"I stare at it and wonder...will I be able to be worthy of this badge? Will I be able to prove my worth today?" I whimpered. A cry escaped me and I stomped my feet in frustration since my arms were trapped in Michael's hold.
"Fuck, Michael! How long till you guys accept me? How long till you think of me as a damn team member and not just your fainting girlfriend who can sometimes use magic and has a fucking stone in her heat! When will you think of me as a damn partner?!" I shouted.
"Scar, we don-"
"YOU DO!" I screamed and struggled out of his hold, turning to glare at him. He stared at me in shock and I let my tears fall as I let my pain out.
"When my mom was murdered, I vowed I'd become an investigator. I worked my ass off through the laughter and the pain of my childhood to be able to reach this point. I ignored the loneliness and the hardships I had to endure, so one day I could carry that badge with pride. Yet, it's been five and a half months and I still feel like I’m the girl who walked up the stairs of Saikikku's home as a rookie. Five and half months of endless cases, car chases, mall fights, cage fights! Hah! The list goes on, yet because I do something right for the team, I don't belong? But I bet if any of you did what I did, you'd be praised for it. You would all pat the person's back and say how amazing the they are."
Michael was speechless and I laughed. "Is it because I'm a girl? Or wait, because I'm your guys’ lover? Everyone wants to shelter me from this world, but GUESS WHAT? I'M AT THE CENTRE OF IT! I have a fucking STONE in my heart! I can feel the winds cry and the ground sob in agony every fucking day, because us shifters and humans alike can't take care of our own world! Fire outbreaks are happening everywhere and as much as I try to ignore it, I can't help but feel the fire's anger. Shifters and humans thinks they own this world, yet we’re are NOTHING but residents! And I get to feel all of that because I'm the Elemental! I'm the girl who gets visions and can see someone's past and even fucking future. But my own team, my boyfriends who claim to support all I do and give me the push I need to fight my insecurities, encourage me for one moment and then despise my actions the next. Even Kendrick puts me as his daughter FIRST instead of as one of his agents. How long do I have to scream and wave my hands in the fucking air before SOMEONE gets it?!" I screamed.
We stood there in silence as I tried to catch my breath, tears rolling down my cheeks as I trembled from the cold of the rain.
"Scar...we...didn't mean to make you feel that way," Michael whispered, agony written all over his face.
"Well, congratulations!" I clapped. "That's exactly how I feel, and have for MONTHS! But it's all good. I gave my badge to Jaxson. I'll sign my resignation and then you guys can find an agent that isn't a burden like me."
I turned around and began to walk again. My teeth chattered and my clothes stuck to my body, which made walking fast rather difficult, but I decided to suck it up. It wasn't as bad as the pain in my heart. Unity? Hah...unity my ass. Can't be united when you all think differently.
"Scar."
Michael landed in front of me and I stopped. I glanced to the side, wanting to walk around him, but I was so tired. I was exhausted from saying what I had to say, sore from the fight I'd had to endure, the energy wasted giving Ethan the crystal.
I was just tired of fighting. I wanted to give up just this once. Michael sighed and stepped forward, pulling me into his arms. His wings wrapped around us and as much as I wanted to fight, I gave in.
"I just...want you guys to accept me as an agent. I love you all so much...and I know you love me too, but I need you to be able to accept that you can't shelter me. I just want to feel independent and a part of the team. I want to feel accepted, Michael. Is that too much to ask?" I lifted my head to meet his sad copper eyes. He shook his head and kissed my forehead.
"It's not too much, Scar. I'm sorry you feel this way." He held me tightly against him. My shoulders sank and I rested my head against his shoulder. I let my last thread of restraint go and started sobbing.
I cried like someone had died. As if the part of me I dreamed of becoming, a confident woman who stopped crime and would be able to find and bring in the person who stole her precious mother away, had died. It was like accepting the reality you'd never be the person you always wanted to be. No matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be good enough to reach whatever standard was set for me.
Not because the standard was hard to achieve. It was because the standard kept on rising when I was mere inches away from it, leaving me hopeless and tired of trying over and over again.
"Let's go to my place, or you're going to get sick," Michael encouraged.
"The...others," I whispered, knowing they would be worried. Here I was crying like an idiot, and yet I was still worried about the rest of the team. The team I no longer was a part of.
"They aren't invited. This is your boyfriend taking you home to his place. We'll take a nice bath and relax, just the two of us," he offered.
I nodded at first, but realized one problem with that. I looked up at him with wide eyes and slowly took in his drenched appearance.
"Michael...you hate water," I pointed out. He gave me a sad smile and nodded.
"Yes…and though it's kinda hard for me to stand here right now, I do it because my partner is upset at our team for not acknowledging her greatness. I stand here because I need to show you that everything you're saying is worth every second of me standing here, even if I'm panicking inside. I want you to understand that your pain is my pain. And yes, you are my girlfriend and that comes with its own worries and fears, but since we are clocked in, we are still partners right now. I need to prove to you that no one else belongs in Team Seven with us, but you. Jaxson can go fuck himself." Michael mumbled the last sentence.
I closed my eyes, urging the rain to stop, even if it was just in this area. Within moments, the harsh downpour began to decrease and just like that, it stopped raining. Thank you.
The elements were only trying to comfort me the best they could and I thanked them for that sense of understanding and love.
"Sorry....you won't be in pain right?" I asked, now worrying about Michael. I knew water was something he despised, but I didn't know the background around it, which made me worry if he was going to have a bad reaction.
"I'll be fine, silly. Why are you so selfless? Stop moving the spotlight off you,” he whispered and pulled me back into a firm hug.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't-"
"Shh, Scar. Stop. I don't want you apologizing for this. It had to be said, or this would have been going on and none of us would know. We aren't perfect and please do not think because you're a girl, we think you’re some fragile doll who can't be one of us.
“Jaxson...he's...difficult and the past he's endured makes him that way. I know you understand and reacted because you had enough. I think it's good for him to be on the receiving end and think about his words. Now, let's go to my place before you get sick,” he urged.
I nodded into his shirt, tightening my hold on him. He stroked my back and we stayed there for a few more minutes. Michael let me cry again and waited till I calmed before we walked back to the motorbike, my hand in his.
Michael drove and I rested my head against his wet back, not caring about how drenched he was, but wishing I could see his wings again.
I was simply drained, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I wanted to just sleep and hope this had all been a bad dream. The wind blew past us as Michael drove down the quiet freeway. The sound of the wind was like a lullaby, singing a calming tune to help me sleep.
My eyes slowly came to a close and I truly hoped this was all just a dream.
"Scarlet?"
"Scar...wake up. Michael's in pain."
I stirred at Aurora's and Serenity's voices that were filled with concern. I opened my heavy eyelids, noticing a fireplace burning about three feet in front of me. I slowly sat up, looking down to see the long white shirt that loosely hung over my body. I squinted around to see if my glasses were nearby.
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The place looked familiar, but my mind was still playing catch up as to why I here to begin with. I noticed my glasses on the side table next to the black sofa I was resting on. I reached out and picked them up before opening them up and sliding them onto my face. My blurred vision instantly cleared and I studied the clean yet cozy living room that was white and gold themed.
My ears picked up the sound of someone vomiting, followed by a series of coughs. My heart skipped a beat when Serenity's words sunk in. Michael?!
I lifted the fuzzy white blanket off my legs and ran barefoot on the tiled floor to where I hoped the washroom was. The sounds of coughing and sniffing grew louder the closer I got.
I reached the washroom within six seconds and opened the door to see Michael trembling on the floor as he tried to catch his breath.
"Michael?!" I exclaimed as I dropped to the floor next to him, immediately rubbing his back as I felt Serenity take over. I didn't even fight the switch, needed to make sure Michael was okay.
He looked horrible. He had a pale face, flushed cheeks, sweaty forehead and tired eyes that could barely stay open as he tried to stop shaking. Panic attack.
"Panic...attack?" I asked within our mind. Aurora was silent for a moment.
"He's frightened of water, right?" she reminded.
"Yes...but when we went to the hot springs, he didn't have such a intense response," I recalled. Serenity frowned and took a calming breath as she began to rub his back soothingly.
He didn't have a reaction maybe because you were there and you guys weren't in there for a long time. He wasn't submerged in water or anything. With him being drenched by it for a longer period of time, the rain must have triggered the reaction associated with his fear of water.
I felt horrible as my essence floated in my mind as Serenity continued to rub Michael's back. She began to sing quietly and I could sense the magic flowing through the melody and doing its duty to ease Michael's pain.
I noticed his breathing slowed and the tension in his shoulders left him as he finally relaxed. He opened his eyes and glanced over at me. Serenity took the opportunity to pull back, giving me control once more.
"Scar? Sorry, did I wake you?" I almost broke down and cried at his weak voice.
"Michael? No you didn’t wake me. But why didn’t you if you weren’t feeling well?" I pulled him into my arms and he relaxed, resting his head against my chest.
"You were tired. Didn't want to bother you with my problems,” he whispered. I wanted to scold him, but I noticed his breathing had slowed. Within moments he was fast asleep.
I let out a slow breath, relieved he was okay and wasn't vomiting anymore. I stayed still, watching him for a while but decided he'd be more comfortable and warm near the fireplace. I laid him down, using a towel as a pillow before I took a calming breath and summoned the wind to my aid.
It came with ease which left me a little surprised, but I put the thought in the back of my mind as I focused on lifting Michael slowly off the ground using the element. I held my concentration long enough to bring him into the living room, lowering him onto the black couch I had been previously laying on. Once he was on the couch, I got a wet cloth to clean his lips, and another one which I used to wipe his face soothingly.
He didn't feel like he was getting a fever, but I put a cool cloth on his forehead just in case and laid the fuzzy blanket over his lower half. Once I knew he was okay, I went back to the washroom and cleaned up the area, figuring that was the least I could do for him.
Once it was sparkling clean and approved by Aurora and Serenity, I headed back to the living room, noticing a few pictures on his desk that looked pretty brand new.
I took a closer look, noticing three pictures. The first one was Michael when he was little with his little brother, who I'd met when Mako came to visit. His name was Daniel and he also had an angel spirit. I knew Daniel and Mako were dealing with some issues, but I figured they must have worked it out during their visit here.
In the picture, Daniel had big gold-rimmed glasses and Michael wore an identical pair, both of them looking cute in the close-up. I put the picture back in place and moved to the second one.
This looked to be when Michael was only two or three and Daniel was but a baby. A tall man, who appeared to be Michael's father, stood with a crown on his head next to a beautiful woman with long gold hair. Daniel was in her arms, wrapped in a white blanket and Michael stood in front of them, his hand clinging to his mother's white dress and looking at the camera innocently with those bright gold eyes I adored.
I lowered the picture and turned my gaze to the final one. I picked it up to see Michael and Jaxson. It looked like they were in their late teens and Jaxson was smiling at the camera with that seductive smirk of his. I glanced over at Michael and noticed his eyes weren't looking into the camera, but were eyeing Jaxson. I stared at the image for a long time. No matter how long I looked at it, I could still see the love shining in Michael's eyes.
I knew the guys said Michael was bisexual and got very touchy when he was drunk or extremely exhausted, but the picture made me wonder if he had a crush on Jaxson. It left me curious as to if he still had a thing for Jaxson.
I lowered the picture and placed it back in its spot before I walked back to where Michael was sleeping. I sat down on the floor next to the sofa and rested my head against his the side of his right thigh so I could at least watch his chest rise and fall.
The room was quiet and the burning of the fireplace was comforting, the sound making it hard for me to not fall back asleep.
I ended up losing the battle, my eyes coming to a close as I continued to listen to the crackling sound of the wood being eaten by the flames.
Something brushed my cheek, which made me open my eyes slightly. Michael's gold orbs were staring at me as his hand continued to stroke my cheek. "Hey,” he greeted.
"Hey," I replied. I lifted my head and pulled my glasses off to rub my eyes. "How are you feeling?" I asked as I stood up and walked over to the side table to set my glasses back down before coming back over to Michael, who was slowly sitting up.
He tugged at the hair tie that held his hair back, releasing his long blonde tresses. He ran a hand through his hair while he sighed.
"I'm okay. Feel much better, that's for sure. Sorry, Scar and thank Serenity and Aurora for me as well. I didn't mean to wake you,” he confessed.
I quickly shook my head as I stood before him. "Michael, don't apologize. It's my fault. I didn't know you had such a strong reaction. You didn't need to risk yourself like that. I'm sorry," I whispered, lowering my head.
"Don't give me that look. It makes me depressed,” he mumbled before he patted his lap.
"Come here, Scar love." He moved so his back rested against the back of the sofa. I gave in, moving to sit in his lap. He had his arms around my waist and my legs were crossed yoga style in his lap. He rested his head on my right shoulder and I enjoyed his hold around me while I tried to ignore the feel of his groin beneath me.
We were quiet for a long time, watching the fire dancing in the fireplace, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
Michael eventually spoke first. "When I was young, we had a really horrible stepmom. Our real mom disappeared just after Daniel was born, many people saying she ran away because she had my brother, who had the same gift as me. Others said she was kidnapped by rogues, who were people who took shifters to gain rewards or simply to cause a disturbance in the realm. We have no idea really."
I turned my head slightly to get a glimpse of his expression, but he looked lost in whatever memory he was seeing as he stared aimlessly at the fireplace.
"The woman my father decided to marry was named Claire, and she hated us. She thought of us as a burden. Even though many of the maids, guards, and people could see she only loved my father for money, status, and comfortable living, my father was blind to it. I...was dealing with my own issues, being bullied at school for being unsure if I liked guys or girls and well...tho
se times were very dark for me,” he admitted.
He rested the left side of his head on my right shoulder and continued. "I had a few times where I knew no one would accept me: no one at school, not my father and certainly my stepmother. Being an angel shifter who should be following the holy commandments, not debating whether he liked boys or girls, left me feeling abandoned in a world that just didn't feel right for me. I eventually tried to take my life...but Daniel stopped me," Michael revealed.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried not to get emotional by his words, but it was hard. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without him in it.
Just like with the others, it seemed unimaginable, and that's why his admission hurt.
To realize if it hadn't been for his brother, he would have been gone from this life, just because no one was willing to accept the idea of an angel shifter liking someone of the same sex.
"I lived for him and decided it was my duty to protect him, because no one else would. We did have our private maid, Marissa, who was almost like a mom to us, but there was only so much she could do. And that was if she wasn't sent to the other half the castle by Claire to do a ton of unnecessary cleaning so she wouldn’t have any witnesses," Michael huffed.
"Then the day came where Claire was once again talking down to me for something I'd done that pissed her off. It was a normal routine at that point, me getting talked down to and beat with whatever Claire could get her hands on. I was just tired of the torment and her mean words. I knew it was having a negative effect on Daniel too, and I was over it. Claire decided I deserved a lesson and she returned to the room with a container of bleach in her hand."
"Bleach?" I exclaimed, unable to comprehend what she was planning to do.
"Ya, bleach. She tried pinning me down so she could pour it down my throat. It wouldn't have killed me, but I wouldn't have been strong enough to heal the damage it would have caused to my throat. Daniel pushed Claire off me, but she recovered quickly and used magic to spray a stream of bleach directly at Daniel, which hit his eyes at full impact. By the time I got to him, the stream had grown and felt like a powerful burst of water. I shielded Daniel the best I could, but we were both hit directly. The water was scalding hot and it was so hard to breathe. Daniel commanded her to stop with his gift just before Marissa arrived."
Visionary Awakened (Paranormal INC Series Book 2) Page 24
