“Take this verse, for example,” Mama continued. “Psalm 46:10 says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ If that doesn’t warm one’s soul, I don’t know what will.”
Faith let the words sink in. “Be still.” She’d been very still these past few days during her bout with the chicken pox. “And know that I am God.”
She closed her eyes. If You’re real, God, then would You please reveal Your will to me?
A knock on the door drew Faith’s thoughts aside. Mama rose to her feet. “Must be someone come a-calling. Your daed and the boys are out in the barn, and they surely wouldn’t be knocking, now would they?”
Faith watched the back door as her mother made her way across the room. When Mama opened it, a gust of cold wind blew in, followed by Noah Hertzler carrying a small wicker basket in one hand.
“Noah, what are you doing here?” Faith questioned. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
He followed Mama over to the table. “Things are kind of slow at the Christmas tree farm right now, so Hank gave me and the other fellows a few days off. This is for you,” he said, placing the basket in front of Faith. “I hope it will make you feel better.”
“Aren’t you worried about getting the chicken pox?” she asked. “I could still be contagious, you know.”
He shook his head. “I had them already—when I was five years old.”
“Oh, okay.” Faith pulled the piece of cloth back and smiled when she saw a batch of frosted brownies nestled inside the basket. “Chocolate—my weakness. Thank you, Noah.”
“You’re welcome, and it’s good to see you up.” Noah pulled out a chair and sat down next to Faith. “The last couple of times I’ve dropped by, you’ve been in your room, too sick for visitors.”
“Someone in the family has always delivered the goodies you brought me,” she said.
Noah chuckled. “Sure glad to hear that. Knowing those brothers of yours, I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear if John and Brian had helped themselves to some of the desserts.”
“They did try,” Mama cut in. She handed Noah a cup of tea. “Why don’t you take off your jacket and stay awhile?”
“I think I will.” Noah set the cup down on the table, slipped off his jacket, and draped it over the back of the chair.
“If you young people will excuse me, I have some laundry that needs to be done.” Mama grabbed a couple of soiled hand towels off the metal rack by the sink and quickly left the room.
Faith had to wonder if her mother had left her alone with Noah on purpose. The comments she’d made lately about how much she liked Noah and how he would make a fine husband for some lucky woman made Faith think Mama and Barbara might be in cahoots.
“How come you didn’t attach a scripture verse to any of the desserts you’ve given me lately?” Faith asked.
His face flamed. “I. . .uh. . .thought maybe I was getting too pushy. Didn’t want you to think I was trying to cram the Bible down your throat.”
Faith stared at the tablecloth. “Guess I probably have needed a bit of encouraging.”
When Noah reached over and placed his hand on top of hers, she felt a warm tingle travel all the way up her arm. Not the kind that felt like fireworks, but a comfortable, cozy feeling. “I’m still praying for you, Faith,” he said quietly. “Just thought you should know.”
“I appreciate that because I need all the prayers I can get.”
“Speaking of prayers. . .” Noah smiled. “I had one answered for me on Christmas Day.”
Faith lifted her gaze. “What prayer was that?”
“I stopped to see Hank and Sandy to say Merry Christmas, and they told me that they’re planning to adopt a baby.”
“That’s wonderful. They seem to like children, so I’m sure they’ll make good parents.”
He nodded. “I think so, too.”
Faith was happy for Hank and Sandy, but an ache settled over her heart when she thought about her own life. If she never married, she wouldn’t have any more children, and Faith knew that once she left home and returned to the world of entertainment, the closeness she and Melinda had now would be diminished. Even so, returning to the world of entertainment was the only way she would ever find what she’d been longing for all these years.
Chapter 25
By the following week, Faith felt much better. The pock marks had dried up, her sore throat and headache were gone, and her energy was nearly back to normal.
On Saturday morning after the kitchen chores were done, she decided to have that talk with Mama she’d been putting off far too long. Melinda and Susie were in the barn playing. Esther, Grace Ann, and Brian had gone to Seymour with Papa. John was over at his girlfriend’s house. This was the perfect chance to speak with Mama alone. When that conversation was out of the way, she would do the hardest part—tell Melinda she was planning to leave.
Faith glanced over at her mother, who sat in front of the treadle sewing machine in a corner of the kitchen. “Mama, before you get too involved with your sewing, I wondered if we could talk awhile.”
Mama looked up at Faith. “Is this just a friendly little chitchat, or have you got something serious on your mind?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I figure if it’s just going to be some easy banter, I’ll keep sewing as we talk.”
Faith leaned on the cupboard. “I’m afraid it’s serious.”
Mama slid her chair back and stood. “Shall we sit at the kitchen table, or would you rather go to the living room?”
“Let’s go in there. We’ll be less apt to be disturbed should the girls come inside before we’re done talking.”
Mama nodded, and Faith followed her into the next room. They both sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace. The heat from the flames licking at the logs did nothing to warm Faith. Goose bumps had erupted all over her arms.
“What’s wrong, Faith? Are you cold?”
“No, I—”
“Why don’t you run upstairs and get a sweater?”
Faith shook her head and rubbed her hands briskly over her arms. “I’ll be okay as soon as I say what’s on my mind.”
“You look so solemn. What’s this all about?”
“It–it’s about me—and Melinda.”
Mama leaned forward, and her glasses slipped down her nose. “What about you?”
“I. . .uh. . .plan to go back to my life as an entertainer, and I hope to be on a bus for Memphis by Monday morning to meet with the agent I’ve hired.” There, it was out. Faith should have felt better, but she didn’t. The sorrowful look on Mama’s face was nearly her undoing.
“I knew it was too good to be true, you coming home and all.” Mama squeezed her eyes shut, and when she opened them again, Faith noticed there were tears.
“I never meant to hurt you, Mama. I hope you know that.”
“The only thing I know for sure is that my prodigal daughter finally returned home; only now she’s about to leave again.” Mama wrapped her arms around her middle, as though she were hugging herself. “No wonder you’ve put off baptism and joining the church. You’ve been planning this all along, haven’t you?”
Faith nodded solemnly. “I would have told you sooner, but things kept getting in the way of my leaving.”
Mama stood and moved toward the fireplace. “Why’d you come home if you were planning to leave?”
“I—I wanted to—”
“You were down on your luck and needed a place to stay for a while, isn’t that it?”
“No, it’s not.”
“You allowed us to get close to Melinda, and now you’re taking her away?”
Faith jumped up and hurried to her mother’s side. “I’d like Melinda to stay here if that’s okay with you and Papa. She needs a home where she’ll be well cared for and loved. It’s not good for a child to be raised by a single parent who lives out of a suitcase and has no place to call home.”
Mama turned to face Faith. The tears that had gathered in her eyes moments ago w
ere now rolling down her cheeks. “Melinda can stay if that’s your wish. But I’d like you to think long and hard about something before you go.”
“What’s that?”
“If Melinda needs a good home where she’ll be loved and cared for, then what about her mamm? What’s she needing these days?”
Faith nearly choked on the tears clogging her throat. She was afraid if she said one more word she would break down and sob. She had made her decision and felt certain it was the best thing for both her and Melinda.
“Oh, and one more thing. . .”
“What’s that, Mama?”
“If you leave again, then you’re not welcome to come home.”
“But what about Melinda? I’ll need to be with her for holidays and special occasions.”
Mama shook her head vigorously. “If you go and Melinda stays, it wouldn’t be good for her to have you showing up whenever you have a whim. It would only confuse the girl. Might make her want to go back to the English world with you.”
Faith’s mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe Mama was putting stipulations on leaving Melinda with them. The thought of never seeing her daughter again was almost too much to bear. Faith needed to think more about this. She had to spend some time alone and figure out what to do.
Giving no thought to the cold, she dashed out the front door and into the chilly morning air.
A few minutes later, a blast of warm air greeted her as she entered the barn. Papa had obviously stoked up the stove before he and the others left for Seymour.
Figuring Melinda and Susie were probably on the other side of the barn, Faith headed in that direction. She came to a halt when she heard her daughter’s sweet voice singing and yodeling.
Surprised by the sound, Faith tiptoed across the wooden floor until she spotted Melinda. The child knelt in the hay with three black-and-white kittens curled in her lap. Susie sat off to one side, holding two other kittens.
“Oddle—lay—oddle—lay—oddle—lay—dee—tee—my mama was an old cowhand, and she taught me how to yodel before I could stand. Yo—le—tee—yo—le—tee—hi—ho!”
Faith sucked in her breath. She had no idea Melinda could yodel or that she knew the cute little song Faith had sung so many times onstage. Apparently the child had been listening whenever Faith practiced. Melinda actually had some of the yodeling skills mastered quite well.
When Melinda finished her song, she looked over at Susie and smiled. “When I grow up, I’m gonna be just like my mamm. I’ll travel around the country, singing, telling jokes, and yodeling. Oh—lee—dee—tee—tee—oh!”
Faith’s heart sank all the way to her toes. She’d never dreamed Melinda was entertaining such thoughts. She’d been so sure the child was settling in here and would grow up happy and content to be Amish.
The way you were? a little voice in her head asked. Faith wanted better things for her daughter than to spend the rest of her life traipsing all over the countryside, hoping to succeed in the world of music or comedy and seeking after riches and fame.
Feeling as though she’d been struck by a bolt of lightning, Faith realized those were the very things she had spent ten years of her life trying to accomplish. She wasn’t rich. She wasn’t famous. Had any of it brought her true happiness? Traveling from town to town, performing at one theater after another was a lonely existence. At least for Faith it had been. Being married to Greg hadn’t given Faith the fulfillment she’d been searching for, either. Their tumultuous marriage had only furthered her frustrations.
I brought it on myself by marrying an unbeliever. Faith remembered what the Bible said about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Of course, she hadn’t exactly been living the life of a believer during her entertaining years.
She blinked back the tears threatening to spill over. It’s just as Mama said—the very thing I’ve been wanting for Melinda is exactly what I need. How could I have been so blind? I don’t need fame or fortune. I’ve been selfish, always wanting my own way. My truest desire is fellowship with good friends, the love of a caring family, and a close relationship with God.
Faith knew without a shadow of a doubt that if Melinda was ever to settle completely into the Amish way of life, she must see by her mother’s example that it was a good life. Faith would need to stay in Webster County. It was either that or say goodbye to Melinda and spend the rest of her life wishing she had stayed.
But do I have enough faith in God to live by His rules? Staying Amish would never work unless she strengthened her faith. She must rely wholly on the Lord to meet her needs. No amount of money or recognition could fill the void in a person’s heart the way Jesus’ love did. The scripture verses Noah had shared over the last few months had told her that much.
It’s time to come home, Faith.
She leaned against the wooden beam closest to her and closed her eyes. Heavenly Father, I need Your help. I know now that I want to remain here with my people, and I want to draw closer to You. Forgive my sins, and please give me wisdom in raising my daughter so she will want to serve You and not seek after the things in this world.
When Faith opened her eyes, Melinda and Susie were gone. They’d apparently left the barn, seeking out new pleasures found only on a farm. The kittens were with their mother again, just as Faith’s child would be with her in the days ahead.
Faith left the barn and found the girls playing in the snow. On impulse, she scooped up a handful of the powdery stuff and gave it a toss. It hit the mark and landed squarely on Melinda’s arm.
The child squealed with laughter and retaliated. Her aim wasn’t as good as Faith’s, and the snowball ended up on Faith’s foot. She laughed and grabbed another clump of snow. For the next half hour, she, Melinda, and Susie frolicked in the snow, laughing, making snow angels, and yodeling. Faith hadn’t had this much fun since she was a young child.
When it got too cold, Faith suggested they go inside for a cup of hot chocolate and some of the frosted brownies Noah had brought over. The children were quick to agree, and soon they were all seated at the kitchen table.
Melinda took a bite of brownie and smacked her lips. “Noah sure does bake good, don’t ya think?”
“Jah, he does.”
“I really like him, don’t you, Mama?”
Faith nodded.
“I think I’d like to have Noah for my new daadi.”
“When and if the Lord wants you to have a new daddy, He will let us know.”
Melinda’s forehead wrinkled. “I’m wondering if my daadi went away so Noah could come.”
“Oh, Melinda, you shouldn’t be talking that way.”
“Why not?”
“Jah, Faith. Why not?” Susie chimed in.
A vision of Noah’s face popped into Faith’s mind. She did care for him, but was that enough? Could she trust him not to hurt her the way Greg had? Did Noah care about her in any way other than friendship? There were so many unanswered questions.
For a while, Faith had thought Noah might have some romantic interest in her, but here of late, he’d pulled back. She figured he must have some reservations about becoming involved with a woman who didn’t share his strong faith in God. Or maybe it was their age difference that bothered him.
Faith shook her head, trying to clear away the troubling thoughts. From what she’d come to know about Noah, she doubted he would see the few years between them as a problem. It was probably her lack of faith that concerned him the most. As tears clogged her throat, she reached over and pulled Melinda into her arms.
“What’s wrong, Mama? How come you’re crying?”
“Mine are the good kind of tears. Tears of joy.”
“What are you so happy about?” Susie questioned.
Faith hugged both little girls. “I’m thankful to God for giving me you two. I’m also happy to be back here in Webster County, and this is where I plan to stay.” She turned toward the living room. “Now I must speak to Grandma Stutzman. She needs to know what I’ve decided.�
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Chapter 26
As Wilma sat in her favorite chair, rocking back and forth with her eyes closed, she thought about her conversation with Faith and grieved over the thought of her oldest daughter leaving home again. Wasn’t it bad enough that Faith had left home once? Did she have to put her family through that horrible pain again? And what of Melinda? How did Faith think her daughter would understand her own mother leaving her with grandparents she barely knew while she went out into the world to seek her fortune and fame?
Father in heaven, she silently prayed, please show me what I might say or do to persuade Faith to stay. I know I’m not the perfect mother, but I love my daughter and can’t bear to think of her going away again.
A chill shot through Wilma’s body as she realized for the first time what her part had been in driving Faith away. If she’d only been more accepting when Faith wanted to tell silly jokes and yodel, the girl might never have left home in the first place.
I need to apologize—make things right between us. Even if Faith does leave home again, I can’t let her go with bad feelings between us.
Wilma’s eyes snapped open when she heard the floorboards creak, and she blinked a couple of times when she saw Faith standing near the front door. “What are you doing here?” she croaked. “I thought you’d gone outside to tell Melinda that you’ll be leaving soon.”
“I—I did see Melinda.”
“How’d she take the news? Does she want to stay here with us or go away with you?”
“Melinda will be staying here.”
A sense of relief flooded Wilma’s soul. At least they wouldn’t be losing their granddaughter. “I’m glad she won’t be leaving. I’ve come to care a great deal for that child,” she said, choking back the tears clogging her throat. “And I want you to know that—” Wilma’s voice caught on a sob. She needed to tell Faith what was on her mind, but she couldn’t seem to get the words out.
Faith took a seat on one end of the sofa as she shook her head. “I didn’t tell Melinda my plans because I’ve changed my mind. I won’t be leaving Webster County, after all.”
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