by Sarah Dalton
“What the hell is going on?” he says, and for once he says what I’m thinking too.
*
MARY
Ghosts before bed, ghosts before breakfast. After an odd, dreamless sleep, I wake up to find Lacey say on the end of my bed, her eyes ringed with dark circles, and her skin green-tinged. My stomach flips. She’s not here for a good reason.
“What’s happened?” I ask.
“Four ghosts tried to kill Willa last night,” she says.
I knew this wasn’t going to be good.
“Four? Were they all our age and dressed in pyjamas?”
Her eyes widen. “Yes! Did they attack you too?”
“No, they just threatened me.”
“What did they say?” she demands.
“Just that they were coming for me,” I say, leaving the part out about Him. I’m not ready to tell her about the voice yet. I don’t want to share it with anyone. Still, not saying anything makes me feel strangely guilty. “Then they got sucked back as though they were being pulled. You know, like what happened with the girl who committed suicide.”
“This is all too weird.” She stands and begins pacing the room, her hair flowing out around her in the same way Little Amy’s did in Nettleby. The sight makes my skin crawl, but I don’t say anything. “There has to be a reason why these girls are killing themselves.”
“We don’t know if the four girls did die like that,” I point out. “Maybe they were murdered.”
“That’s worse,” Lacey points out.
She’s not wrong.
“What the hell is going on?” She gesticulates wildly with her arms as she walks back and forth. “None of this makes any sense. Why would so many girls die in such a short period of time? Unless something is controlling them.”
My blood runs cold. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve seen powerful ghosts possess humans before. What if there’s one ghost possessing people and forcing them to kill themselves?” she says.
“I dunno. That’s quite a stretch. If those four girls died at the same time, I’m not sure any ghost could possess four people at once. It took that dark spirit weeks to take control of my mother. It doesn’t add up. Let me get showered and dressed and we’ll talk some more, okay? I’m barely awake.”
Lacey nods, but I can tell her mind is elsewhere. That’s good, because she doesn’t notice how I’m trembling as I put on my dressing gown and head to the bathroom. I feel sick. All of this is connected, and all of it seems to lead to me, and to Willa. Could it be him? No, surely not. Otherwise Willa would have the dreams too. The water washes over me as I shake my head at the thought of Willa getting the dreams. She can’t. They’re just for me. They’re mine.
I don’t need any of this right now. Who does Lacey think she is? She’s barely been around me for the last few weeks. All she cares about is Willa. I wash shampoo out of my eyes, wincing at the burning sensation. No, I need to cut her some slack. Lacey is in love and she’s not thinking clearly. Also, Willa is in genuine danger.
This has all got so out of hand. I thought I could distance myself from it, but I can’t. I need to help them otherwise I’m never going to get away from death. If Willa is killed by these ghosts, I’ll never forgive myself.
I shut off the shower and go to dry myself. Lacey isn’t in my bedroom when I get back. She knows I like my privacy during these moments. But I’m not surprised to see her when I head down to the kitchen for breakfast. What I am surprised about, though, is Mum pulling me into a huge hug, and squeezing me so tight I think she might crack a rib.
“Oh, it’s so awful, so tragic,” she says. “I can’t believe it.”
“Whoa, easy there,” I say, entangling myself from her arms. “What’s so tragic you have to smother me for?”
Dad puts down his coffee cup and fixes me with a stare over his glasses. “Has anyone at school asked you to join a cult?”
“What? No!”
“What about a pact? Are there drugs and peer pressure going around your school?” he continues.
“Umm, no, not that I know of,” I say.
He nods, clearly pleased with this answer.
“Mary, you should sit down,” Mum says.
I can’t help glancing at Lacey, who has a raised eyebrow and half a smile on her face. I almost start giggling, and it feels good to have my best friend here again. It feels like things are normal, even though I know they are far from that.
“I got a phone call from one of the parents at school this morning. It seems there was a tragic death last night and three of the girls involved when to your school.”
“Okay,” I say, already knowing what this is about.
“Five girls were involved in some sort of suicide pact. They jumped from the top of the quarry and, sadly, four of them died.”
“That… that’s awful.” My skin is crawling, as though I have ants travelling all over me. So it was suicide again. Now I know there’s no coincidence going on. Lacey is right, all of these deaths are connected, and somehow, they connect Willa and me too. “Wait, did you say five girls were in the pact?”
“Yes,” Mum says. Her face pinches into that expression Mum’s get when they suspect something. “But one survived. She was caught on a rock under the cliff edge. It broke her fall and she survived. Although she’s got a lot of broken bones, poor thing. She nearly bled to death waiting for someone to find her. I think you know her, Terri Madekwe.”
I rub my arms, trying to get the warmth back in my blood. I’ve been lost on the moors and attacked by vengeful ghosts. I’ve even survived a fairground accident, but I’ve never laid there with broken limbs waiting for someone to find me. Poor Terri.
“The teachers at school are going to be heartbroken,” Dad says. “All these suicides. It’s such a waste.” He leans forward and says sternly, “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Don’t ever forget that.”
I can’t imagine ever taking my own life. But I also remember what it was like when the hospital was on fire. I would have jumped to my death to stop myself burning. Life and death is never simple.
“Dad, I’m not suicidal. I’m not even depressed.” I shrug my shoulders and feel every eye in the room on me, including Lacey. Jesus, do I look that pitiful? They all think I could do that? “I’ve got to get to school. Thanks for telling me about the Terri.”
On the way out of the door, Lacey says to me, “You know, you seem better today. More with it.”
I smile, but inside I’m cringing.
*
There’s only one hospital close to Ashforth, and that’s the County hospital. I know Terri must be there. I don’t tell anyone where I’m going. All I need to do is duck out of school for a couple of hours and come back at lunchtime. The teachers won’t care. It’s Lacey I’m worried about, but she’s not with me as much as she used to be, so it’s pretty easy to sneak away.
I found out from Melanie which ward she’s on and head straight there. Terri’s mum is sat next to her when I turn up, and Terri is sat upright in bed, with half her body encased in a plaster cast.
Terri’s mum wipes a tear from her eye and clears her throat before she speaks. “Are you here to see Terri?”
I nod. “We go to school together.”
She doesn’t say anything about me skipping class. “Thanks for coming. I think Terri could do with a few visitors right now.” She glances anxiously across at her daughter, who’s staring into space. “Look, I need to go to the loo and get a coffee and something to eat. Will you sit with her for ten minutes?”
“Sure.” I smile at her, hoping it’s a reassuring smile, even though inside I’m a mess.
She leaves and I take her seat, sliding into the warmth left by her body. “Hi Terri.”
She doesn’t reply, and that in itself is weird. She wasn’t the instigator of the bullying last month, but she was feisty enough to be a pain in my backside. This unemotional, unfocussed version of her scares me.
�
�I’m sorry about what happened. I hope you’re doing better now. I know it’s kind of weird me visiting you. I know we’re not exactly friends anymore. But what happened to you was really… scary I guess. I just want to check you’re okay and find out what happened.” I lean forward. “It might be happening to me, too.”
The left corner of her mouth twitches.
“The dreams. The voice.”
Her head snaps towards me. “What do you mean?”
It’s as I feared. My stomach drops to my feet. “Did you have strange dreams before it happened? Like you were in a world where everything was perfect and you were happier than you’ve ever been before? Where the weight of life was lifted from your shoulders and you could giggle like a child?”
Her eyes well with tears. “How do you know all this?”
“Was he as beautiful in your dreams, too?” I ask. “Was his smile as beautiful?”
“He smiled just for me,” she says dreamily. “Not for anyone else.”
“Yes,” I say. “I thought that, too.”
“But then I saw the others there and he was telling them that we’d all be together and rule together. I didn’t want to share him. I wanted it exactly as it was in my dream. I wanted it all. It… It wasn’t what I thought it was.” She grasped my arm tight, so that her fingernails dug into my skin. Her bloodshot eyes were wide and terrifying. “Now I can’t sleep. I can’t dream. I don’t hear his voice telling me that it’s all okay. What am I going to do? I need to dream. Can you help me? Can you make me dream?”
I try to pull away but her grip is too tight. “Terri… Terri I can’t make the dreams come back.”
“You’re weird. You’re Scary Mary. We all know you’ve got some sort of super power. Tell him to come back to me. Tell him I’m sorry.” She cries so hard that snot begins to run from her nose. Still I can’t disengage my arm from her tight grip.
A nurse hurries in. “Now, what’s this all about?”
I turn to the nurse in desperation. “I didn’t mean to upset her.”
“Terri, sweetheart, let go of your friend,” the nurse says. She gently prises Terri’s fingers from my arm.
“Thanks.” I stand up and back away, almost bumping into the beeping machine behind me. The lights in the room are too bright and the place stinks of bleach. My stomach roils and my head is dizzy. I need to get out of here.
“Hey, you don’t need to leave,” the nurse says. “She’ll be fine in a minute.”
But I’m already backing out of the door and rushing down the corridor, trying not to bump into any of the hospital staff or patients. I hurry into the stair well, pushing the door open too hard so that it swings back and slams. My steps echo down the empty stairs, and all the time I feel as though someone is watching me, but when I turn around, there’s no one there.
Finally, I reach the ground floor and hurry through the reception of the hospital. My feet carry me while my head replays Terri’s bloodshot eyes over and over again. The way she begged me… I need a bathroom. When I spot one on my right I run towards it. I barely make it to the toilet stall before emptying the contents of my stomach.
Chapter Sixteen
MARY
I don’t want to go back to school after seeing Terri, but where else am I going to go? The fervour in how she spoke to me. The desperate expression in her eyes. Is that what’s going to happen to me? Does the voice belong to the same person? Someone who wants to control and rule.
But that’s not what I felt when I was in my dreams. How can someone who makes everything bad go away also be the one making these girls kill themselves? My stomach is like a washing machine and my chest is tight. I can’t bear the thought of him being the one who is hurting people. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of this is some big misunderstanding and my dreams are real. Even thinking about the garden helps me relax.
The stark reality that all of this could by a lie terrifies me. What if I’m under his spell, like Mum was under the spell of the ghost who possessed her? I shrink back into my coat, huddling for warmth. It’s too big for me now. I’ve lost weight. I keep forgetting to eat, because all I care about is the dream. I’m obsessed. Just like Terri.
It’s lunchtime when I arrive at school. I sleepwalk my way to the canteen and sit next to Willa and Jack without even bothering to buy food. The two of them stop talking as soon as I sit down, then glance at me nervously.
“Anymore ghost problems?” I ask.
Willa shakes her head. “No, but we should probably talk, Mary.”
Now I wish I had bought food so I could avoid their eyes and do something with my hands, like faff with a sandwich or take a sip of cola. I’m laid bare. Lacey appears next to me. When she sees me, she frowns. This isn’t good.
“What do you want to talk about?” I ask, trying to insert some cheer into my voice and failing miserably.
“Why don’t you come to ours later,” Willa says. “We can hang out, watch some films, order a pizza.”
Part of me wants to, but I still find myself shaking my head. “I have homewo—”
“Bullshit,” Jack interrupts.
“What?” I stare at him with my jaw dropped open.
“You’re avoiding us,” he says.
“That’s not tru—”
“Yes it is. You’re locking yourself up at home and avoiding everyone because you know we’ll help you and you don’t want our help. Both of you are being haunted by some big bad ghost and you’re not working together to do anything about it. You’re hiding away in your room instead of facing up to your problems.” He jabs his finger at me and clenches his jaw.
“Where do you get off saying this?” The truth is, I’m close to tears, but I don’t want to give Jack the satisfaction of making me cry.
“Mares, he’s right,” Lacey says. “We all need to sit down and talk somewhere away from school. There’s a lot to figure out and we’re not pulling as a team.”
“A team?” I snort. “No, we’re not a team, and I’ll tell you why. I’m the only one who can use the Athamé.” I lean forwards across the table and talk in a low whisper. “Willa, you were supposed to visit me and Emmaline so you could learn how to use it.”
Willa squirms in her seat. “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been distracted with these ghosts.”
I ignore her and continue. “Jack, you can’t even see ghosts, and Lacey, you are a ghost, so there’s no team, there’s just me. And, Jack, you hardly know me, you have no right to tell me what to do. None of you understand.” My chair scrapes against the floor as I stand up from the table. I don’t need to sit here and get hijacked by my so-called friends. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from school.
But as I’m walking out of the canteen and down the hall, Lacey catches up with me.
“You’re being an idiot, Mary,” she says. “They’re your friends, they just want to help.”
“How is making me feel like shit helping me?”
“Hey, you’re not in the right this time. Willa nearly died and you’ve done nothing to find these ghosts.”
“That’s not true,” I say. “I went to see the surviving girl this morning. I would have told you about it if you hadn’t all started yelling at me.”
Lacey is taken aback. “And? What did she say?”
I shake my head. “Nothing we can use.” The lie tastes sour on my tongue.
Lacey narrows her eyes as though she can tell I’m lying. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should show Willa how to use the Athamé and then leave it with her for a while.”
“Are you serious?” My eyes widen.
“Why not? You’re not using it. And you don’t seem to want to protect Willa.”
I keep walking, furious that all Lacey seems to care about is Willa these days. “I thought that was your job.”
“It’s not a job, Mary. She’s our friend.”
“I can’t deal with this right now. I need to go home.”
“What so you can hide awa
y from the world?” Lacey says. “Jack is right, you don’t want to face your problems. Well, we might have to force you to.”
I don’t turn back. I just keep walking.
*
“Mary, Mary, Mary.” His voice is a soft lilt on the whisper of the breeze. He materialises before me and holds out his arms.
I go to him.
“Why are you crying?” he asks. “You’re not supposed to cry here. Didn’t you know?”
I pull away from him and wipe my nose. “You’ve been creating these for other people, haven’t you?”
He frowns. “Creating what?”
I gesture to the beautiful garden, to the roses and the lawn and the picnic tables. “This place. This dreamworld.”
“You think I created this? Darling girl, I might have allowed you to create this world, but it was you who made it. I just gave you the inspiration to do it.” He wipes a tear from my cheek before popping his finger into his mouth and tasting it. The sight makes me recoil, but he ignores my reaction. “This is all your work. It’s what you want. It’s everything you ever dreamed of.”
It’s strange to think that my strongest desire is a normal garden in the sunshine. But it’s not the actual place, it’s what it represents. No ghosts. No death. Normality. If only I could go back to a time when I couldn’t see ghosts. Maybe that’s all I want?
“No,” I say. I step away. “This isn’t real. You’re making me think I want this. That’s what you’ve been doing to all those other girls. You make them think that this is everything they want. But it’s not a choice. Is it? You won’t let them live.”
“What are you talking about?” He reaches forward to brush hair away from my face, but I move away from him. “Mary, come on. You know this is what you want.” He opens his arms again and I long to be in his warm embrace. I long to feel his strong arms wrapped around me, and his touch on my skin…
“No,” I say again. “It’s not right. I know what you’re doing. I can’t figure out how, or why, but I know what you’re doing. You’re driving them insane and then you convince them to kill themselves. But why are you making them attack Willa? That’s what I can’t understand.”
