At some point Rena and her mom stopped by to drop off food and give their condolences to my parents. Rena saw Rellz with the baby and gave him the side eye, like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. I guessed she could be civil if the moment called for it. Her mom was well aware of the situation, so they hadn’t attended the funeral, and they didn’t stay at the house long.
Once everyone had left, we helped Mom clean up and get everything back in order, while Rellz got the children ready to go home with us.
When we got to the house, Rellz got the kids taken care of, and I sat downstairs, on the couch, watching the news. My head was killing me; I had so much going on in my head that it felt like it would burst at any moment. I wanted to relieve some of the stress by telling Rellz that Mom, Dad, and I knew about the baby, but I needed him to sweat a little longer. I’d be lying if the interaction and the bonding with his son weren’t bothering me. It had me thinking about the child I had lost, and I wondered if it would have been a boy or a girl, and if he or she would have looked like me, Rellz, or both of us.
Rellz came downstairs to join me once the kids were down. He pulled me into his arms and held me. I didn’t know what it was about this man, but as soon as I was in his arms, it seemed like the stress of the day disappeared. That evening I fell asleep in his arms.
It had been two months since my sister passed away, and things had been getting back to normal. Kane has been released from prison, and he was doing well. The halfway house he was staying at had helped him with job training, and he was now working for a nonprofit agency and making good money. I had hooked him up with some cash, so he now had a one-bedroom apartment. I was really proud of him. He had said he was going to come home and do right, and that was what he had done—unlike Jason, who was already back to his old ways. He was robbing to get what he wanted. I thought it was in his blood, because I had given him money, as well, so he didn’t have to rob anyone, and I had tried to get Rellz to put him on, but Rellz had said, “Once a thief, always a thief.” He had also said he would hate to have to put my brother in his grave, so I refrained from asking him again. I knew he would do just that, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop him.
This morning I was getting the girls dressed to take them to see my parents. The baby was staying behind with Rellz, as he wasn’t feeling well. He was teething: the drooling and the redness of his gums were a dead giveaway. Rellz had wanted to take him to the emergency room, but I had told him this wasn’t necessary, and I had given him some ice to rub on the baby’s gums. After that, I had given the baby some Children’s Tylenol, and he was now sleeping. He was getting so big. He was saying the words Mama and Dada.
Every time he said mama, it would break my heart. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t wish I could bring my sister back. My heart was so heavy. I missed her so much that I found myself sitting at her grave at least once, sometimes twice, a week. I talked to her, asked for her forgiveness, gave her updates on her children, and promised her that her kids would always be taken care of. They would have the best of everything and my unconditional love.
Rellz
Today it was just me and my li’l man chilling. He wasn’t feeling well. Tasha had taken the girls to her mom’s house so that she could handle some business. I still hadn’t had a chance to tell Tasha that RJ was my son. I really needed to, because each day that I didn’t tell her was another day I was putting my relationship in jeopardy. Rena had stopped harassing me, so that was a good thing. I also had to talk to Tasha about getting visitation so that my daughter could come to the house for visits. I knew she wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I still wanted to let her know so it wouldn’t look like I had gone behind her back.
I had also decided that I was getting out of the drug game. I had more than enough money to take care of my family, and I had several businesses, so I didn’t need to stay in that game. I should have never let Turk talk me into continuing this shit when I wanted out years ago. There was no loyalty in this business, and my son had already lost his mother. I wanted to be here for both of my children and for Tasha.
A few hours after Tasha left the house, I called her to see how she was making out, because I was bored. The only thing that worried me about not being in the streets was not having anything to do. She said she would be home in an hour, so I put RJ down for a nap and called Rena so that I could speak to my daughter. That bitch Rena said she wasn’t home at the moment, but I knew she was lying. I guessed this was my punishment because I had stopped fucking with her ass, but it was all good. I was not going to be one of those men who got happy when a female stopped letting them see their children. I wanted to be in my daughter’s life, and if I had to take Rena to court so that I had visitation rights, then that was exactly what I would do. I might just do it when I went back to court for this bullshit assault charge the bitch had put on me.
Sometimes I wondered how females could be so grimy and keep a child away from their father when all he did was take care of and love the child. How did dick become more important than a child seeing his or her father? If anything, Rena should be happy that I had finally grown up and had realized that all I was doing was using her for my sexual needs. I thought that after that long-ass talk that I had had with her, she would understand. I had told her that I had finally realized that what I was doing to her was wrong, and that while I did have feelings for her, I wasn’t in love with her. I was in love with Tasha, and I wanted to make things right by settling down with her. I had also told Rena that this would take nothing away from my daughter. I was still going to take care of her financially and see her. But all that Rena had heard was that I loved Tasha and wouldn’t be fucking with her anymore, so my punishment was not seeing my daughter. Bitches.
Tasha
This coming Saturday was my dad’s birthday, and Mom wanted to have a birthday dinner for him. She wanted all his kids and grandkids to attend, so I let Rellz know that we were going to go. He would be included, because if he was going to be a part of my life, he and my parents were going to have to make amends. I would not choose between Rellz and my parents. If Mom had a problem with Rellz attending the party, then me and the kids wouldn’t show, either.
The day of Dad’s birthday dinner, I was busy in the kitchen, making macaroni and cheese, baked ziti, fried chicken, and a pan of hot wings. Rellz’s job was to wash and dress the kids. Once I was done with the cooking, I had to make a quick run to pick up the cake and Dad’s gift. Being that all my dad did was sit in front of the television, I had decided to get him a forty-inch television and get rid of the old small one, which my parents had had as far back as when all their kids were living in the house.
I hadn’t had time to get the TV earlier in the week, because the girls had started school. The bus service hadn’t started yet, so I had been taking them to school and picking them up. My time had been limited. I really didn’t want to put the television on the floor of my Benz, but it was for my dad, so I was willing to do whatever was necessary. If it had been anybody else, hell to the no. Once I got back to the house, I figured that Rellz could put the TV in the back of the Range. I gave the guy at Best Buy a five-dollar tip for helping me get the television into the car, and then I was on my way. The bakery was on my route back to the house, so I made one quick stop and I was done.
We arrived at Mom’s house around 5:00 p.m. The family was in full force. Most of them were the freeloaders whom you saw only when they knew they would be getting something for nothing. I had my uncle Vic go outside and help Rellz bring in the cake and the trays with all the food I’d made. I made sure to let Rellz know that he should leave my dad’s gift in the car until later. I didn’t want my crackhead uncle to return later and rob my dad of his gift, so once everyone had left for the night, I would have Rellz bring it in.
Mom didn’t look too happy when she saw Rellz, but she didn’t say anything. After Rellz finished carrying all the food inside the house, I gave him the baby so that I cou
ld go in the kitchen and help my mom finish up with preparations. As I passed a few of my cousins, I saw the chicken heads whispering among themselves, and I knew exactly what the talk was about. Anyone with eyes could look at RJ and see the resemblance, but I kept walking like they didn’t exist. Mom said that Kane had come by earlier to do the decorations, and I must say, he did a good job. He had decorated the entire living room and dining area so that it looked just like a party at a fancy restaurant. Mom had had him place four long tables against the walls in the dining room area, and then she had arranged the food on the tables buffet style. I added the food I had cooked at home to all those good-smelling dishes.
Before long, everyone was in the living room, dancing to old-school music and drinking, just having a good time. Even my dad got up and danced with my aunt Vera. It was good to see him happy. Mom had got him out of that checkerboard robe that he always had on. Today he had on a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt. He refused to put shoes on, so he was wearing black socks with his black patent-leather slippers.
I was in the middle of the floor, dancing with my niece Shaina, when I stopped in the middle of my two-step. I was in shock when Kane walked in with Rena and her daughter. Yes, Rena’s mother was here at the party, but her mother had been invited. What the hell was Rena doing here with Kane, and why the hell was he holding her hand? Rellz shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I could tell he wanted to know what was going on as well, but his focus was on his daughter, who was now sitting in his lap. Now, there were two ways I could handle this. One way was to kick the bitch out, because she wasn’t welcome here, or I could pull Kane aside and ask him what the fuck he was doing at Dad’s party with that trick, who happened to be Rellz’s baby’s mother. I chose to pull Kane into the kitchen.
“Kane, you want to tell me what you’re doing here with her?” I growled.
“What you mean? That’s my girl and her daughter.”
“What the hell you mean, your girl?” I shouted, maybe a little too loud for his liking.
“Tasha, you’re bugging. Rena is my girl, and I invited her to Dad’s party. What’s the problem?”
“Well, did your girlfriend tell you that she’s Rellz’s baby’s mom, and that she was fucking him behind my back, got pregnant, and lost the baby?”
“Now, why the fuck would he know that when it happened months ago?” shouted Rena as she boldly walked into the kitchen.
I went to step to that bitch, but Kane pushed me back. He looked at Rena and asked her what was going on. I could tell the scandalous ho hadn’t told him that she was a nasty trick.
“Kane, baby. This is your dad’s day. Let’s talk about this later—”
“Why do you have to wait until later?” I said, interrupting her. “Had you told him you were a nasty ho, you wouldn’t even be standing here now. Would you?”
By this time, Rellz, my mom, Rena’s mom, and my aunt Vera were all in the kitchen.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on, and I don’t give a shit, but what I do know is all of you need to stop all this damn yelling in my brother’s house,” my aunt Vera yelled, spit flying everywhere.
“Tasha, this is not your concern. This is between Kane and my daughter,” Ms. Wanda said.
‘Well, who the hell are you? I’m going to need you to back up out of my niece’s face before I have to fuck you up!” Aunt Vera yelled drunkenly.
Ms. Wanda put her hands on her hips. “You and what motherfucking army? Like I said, this is not the place or time. Tasha’s man’s name is Rellz, not Kane, so this is no concern of hers.”
“You goddamned right his name is Rellz. The same Rellz your tramp daughter was fucking, knowing he was with my niece, so miss me with the bullshit that your daughter is a good girl,” Aunt Vera told her.
“Yes, the same niece that stayed with the lying, cheating piece of a man, so don’t go pointing fingers at my daughter,” Ms. Wanda retorted.
Next thing I knew, Aunt Vera grabbed a liquor bottle off the kitchen table and held it in the air, as if ready to strike, but Kane pried it out of her hand just in time.
“I know you weren’t about to hit my mother in the head with no fucking liquor bottle,” Rena yelled as she rushed toward my aunt, but I grabbed her by her weave to stop her and all hell broke out. Rellz pulled me up off of Rena, who was on the floor, holding her jaw, which I had just tried to fucking break. My mom and Kane were holding Aunt Vera back, and my uncle Vic was escorting Ms. Wanda out of the kitchen and toward the front door.
The family members in the living room were trying to keep the kids calm and defuse the situation. Mom asked Kane to please take Rena and her daughter home, but not before giving me a look of disgust. I sucked my teeth. Did she really think I wouldn’t have a problem with Kane dating that ho and bringing her to my father’s birthday party? Mom was really starting to make me look at her in a different way. I just didn’t understand how she could possibly be mad. Yes, I should have handled it differently and waited until after my dad’s party, but the party hadn’t been ruined. All my family was still in attendance, and the unwanted guest had gone, so we could continue the party, and that was exactly what I did. I walked over and turned the music up, and within seconds, all was forgotten—at least for the moment.
After dinner, Mom and Dad were on the dance floor, dancing to R. Kelly’s “Step in the Name of Love.” They were having a good time and were just enjoying each other. Kane came back, acting all salty at first, but we sat and had a long talk while everyone else partied. He pointed out some things about me that made sense. He said that I always made a situation about me, no matter what it was, and I always ignored anyone’s reasons, explanations, or apologies. Nothing mattered but my feelings and my reasons. As I thought about it, I concluded that he was right. That night at my sister’s house I had seen what I wanted to see and I had heard what I wanted to hear, and I had not asked her about my suspicions. She never had a chance to tell me if what I suspected was true or not, and if it was, I didn’t give her a chance to tell me her reasons or to apologize. Same thing with Rena. I had never stepped to her and talked to her. I always just jumped on her. Had I given her a chance to explain, instead of fighting her, I would have known that it was Rellz who wouldn’t let go. I also would have known that she had tried on several occasions to walk away. She had even started dating again, but Rellz had shut it down.
According to Kane, Rena said Rellz had told her that he wanted to do right by me and couldn’t see her anymore. She’d been upset at first, because she really did love him, but after thinking about it, she had said she finally felt free. She was tired of being the side chick; she was tired of the fighting and the disrespect from him. She wanted and deserved better. She’d said she didn’t get with Kane on no get back. She hadn’t even known for two months that Kane was my brother. She’d found out only when her mom saw him pick her up one night and then told her, but that wasn’t until last week. By then she was already feeling him and hadn’t gotten around to telling him.
Kane said he had invited her to the party a few hours before it started, and she had agreed only because she didn’t think that I would cause a scene in front of family and friends, but she didn’t know me very well. She had said that she was going to tell him everything after the party. Did I believe her? It really didn’t matter, because it was time to work on me. I apologized to my brother, and he accepted my apology. Then we joined the rest of the party and had a great night. Was I ready to be cool with Rena? No, but I was willing to be civil for my brother’s sake.
After we sang “Happy Birthday” and had cake, Kane told me he would stay and help Mom with everything. I kissed Dad, told Mom I was sorry again, and said good night. Kane followed us out to help Rellz bring in Dad’s gift. I just sat in the car in deep thought while they took the television inside the house. I was silently crying, with my head back and my eyes closed.
Rellz
As I got in the car, I noticed Tasha’s eyes were closed, but I could see th
e stress on her face. Today had been a crazy day. I was just glad it hadn’t escalated into something else. Now that I had finally decided to stop dealing with Rena, Tasha still had to deal with her ass at family functions, and I knew that all of this was taking a toll on my girl. I looked back to check on the kids: Saniyah and Shaina were fast asleep, right along with li’l man. They had really enjoyed themselves. All of that dancing had tired them out. Well, not li’l man. It was just past his bedtime. When we got to the house, I shook Tasha to let her know that we were home. She took a few minutes to focus, then got out and walked to the other side of the car to get the girls out. I grabbed RJ.
I cleaned the kids up and put on their pajamas. When I went into the bedroom, I found a sleeping Tasha, still in her clothes. I got her undressed, leaving on just her bra and panties. I covered her and gently kissed her lips before I turned the lights out. I went down to the movie room in the basement; I hadn’t been down there in so long. I fixed myself a drink and rolled a much-needed blunt. I couldn’t say that seeing Rena with Kane tonight hadn’t bothered me. I guessed I cared for Rena more than I had let myself believe, but I knew I had to let go and let her find happiness, because I would never commit to her. I loved Tasha and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That was, if she still wanted me after I told her about my ultimate fuckup.
Tasha
I got up to go look for Rellz and found him in one of the theater seats in the movie room, with his head back and his eyes closed. I guessed we were both dealing with our own demons, so tonight I decided that we should just get lost in each other. I walked over to him, still wearing my bra and panties. I sat on his lap and started kissing him softly. He opened his eyes, and since eyes told no lies, I knew he was stressed about his current situation. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and we kissed like it was our last kiss. Maybe it was, and if that turned out to be the case, I wanted this fuck session to be the best.
When Loyalty Dies, So Does Love Page 7
