by Angel Lawson
“Right,” my mother says, nodding sympathetically. “He killed your cousin, Janice.”
“And her friend.”
I tune Darlene out at this point, unwilling to hear any further. How my mother did this day in and day out is beyond me. I survey the room for something—anything interesting--and spot a framed photograph on a desk. The photo has a retro feel; two girls in their bikinis, standing on a boardwalk. There’s a Ferris wheel in the background.
“That was taken at Myrtle Beach,” Darlene says, following my gaze. “Me and my best friend.”
“You guys are cute,” I say.
My mother stands up and looks at the photo. “The Pavilion. We used to have so much fun there. We probably crossed paths.”
“Maybe so,” Darlene replies. “Once my mother realized what happened with Janice, she tried to stop us from driving back and forth down there so much. We thought we were invincible though—what could hurt us? She knew better.”
“Mothers generally do,” my mom agrees. I ignore the possible jab.
Darlene places the frame on the coffee table. “She was convinced Donald looked for victims combing the back roads.”
The smile on my mother’s face thinned to a hard line. “I suppose it’s possible,” she says. “That would make a nice photo for the book, if you would allow me to make a copy.”
“Sure,” Darlene tells her.
I let them finish up, only listening to half of the conversation. I have no idea how my mother and I have such different levels of tolerance for gore. She needs every detail—I’d rather hear nothing at all. I’m further surprised when we leave and the two women hug for a long moment, like long-lost friends and not strangers.
I excuse myself and head out the front door to stand on the hot porch. A group of kids play soccer in the street with a partially deflated ball. They don’t seem to care. When the door opens behind me I expect to see my mother, but it’s Nick and he has a grim expression on his face.
“That’s a lot of information,” he says, leaning against the porch rail. “You do this all the time?”
“Never.” He raises his eyebrows. “This is the first time I’ve done any research with her. I’m not sure how she does it.”
“Me neither.” He picks up his camera and takes a few shots of the house and street. “I feel like there’s something between us—an elephant or something.”
“You mean the pier?”
“You were upset.”
“I was, but it doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
His large, tanned hands clench the rail. “I’m a good listener.”
“Thanks, but…I was just being dramatic.” He doesn’t look convinced. “Fine. I had a break up. A bad one.”
“Ah, okay.” His jaw tightens. “That’s why I don’t date.”
I’d heard this about the others, of course. Whit, Justin, and Pete. “No?”
“I’m not good with heartache. Not after my mom died.”
“Oh,” I say, not knowing what else to say, other than, “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. It was a long time ago. I was in elementary school but after that I just…” He gives me a tight grin. “It’s easier not making attachments.”
I consider my next comment but go for it anyway. “I heard a rumor. About you and your friends.”
His lips quirk up. “Did you now?”
“That none of you date much.”
“Anita?” I shook my head and that brought a spark of curiosity in his eye. “Well whoever told you that was right. The girls around here…things get complicated. We all have goals. Places to see outside of Ocean Beach.”
“And the girls here?”
“A lot of them want to settle and pop out babies.”
“Yeah, no thanks,” I say. “I mean, if that’s what they want, but for me? No.”
“So, we made a pact in the 9th grade.”
The Pact.
“What kind of pact?”
“No serious relationships.” He looks at the kids in the street. “And always wear a condom.”
“That’s a good rule.” I’d been on the pill since I was sixteen for period issues. Thank god, because Mason didn’t always use protection. He didn’t like how it felt. What a dick.
“And the pact worked?”
“It did,” he says. “I guess.”
I tilt my head. “What’s the problem?”
“Sometimes someone comes in your life and throws everything upside down, you know?”
My breath caught. “Yeah, I do know. What happens then? Would you toss out the pact?”
I hear my mother speaking near the front door, saying her thank yous and goodbyes. Nick straightens but replies before she walks onto the porch, “A pact like ours can’t be broken, but if everyone agrees maybe it can be altered.”
He walks off the porch, lifting his camera to his eye. I smile tightly at my mother as she steps into the hot summer air. I have no idea what Nicholas is talking about, what he means, but in the pit of my belly I have a feeling it’s about me.
* * *
“Did you get what you needed?” I ask on the way back to the campground. We dropped Nick off at the marina. I was disappointed none of the others were around but my heart did skip a beat when he said goodbye and squeezed my shoulder on his way out of the car.
She nods. “I think so. Such a brave family. I can’t imagine having to live with a nightmare like that for your entire life.”
“You really seemed to connect to her.”
“I try,” she flips the turn signal when we reach a stop light. “People just want to be heard and they want to feel safe. I can try my best to provide that for them.”
I pick up the file folder my mother slid between the seats. Inside is the photo of Darlene and her friend. “This is a really cool picture.”
She nods. “That tip about the Myrtle Beach stuff. That’s an angle I’ve been wanting to push. I asked Darlene if she’s heard of any other people narrowly escaping Gaskins.”
“Had she?” The thought of crossing paths with Donald Gaskins and escaping is a chilling one.
“Some vague rumors. Nothing concrete.”
I bite my tongue for a moment and then say, “Rumor has it you were pretty big on the whole, ‘sneaking out at night to go to Myrtle Beach’ thing when you were younger.”
She glances at me from the corner of her eye. “Where did you hear that?”
“From Anita and some of the others at the beach.”
“From Sugar, then.”
I shrug. “I guess.”
Her hands tense on the steering wheel. “It was stupid kid stuff. Things were different back then, but it’s no big surprise she blabbed.”
That took me by surprise. Why was she so defensive of this? And why the bitter tone about Sugar? “Sounds like fun though—late night hijinks with the cousins.”
“It was stupid. We were young and it was idiotic. We could have gotten in serious trouble.”
I hold my hands up in defeat. “Okay, jeez, why so angry?”
“I’m sorry,” she sighs, turning to give me an apologetic smile. “It was stupid and I’m just mad at Sugar—I’ve been angry with her for decades.”
“Decades?”
“Yeah, we had a falling out—a big one, way back. We’ve tried to talk a couple of times and Jimmy pushed us to play nice but, I don’t know, things are too far gone between us.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Nope. Don’t even try.”
I hold my hands up. “What? You brought it up!”
“I did, and now, I’m shutting it down.” Her jaw is set and I know there’s no use arguing with her.
I shake my head and mutter, “Typical,” under my breath.
“It was a long time ago and I’m trying to deal with it. It’s one reason I came back up here this summer. I’ll tell you when I’m ready, but right now the last thing I need is for you kids to gossip about it all.”
I want to push harder
but don’t. Instead, I lean my head against the window and close my eyes. If my mother won’t tell me the truth, I know someone who will be happy to share dirt about the family to anyone that will listen.
Chapter 10
“I have a question,” I tell Anita that evening. My mother is holed up in the camper in a writing frenzy. Regardless, I’m not speaking to her right now anyway. Her attitude over family secrets is getting annoying. I’m reading under the canopy when I spot Anita and Sibley walking along the shore, out for an after-dinner walk. Perfect opportunity to dig for a little information.
Surprisingly, she replies, “I have one for you, too, but you go first.”
It’s weird that now that I know we’re related I can see tiny features that are similar to my own or my mother’s. We have the same blue eyes and dark lashes and slim fingers. But Anita is small all around and quick to flash a grin and make everyone comfortable.
“So what’s the deal with our mothers?”
Anita stops walking and looks at me. “You don’t know?”
“No, do you?”
“No,” she says. “Shoot. I was hoping you did.”
Sibley runs to the edge of the water and sits down in her shorts. “Sibley! No sitting—remember? You’re not in a bathing suit!” The toddler just laughs and splashes her feet.
“Well, that was a bust—you really don’t know anything?” I ask, once Anita gives up on a dry Sibley.
“I know they used to be super close and something happened between them, and your mom got upset and never came back.”
“That’s why she never came back? Because of a fight with your mom?”
“That’s how I’ve always heard it, but it does seem a little dramatic, right?” she agrees.
“Weird. I mean, I never knew any of you existed, so I’m clueless. I tried to get it out of her today but she got a bit hostile.”
“My mom cries,” she says, kicking the sand. “She looks at these old pictures of them and gets sad, but when I ask about it she tells me to mind my own business.”
“Huh.” I’m disappointed.
“Although,” Anita declares, “I do have one theory.”
“Really? What is it?”
I see an excited glint in her eye. “I think Richard is involved.”
“Justin’s uncle?”
“Yep. He was the big catch back in the day—I’ve seen photos. He looked like Justin, except with a military haircut. He and my mom dated for a while. There’s a photo of them at a school dance.”
“Interesting. My mom mentioned going to some dances at the Citadel. And she Richard were hanging out the other day at our camper.”
“Oh really?” Anita asks, a tiny smile forming on her lips.
“Yep. They sounded like they were fighting about my mom coming back to Ocean Beach and something about her book. I don’t know. None of it makes sense to me.”
“Hmm… I wonder what that’s about. My mom has always kept Richard out of it but it sounds like they all were involved. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s always about a guy, you know?”
“Yeah.”
We walk a little bit, following Sibley as she picks up shells and tosses them in the water. “Okay then, my question,” Anita says.
“Ready.”
“What are you running from?”
I give her a sharp look. “What makes you think I’m running from something?”
“You’ve just got that look—kind of skittish. Like Maggie before she broke up with her ex. What a douche bag. Thank god she found Ivy.”
I stop short. “Wait, Ivy and Maggie are a couple?”
“Duh.”
“How was I supposed to know? Ivy was all over Justin the other day.” It made sense though, with what Nick told me about their pact. No girlfriends.
“That’s just what they do. They’re really comfortable with one another.” Anita frowns. “Stop avoiding the question. What’s going on? You can trust me, you know.”
“I know,” I tell her. “It’s just hard letting the world know you’re an idiot.”
“I’m not the world, Summer. I’m your cousin. We have a bond,” she laughs.
She’s right, and so far Anita has been nothing but great to me. There’s no reason not to trust her. “I’ll tell you but seriously, no one knows about this. I haven’t even told my mom.”
“I can keep a secret,” she says.
“Remember the ex-boyfriend I told you about?”
“Yeah?”
“He was my teacher.” I pick another shell up off the ground and toss it in the water.
Anita’s eyes pop wide open. “Wow.”
“Right.”
“You dated your teacher. Like a for-real relationship.”
“Yep. Well, he was a teaching assistant, but still.”
“That’s illegal. Like he could go to jail.”
I nod. There’s no doubt it was a risk. A stupid risk.
“That’s just…” she stares at me.
“What?”
“Girl, I just did not see that coming. Not with the modest bathing suit and old-lady vibe you’ve got going on.” I frown at the old lady jab. “I mean, a taboo relationship with your teacher? Mind blown.” She leans in and whispers. “Is he hot? Did you have sex? Tell me everything.”
Her response is a bit of a relief, not the shock and disappointment of my friends back home. “Mason didn’t look like a teacher. He’s young—only twenty-four. He had that hipster thing going on; all intellectual and understanding. I felt the spark between us right away and yeah, things were kind of hot and exciting for a while. We snuck around and left each other stupid messages and little love notes. I’d go to his office for a meeting and we’d make out behind the desk for an hour. I’d hang around after class, wait outside at his car, you know, whatever I could do to see him and not get caught.” Just talking about it sent a thrill up my spine.
Again, all she says is, “Wow.”
“Say something else!”
“I don’t know what to say? I mean, that’s crazy! And yeah, I get why it would be kind of sexy, all the sneaking around and crap. It reminds me of when Bobby used to sneak into my room back in high school.”
“I can totally see him doing that,” I laugh.
“It was all fun and games ‘til my dad caught him halfway out the window one night. You can’t imagine the humiliation.”
I make a face. “Trust me. I can.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
“Who caught you?”
“Well,” I grimace. “That’s where things get interesting.”
“The principal?”
I shook my head. “His girlfriend.”
“Oh. My. God. Did she tell?”
“No. But only because Mason begged her not to because he’d lose his job.” Mason turned on the charm, that’s for sure. Something he’s really good at.
“Did you know he had a girlfriend?”
“Nope,” I tell her. “I had no idea. No ring, no pictures, nothing to clue me in—except all the stuff that should have. The sneaking around. Never taking me to his house. His stupid whispery late-night calls.”
“Okay, so yeah that is way worse than my dad. Even though he had a shotgun. It’s not like he was going to use it.”
“Nicole didn’t have a shotgun but she had photos, and she threatened to share them with the headmaster at my school and anyone else she could think of, if we didn’t break up. We did but by then, my friends were suspicious and rumors were going around. If I hadn’t graduated a few weeks later I think there may have been an investigation.”
“And your mom has no idea.” Sibley runs up to us and hands us each a pile of sandy shells and rushes back to the water.
“Nope. None. Just that I ditched the trip I’d been saving for two years and hitched a ride to South Carolina in her disco ball trailer.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow. Now you know how I managed to royally screw up my life.”
“Have you heard from him?” she asks.
“Oh, yeah. He keeps calling and texting. I was supposed to go with him and a group to France for the summer. My friends keep begging me to reconsider the trip, but I don’t want to see him.” Tears build in the corner of my eyes.
“I can see how that would be hard. Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know. I see everything differently now. What I used to think was passion and romantic, I now realize wasn’t right. I lied so much—so often—to everyone. My mom, my friends, my other teachers. Then finding out about Nicole…I’m not sure I could ever love a cheater. My dad left my mom for another woman. I feel like shit that I hurt someone like that.” I pick up a shell and toss it in the water. “I never, ever, would have started something with him had I known.”
“Sounds like maybe he manipulated the situation a little.”
I shrug. “It’s easy to think that but I was all in. I wanted that relationship more than anything else in my life and was willing to do anything for it.”
Anita wraps her arm around my waist and gives me a hug. “Sure, it may not have been your best moment but the guy is obviously a sleaze. You were a student. He totally took advantage of the situation.”
We walk along the shore a while longer, turning back when we get to the point. When we’re close to the boardwalk, Anita says, “Can I ask you something else?”
“Why not?” I figure I have few secrets left at this point.
“I noticed you’re still hanging out with Justin and Nick.”
“I know you told me not to. It’s just a distraction—friends.”
“That talk the other day…that was all Maggie. I don’t agree with that she said at all.”
“Even so, there’s nothing going on. Justin—as you know—is a big flirt, and my mom invited Nick with us on the interview. I think they’re just being nice.” I can’t deny there’s not something between us though, and the comment Nick made to me about the boys and their pact seemed oddly directed.
“Eh, I love these guys but ‘nice’ isn’t usually a big priority of theirs. They’ve all been around a lot more than normal and Justin took you on the boat. For him that’s almost a commitment.”
