“Yes.” He laughed. “Which one sounds the most fun right now?”
“Um… maybe running a shelter. But how would I get into that?”
“You can find out the same way I find out everything I ever needed to know.”
“Ask my mom?”
“No.” He laughed. “Google it. Just type in ‘How to run a dog shelter’ or even ‘jobs that work with dogs’, and just see what you get. Then, from there, you find out what it pays, what you need to study to get that job, and presto!”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is. There is an entire world out there of unique jobs and lives to live. You don’t have to fit into a cube, Red. And you don’t have to marry the alpha. People will still love you if you don’t. And if they don’t, well…” he shrugged, “they’re not worth crying over.”
“But my house…”
“Think outside the box,” he insisted. “Find other ways to make the money, or maybe just sell it. Maybe it’ll be okay if you do. Maybe you’ll find that you can be happy living elsewhere too.”
“But I grew up there and there are so many memories, and—”
“Home is the people inside your heart, Red, not the place where you all sleep.”
He was right. I had looked at it only in black and white. But there were so many more options. And yet I didn’t want any of them. I didn’t want to see the disappointment on my mom’s face when I told her I didn’t want to marry Luther. This would change our lives so much. We would go to parties and have fine things. Even my mom’s status would be lifted by me being an alpha, and it would connect me to the wolf life I missed so much. I would never feel the wind through my fur, never get to howl at the moon with my pack, which left a hollow in me that a human life couldn’t fix. That a human couldn’t understand.
“Just think about it,” he suggested. “Just… when you go to sleep tonight, just imagine a life that goes on past this moment, one where you’re not a wolf and you don’t care about belonging.”
I nodded. “I will promise to at least think about it.”
“Thank you.” He sighed, his shoulders rounded, and then he sat tall again and smiled at me. “What about after me?”
“What about it?”
“You said what you liked to do changed after you met me.”
“It did.”
“And what do you use your free time for now?”
“To see you,” I said, as though that was obvious. “I like your world.” I laid back on his bed and looked up at the stars. “And since meeting you, my world looks different too.”
He laid down beside me, our feet dangling off the side of his bed, and picked up my hand. “And now that your world is different, can you see that translating into any other job you might like to do for the rest of your life?”
“Yes. Stories,” I said simply. “I want to tell people stories. Maybe even stories about dogs.”
He squeezed my hand. “You’ll be a good story teller.”
“I would have been, wouldn’t I?”
“Will be.”
“No. Instead I will be a good wife and alpha.”
Alex sighed. “I hope, for your sake and mine, that you change your mind.”
“Your sake?” I rolled onto my side and rested my cheek on my knuckles.
“I’ve never had a friend like you, Red. I’ve never shown anyone my world before.” He let go of my hand and waved his around to present his room. “I like that you don’t judge my death metal posters and you didn’t say a word about me wearing my rainbow Slinky as a bangle all day.” We both laughed. “My world is… it’s strange to other people, I guess. And it’s nice not being here all alone for once.”
I never thought about it before, but even though he had George and his mad father Plain, his world must have been a bit of a lonely place. Like mine was. Only, I didn’t know how lonely I was until life became a before and after: Before I met Alex. And After I met him.
“Did you know my mother was a storyteller?” Alex said with a smile.
“I did. Plain told me.”
“She wrote books,” he added, slipping both hands behind his head, a smile slipping in across his lips.
“Do you know any of her stories?”
“Only what George used to read to me. My only real memory of her is this one time in the car on the way to school; George and I were fighting in the backseat and he pipes up with, ‘If you don’t stop it, Alex, I’m gonna punch you’. And my mom just takes in this huge, shocked gulp of air and says, ‘George!’. We both stopped fighting, pretty much peeing in our pants at her tone. Then she says, ‘It’s going to, not gonna!’ Ha ha ha.”
I laughed too. “She sounds amazing.”
“She was. She always made us laugh.” He smiled longingly at the ceiling of stars. “She was the color, you know. She made the rainbows out of rain, and I miss her. And I’m going to miss George too.”
“George won’t go anywhere.”
“He will, Red. I have to face facts.”
Argh! I just wanted to hug him and make it all better. His chest was wide open with his arms behind his head, and he smelled all clean and nice, and I could see the pain in his chest like a rock resting there. But I was too chicken to just put my arms around him.
“If I go… if I decided to marry Luther, will you still be my friend?”
His eyes moved slowly from the stars to my face, making me feel exposed. “Look, Red, I know we’ve only been friends for two weeks, but… for me, or… like, the way I see it, I think we have this deep connection or something, because I’m not like this with any of my other friends.”
“Me neither.”
“I know. And I think it’s because we’re true friends, you know? The kind that you keep forever, even if they do stupid things that make you want to punch them.”
My mouth pulled into a controlled smile. “You wouldn’t really punch me, would you?”
“I’d never punch a girl. But you sure as heck make me want to.”
“You just can’t understand my world, that’s all.”
“No, Red.” He sat up and rolled onto his side. “That’s just it, I do get it. Totally get it. But it’s unfair. All of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You came into my life and you made me feel better. I was really sad that day when we met, and I saw you were too, and that’s why I felt safe to talk to you. You weren’t putting up a front like everyone else does. I could see your sadness and I let you see mine. And now I’m going to lose that. And then I’ll be sad and alone again, and so will you. And for what? Money? A house that you won’t even live in anymore?”
Yikes. When he put it that way, it felt surprisingly silly to be doing this. And it never really occurred to me until that moment that I would never live in my house again. Ever. Not even when I was old.
“So like I said, I get it,” he added, lying back down and looking at the stars. “I know you need to do this for a lot of reasons, but it’s not fair. And I know life isn’t fair, but I’m tired of it not being fair to me.”
Bravely, even though my hands were shaking at the thought of it, I reached over and pinched a loose curl, moving it off his brow. I could feel words inside of me that wanted to come out, but I didn’t know what they were. Maybe ‘sorry’, maybe ‘I wish I could fix it’, but instead I just laid down on my side, as close as I was game enough to lay, and said nothing.
Part Two: Chapter Five
Little Red Riding Hood, and Other Tragedies
The first snow came a week ago. Right on time. Right when Alex said it would. He didn’t bring up my future again after that day, and I didn’t either. The truth was, I thought about it—I thought about it all that afternoon and all that night—but from his house to mine, the thoughts changed. I felt resolved to back out of the deal… until I walked through the front door into the kitchen where I learned to crawl, and looked at my mother, who had lost so much, and I knew I was doing the right thing. It might not be
right for me, for my future, but it was right by her. Now, the only resolve I had was to enjoy my time with Alex, because when the heavy snow came and threatened to fill in the pass toward the mansion, that was the traditional time of Offering, when I would be dressed in the ceremonial white dress and a red cloth of fertility, and walk through the snow until I reached Luther’s front door. There, I would partake in a short ceremony before crossing the threshold and officially becoming his wife. Officially signing my life away. Officially saving my home and my mom.
But until that day, I was at least welcome back in the forest on the night of Gathering, where the youths in my pack sat around a bonfire, celebrating the full moon with good food and good company. Well, at least, that’s how it used to feel. Now, with this ring around my neck, people bowed their heads to me—accepted me—but didn’t really interact. Until someone unlikely did.
“Hey, why so gloomy, Queeny?” Brian said, landing hard on the log beside me. The light of the great bonfire reached up to touch the highest point of the ancient trees, splashing an orange glow over everything and everyone; but right in front of me it cast shadows on Brian’s face that made him appear uglier than I ever remembered him being.
I sighed, and though the night was wild and the moon almost full, I couldn’t draw on his energy and smile back.
“Aren’t you looking forward to being the boss of us all?” he added.
“Not really.”
“Why not?” He put his drink aside, stumbling a little as he turned his head to place it down on the log. I sniffed the air to see what he was drinking. Even though I would never turn, I was still half wolf, and my keen senses told me that wasn’t just soda.
“I’m not sure what it’ll be like,” I said. “Since I signed the proposal, people have told me things about Luther that… freak me out.”
Brian gave me that look—the one I knew was telling me what I already knew was right. “Let’s see,” he said, looking at the girl across from us, “Ashley, help me out here.”
She hopped up to join the circle of conversation, the warmth of the fire leaving my face as she stepped in front of it. “What’s up?”
“I’m telling Red what I know about Luther.”
Ashley laughed, sitting down cross-legged in the dirt, placing her soda bottle in the gap between her legs. “Controlling. Old fashioned,” she said, “So forget doing anything but crochet and walking with books on your head.”
“How does everyone else know more about him than I do?”
“It started with Luca,” Brian said. “She was upset that she didn’t get chosen—”
“No, that she got cast aside for having a tattoo,” Ashley added. “So, to console her, her mom told her all this stuff. You know, stuff about Luther.”
“We don’t know if it’s true, but since we started talking to others about it, they’ve been adding their own stories—things their parents told them—and now everyone’s talking about it.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what you got yourself in to, but I’m glad it’s not me,” Ashley said. “And if I have a daughter, she’ll never be put forward for Selection.”
“But the good news is, he’s apparently wild in the sack,” Brian added. “Something some girls around here can’t get enough of.”
“So he cheats on his wives?”
“The ones that are still alive, yeah.”
“We don’t know that for sure,” Ashley said, rolling her eyes at Brian. “That’s just a rumor.”
“What do you mean still alive?” I asked.
“Didn’t you ever think about it—the fact that he takes a new bride every twenty years?” Brian said, leaning in. “Where do the old wives go with such perfect timing?”
“Yeah,” Ashley added. “When they get too old to bear children, he takes another. And then…” She clicked her fingers. “The old wife suddenly and tragically dies.”
“Except his favorites.”
“Favorites?” I said.
“Yeah,” Brian added, “the ones he brought with him to parties at the beginning of the marriage—before they had kids. That’s what my dad told me. He said if we see you at parties, Red, he’ll keep you after you finish breeding with him.”
A wave of horror spread over the night. What had I signed myself up for? “My mom never told me any of this.”
“She might not know,” Ashley said softly. “Who’d be crazy enough to speak badly about Luther? Especially grown-ups.”
“Yeah, it’s one thing for our parents to tell us this stuff to scare us, but they’d never say it to anyone else.”
“And we shouldn’t either,” Ashley added, giving me a firm glare.
I nodded, flicking my gaze sideways as a group of boys stood suddenly and howled at the moon, stripping off their jackets.
“It’s time.” Ashley stood, knocking her drink over. The liquid washed out like a wave and seeped into the hot dirt by the fire, casting off a pungent smell.
“See you on the flip side, Queeny,” Brian said, taking off his jacket as he followed her.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and watched as they took on wolf form before my eyes. No matter how many times I saw it, no matter how many times I watched their bones evolve and fur spike out past human flesh, I still felt awed, like I’d had a profound religious experience.
As the last tail broke the tree line and vanished into the black I exhaled, hugging my knees. From the base of the hill to the top, the low howls hung like a chorus over the night, killing my exclusion with spears of inclusion. I couldn’t turn. I would never walk in wolf form, but this was my pack. I was a part of them as they are of me, and soon, only weeks from now, I would be their queen. That was something to be proud of, no matter how horrendous the rumors about Luther were. I was certain that he couldn’t be all that bad. Up close.
***
I woke from my nightmare in a cold sweat, reaching across quickly to flick my lamp on. The demons in my thoughts scattered to the corners of my room, and I rubbed my hairline, talking myself down from the ledge of fear. This was too much.
Beneath the cries of wolves that I wasn’t sure were in my head or waking me from my dream, Alex had been there. He’d stood between Luther and Sacha, reaching for me. Saying nothing. Just reaching. What was my subconscious mind trying to tell me by showing Alex in my dream? What wasn’t I admitting to myself?
I threw my covers back and hopped out of bed, but as the cold of a winter that snuck in while I was sleeping grabbed my ankles, I jumped back in and covered my head with the blankets.
Alex was right. I could no more marry Luther just to save my home than I could lie to myself about it. I wanted a life. I never imagined a life outside of my pack, but now that I had, I wanted it.
I knew what I had to do.
Against every cell in my body that wanted to stay in the warmth of my bed and the proverbial warmth of plans made for me long ago, I walked down the hall to my mom’s room and pushed her door open. I hadn’t seen her sleep peacefully since before Dad got sick, and I didn’t want to wake her. Especially not with bad news. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through with this, and I had to tell her tonight, before I chickened out and ended up marrying Luther because I was too busy laying eggs to speak up.
As I passed the chest of drawers by her door, I noticed a letter there, ripped into several pieces and scrunched on the edges. Bad news. Obviously. It could only be bad news. Another bill she couldn’t pay? Maybe. But we had money now. The check came through two days ago. We celebrated with cake and soda. So what got her so upset that she ripped it up?
I held my breath, checking to see if she’d stirred as I waltzed in, and gently lifted the pieces of paper, reeling out of the room like a rat with cheese before she could wake and catch me. In the dim light, as I tiptoed along reading the ripped scraps, the stupid floorboards creaked under my feet.
“April?” Mom called.
I stopped dead, my heart in my throat, and squeezed the edges of the letter. She was to
o late. I didn’t need to glue it back together to read it. My eyes brimmed with tears as it sunk in, my mind gluing the torn words into a sentence: Mrs. Redwood; regret to inform you; require your daughter earlier than planned; Sacrificial Ceremony; tomorrow at sunset.
“April.” Mom stood in the doorway. “What are you…? Oh.”
“Mom?” I turned and looked at her, holding up the ripped letter.
“I was going to tell you about that.”
“I can’t do it, Mom,” I said in such a low voice that she asked me what I’d said. “Mom.” I scrunched the note up in my fist, each tear pushing the previous out over my lashes. “I don’t want to go.”
“What?”
“I changed my mind. I’m scared, I—”
“Oh, April.” She rushed in and hugged me tight, the smell of her dressing gown reminding me a lot of Dad for some reason. “Sweetie, you can’t back out now. You signed a contract.”
“Can we get a lawyer? I—”
“No,” she said softly, leaning out to look at my face. “You don’t understand. It doesn’t work like that.”
“There has to be a way. I didn’t know what I wanted before, but now I do and I don’t want to marry Luther—be his breeding slave.” I sobbed out the last word in an embarrassing howl.
“Is that what you think?” The gentle flow of her voice made me stop crying for a moment. “Is that what the kids have been telling you?”
I nodded.
“Aw, April, if it was that bad, I would never have let you agree to this.” She hugged me tight. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I didn’t want to upset you. You haven’t been this happy since…”
“April,” she sighed my name out. “It’s not your job to worry about my happiness, sweetie. It’s my job to worry about yours.”
“Then please don’t make me do this,” I begged. “I don’t care if he’s the nicest guy in the world—if he showers me with gifts and love every day—I don’t want to marry him.”
Mom’s shoulders came up as her eyelids came down, and she drew a breath that I knew would support a long, obligatory speech. “Come on. We need hot chocolate for this conversation.”
Red: The Untold Story Page 8
