Jefferson had already seen its first couple of slightly cheesy, kinda romantic promposals.
A wide smile grew on Nora’s face. “You know, I’ve been wondering that myself.”
I wasn’t sure Rachel was even capable of blushing, but she sure did stutter when she was embarrassed. “I—he, I mean, we… are just friends,” she finished lamely, going back to her salad. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she added under her breath.
At least that exchange made me smile. I nudged her gently. “She has a point. If you two like each other, why haven’t you two…you know…”
“We don’t,” she said firmly. “We. Are. Just friends.”
But later, Audrey pulled me aside and gave me the real reason why those two couldn’t happen. “That sucks,” I replied.
Cade walked by, giving Audrey a quick smile and wave.
Was it me or…
Audrey waved back. She must have noticed the way I was looking at her because she said, “We’re neighbors. I live next door.”
I had a feeling that there was a lot going on in and around Jefferson that I didn’t know about.
Including with Ben.
Something was going on with him, and I wanted to know what.
One thing I knew for sure.
What had happened between us had been genuine. I hadn’t misinterpreted anything.
But something had changed with Ben.
I wanted to know what.
26
That night, I turned to ice cream and rom-coms to soothe my troubles.
Mom had to work late again, but I wanted to stay up and wait for her.
I missed her.
I hadn’t seen her much since she’d gotten back from that trip.
More than ever, I missed our girl talks.
Talking about boys, crushes, and funny stories. Mom always had the best stories about boys from growing up.
It was hard to imagine her at my age, worrying about a boy liking her or not and what she should say to him. If she should say anything.
I needed her advice. Desperately.
Or really, just to talk and get some reassurance that everything would be okay.
That this boy might end up totally breaking my heart, but I would be okay either way.
I needed a hug.
Well after dinner, the front door opened.
I’d been starting to snooze during The Office, just watching Jim and Pam and all the ways they couldn’t be together yet but were meant for each other.
Mom walked into the living room and set down her bag and purse on the couch adjacent to me. “Hey, you. You’re still up?” she asked. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me.
“Yeah,” I replied, squeezing her back.
Then she eyed the empty Ben & Jerry’s pint on the coffee table. “Tough day?”
I nodded, pulling back. “Boy trouble.”
“Ugh,” she replied. “Let me change into my pajamas, grab the other pint of ice cream, and I’ll join you.”
A few minutes later, though, she still wasn’t back.
I began picking up my mess. Threw away the empty ice cream container.
Then I made my way to Mom’s bedroom to see what was going on. Had she fallen asleep or something?
I found her sitting on her bed, laptop balanced on her legs as she typed away. “Mom?” I asked, slightly annoyed.
She hardly looked up. “Sorry, honey. I just need to reply to one email, and then we can catch up.”
Something about her distracted response triggered something in me.
Why did she always have to work?
First she had to do this and then she could spend time with me, listen to me?
“Just forget about it,” I snapped. “I want to go to sleep anyway.” I turned to go but Mom called out to me.
“Scarlett! I’m sorry.” I faced her again. She closed the computer and patted a spot on the bed beside her. “Sit. Let’s talk about it.”
The problem was I no longer wanted to talk to her about anything. “I don’t want to, okay? Besides, don’t you have work to do? Calls to make?”
Mom’s face fell as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Hurt filled her eyes along with tears. Her bottom lip quivered for just a second before she pressed her mouth into a hard line. “Okay,” she replied quietly.
I bit the inside of my lip. Regret filled my insides, but I left anyway, shutting the door closed behind me.
27
On Friday, the boys lost their second game of the season.
Mom texted me at halftime that she wasn’t going to make it thanks to being stuck in some serious traffic.
I sighed and let her know that it was okay, that there were still a couple of games left in the season.
Then I put away my phone. Even though I still felt bad about snapping at her, I wasn’t ready to apologize just yet.
Meanwhile, during the game, Ben had missed an easy pass, costing them much needed points. It wasn’t long before the rest of the team was making costly errors like that.
Coach brought Ben out for the rest of the game. It was hard to believe that one of the team’s star players had gotten benched.
He slumped over with his forearms resting on his knees.
I wished I could’ve gone over there and reassured him, let him know that it was okay to have an off night.
On our way home, he walked past me on the bus. He hardly looked at me as he took a seat a few rows down, but his expression told me that he hated having let the whole team down.
This time, no one sat with him. He sat in the middle of the seat, earbuds in, and hood up, making it clear that he didn’t want to interact with anyone.
On Monday, Ben sat by himself at lunch.
He seemed tired. First, he worked on homework, but then he seemed to give up because he put his head down on the table, resting it in his arms, face down.
I missed hanging out with him at Bobby’s. Doing homework together and eating endless servings of fries.
I missed being with him, passing the time until Mom came home. Talking, laughing, noticing the way his eyes crinkled a little bit when he smiled.
How he looked down when he did smile because it was almost like he didn’t want the world to see it.
I sighed and made myself stop looking over at him.
Rachel gave me a side hug. Audrey and Nora gave me sympathetic looks.
“I wish he would just say what’s going on,” I said, pretty bummed.
Nora glanced over at Ben, who still had his head down. “What can you expect? Boys.” She turned back to us. “I swear…they’re more dramatic than girls sometimes.”
Rachel laughed. “Especially if it’s over a freakin’ video game.”
Audrey gave me a serious look. “So when did he start acting all weird? I’m not saying it’s your fault or anything, but do you think you said something that made him think you just wanted to be friends or something?”
I thought about that. “I don’t think so?” I said, trying to remember.
Rachel snapped her fingers. “Remember on the way back from that away game? He didn’t sit with you on the way back?”
I furrowed a brow. “But that night he was just tired from the game.”
Rachel gave a, “Hmm.” She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know. From my experience, if a guy is into you, he will want to sit with you no matter what.”
Nora’s eyes gleamed with mis
chief. “Is that why Aaron always sits with you in class? And follows you around like a puppy?”
“Oh my gosh,” Rachel said. “So not true.”
But I could tell she was on the verge of stuttering, which was a sure sign of her being embarrassed or trying to avoid a certain topic.
“Anyway,” she went on, turning to me. “Maybe something happened before that that would explain all of this. Try to think.”
I exhaled. “Let’s see. We sat together on the way there. We were talking about the Human A & P test…then he told me about his little brother, how he plays football too and they pulled some prank on him…then we just listened to music the rest of the time,” I finished.
Audrey, Nora, and Rachel sat for a minute, thinking.
Rachel quirked a brow. “We also stopped to eat. I remember he didn’t talk much, though.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, because we were eating.”
“No,” she said. “We were all talking and eating and then he got up and left for a while.”
“Bathroom,” I replied.
“Yeah,” she went on. “But now that I think about it he was quiet through most of the meal.”
I thought he’d been tired, but had something happened?
Rachel gasped. “You said you’d never been to Zaxby’s before!”
Audrey and Nora stared quizzically at her.
So did I. “What does that have to do with anything?” I asked with a laugh.
Rachel frowned. “I don’t know. It sounded way smarter in my head just a second ago.”
Then it hit me. “Wait. Just before he got up and left.” I tried to remember what we’d said, but it felt just out of my reach. “You and I were talking about something.”
Rachel nodded. “You said something about…moving here permanently.”
Audrey and Nora glanced at each other, furrowing their brows. Nora leaned forward. “What do you mean ‘permanently’?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “It was a joke.” But the more I thought about it, the more I saw how Ben could have thought it wasn’t a joke. And really…
Had it been a joke?
Rachel, Nora, and Audrey waited for me to go on. I sighed. “I mean…it was supposed to be a joke.”
Audrey looked like she was trying to figure something out. “So are you and your Mom not staying here?”
Nora nodded. “Yeah, are you guys moving back at some point?”
Rachel looked at me expectantly.
I stared down at my food. “Honestly?” I said.
They all nodded quickly.
“Honestly… I don’t know,” I replied. “When we decided to move here, we agreed that we would see how it went. Maybe we would stay, maybe we would move back, depending on…”
Rachel motioned with her hand. “Depending on?”
I took a deep breath. “How much I liked this new school, whether I wanted to graduate with the kids I grew up with or not, whether my mom liked her new job…” I exhaled. “And whether we wanted to move back to be close to family…and to my dad,” I finished quietly.
The three of them just kind of sat back and didn’t say anything for a while.
All around us, the cafeteria continued with laughter, loud conversations, and the occasional crash of someone dropping a tray or a utensil.
“Sorry, guys,” I said. “I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal, you know? We just moved here a few months ago. If we did move…it wouldn’t be now. It would be…I don’t know.”
Rachel looked at me. “Over the summer? Before senior year?”
I nodded, cringing a little now at how it all sounded. “Yeah, probably.”
Audrey set down her fork. “But you said you guys don’t know yet? Like if you’ll move back or not?”
I shook my head. “Nothing is set in stone,” I replied. “That’s what my Mom and I agreed on. We would evaluate at some point.”
Rachel exhaled and put her chin in her hands. Her gaze flicked to Ben. “So maybe he thought you might be moving back? And that’s why he’s been acting all weird?”
Nora leaned her head to one side. “Makes sense, even if I think he could’ve just talked to you about it.”
Audrey turned to her. “This is Ben we’re talking about. He probably just decided that it was best to go back to his no dating rule.”
Nora frowned. “Still…he could’ve talked to Scarlett about it. Let her know instead of just not talking to her anymore.”
My eyes went to Ben, this time with a whole new perspective.
Is that what had happened?
As much as I thought I would be annoyed—and I had been—now I just felt kind of bad for him. I thought about that day after the pep rally, how vulnerable he’d been talking about his dad even for just a moment. I turned back to the girls.
Rachel crossed her arms and rested them on the table. “Maybe it reminded him of his Dad too. Left a bad taste in his mouth.”
Audrey nodded and turned to me. “Like he thought of his Dad leaving and then you leaving too.”
Leaving? “What do you mean?” I asked. “His dad left? I thought he passed away.”
Rachel shook her head. “No, he left them when they were little. Never sent them a card or called or anything.”
All of a sudden, I felt like I might be sick, like I had just learned something incredibly personal about Ben and his family.
Something he should’ve told me himself.
But why hadn’t he? He’d made it sound like his Dad had passed away too, like we’d had that in common.
I turned to look at Ben again, but he was gone.
28
It was as if the universe was determined to rub in the fact that Ben and I were no longer even friends.
In fact, we were less than friends. Not even acquaintances.
More like two people who no longer even looked at each other.
Or at least one person who pretended the other one didn’t exist.
I missed Ben. Missed talking to him. Missed his smiles and his text messages.
And as if it all wasn’t bad enough, I missed Bobby’s.
I hadn’t had the courage to go back ever since he’d stopped talking to Ben.
Rachel said it was ridiculous that now I was avoiding him too, but the only thing I thought was ridiculous was how fast we’d gone from more than friends to less than.
And how long I’d gone without a burger and fries from Bobby’s.
Ben and I had one class together.
We sat a couple of rows apart. Before, we’d smile at each other here and then, maybe send a text during class, make fun of something the teacher said.
But now it just made things all the more awkward.
However, since it was Language Arts, most of the class was reading, writing, or class discussions.
All I had to do was sit and face forward and remember to raise my hand to participate in the class discussion every once in a while.
But that day, the teacher had other ideas after the lesson.
“Okay, everyone. It’s time to critique your rough drafts. So get them out and partner up with the same person as last time.”
Oh no.
I pulled out my rough draft of the paper due next week along with everyone else, dreading what was coming next.
The teacher, Mrs. Brown, walked around and prodded us. “Let’s go, everyone. Don’t look so excited.”
I moved along at a sloth’s pace just like everyone else because last time I’d paired up with Ben.
This had been about three weeks ago, around when we’d kissed.
I remembered because I felt like I hadn’t been able to stop blushing the entire time we worked together, just being that close to him.
Glancing around the room, I looked for any kind of escape. Nora was in this class, but today she’d been checked out for a dentist appointment.
Finally, I glanced at Ben. He looked just as nervous about this ordeal as I was.
Mrs. Brown stopped in front of my
desk. “Scarlett, who did you partner up with last time?”
Uh….
“With Ben,” I answered meekly.
She turned to Ben, who looked like he’d rather disappear off the face of the earth than get up from his desk. He bent down to shuffle through his book bag.
Mrs. Brown turned the empty desk in front of me over to face me in about two seconds flat. “Ben? Find your paper yet?” she asked, hands on her hips.
Ben looked at her like a deer in headlights for a second before holding ups stack of notebook paper. “Um, yes, ma’am,” he replied lamely.
A minute later, we sat across from each other awkwardly without saying a word.
The rest of the class wasn’t very enthusiastic about critiquing essays either, but me and Ben?
This was just painful.
I offered him my paper. “Want to read each other’s paper and add comments in the margins?”
“Sure,” he said, giving me his paper and taking mine.
Our fingers brushed for a second, and my breath hitched silently—I hoped.
We went back to an awkward silence, but at least this time, we had something to do.
I made my brain focus on the words in front of me and not how close Ben was. If I moved just a little, my leg would touch his, but I didn’t want to do that, so I kept my legs locked in place.
This didn’t need to be any worse than it already was.
After about fifteen minutes, we exchanged papers again. Ben glanced over the first page, then the second and the third. His eyes met mine, and for a second, the Ben I’d come to know was there.
But then he was back to all business. “This is great. Thank you. My comments probably aren’t as helpful…”
I read over them. “No, they’re good,” I said, pointing to something he’d circled on the second page. “I keep forgetting to put the parenthetical citations in the right place. Thanks,” I said, my voice fading into nothing.
Everyone else was still critiquing, or in some cases, completely goofing off.
I sat there, pretending to read over Ben’s comments and trying to decide if Mrs. Brown would let me go to the bathroom. Maybe by the time I got back, she’d have us back at our assigned seats and we wouldn’t have to do this anymore.
Falling for Ben & Other Impossible Things (Garcia Brothers Book 1) Page 12
