by Kat Mizera
He stared at her for a long time, something dark and painful twisting through his gut at the thought of never touching her again.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asked in a voice gruff with emotion.
“Sure.” She still didn’t look at him, pulling her hand out of his.
“Why did you fall in love with me?”
If nothing else, he got a reaction out of her. Her head snapped around and if looks could kill, he would have been maimed at the very least.
“Why the hell would you ask me something like that?” His question had definitely pissed her off.
“Because despite what you think, I care about you, and I’d like to know what you saw that made me worthy of your love?”
She turned to study him, as if trying to decide if he was serious or not. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders and turned away again.
“Nothing. I didn’t see anything, Brock. It’s what I felt—what you made me feel. How much better you made my life. It’s too bad you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.”
34
With Ruby’s help, Ashleigh found the strength to take Bella to Disney World for a few days before flying back to L.A. As soon as they got home, Ashleigh threw herself into getting settled in the new house she’d rented, getting Bella ready to start school, and getting the adoption papers signed. At this point, she was willing to give up almost everything she had to make it official, but Tito had threatened or cajoled Angel into not responding to texts or phone calls. All she could do now was wait, and on top of her broken heart, it was torture.
She’d never imagined Brock would come to mean so much to her, but being without him hurt. There was no way to soften or sugarcoat it—she felt physically ill whenever she let herself miss him. Every time he texted Bella, which was almost every day, she fought the urge to cry. She wouldn’t succumb to the desire to call him, though.
If he cared about her—and everyone from Rachel and Vlad to Ruby and Dawn swore he did—he had to come to her. If he would just tell her how he felt, that he loved her the way she loved him, she’d forgive him almost anything. She didn’t care about his contract, his past, or even the secrets he’d kept. It all boiled down to him letting her leave Gainesville. He hadn’t even tried to stop her, and his silence since then showed he either didn’t have feelings for her or wasn’t ready to be married.
Even if he felt what she did, he wasn’t prepared to act on it, and with the insanity that seemed to wreak havoc on her life, she needed someone who wasn’t afraid to love her. If she ever let herself love someone again, it would be a man who put her first, no matter what. If this situation with Brock had taught her anything, it was that she deserved to be loved fully, completely, with no hesitation. She wanted to believe he would come back, but with each passing day, she lost hope.
It had been more than a month since she’d left him in Florida, and her summer break was coming to close even though it was barely mid-July. She found herself falling into a kind of depression she’d never experienced before. The new season of Vampire Legend would begin shooting next week and as she tried to mentally prepare herself for the long hours she normally put in, she wondered if work would help her think about him less or if the loneliness would be more acute than ever.
Another mitigating factor in moving on was Vlad and Rachel’s upcoming wedding. They’d set a date in early September, just before the Sidewinders started training camp. Rachel wanted her to be the matron of honor, and Brock was going to be the best man, which left her dreading the whole event. Rachel was beyond excited, and Ashleigh tried to not let her see how difficult this was going to be. Rachel knew, of course, but she maintained they would be back together before the wedding. It was a sweet thought, but Ashleigh wasn’t holding her breath.
Her phone rang late on a Sunday afternoon, the day before she went back to work on Vampire Legend, and she smiled when Sonya’s name flashed on the screen. Sonya checked in regularly and was probably calling to wish her luck with the new season. The first day was always meetings and a fun ritual where the cast and crew had a BBQ on the lot, eating, having a few drinks as a kind of bonding experience before the season started and meeting each other’s families.
“Hey!” She put the phone on speaker as she began to load the dishwasher.
“How’s things going, beautiful?”
“Same shit, different day. You know.”
“I do know, but listen, I need a favor.”
“From me? Of course.”
“There’s a fundraiser Tuesday night and it would mean a lot to me if you’d attend.”
“Fundraiser for what?”
“Well…” Sonya seemed to be hedging. “Look, everyone who’s anyone in this town is going to be there, and a lot of people want to meet you.”
“Then, no, thank you. My life has already been through the media ringer in the last few weeks, and it’s going to start all over again this week. I also have to work Wednesday morning and you know I haven’t been sleeping for shit. A charity shindig doesn’t sound even a little bit fun.”
“Ashleigh, I’m asking as your friend—please attend the fundraiser. And… I got you a Stella McCartney.”
“Sonya, I can’t— Wait, what?” She paused, her hand frozen. “You got me a Stella?”
“I did.”
“That’s a dick move, Ms. Horvitz. You know how I feel about Stella McCartney.” Ashleigh couldn’t help snorting out a laugh. Stella McCartney made dresses she loved and she had yet to wear one to a big event.
“That should tell you how important this is to me.”
“That tells me how devious you are and that you undoubtedly have ulterior motives.” Ashleigh took a breath. “You know how emotional I’ve been, Sonya. I don’t have it in me right now—”
“Sweetie, give me a little credit. You think I’d forget what you’re going through? You think I’d ever do anything to hurt you?”
“You have a lot of money on the line,” Ashleigh said softly. “And from your perspective, a little photo op, some PR, wouldn’t truly hurt me. But I’m telling you, I cry at the drop of a hat these days, and it won’t end well for either of us.”
“I’ll have the dress delivered tomorrow and a limo will pick you up from the lot at six thirty on Tuesday. Oh, and bring Bella. It’s family friendly.
“What’s the charity?” Ashleigh demanded, but Sonya had already disconnected. Muttering about manipulative friends, she finished loading the dishwasher.
With the help of his attorney, Brock drafted a heartfelt and honest letter to the Sidewinders organization. He explained exactly what had happened and ended with his sincerest hopes that they would keep him on the team, but he understood he’d violated the terms of their agreement. A few days later he flew to Canada to sit in the courtroom during the trial of the men who’d attacked Jamie. The trip had culminated in Jamie and Viggo’s impromptu civil marriage ceremony, after his attackers had been found guilty, and he’d been there to celebrate with them. He’d kept to himself for the most part, not wanting what was going on in his life to overshadow Jamie and Viggo’s celebration, so he was surprised when Mr. Finch offered him a flight home on his private jet. Brock could guess what was coming and demurred, saying he was heading to L.A. and not Las Vegas, but Mr. Finch had said he’d be happy to drop him off. So Brock boarded the plane and was even more surprised to see Dom, Drake, and Karl already on the plane.
Just before the doors closed, Cody, Toli, Zakk, his wife Tiffani, Vlad, Rachel, and Coach Barnett all boarded the plane as well. He had no idea what was going on, but Rachel squeezed his shoulder and Vlad winked at him.
“Hey, man.” Cody sank into the chair beside him and grinned. “I like the goatee—the wife make you do that?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Movie producer named Sonya Horvitz. I had a part in Ashleigh’s movie—two whole lines and a lot of making out with my wife. All I had to do was cut down the beard.”
“For real?” Cody chuckled. “Awesome
!”
“We’re about to take off, everyone,” Mr. Finch called out. “If you’d like a drink, let Estrella know now, please. Otherwise, she’ll be taking a seat until we reach flying altitude.”
Brock shook his head, wishing they’d get beyond the small talk, but Toli and Cody were talking about Viggo and Jamie’s wedding and then about Toli’s newborn son, Alexei. Brock only half-listened, wondering what was going to happen and if this was the last time he’d be on a flight with his teammates.
“Brock, my boy,” Mr. Finch called to him. “Come sit with me, will you?”
Brock got to his feet and walked over to sit in one of four plush leather seats grouped toward the front of the plane. Coach Barnett was next to him, and Cody sat in the last of the four large chairs.
Brock glanced around. “This seems like an awfully formal way to tell a guy his career is over.”
“Is your career over?” Mr. Finch asked, raising his eyebrows.
“I got arrested.”
“We’re well aware. The Sidewinders’ PR department has been working overtime to put a positive spin on that. It’s a good thing you hired your own publicist to help.”
“From what I understand,” Coach Barnett spoke casually, as if they were discussing football scores or something equally inane. “The charges were dropped.”
Brock nodded. “Yeah. We hired a private detective and that guy was on the sex offender registry…rap sheet a mile long. Pressing charges against me would have gotten him in a load of trouble of his own, so he disappeared quick.”
“See? You weren’t charged, and there’s nothing on your record,” Mr. Finch said, nodding as he held up his beer. “Here’s to good lawyers.”
Brock sighed. “Look, can we skip all the pomp and circumstance? I know you got my letter and—”
“You mean this nonsense?” Lonnie put his glasses on and pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket. “I don’t understand you young men these days. Why on earth would a healthy not-quite-twenty-eight-year-old try to retire for no reason?”
Brock opened his mouth but nothing came out. “I still got arrested and—”
“Young guys these days have no work ethic,” Coach Barnett interrupted, smiling at Estrella as she brought over a few bowls of mixed nuts.
“But—” Brock started to talk but Toli was leaning over the back of his chair.
“In Russia, you would probably be shot for trying to retire at this stage of your career,” he said, laying his accent on thick, though he spoke nearly perfect English now. “We are much more serious about hockey in Russia.”
Brock glanced up at him in annoyance. “Thanks,” he said in a voice laced with sarcasm.
“I don’t accept this mindless drivel your attorney mailed me.” Mr. Finch handed him the envelope containing his letter.
Brock took it from him in confusion. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”
“Try ‘thank you,’” Toli stage whispered.
“Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Brock demanded.
“Son, have you been drinking?” Coach Barnett tossed a handful of nuts in his mouth and took a moment to chew them. “We just told you—Mr. Finch isn’t accepting your pathetic attempt at a resignation.”
“But I got arrested,” he said quietly. “You told me if—”
“I told you if you got another DUI or in a random bar fight, I wouldn’t renew your contract,” Mr. Finch said. “I didn’t say anything about defending your family. I didn’t say anything about beating the snot out of some pedophile who tried to kidnap your little girl. Of course, I’m getting older now… I do get forgetful.” He turned to Coach Barnett. “Coach, did we say anything about giving him the boot for defending his little girl?”
“Not that I remember.” Coach Barnett ate some more nuts. “But I’m old too. Toli?”
“Toli is Russian,” Toli said, scratching his head. “Sometimes he is not so good with English and big words. Cody has college degree—he will know better.”
Brock rolled his eyes.
“Cody who?” Cody looked around as if he didn’t know who they were talking about. “Wait, you mean me? I’m just a dumb jock—I don’t know anything about contracts and stuff. You think Rachel or Tiff know?”
“Okay, seriously, you guys are crazy.” Brock shook his head. “What are you trying to say? Are you giving me a pass?”
“A pass?” Coach Barnett raised his eyebrows. “See what I mean, Lonnie? These young guys today—they all want somethin’ for nothin’. Damn, I miss the old days.” He ate more nuts and drank some of his beer. “Son, you broke a bunch of rules… You’ll be doing laps with me for days before training camp starts.”
“Uh…what?” Brock just stared at him.
“You sure you want this one on your team?” Mr. Finch made a face. “He’s big, but he doesn’t seem very bright. You think he can learn the plays?”
“Toli will help,” Toli said. “I learn English while he learns plays. This is fair?”
“I cost you the season,” Brock said, lowering his gaze. “That’s on me.”
“Because the puck bounced off your skate?” Coach Barnett rolled his eyes at him. “Dude. How long you been playin’ this game?”
Brock laughed. He couldn’t help it. Part of him wanted to cry because this was what he’d wanted all season, but without Ashleigh, it felt like a hollow victory. Instead, he smiled and asked Estrella to bring him a beer. Later, when he had a chance, he would thank Mr. Finch in private, but for now he would sit with his friends and pretend everything was okay.
35
Brock didn’t know what he’d been thinking, agreeing to this insanity, but if it meant there was a chance he could get Ashleigh back, he’d do anything. The limo Sonya had sent picked him up at six and delivered him to this red-carpet charity event he’d never even heard of. Sonya was there to meet him, taking his arm as they navigated the red carpet, introducing him as the “hockey hunk from her new movie” and “Ashleigh Hunter’s hunky hubby.” He didn’t know what the older woman had up her sleeve, but had to admit it was entertaining watching her work the room. He was a little out of his element, but Sonya didn’t leave his side until he had a drink in his hand and she’d introduced him to at least five hundred people. None of which had been Ashleigh.
He followed along, though, half-listening to her stories and jokes. She was a great date, and if circumstances had been different, he might have been enjoying himself. Instead, he was walking around with his heart in his throat, waiting to see the woman he loved. All Sonya had told him was that he needed to be here and do everything she told him to do if he wanted his wife back. And he really wanted his wife back.
“Are you ready to man up?” Sonya was looking into his eyes expectantly.
He frowned. “Sonya…”
She winked and squeezed his arm. “Go. Grovel, beg, whatever it takes. Trust me, she’s just waiting for you to make the first move.”
He followed her gaze in time to see Ashleigh and Bella come into the huge ballroom. Ashleigh was laughing at something Bella was saying, and she looked breathtaking in a baby-blue form-fitting dress that showed every gorgeous curve of her body. He continued to watch as Sonya approached them and took Bella by the hand, leading her onto the dance floor. Ashleigh looked a little lost by herself, and a lot paler than the last time he’d seen her. In fact, she looked as miserable as he felt.
Moving quickly, his long legs carrying him the distance between them in record time, he leaned against the high-top table next to her. “It looks like I’m the one who’s going to be begging this time,” he said softly, one hand gently touching her cheek.
“I don’t want you to beg,” was all she said, her eyes not meeting his.
“Ashleigh. Baby, look at me.”
She shook her head, tears already filling her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my stupid contract and that I let you leave Flori
da without trying harder to keep you there. I’m sorry I said insensitive things about your career, and most of all, I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to show my wife how much she means to me. But I’m here now and I’m not letting you go.”
“It was never about your contract or my career…”
“Then what was it about?” He gripped her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “Tell me, Ashleigh.”
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered.
“You want me on my knees?” he whispered, pulling her close so his lips grazed her ear. “You want to hear me tell you how I don’t sleep at night because I ache for you? That I can barely get out of bed most days because without you and Bella my life is empty? How many ways do you want me to tell you I love you, baby?”
Her head came up slowly and one errant tear slipped down her cheek. He bent his head and caught it with his tongue. He brushed his lips across hers, lingering and breathing in her scent. “There’s so much I want to tell you…show you. I hadn’t ever felt anything like what I felt after being with you. Making love to you is one of the best fucking things I could ever imagine…but you’re the best thing.”
“You were using me.” There was so much indecision in her eyes, it was painful to look at.
“I never used you. I fell in love with you.” God, he needed her to believe him.
“You needed Bella and I to get your stupid contract. Yes, being married to you was convenient for the adoption, too, but I never lied about that. You knew about it going in and I gave you the opportunity to walk away the day after we got married. I thought you stayed because you cared about me...”
He shook his head. “I kept trying to tell you, but something always came up and then we were on opposite ends of the country, then we had the playoffs, then I got hurt… It was a mess, and I figured if I came clean about the contract when we had so much was going on, things would go south quickly.”
